


This Is Us

by LeahFreya



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 170,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahFreya/pseuds/LeahFreya
Summary: It's finally December, and Lara Jean Covey is finally back home. There's so many changes in her life in the past 4 months... Where does Peter Kavinski fit in her life now? Where does she fit in his? Post-Always and Forever Lara Jean.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One_ **

It was my first day of the end of the semester break. I came home a early for the weekend instead of next week since I took the finals early so I can spend the weekend with my family. It's Trina's birthday tomorrow and also Margot comes home tomorrow too. I always pick her up from the airport... i plan to keep that tradition until Margot graduates. If she decided to stay in Scotland after then thats her thing.

For now, It's just one of those things i want to keep constant since for some reason everything else isn't going as well as I want it to.

My eyes stay on the ceiling and around my room. Not much has changed here at all and I like it. I haven't been home since before thanksgiving break... actually if I think about it I haven't been home for November either

(I was planning to come hime for thanksgiving but i was assigned host for the Asian-thanksgiving dinner at school for the asian exchange students... interestingly enough Dad was alright with me not coming home which i'm sure it's because he hates the seven hour drive back and forth...)

Wow... two months. I haven't been back for two months...  _TODAY_!

It's so weird that during that time theres a lot of things that has changed at the house. Our couch is new, because apperently Jamie Fox-Pickle decided it was a good idea to chew on the cushions. From the stories I heard, he had gotten so much trouble only to find out that Kitty had spilled food on the back cushion that's why he ate at it.

So with the new couch they decided to change the entire living room set too, "to match". I like it. It's a nice shade of blue from our old red designs. Though, i have a tiny feeling that Margot is going to be upset at this since it was mom's couch and all.

There are little changes in the house too. Theres a few side tables at most every corner with lots of photos of the family with us Song girls with Trina, dad and us then the dogs too.

But my favorite part was (which Kitty said is Trina's idea) was putting a table with photos with just sisters with mom and then all five of us. I almost teared up when i saw it.

" _She will always be part of our lives, and I am sad i didn't get to know her before. The photos remind me of what I have to treasure and that's all you guys."_ Trina had said as she hugged me, and at least I didn't end up crying.

I moved around my bed, and turned. There I was staring at photos of me and Peter from my birthday "sixteen candles" he did for Prom earlier this year.

My heart clenched. Remembering how I was so happy that day and wanted to bring it all back. I groaned to myself. I still recall my wish and it made me think of how things were so simple back then. If i knew it was gonna be that hard I would have made a totally different wish.

Love wasn't enough at all because relationship takes work. And work it definitely it was... Peter and I did fine the first month when school had started but eventually it had gotten so hard that the next two months after that was such a struggle. I barely had time to call him for last day calls because i'd come home super late that he's already asleep. Then what's worse is we keep fighting on the phone for stupid reasons. I think not seeing each other enough took it's toll in our relationship and it ended.

If i think about it now, I don't remember what happened exactly. How we remained broken up but it was maybe because we both knew how hard it was for both of us... it was probably easier to be this way. Much easier to focus on our goals and not be distracted by us.

Which is what i keep telling myself all these weeks...

"Hey, you gonna take me to Kristene's right?" Kitty's voice broke my thoughts. Which i'm thankful because everytime i think about Peter I tend to be emotional.

I sit up from my bed and look at my watch, "You asked me to." I reply.

"Well give me five more minutes then." Kitty said and that's when I got out of bed, grabbed her arm then stared at her eyes. "Are you wearing an eyeliner?" I gasped not wanting to believe that my little sister is wearing make up! She's a baby!

Kitty wiggles from my hold and rolls her eyes. "I'm almost a teenager, Lara Jean. I can do what I want." Then leaves me standing by the door way with my mouth wide open.

Since when does Kitty wear make up? When did she grow up to be a preteen! She's only 12! Wow... is this what Margot feels like everytime something new happens that she doesn't know about since she away.

"I can't  _believe_  you're wearing make up!" I call from room as loudly as I could so she could hear.

She ignores me and instead says, "Don't forget that Dad asked you to take the trash out!"

I'm taken aback to this. I don't remember dad specifically saying i'd do it. He just said,  _can one of you girls do it_. "Hey! How come I'm doing chores I don't live here!" I protest. I just got back two hours ago and now I'm doing chores to a house i haven't lived in for two months?

But Kitty doesn't reply and I know this is a battle I've already lost.

I walk to the kitchen to take out the trash, and notice that the trash bin is new too. It takes me a second to figure out how to open it and reach for a trash bag which I'm thankful is still at the same spot. "At least you didn't change my friend."

I walked out of the house and closed the door behind me, it's actually really nice out right now for an almost winter weather.

" _Lara Jean_?"

I froze at the door. His voice made me almost lose my balance that I had to hold on to the door knob for support. The last time I heard his voice was when we broke up, and i brace myself because I could feel my eyes tearing up.

" _Peter_?" I turn around and my heart jumped. Peter Kavinsky is standing on my walkway, being handsome as ever. He looks more built than the last time I've seen him and his hair is longer than he lets it grow, which makes him look incredible by the way.

He lightly touches the back of his head, a sign that he is as nervous as I am. He seems rather flustered to see me here. "What are you doing here?"

I was about to ask him the same thing and wanting to respond that it's my home. I should be here when i realized that he probably remembers that my class doesn't end till next week. "Oh, i took the finals early so I can come home. It's Trina's birthday tomorrow and Margot comes back to."

"Ah." His answer was quick and he nods.

"What—"

"So I guess you can give Kitty a ride?" He asks.

My heart shatters. What was i expecting anyway... he's come for me. He didn't even know I was back. Kitty called him to come to ambush me probably. I mentally curse my little sister. "Yeah. Ofcourse." I stumbled upon an answer unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, I just got out from practice and I'm kinda tired."

I nod, avoiding his gaze. He was trying to read into my expression. "Go. Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, I'm here for the kid." Then he sighs, "See you around, Lara Jean."

"Bye." My voice cracks and i turn back around to walk in the house without looking back.

I let out a breathe that I didn't know I was holding. He called me Lara Jean... and the way he said it was so unaffectionate it hurt a lot. I missed how he's call me Covey and how saying my last name even if it seems impersonal sounds romantic. I  _miss_  being in his arms, trapped in his strong arms, caging me there protecting me from my doubts of our relationship... I  _miss_  how he'd breath my name when I kiss him and nothing else mattered but  _us_... despite not seeing each other for weeks at a time, his smile that i know is just for me takes all that pressure and pain away...

It was now that I finally realized how much I miss him. How I miss  _us_.

And how much I  _hate_  Kitty. " _KITTY_!" I yell as loudly as i could, i feel my throat burning.

Kitty steps out of her room in panic, "What?" Then she sees me standing at the doorway holding the trash in my hands. "Well you're already standing there why don't you take out the trash?"

I glared at her, and points at her with a shaky hand, "You  _called_  Peter?!"

She didn't even flinch. She waves a hand as if uninterested. "Yeah. I didn't know you were coming home this weekend and no one could take me to Kristene's house." She says it like it's normal to call her sister's ex-boyfriend for a ride. "I asked him three days ago."

I was so angry that I wasn't sure what i wanted to say next. I growled instead, "Then you could have called him and told him he didn't need to."

She just blinks. "Did you get to talk to him?" She asks hopeful.

The tone of her voice lessens my anger... just a little but i'm still furious that I say, "You need to butt out of my business Kitty. It's Peter and mine's! You need to stop playing cupid and get over it!"

Her face changed and she glares back, she was startled at my reaction at first but she's a feisty little one who doesn't let anyone treat her this way, "Well you don't seem to be over it!"

Ouch. She hit me right there.

I didn't want to argue about this. Especially not to Kitty who doesn't understand what i went through this semester trying to keep my relationship intact and what I did after to get over it. "You better get ready to leave now, because you said five minutes. Or else you better find someone else to take you to Kristene's because I'm leaving." I really don't know where I'm going but i need to drive to cool down.

She huffs and shakes her head. "I'm done anyway." And stomps downstairs.

I wait for her at the end of the staircase and when she was in front of me towering over me because she was two steps ahead. I shove the trash bag to her hand. "And do your chores. That is your job, not invading my business." It's petty I know but I'm so pissed right now.

The car ride to Kitty's friend's house was quiet and chilly. We may not have spoken since she got in the car, but Kitty has her way of making sure she was heard through her body language. She was seated as close to the door as she can, her head was looking out the window and she even turned off the radio as soon as she shut the door.

It even makes me want to apologise to Kitty... just a little but I had to stand my ground and not make her think that what she did was okay.

When we got there, I said briefly. "Call me when youre done." I tried to make my voice sound firm and it was successful because she flinched.

She just nods. Then her hand was on the handle. She hesitates to get out of the car. "You need to understand, when Margot and Josh broke up it wasn't just Margot who lost Josh. I did too. So with you and peter..." she clears her throat. "I'll ask to have Tree pick me up." Then she get out of the car and shut the door.

I hoped she slammed the door heavily but she didn't. But i still jumped as if she did. How could have I not seen this at all, that i was too wrapped up with my own problems, I forgot that Kitty got tangled in it too because of how she also cares about Peter.

I rest my head on the steering wheel, wondering why I'm such a bad big sister...

* * *

 

a/ _n_

_yeaah i know it starts this way but from me reading the books it makes it seem loke they are headed this way. Its just how lara jean talks about eveything as a memory or something but i promise ill head somewhere. Comment and fave if you wanna read more :)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margot's back... and Kitty is still maad

**Chapter Two**

I was the first one to hug Margot as soon as I saw her at from her gate. She was surprised to see me run to her but she dropped her bag and opened her arms for the hug. For some reason, having me away from home too makes me miss her a lot more.

"Hey GoGo," I mumbled lightly as i tightened my hold.

Margot just pats my back and giggles, i think she secretly knows why I'm ultra clingy. "Hey there, I need to get my bags." She says after a minute of me just hugging her.

"Okay." I breathed but I still had my arms around her. I refused to move.

Daddy has finally caught up to us with Kitty close behind. "Alright Lara Jean, let go of your sister now." As daddy taps at my shoulder. Margot probably looks at daddy for help. When i finally did, he put an arm around Margot, "Hey there my eldest daughter."

"Hi daddy," then Margot looks at Kitty and her eyes were about to bug out of her sockets. "Are you  _wearing_  eyeliner?" She gasped, she reacted the way she did when I noticed it too.

Kitty glares at Margot and glanced at me then she remembers that she wasn't talking to me so she humpfhs, "If one more person mentions  _my eye_ , will get in a lot of pain!" Then she stomps away towards the baggage claim for Margot's flight.

Daddy just pursed his lips together, and follows after Kitty. " _Katherine_ , slow down."

I grabbed Margot's bag on the floor and carry it while Margot links her arm on mine. "Our  _baby sister_ is  _wearing_  make up!" She was still in shock. "When did that happen?"

"She's  _almost_  a teenager she can do whatever she wants," I repeat what Kitty said to me yesterday too.

And the horror on Margot's face showed and I wondered if I looked like that too when Kitty said it. "But she's a baby!"

I just laughed and squeezed her arm, "I missed you so much GoGo,"

She cocks her head to me and raises an eyebrow. She's really suspicious with me at the moment. Then she shakes that thought, but she will probably ask me later. "Where is Trina?" She looks around to see if our step-mother is in the close by.

"She decided to stay home, she said it should be the  _original Coveys_  come get you instead." I literary laughed at Trina when she said that. It sounds like Vampire Diaries spin off after the Originals.

"Is she  _on_  something?" Margot teases. She and Trina are a lot closer than before but she still has moments where she doesn't understand Trina's thinking.

"But she's home though preparing some of your favourite meals." I said.

"It shouldn't be mine, but  _her_  choice of meals since it's her birthday."

I just shrug in response, Trina still has this thing where she wants to be super likeable in Margot's eyes when she's already gotten her approval even before the wedding. "But she insisted."

"If  _she_  insist." But there was a happiness on Margot's tone of voice, obviously being in a different country she probably missed American food.

"Oh, I have a card for you to sign your name in," I said, thinking of sharing my present for Trina with Margot.

"No need, I got her a present." Margot said proudly. She must have gotten something that she knew Trina would like. "I guess we should hurry, I think Dad is trying to call for us." She gestures at dad who was waving at us to come to them. He had already gotten Margot's two luggages.

Margot notices that Kitty and I are not in speaking terms. It also didn't help that Kitty would ask Trina or Margot for stuff she can't reach when it's only beside me.

When Margot asked me about it, I just shrugged it off claiming that it's her preteen attitude. I don't wanna talk about Peter and if she would find out, I think she would feel bad too. Kitty is holding on to Peter because of what happened to her and Josh so long ago.

"I doubt it though," Margot responds when she sees Kitty glaring at my back when I was doing the dishes, "I'll fix it."

I sighed, "Just leave her be GoGo, we fight, it happens." Besides, Kitty always holds grudges longer with me than she does with Margot. So maybe in a couple of days she'll be fine. I just don't want to get into it really. "Dad asked one of us to take out the trash, and I got annoyed that she made me do it when I got home yesterday. It wasn't my job since I don't live here. So I shoved the trash bag at her, threatening not to give her a ride to Kristene's if she doesn't do it." There i tell her part of the story. The story that even rarely touched the surface. Knowing that Kitty always has the dramatics then Margot would understand why Kitty would still be mad at me.

Margot doesn't say anything as she tries to analyse my statement. She gives me a knowing look and says, "Don't be such a child Lara Jean. You're in college now," she shakes her head in disbelief and stalks out of the kitchen to sit next to Kitty.

Trina stands next to me, and helps me dry the dishes. "I can do this Trina, I mean it's your birthday." I said as i take the dish towel she was using to dry the dishes.

"I'm fourty- _something_..." she clears her throat refusing to say her exact age when we both know what it is. "I'm way past not doing chores on my birthday. Before I met your Dad, I always stayed at home on my birthday and cleaned my house." She looks over at the window and sighs. There was already a young couple living at her house across ours. She doesn't say it but we all know she misses her house. "So how about you hang out with your sisters and I'll let you do all the chores in the next few days. I mean all the Song girls are here." She gestured towards the living room where Margot and Kitty are sitting. I can't tell what they are doing. The couch has too high of a back rest.

I shake my head, standing my ground. Kitty isn't going to talk to me anyway. And she's just going to emanate her annoyance at me then it's going to be awkward. "I like doing dishes," which is true it helps me think. For some reason the flowing of the water helps me soothe my mind.

Trina starts carefully, "I saw Peter at the grocery store today."

I freeze. I just nod afraid to say anything. If i do my voice my crack and I wouldn't like that.

"Cute kid, he remembered my birthday." She smiles to herself probably thought the moment was incredible. I'm used to this, alot of adult women likes Peter because he has a good looking smile and deep voice. Plus he has his Peter charms when it comes to older women.

Peter probably remembered what I said yesterday, "That's nice," my voice could barely be heard through the running water. I didn't even notice that Trina took the dish cloth from me and started helping me.

"He does come see Kitty once in a while though, I think he came over for Thanksgiving once and gave Kitty a peanut butter cookie something. I know it's still in the fridge." She rambles on.

I saw those in the fridge, I took a bite from it and was horrified. It makes me laugh at first but then I realized Peter made it for Kitty. He was here on Thanksgiving when I wasn't. Despite us being broken up, he's still Peter. While I mostly avoided home because it hurt too much to be back and I took the job to do the Asian Thankgiving dinner thing, without hesitating just so I can help myself give time from the break.

"Oh, he was so nice today too. He helped me move my groceries to the trunk when I only bought four—"

I cleared my throat, confused at why this is happening. "Why are we talking about Peter?" My voice comes out harsher than I want it to. Trina looks at me curiously then I said In a much softer tone, "I mean, you don't have to talk about him. Now that—" i don't finish the sentence.

"I know, but my point to this is. Just because you two are broken up doesn't mean we all have to stop talking to him too." Trina finally says her point.

I blinked. "You talked to Kitty?" I understand why she's telling me nice things about Peter. Because even though it's over between us, the relationship he built with my family for the past two years(almost three) is still there and it wont abruptly stop because of how Peter is. Peter is a good person. He truly is.

Trina glances over the couch, where Kitty's head is poking out. "I guess what I'm saying is. When you and Margot were dating the boys were over alot more since you all lived here. So she got close to them and when you all broke up with them. She doesn't really understand why it has to stop with her too. She doesn't see it yet. Maybe in the future when she has her boyfriend—god forbid itll be anytime soon, your dad would have a heart attack—" then she laughs, probably remembering a conversation the three of them had.

My heart clenched, i wanted to know what the conversation was like too but it was probably a you had to be there to find out. I missed having those moments so bad. Margot got used to it but for me, it's what I miss the most being away. The little things.

Trina continues not seeing my reaction, "But to her it hurt her too. It's not easy for her to let them go when she knows she didn't do anything wrong." Then Trina touches my shoulder, "I'm not saying, I think it's okay she's holding on to Peter but just give her time. Maybe when your here for the break she'll get used to seeing you and not having Peter around too."

I sigh. "I know. She told me yesterday. I just feel so bad though."

"Break ups are tough. The family breaks up too when it comes to that. Dear god, when your dad saw Peter thanksgiving he was a bumbling idiot unsure of what to do."

I laugh with Trina, i can imagine dad being so weird around Peter even before how much worse could it be after the break up. Then i stopped laughing, when Trina said.

"Now that you're away from school, it'll be easier for Kitty not to be too attached to your future boyfriends. I mean, you'll bring the boyfriend home like Margot did but it's not like they would be here almost everyday for her to be close with them."

Then I wanted to say that I'm not thinking of other boyfriends just yet, but the situation that Trina had given me hurt. Kitty being awkward with my future boyfriend and sit in the corner not being able to talk to them because she is weird around new people. I liked the situation where she also gets to know them when I do too.

Another weird thing was, when Trina said future boyfriend. I could picture him too. He has a blurry face but his features do not resemble Peter at all. I try to shove that thought out of my mind.

"Being away is rough," I finally say. Unsure if I meant being away from the family or the distance is what broke me and Peter apart.

Trina hugs me lightly. "It's just starting. You'll get used to it. I'm sure you have, it's just being back home makes you feel that. You love being at school right?"

I smile thinking of school. I nod. I love being at school. I love my roommates, (Leah, Charlie, and Brandy,) they had helped me alot through this rough patch. I love my Asian Community group, I love my classes everything about UNC. Maybe Trina is right, seeing the changes in the house makes me feel that way but there is still something in me that also gets me excited to be back in school to start a new semester. "Yeah, I guess." I say though it sounds that I'm trying to convince myself.

"We're walking Simone and Jamie Fox!" Margot said from the door way holding leeches for the two dogs that was following after Kitty and her, knowing that it was walk time.

"Don't forget to bundle up. It's kind of nippy out there." Trina says.

"Okay!" Margot replies and she wraps a scarf around Kitty. Then they leave.

"I'll finish up here, you go upstairs and relax or something." Trina scooches me over so she's take up all the space of the sink.

"You sure?" I ask since I really wanna lay down too. I have a headache from this talking. When Trina nods and slaps my back to let me head on up. I don't hesitate. I just walk upstairs and fall face first on the bed.

I lay like that until i needed oxygen. Then i turned my head, where the photo of my and Peter taunts at me. I havent been home since the break up so obviously this room still is Peter friendly. Theres remnants of me and peter everywhere. It's not like I hate it but for some reason this doesn't help Kitty either. Seeing these photos around when I'm not home makes her think that Peter and I are okay when in reality we weren't at all: that it's been almost two months since we've broken up.

I make a mental note to clear out my things tomorrow or something because I'm still not ready to change my room. It's not that I'm not over Peter because I slowly am. But with everything changing in this house so much, i want something to remain constant. Even if it reminds me of my exboyfriend and our moments together.

They were good memories anyways. My memories of Peter in the room were always amazing and welcomed. It reminds me of simpler times and they were definitely happy despite of it's simplicity.

It was college that made it rough for both of us. Peter still wrote letters weekly on the first month but afterwards it became too sporadic that I wouldn't expect anything anymore. My calls got lesser too and despite him telling me it's alright to call even if he's asleep but I couldn't do that to him when his life is always about early workouts, school and late night practices.

So sometimes we'd go on two days not calling eachother. Sure we'd text but it's the hearing each other is most important. Then when he'd come down to see me, he'd sleep off the rest of the night because he had practice before he left. Then we only had a day together with him leaving the next day. Those are the only times we don't fight either. When we see each other on the rare weekends that we do. Maybe if we should have talked about our problems it wouldn't have blown up in our faces and had to break up on the phone.

If only i've worked harder then maybe...

But things happen... for a reason. No matter how painful they are.

"Lara Jean." I hear Kitty calling my name from the door way. I turned just enough to see Margot shut the door behind her.

I sit up firmly and soften my gaze. "You're talking to me now?" I said hopeful.

Kitty sighs, she's not normally an affectionate person and if it was me I would have run into her arms already but theres that distance because one we had a fight and two as much as i hate to admit it, Kitty is growing up and usually teenagers don't like to be touched. I'm just a clingy person really. She nods and walks over to me to sit next to me.

She turns at the picture on my desk, again Peter filled. There was a sadness in her eyes.

I made a decision right there that I'm gonna have to clean up and put peter in my box, where he should be. "I'll arrange things tomorrow." A hint that anything Peter is going in my memory box.

She shakes her head and swallows, "I don't want you to do it because of me. I want you to do it because you're ready."

Then a question forms in my head, am I?

"I'm sorry if I did what I did—I was thinking that maybe if you two talked it'll—"

I just put an arm around Kitty and hug her, "Oh Kitten, I'm sorry if I put you through this."

Kitty had her head down refusing the hug. She wasn't done yet. "It's just, Peter was such a good big brother you know. He was a good friend to me too." She fumbles with her cardigan. "When you two broke up it was so sudden. Then when I saw him the weekend after he acted like everything was still fine between us. He even bought me ice cream. Kristene was jealous."

I pursed my lips together. Oh Peter. "You can be friends with Peter. It's okay." Though I don't sound totally convinced and I know that Kitty can hear it too.

She shakes her head, "I know I can. He says it too, I wanna believe it." Her voice breaks and she clears it and sits straight that I couldn't hug her anymore. "But look at Josh, Josh said that too. We are next door neighbours yet it's like he's a complete stranger,"

It's true. Josh has become a had been friend for the Coveys. Sure we'd say hi and catch up but it's never outside, only by the yard that our house shares. So far I know he's going to school in Virginia Tech and has a new girlfriend. Other than that, I had no idea what that guy is up to now. If he's still into dorky stuff or if he does have the same habits he does when we were close to him. But that's life, people come and go. There are still friends but the closeness will never be there anymore. And i think that's what Kitty fears the most.

"Well if Peter said it, then believe it." I say it with conviction now, because I know Peter. He is such a loyal guy that he wouldn't abandon his friends that easily. Even when I'm in town from school, Peter would always make sure we'd go see his friends from high school if they are in town too. Sometimes he'd call me telling me he'd be over Darrell's or Gabe's house over the weekend if we don't see each other.

Kitty face brightens, "What makes you say that?"

I smile, "Because, Josh  _is_  Josh. And Peter  _is_  Peter."

She frowns, more confused than ever. "What?"

I laugh, "What I mean is. When Peter says something, he tries to keep to his word." Then i take that back. Because actually, the reasons why Peter had stopped writing the weekly thing is because I told him to and my calls for the late night lessened. So it was a way of him to silently protest that he was upset at me. Man, this self actualisation is making me realize how much i lacked as a girlfriend. I clear my throat to focus, "He does his best to keep his word. I mean, he had lacrosse practice Friday and he still came by."

Kitty looked horrified. She felt guilty, "Really?"

"Well, if you see him at the grocery store or somewhere. It's okay to say hi." I say giving her permission to be friends with Peter. I mean who am I to deny Kitty a nice friend like Peter. "But, Kitty. Know that what Peter and I had. It'll never be the same. So don't push it because it's going to be awkward for both of you. You don't want that right?"

She shakes her head. One thing she treasures in this is her friendship with Peter. "Okay,"

"Just don't over abuse his wallet. He's only a student who goes on a weekly allowance." His mom won't let him get a job due to all the practices he has and the games. Peter maybe a hardworking guy but school is never his strong point.

"HE OFFERS!" Kitty defends herself.

I just laugh and hug Kitty. "So we're friends now?" I ask.

Kitty doesnt say anything as to not give me the satisfaction of getting her open up like this. Then she scoffs, "Maybe," then jumps off the bed before I could get a hold of her. She stalks out the door but before that she turns around and gives me her best Kitty smile. And I knew we were okay.

I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. So I guess i just told Kitty to be friends with Peter and it made me jealous. I wish I could also be friends with Peter, because other than Peter being an amazing boyfriend, he was also an incredible friend. Kitty's lucky... then in the back of my mind a voice said.

Kitty will grow up, and forget about Peter. It's just it's new, and she doesn't really think of guys that way other than just classmates. Then when Kitty starts crushing on a guy she wouldn't be as fascinated as she is with Peter because theres gonna be a guy distracting her for real. What will happen then is Peter would lose Kitty as a friend too.

Then I shot out of bed as a thought terrifies me... i was thirteen when my first kiss with Peter in John Ambrose McCleren's basement happened, and my supposed brief obsession with Peter started. With Kitty wearing makeup does that seem like she grew up earlier than I ever did. I never experimented on make up till I was fourteen or Fifteen and only because Chris made me.

Oh my gad, does this mean that Kitty is on her way to have her first kiss too? Or what if she already had one! Oh dear! Would she tell me if she did?! I told Margot mine... my baby Kitten is growing up and I'm missing all of it because I'm rarely home. What else would I supposedly miss in three years?

That thought terrifies me more and I don't know why.

* * *

 

_A/N:_

_leave kudos or comments to let me know what you think :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three** _

It was Tuesday already and I was tasked to find the food that both Margot and I are craving for. She said she'd be home by dinner since she's with her friends and whatever I havent prepared she'll help me with.

I look at my list on my phone and ready to scratch off pie on the list but I didn't just incase they don't have pie at the diner. I was happy to get out of the house anyway. It's just me at home for now, Daddy's at the Hospital, Trina is working, and Kitty still has school. I really don't have friends to hang out with since Chris is still in Dominican Republic and isn't coming home for Christmas. I get postcards from her here and there. She's doing good, living the life and has mentioned applying school to coast sides schools since she's gonna miss the beach so much after her sabatical.

Lucas is in New York still and wont be coming home till before Christmas and promised to hang out after the holiday. He said he's going to have me meet his boyfriend, which I'm happy for.

So here I am driving around town, grabbing things for making it a happy craving to remember now that it's not only Margot that's missing the food here but also me. Even though, I'm only three hours away and in the same country... styles of food and how it's made is different everywhere. Thus the list...

I make sure to bundle up before I get out of the car because it's really cold out. I suspect it might snow in a couple days for a white Christmas, as it should.

I walk in the Diner and was glad to see that nothing much has changed either. The traditional decorations they have on here is up, to go with the Christmas spirit.

I walk in with an announcement of the bell on the door, and I smile at the hostess. She's new, I haven't seen her before. She asks if I wanted a booth or table but I shake my head saying I was just wanting to buy a whole pie if they had it. She disappears out to the counter as I sit at the bar, waiting.

I sighed. Didn't realize it was gonna be hard to be here. I'm trying my best not to look at the booth where Peter and I usually sit. My "sixteen candles" reenactment.

But too late, i look over and it was empty. No balloons. What do i expect it's a memory. A good one. I smile despite myself.

Then the bell at the door rings and by instinct, i look.

Which i totally regret because Peter Kavinsky walks in with Genevieve. Not that I had anything against it, well, I have no right but it hurt to see them. Not because I was jealous—well i was— but not in a way of anything but just the fact that they are so comfortable with each other. Friends, despite them breaking up a long time ago. I want that too.

I wanted to turn away but it was too late, Peter saw me staring and Genevieve waved at me. So I slightly moved my chair so I'd be facing Genevieve and I waved back. I also gave Peter a small smile before having my head straight at the bar. Though, I couldn't help it at the corner of my eye i was still watching them.

Genevieve gave Peter an innocent peck on the cheek. Before they separated ways and sits next to her boyfriend at the booth. I smile to myself, she's still with her same boyfriend from high school. That guy from church. Despite their distance, they are still together. I know for a fact the guy goes to school three hours away on the other side of UNC.

I am thankful that the waitress comes back to distract me, "We only have cinnamon apple pie left, is that okay?"

And I nod with a smile, "It's perfect." Since that's the one Margot and I wanted. I take out my phone to finally scratch out the Pie word. I'm actually happy i have this phone... it's convenient.

"I'll box it right up for you," she says, Christine is her name.

Awww I miss Chris.

"Hey Covey," Peter greets as he sits next to me.

I freeze for a second before I react. It's weird when he calls me Covey but the affection to how he used to say it isn't there anymore. I put on my best smile and say, "Peter,"

"You buying pie?" He questions my choice of reason as to why I'm here.

I just nod. Didn't want to speak up yet. My voice kinda broke when I said his name. The smirk on his face, made it clear he heard it.

"Can't you just make it?"

True, I can bake it. Which i probably should have but still it's what's on the list. "It's hunting down food that Margot and I crave since we're away from home. And I can't make the pie taste it like here." I say easily. It's always amazing hoe Peter's smile makes me comfortable even if I feel awkward sitting this close to him. It's confusing.

"Ahh, that's cool." He nods.

"Are you going to order anything?" I ask. There was a silence between us that was forming and I don't like it. And besides, I miss his voice.

He shakes his head, "Nah, I'm about to head out soon. Gen just asked me to give her a ride her. Mark's car is at the shop across the street so they are waiting for that." Then he grabs the phone at his pocket and checks a message. He smirks and sends a quick reply.

I look away feeling that I just invaded his privacy. "Ahh, That's cool." I echoed what he had said.

He chuckles, "You can relax, Lara Jean. I don't bite."

I sigh and roll my eyes. He's still the same old peter. Ever so confident. "Well. If you haven't eaten anything whose to say you aren't going to."

He shakes his head. "Touche, Covey."

"Here's your pie," Christine said as she drops the box infront of me, "That's be 25$ even."

I reach for my wallet, putting my phone on top of the box. Exact amount of 25. Sweet. "Thank you."

I didn't even notice Peter was looking at my phone, i was about to say something when he laughed. "Seriously, Pizza at Arriz?" He mocks my choice of pizza place. "When will you learn Covey? Arriz pizza tastes like butt. The crust is too soggy and they barely put meat in it."

And i grabbed my phone to hide it from him and glare at him, "As opposed to your Harrison's which is all meat and sauce it taste like a soaked meat sandwich!" I argued back. This is the same old argument between me, margot and peter. Where to order Pizza and ofcourse Kitty joins in too taking Peter's side that's why I barely get to eat Arriz' because it's two against one.

"Which is what a pizza  _should_  be," then he reaches for my phone and checks my list.

"Give me my phone back,  _Kavinsky_." I calmly extend my hand since I know he won't return me my phone back. "That's mine and Margot's list."

He ignores me, "Listen,  _This list_? It's like your making Margot a list to make her  _hate_  the food here." Then when he sees my death stare, he slowly puts my phone back to my palm and gulps.

"It's not your list, _is it_?" I challenged

Then he pursed his lips and smiles goofily that I couldn't help but smile too. "True but still. Hot Wings at Cheers? Now you're just  _asking_  for it."

Then I look at the list. Why would I put Cheers. Their wings are dry and overcooked.

"I mean, their wings are dry  _and_  overcooked," He says the same thing I was thinking. Then the look on his face made us remember the time that his friends brought us there and we didn't eat a single bite and ended up eating burgers at the joint next door.

I smile. Then i run my finger on my chin to think, "Fine. Was it Keboys or The Korean restaurant that had the good chicken?" I really don't remember anymore. It's like recalling things that are a mere memory. You aren't sure which is true or not. The dream of what you think it is or the reality of it.

"Well Keboys is your safe bet. Trina doesn't like Korean food," he says it as a matter of factly. Remembering little details of my family.

I look down and at the box. Finally hitting me that this little banter is nice and I missed this but it's only until here. He's going to leave soon and then when do I get to run into him again. Would it be this easy again?

"I miss this," he mumbles to himself.

I was taken aback, "What?" It's like he's reading my mind.

He shrugs, "Talking to you. It was always or is,  _easy_." Which is true even after him and Gen dated, while Gen stopped talking to me. We could still make conversation easy. That's probably because of his personality he is just a cool person. He doesn't let anything bother him.

"I know." then I look at him and smile, sincerely. "I think it's nice that It's always easy to talk to you too." I had my hand on the box of pie. Then I moved the phone over to him, "Is the list okay?" Now I'm actually doubting myself unsure if this is Margot's list or my expectation of what food at home tastes like.

He smirks, and gives me a knowing look. " _Well_..."

I roll my eyes, "I swear If you say  _Harrisons_ , i am so walking out that door."

He laughs and shakes his head. "Then the list is okay."

We sit there staring at each other, unsure of what to do next. Neither wanting to move or leave. Well, I don't. Then I heard a phone buzz at the table. I know it isn't mine. So it's Peter's again.

I was about to say something for him to look at his phone when he says, "So you ordering the food now?"

I nod. "I havent called in advance. I miss driving around."

He raises an eyebrow and shocked by that i just said, "You miss  _driving_?"

"Yeah, I mean not alot but the fact that I didn't do it all the the past four months. I do miss it." I wanted to say that the things you don't have, you end up missing alot. But i didn't want him to read into that.

He reaches over to his phone, sends a text and nods to himself. Then he looks at me. "Do you want company?"

I blink.

"I mean, if you're ordering all these then you'd end up waiting for them and it kinda does get boring. I'll keep you company." He offers sincerely.

"We'd be driving separately? Won't that be a waste of gas?" Two cars driving around town getting food well that sounds kinda wasteful.

There was a shine and relief in his eyes. He's slightly thankful I didn't turn down his offer completely. He just knows i'm trying to find an excuse now. "Well, you probably need to head to your house and put the pie in the fridge. I can follow you there and We can ride in your car. You wanted to drive right?"

I really want to say yes but theres a voice at the back of my head saying that I shouldn't. To just let him go do his thing. This won't end well. But my eyes drift towards Genevieve, who was cuddled to her boyfriend. She's friends with Peter and it's okay. Why can't I have that too?

"Are you sure?"

He smiles, "I have nothing to do. I was just gonna head home. The only reason why I drove Gen is coz she won't leave me alone." He leans closer to whisper to me so Gen can't hear. But Gen is to busy anyway to mind me and Peter.

"Peter!" I said in disbelief

"Plus she offered me gas money." He joked. I know he's joking.

"Right." I rolled my eyes, "i'm  _not_  giving you gas money."

"This Covey, I'm doing just so maybe I can change your mind for Harrison."

"Dream on." Then I get out of the chair. If he's going with me then he can. If he wants to go home then that's fine too. I'm not expecting much.

He gets up too, "So meet you at your house, then? Do you want to drive or me to drive?"

"I don't want to have your car smell of food. So i'll do it." And before I turned I swear I saw his eyes shined like he was happy about some turned of events.

Don't over think this Lara Jean. it's just want you wanted. The two of you being friends. And that made me smile... being friends with Peter. I can do that.

I didn't regret having Peter accompany me. It was such fun having him next to me, keeping me entertained from sitting alone waiting for the food. It doesn't even pass us that when the order says it takes thirty minutes when it's actually more than that. We even think it was short time and had to remind ourselves to go because we were on a time crunch. We didn't want the food to be cold by the time everything was done.

We talked so much about anything. Catching up really. I asked about his Lacrosse games, his friends, his classes and he shares funny stories that I'd laugh with him. Then he asked me about my classes, roommates, and my Asian community club.

It was weird that we were talking so much we had forgotten that we were actually dating not two months ago. We didn't head to that direction either. We were careful of what to share. And i can say we are doing good with this trying to be friends thing. It's nice.

So when we were headed back, he offers to help me carry the food since it was a lot. He carries the big Pizza box and he grimaced. "I still can't believe you bought Pizza at Arriz." He was holding out the box as far as possible from his face. I was carrying the box of wings.

I rolled my eyes, "Get over it, Peter. Not everyone has your weird taste buds that can enjoy soggy gross food." I grab the keys from my pocket and open the door.

I saw his face trying to look around to see if anyone was home, it was too quiet so he realized that no one is home. Even the dogs are in the backyard, barking. He notices the new couch and doesn't say anything. "So kitchen?"

I nod and i follow after him. He didn't want to see the changes in the house since he's been here last, which was when I was last home too, before our break up. "Just set it at the counter. I'll set up the dishes later."

And he placed the box of pizza while i set the wings next to to it. "Thank you for today Peter. I actually had fun."

He raises an eyebrow, "Why were you expecting it to be lame?"

I playfully smack his arm which he immediately flexed his muscle hurting my hand more than anything, "You know what I mean." Then it's the first mention of he weird relationship between us. I actually mention the elephant in the room.

But it doesn't phase him, he just shrugs. "Well, I can be friends with everyone, and I mean  _everyone_." He emphasises on it because i'm sure he means me. That i shouldn't find this weird at all because it's alright for us to be friends.

"Yeah. You're Peter Kavinsky. You're good people person." I say lightly. This is the one thing I actually admire about him. His easy going personality.

He wiggles his eyebrows knowingly, "Well, I can't deny that,"

I roll my eyes. Same old Peter. Still super confident...

We were quiet for a few seconds, and it's gnawing. This is the first time we shared a silence since we hung out today... and i think I realized that we don't let it. So what now? Do I invite him to stay? Or just let him go home? This is insane it shouldn't be this hard.

"I—"

"I think I should go." Peter says as he looks at his phone.

I saw messages on his phone and I looked away. This is so weird. Why do i feel weird about him with his phone, i shouldn't care. "I'll walk you out." I offer.

He smiles and nods.

We walk in silence but the good kind. It wasn't pressuring at all. "This was really nice, Covey. If you want company next time too. Call me. Youre fun to hang out with."

I try to tell my stomach to calm down and not let the butterflies free from jumping in my stomach. I smirk, "Right." Then i saw his expression change and I laughed, "Yeah, I mean you should too." I can't be the one calling him. If he wants to hang out, I'll do it but definitely not me calling. I still have my pride.

His lip formed a crocked smile, "I'll hold you onto that, Covey."

I was about to say something but then someone yelled, " _Peter_?"

Peter and I turn towards the voice and Kitty was running towards us from Daddy's car.

Peter waves at Kitty, "Hey kid." Then he lifts Kitty for hug and sets her down. He then measures her height comparing him on his chest, "You grew kid,"

Kitty smiles and nods, "A quarter of an inch." When you're that age. Even a cm counts as growing.

"Hey Peter." My Dad greets Peter, withe an extended hand.

"Dr. Covey, good afternoon." Peter shakes his hand briefly. "How's it going?"

My dad tries his best not to glance over at me but I can tell he wants to ask what is going on. "Good I guess, now that all my kids are home. It's quiet now that I only have one kid."

Peter smirks and looks ever at Kitty, " _Really_?" He teased

Then Dad just pursed his lips, "Well..."

"Hey!" Kitty protest knowing that she's all three Song girls combined despite being alone in the house.

We all shared a laugh. Peter ruffles Kitty's hair who moves away quickly. Mad that her hair was messed up. She straightens it quickly, and asks. "What are you doing here?"

Peter looks over at me and says, "Lara Jean was buying food from her and Margot's list. So I went with her to keep her company."

This was when Daddy really looked at me. And My lips formed a tight frown and glared at Peter. "Well, you didn't really need to. You  _were_  just bored."

Peter feigned a hurt look and gasped, "Covey you told me you had fun today!" He dramatically said.

I rolled my eyes, "Please, i could have waited alone."

"Well. You would have been bored out of your mind. You didn't bring a book." Then he puffs out his chest proudly, "Admit it Covey, you were glad I came across you at the diner today."

I stuck my tongue out at him not giving him the satisfaction of him being right.

"Well in behalf of Lara Jean, I thank you for not letting her get bored out of her mind." Dad said trying to hide his amusement.

"Daddy!" I scowled at dad. He was supposed to be on my side.

"You're welcome, Doctor Covey." Peter was looking at me and he lifts his eyebrows knowingly.

"So you joining us for Dinner then?" It was Kitty that asked, the hope on her face seems bright that no one could say no to her.

Peter seems flustered for a second. "I—"

"You don't have plans tonight correct?" My Dad asks.

Peter tries to look at me then to Kitty's hopeful face then my Dad. "No?" Then he cleared his throat, "No, my Mom and Owen are at my aunts till tomorrow."

My throat is dry from all this. I can't speak. What am I supposed to say no? Dad's asking for Kitty's sake that's for sure. But what about me... can i even do this?

"It's settled. You're staying for dinner." Dad clasps his hands together and nods, "I mean, you can't wait with Lara Jean for food she ordered and not enjoy the meal."

"Yeah!" Kitty declares excitedly. She was touching at Peter's sleeve.

Now he gives me a look and he smirked. Then faced Kitty, "Well...  _not all_."

Then Kitty knew what he meant by it. She glares at me and pretends to gag. "Don't tell me, you went ahead and ordered pizza at Arriz!" She says angrily, "Their pizza tastes like  _butt_!" Then she high fived Peter when he offered one as soon as she said 'butt'

"Kitty!" I gasped. Peter was laughing as he gestured at Kitty since he said the exact same thing at the diner, even when we parked at the pizza place.

"Well it's true! Enjoy eating pizza that tastes like butt!" She stomps towards the house, while dragging Peter behind her along on his jacket sleeve.

Peter gives me a look and mouths, 'Told you so,' then he lets Kitty drag him back inside the house.

Daddy puts an arm around me lightly as i start following them, "Mind telling me whats going on between you and Peter?" He asks sincerely.

Better get used to this question because she's get worse questioning from Margot later. "We're just friends, Daddy." I reply. And it's true, we are friends. Though we haven't really established ground rules of what this friendship means but I guess it starts with him having dinner with my family.

Dad pursed his lips. Not sure what to say next.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

Dad just shrugs off his thoughts probably and says, "Well, he's a nice kid. Friends like that you can appreciate having in your life."

I smile, knowing that it's true. Despite everything that happened between me and Peter the fact that we can now say we're friends is a good thing.

I see Peter on his phone again sending a text before sitting next to Kitty who was browsing through channels without a second glance. "You're giving me a head ache kid." He complains.

I sigh. Can friends ask who he keeps texting? Then i shake off that thought. Baby steps Lara Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The series isn't mine. And I own nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a fast update... im just posting all the chapters i uploaded

Chapter Four

I couldn't miss the questioning look that Margot has been giving me this past hour. Of course she really couldn't say anything because we were still all at the dinner table, but her expression might as well as if she's yelling it at me from across the table. At least she was seated next to Peter so he couldn't see. Besides, he was too busy trying to talk to Kitty about stuff or my Dad about football or Trina about anything. He was being the same old peter trying to entertain everyone at once smoothly without having any trouble dividing his time.

I narrowed my eyes at Margot, mouthing, Stop it. Because she was making me uncomfortable.

She rolls her eyes and mouths back, Later then.

Then she joins in the conversation Peter and Trina are having about the dogs we have. I got to hand it to Margot, for someone who was definitely not a dog person she adjusted immediately to the two dogs we have and are closer to them than I ever am. And i lived longer with those stupid dogs! (Well they arent stupid, but I'm just jealous cause they didn't react like that when they saw me compared to seeing Margot saturday.)

Peter caught my eye and he smiled. He even winked at me when I just narrowed my eyes at him. Then he was nudged by Kitty to finish her pie, which he agreed to.

It was about almost eight when the dinner was done and surprisingly the food was almost empty except for a few slices of Pizza, Kitty and Peter didn't eat their share.

They have no idea what they missed.

"Thank you for inviting me for dinner, Dr Covey." Peter said as he puts on his coat, he mentioned he had to leave.

"Well it was nice having you over." Dad reaches over for a handshake which Peter accepted with a smile. Then Daddy peers over at me and nods before he disappears to his office.

"Later Margot," Peter called over at Margot who was sitting in-front of the Television. "Yeah, later!" Margot waves the remote at him.

Kitty runs up to Peter and she grins when he put up a hand above his head. She jumps up and Peter lowered it so she could reach it. "Maybe you'd be tall enough that you don't need to jump." He said as he ruffled Kitty's hair.

"I plan to be at least taller than Laura Jean, i'm taller than Margot now." Kitty said proudly then when Margot protested that she still has an inch on her, she sticks her tongue out, "I give it a year."

Peter smirks, "Six months maybe." He said in a whisper loudly.

"I heard that!" Margot sneered. She hated being the butt of the joke when it comes to height.

"I'll be seeing you?" Kitty said.

He nods, "Sure deal!" He was so sure of himself. Does that mean he'd be over alot more or just see Kitty since he's in town.

"Cool!" Then she turned to run to the couch to sit next to Margot.

"Do you want me to walk you out?" I ask when we were at the door.

He shakes his head, "Nah, it's cold out." He puts on his scarf and looks at his watch, "You sure you don't want to go with me? I'm positive they'd be happy to see you," he was invited to go to Gabe's an hour ago and he asked me if i wanted to come.

I shake my head. "I'm sure." He had mentioned that that they'd like to see me coz I'm their friend too but i didn't say that I was their friend because I was your girlfriend. So it might be a different take now.

"This was nice." He smiled sincerely. He really did enjoy being here tonight. I was glad daddy asked him to join us.

I nod, "It really was."

"Everything was good, except that pizza almost made me lose my appetite."

I squinted at him, "Nobody told you to eat the pizza," though I know he didn't he just teasing me. When he was laughing I pushed him towards the door, "Just get out of here Peter," though I don't sound serious.

"Hahaha," he said as he lets me push him out. Then he opens the door. He turns, "I'll see you later, Covey?"

And I smile, this was a different tone to when we were standing here last friday. Instead of See you Around, which could mean that we'll probably bump into each other and it's not on purpose. Now, the See you Later means that we'd be hanging out again. Especially in question form as if he's asking permission.

"Yeah, I'd like that." And I really would.

I walk back inside with a goofy smile on my face and I was thankful nobody saw that. Trina was already doing dishes, and I don't want to sit next to Margot and Kitty at the moment. I refuse to be interrogated.

So I walk up to my bedroom. I was about to sit on my bed when the door flung open. Of course, Margot would follow me here. At least Kitty is still watching TV. After our talk the other day, I doubt she'll try to work me and Peter again. She was just too happy to see him.

"Now can you tell me what's going on?" Margot demanded as she closed the door behind her.

I sighed and I plopped on my bed. "Nothing, we're just friends."

She doesn't believe me, she sits on my desk chair. She has a million questions in her mind, and is trying to decide what to ask first. "He was here till after dinner, friends don't do that."

Now i'm the one giving her a doubtful look, "Yes they do."

Then she bites her lips to think, "Well Josh didn't." It wasn't a bitter statement really but just an observation.

I shake my head, "Like I told Kitty. Josh is Josh and Peter is Peter."

She raises an eyebrow, "What does that supposed to mean?" Now she's annoyed. It's like i'm comparing our exboyfriend's and I'm stating that mine is better.

"It means that, well." I cleared my throat. Josh was an exception really, he probably would have if things didn't get complicated. "Well, the situation is different with—" i don't finish this because Margot could already understand why.

"The letters." Her voice was clipped. Even if it was ages ago, it was still an awkward situation and a bad one definitely. Though, I don't regret it really because then I wouldn't have Peter in my life. It costs us Josh but that's okay we're all happy with where our lives are headed.

"Yep," I made the letter p, pop. We were silent for a few seconds then we both laughed. Things that are in the past you laugh at because sometimes it's ridiculous.

Then her face turned serious, "I just want you to be careful though,"

And I'm taken a back by this, "What? Why?"

"I mean being friends is a good thing but didn't you guys just break up a few weeks ago?"

"Two months." Yesterday. I remembered. "So?"

"Yeah." She bites her cheek and then shakes her head, "That's all."

I chuckled, I've never been seen her so unsure of what to say before. "Come on GoGo, out with it."

"Well, I just don't want you to get your hopes up. Sometimes being friends after just broken up— well." She doesn't finish. Of course i know what she means. She tried to get back together with Josh and that was a fail. It hurt her alot. And I understand she doesn't want me to go through that.

I smiled, because now that I think about it. I really have no expectations. Friends. That's what we are. I don't want to go that road because that break up was hard. And it was because I thought I was losing Peter forever. But not that we could be in the same room together and are okay, then I'm happy. I really am.

"Thank you for looking out for me, but I got it. It's okay. We are friends. And I accept that."

She studies me for a second and nods. Margot knows me so well and if she believed me then that means that I know what I'm doing. "Good." Then she stands up. "Come watch a movie with us downstairs."

"Okay. In a second." I say before Margot leaves my room.

I grab my phone which was charging. I got a few messages too. My group chats, from the Asian club, my roommates (who were all spamming about how we miss each other), Lucas who said he's coming home in two days and he'd want to hangout on the 27th., and then Peter.

I reply to everyone before I read Peter's message. ~Now they aren't talking to me because I didn't bring you with me. This is your fault, Covey.

I laughed and send a text back. ~Well, I'm sorry. Tell them to have a get together on the 27th or something, since Lucas is in town too.

I was about to get up to leave, i doubt he'd reply fast. But i was wrong,

Done! Gabe said as long as you bring cookies or something.

I shake my head, boys will be boys. And i sent a reply, ~Deal!

And he sends a thumbs up emoji. Which I don't incline to respond to. I don't need to. He has other people to talk to on his phone anyway. And no I'm not jealous.

There wasn't a day when Peter didn't come over to our house to hang out. Of course not alone, Kitty was here since she has her Christmas break too. The three of us would argue on what to watch and for some reason, Kitty always wins. He'd leave just before anyone of us would prepare dinner. He probably doesn't want to overdo his stay and would find excuses to not have dinner like his Mom is expecting him or something.

I don't think much of it really. I mean, I'm sure his mom would find it weird that he's rarely home and not be home by dinner. I'm positive his mom doesn't know about this friends thing between me and him. I'm sure I'm not his mom's biggest fan.

But tonight, he does stay for dinner. He even stayed a bit after and watched TV with me and Kitty (Margot is with her friends for the weekend.) while Kitty was to engrossed by what she's watching, i peer over at Peter. He's watching too, but I think he's not as into as he pretends to be.

"Peter," i start. I was laying on the couch while Peter was on the other side, our heads were a cushion away from each other. We always had a distance, a comfortable distance

He glances over me. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing here on a Friday night?" I ask, curious. I'm sure Peter Kavinsky has other things better to do than to hang out with his ex-girlfriend, and her little sister watching The Originals. Definitely not watching this show.

"Hanging out with you and Kitty." He answers like I'm stupid.

"Peter," I insist.

He shrugs, "Maybe I want to know what really happens in New Orleans." The serious expression he has on his face makes me laugh so hard.

"Shh!" Kitty turns towards me to scold me. Then her face is back on the TV after rewinding that two seconds she missed because I laughed.

"See, you got the kid mad. Now shh. I'm watching!" He said in a hushed tone.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket far too many times to count. I sit up straight. My roommates are spamming. Well actually no I take that back, Leah is.

~oh god help me! I wanna kill him.

And i laugh, i didn't read the other messages. They already know that about me. If the messages go over twenty just expect me to read the last five messages and butt in the conversation as if I know what's going on.

~Who

~Gavin,

Gavin is Leah's boyfriend of five years. They are the epitome of high school sweethearts, even in relationships for me. They both make it so easy being in a long distance relationship. Gavin goes to UVA too like Peter.

Then Leah's texts comes in spams, as usual.

~i get that we haven't seen each other in two weeks, but can he please go home! he's driving me insane.

I shake my head. I know she doesn't mean that. Leah is too clingy to her boyfriend that she'd go on a melancholy if she doesn't hear from Gavin for a three hours. The boy worships the ground she walks on and comes home almost every weekend to see her. And those two are mostly inseparable even when they fight ( from the stories she tells me)

~at least some of us have boyfriends, Charlie texts back. She on the other hand broke up with her boyfriend at the start of summer. She wanted to focus on school.

And then Brandy joins in, ~pshh, boyfriends are overrated. Besides, if he bothers you just walk out. He'll learn.

Brandy is the exact opposite of Leah. She's kind of like my Chris. She doesn't like to be bound to one guy and she says college is for fun to meet new people. So she dates here and there and never to seriously. She can always find guys anyway, she's too gorgeous for her own good.

I was about to reply when I could feel Peter's eyes on me. "What?" I asked. I notice he was looking at my phone.

He shakes his head. "Nothing." He smiles to himself though, as if he's either trying to enjoy a joke or he's making himself do it.

"I'm texting Leah, Brandy and Charlie. It's our chat group." I say in a rush and i stuttered as if I was trying to defend myself. I feel like I was caught with my hands in a box of candy eating a piece before dinner.

His eyebrows met, he wasn't sure what to do with that information. "Okay..." he says slowly.

"Just some girl crisis really," i defend again.

Then Kitty turns towards me and giving me a death glare, "If you're going to keep talking, go up stairs and don't bother me." Her voice was low and poisonous. She was seriously going to hurt me if I would say another word.

"Sorry," I mouthed. I am completely terrified of my 80lbs 12 year old sister.

Peter shakes his head and gives me the judging eyes playfully. "Seriously watch the show, you're missing out what Hope is saying to that guy." He points at the tv where one of the characters is just talking to an extra. He's having so much fun teasing me it seems like.

I roll my eyes, I'm sure he only knew the name because she had just been called. if i quizzed him about what's going on he would have no clue what's happening other than knowing it's about vampires and the show is set in New Orleans.

"I'm warning you too, Peter." Kitty said to Peter but she didn't look back. She was really getting annoyed at both of us.

"Sorry Boss," Peter said apologetically and refused to look at me since i stuck my tongue out at me but his smirk showed that he knew what i just did.

On the corner of my eye, I saw him text someone. And my stomach tightened. Why did I tell him who I was texting. He doesn't tell me who he texts, so I didn't need to.

And the fact that i felt guilty when he caught me, I mean. Why do I feel that way?

Then i felt my pocket buzz. I totally forgot about my roommates. I glance at my phone to see over fifteen messages already. Then a text from Peter.

I slightly cocked my head to him but he was watching tv that he wasn't paying attention. So i just read his text.

~Tell them I said hi.

My lips formed a smile, so he texted me. Dork. So i replied back.

Nope.

Besides, If i tell them that then they'd have a million questions too. And i'm not in the mood to defend myself about being friends with Peter. I'm sure Charlie will have a lot to say and Brandy will scold me about needing new fishes or whatever weird metaphor she has about dating and boys.

He reads the message and he smirks, he pockets his phone and whispers just loud enough for me to hear. He's afraid of the 80lbs kid too. "You're mean."

And I chose to ignore him. He can take my silence for teasing me.

I was happily sleeping when I heard my phone ring rather loudly. I don't remember setting an alarm clock. But I put it on mute anyway. Then not another minute later, it goes off again. That's when I realized that it was a phone call not my alarm.

"Go away," I said to my caller. I don't know who it is and if It's daddy he'd probably give me all kinds of hell for answering the phone as I did.

"Morning Covey," Peter's smooth low voice greets me.

If i was still Lara Jean his girlfriend, I'd probably melt away and get up saying sweet things but I'm just his friend. A friend that he woke up at, 6am. Whyyyyy?

"Go away." I repeat this time more firmly and annoyed than first answer.

He laughs, "Get up Covey, enjoy the morning. Listen to the birds chirping. Enjoy the day!"

I roll my eyes. "Nope," and I hang up on him. I move to the other side and hide under the covers. I slept two hours ago after finishing the book I was reading.

My phone rang again, and i let it ring but then after it goes off again. This guy isn't going to let me sleep. So i grab my phone and answer, "Let me sleep Peter," i whined. Actually i sound like I was begging.

"Did you just hang up on me?" He sounded annoyed just now. He hates it when I do that. Even if it's teasing.

"What do you want?" I give up. He won't leave me alone anyway.

"Look out the window," he says excitedly.

"Why?"

"Just do it, Covey." He snaps at me.

I groaned and get up. I am wrapped around my blanket. I begrudgingly stomp towards my window.

"Do you see it?"

I pretend to cry, "Did you really just wake me up to tell me theres snow on the ground?" I complained, ofcourse I knew it snowed last night. He left just before it started and I continued reading till it slowed down. Theres a good three to five inches of snow out maybe more just in time for a white Christmas in two days. The clouds are still gray so it might snow some more too.

"It's it beautiful," his voice insistent. As if he has some diabolical plan. Peter really loves snow. I can give him that.

I crawl back in bed. I'm mummied in my sheets happily warm. "Sleep is more beautiful." Ever since college i've been a sleep hog during weekends. It's also because out of all my roommates i'm the only one with a class at 730am. Granted I'm happy that I don't have to fight who gets to the bathroom first like Brandy and Charlie but I get jealous that they can sleep in even on a school day.

"Get up Covey, we're going sledding," he said. Finally outing his plan of how to enjoy this snow day.

In my cloudy mind, still wanting to sleep. I ask without any filter, "Don't you have other friends to bother Peter."

He was silent for a moment. Then he smirks, "Yes, but your the friend I want to bother,"

I mumbled some curse words i learned in Korean and say, "No. I want to sleep." I was firm this time. No way in hell i'm going sledding when i've only had two hours of sleep, it's cold outside and I'm comfortable in my mummied state.

"Did you cuss me out?," He asked since he heard it loud and clear and he has never heard those words before. "You don't cuss out your friends, Laura Jean," he sounds so disappointed in me.

I roll my eyes, "And you should let your friends sleep too." Two can play this game, besides he is such a liar. With his college guy friends their conversations usually has cuss words in them.

"Never mind that, come on. Get up get up get up." He chants annoyingly.

"No. Bye Peter." I say as I yawned and I hung up on him I heard him say some threats but the phone call ended. I turned off my phone just incase he calls again. I really want to remain sleeping. If i was his girlfriend i would jump at the opportunity of being with him but as his friend. I chose my bed and my sleep.

I had drifted to sleep happily when I heard the door slam open. With Kitty jumping on my bed. "Get up, Lara Jean."

I groan, refusing to move and say anything. "Leave me alone, Kitty!"

Kitty stopped, "Well Peter's downstairs."

My eyes opened but I stay in my cocoon. That dummy went over here because I turned off my phone. "What?"

"He said we're going sledding." Kitty said excitedly. How dare he bring Kitty into this. With Kitty, He know's i can't say no.

"I don't want to." I scoot farther from Kitty because shes sitting on my foot. "Me want sleep," i was curled up into the wall.

"But I want to go sledding," I can hear the pout on her voice.

I sigh, feeling bad. I'm still a little out of it. But i get up anyway, "Then go." I smiled weakly. "Go with Peter,"

She raises an eyebrow. "What?"

I stand up and pull Kitty from my bed and push her out my room. "Go sledding with Peter and make sure to buy ice cream."

"It's cold out! And you want me to eat ice cream! I'll get the flu!" She said in disbelief.

I just nod. I really want to remain in bed and I don't care anymore. "Yes, yes, get that too." Then I kiss the top of her head. "Have fun," then I close the door on her stunned face. I stare at the door and lock it just in case. Then I ran to my bed and threw myself into it. Finally peace and quiet to myself.

I woke up at a reasonable time. It was almost eleven, that's reasonable. I stretched out and could feel my stomach rumble. I'm hungry. I wonder what to have and maybe I should make some pancakes or something. Sounds easy and yummy.

I put my messy hair up in a bun and walk downstairs. I was rather surprised to see Peter there in an apron with white stuff on his face. He was trying to measure something.

"Peter!" I gasp.

He almost jumped out and poured the batter mix everywhere. "Jeez, Covey. You didn't have to scare my like that."

"What are you doing here?" I crossed my arm above my chest, clearly conscious that I'm not wearing a bra. I need to go upstairs to check if I have sleepy things in my face. And thankful I put my hair up in a bun. Sure, Peter has seen me after sleeping a few times when he'd come see me and stay at my dorm for the weekend. but he doesn't get the privilege anymore, we're broken up.

He chuckles. He so knows what i'm doing. So he looks anywhere but me, "Well we got hungry after sledding. This was easy to make."

Pancakes. I try to hide my smile.

"Where's Kitty?" I asked since i walked by her room and she wasn't there.

He shrugs as he continues to mix the bowl.

"Let me help," I say as I try to take another apron. I take the box and realize it's empty. What he's making now isn't going to be enough for three people.

Then Kitty comes out of the basement. "See told you theres another one down here!" She declared happily. Then she sees me and she narrows her eyes at me, "Well at least you didn't waste the day away sleeping."

"That's what I told her." Peter said when he clearly didn't say any if the sort. He just wants to get in Kitty's good graces. As if he hasn't already, he'll be there forever if he keeps this up.

"Well we got it from here Lara Jean, but you can make bacon and eggs." Kitty said. She's not much of a Pancake person compared to me. She'd rather have eggs and bacon if given a choice.

"Yeah Lara Jean, make yourself useful." Peter teased in a sing song voice.

I step towards Peter and hissed at him, "You are so dead, Peter."

But he just ignores me and stifles a laugh.

I cooked as I watch Peter and Kitty. They were already mostly making a mess trying to flick batter at each other instead of making them but I don't tell them To stop, i just laugh with them. Kitty's hair is full of white powder while Peter's apron is too. Peter is still too tall for Kitty to reach for the head but she tries since his neck has some too.

I smile at this, then I remembered what Trina said a week ago. About Kitty not being this close to my future boyfriends because I'm away, made me realize that I don't want that. I want Kitty to be close to him too (who ever he is) i want him to have the same relationship that she has with Peter. This is where I made a promise to myself that, part of the criteria of being my boyfriend would be Kitty. If Kitty likes them then I'd love him forever.

Peter probably notices that I've been watching him too much that he glances his head over towards me, "What?" He is conscious now. Then there was a softness in his gaze as if trying to see through me, Wondering what is on my mind.

"Nothing." I look away blushing. Then i cleared my throat, "I'm almost done. So you guys can use the stove." I've already finished cooking and they should probably make pancakes.

"Cool," then he stands next to me. "How many do you want?" As he brings in the mixture they just made.

"Four." I say softly.

He nods, "Then four it is."

I silently watch him and I think, maybe it could be Peter that I could love forever. But i shake that thought... friends, that's what this is. And I couldn't ask for more than that. It's much less complicated and we're enjoying each other's company not expecting anything.

Friends.

And i smile up at him goofily. Which he returns quickly, but then he asks, "Why do i look weird?" Probably realizing that he has flour on his face.

I laugh and nod, "Always."

He rolls his eyes, "Thanks,"

"You're welcome." I teased back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Christmas finally came and it's gone. Next holiday would be New Year and it's gonna be a brand New Year! Sounds exciting but I don't think so because it means time is going by to fast. Yes, starting a new semester is cool too but I don't want to go back just yet.

"Are you going to hang out with any of your high school friends, Lara Jean?" Margot asks me on Christmas night after all the festivities was finish. I was in Margot's room, testing out my new cool speakers that I got from Santa (aka Dad and Trina from my wish list). She was brushing my hair and braiding my hair too.

"Why?" I asked. I know Margot has been hanging out with her high school friends a lot too. She even told me she met Josh's girlfriend. She likes this one more than the last one.

"I don't know. The only  _person_  you've been hanging out with  _is_  Peter." Which is True, the only time he didn't come was yesterday and today. I barely even heard from him too other than greetings which I'm sure is a forwarded message to everyone.

I groaned, Margot has been slightly hinting out Peter and mine's friendship alot more lately and I've been dodging it well but now it's a direct question. "That's because I barely have friends in highschool. Chris is still in Dominican Republic, my friends then were mostly Peter's friends and then Lucas." Then I remembered why it was so hard for me and Peter to be separated then in college. It was because I was always with Peter. His friends were my friends and I didn't really have much other than Lucas and Chris so he found it hard that I had a whole another crowd he didn't know about.

"You should have branched out more in high school like i told you," Margot was starting to lecture her now.

I rolled my eyes, i really can't move because shes still doing my hair. "If you must know, Lucas and I are hanging out two days from now." I say proudly. Lucas had already said he was excited about the mini high school reunion were having with us and Peter's Lacrosse friends.

"Is Peter gonna be  _there_?" Margot asks.

I don't say anything yet trying to think about my answer, "He'll be  _around_." Then I added my answer saying that it will be at Gabe's house.

"Oh Lara Jean." She sounds like she's sad for me or something.

" _What_?" I finally move away from her so i can face her. She's giving me a judgy look and I don't like it.

"I just don't want you to get hurt that's all."

I groaned in frustration, "Peter is my friend. I am  _so_  tried of trying to justify as us being that."

"I know but you two are hanging out  _way_  too much."

"That's not true, he's not here today  _or_  yesterday." I stutter at first trying to prove that we don't.

Margot laughs sarcastically, "If he was, then I would  _definitely_  question if you two are back together."

That's when I laugh. I finally understand why Margot is freaking out about this, she's afraid that me and Peter are getting back together. "Trust me, that is so not gonna happen." I say so surely. It's more like I'm telling myself not to hope.

"I'm not saying Peter is a bad guy that you two shouldn't.  _He's_  a good guy. And I do like him.  _He's_  good with dad,  _he's_  nice to Trina and he's really  _amazing_  with Kitty." All her complements for Peter that I already know is being listed and I feel like there's a  _but_  at the end.

"Where are you going with this GoGo?" I ask, exhausted.

She gives me a worried expression, shes trying to figure out how to lay it on me when I kinda know what she wants. "It's just you and Peter broke for a reason. And if you guys are headed that direction—"

"We aren't," I defend myself. We don't even talk about that when we hang out at all, we just really enjoy each other's company but I don't share that with Margot because she's doubting out agenda when there really isn't anything going on.

"Let me  _finish_." Her voice was firm. So waits and when I nod, she continues, "It seems okay now since the both of you are in town. it's much easier to be with together. Because being together wasn't the problem, it's that distance while your in school. When the semester starts your problems will start too."

I pause as if trying to process what she's saying, but I'm already aware of this. That's why I'm not expecting anything from it. "Margot,  _I know._ "

Her eyes are sad and she holds my hand, "I just don't want you to go through this again. It sucks the first time. It's worse when you think there's hope but there isn't,"

I hug Margot and say, "Don't worry about me, I won't get hurt."

Then Margot hugs me back and nods. "Okay," trusting me this time.

* * *

So when Lucas's face changed as soon as he saw me and Peter walk in the Gabe's house together, I immediately greeted him with a, "We're  _just_  friends," when I hugged him

Lucas raises and eyebrow, he snickers. "I didn't  _say_  anything," then he glances over at Peter who was headed his direction after greeting Gabe. "You're the one who thinks you had to explain yourself— _Hey Peter_." He says rather cheerfully before I could say anything.

"Hey Lucas, how's it going?" Peter asked then he gives Lucas those one arm hugs, he does with his friends too.

Lucas eyes me playfully and then smiles innocently at Peter, "Good, good. I mean New York is great. It's just I miss Laura Jean here."

Then Peter nods, "Don't we all." Then he takes the box of cookies I was holding, "Gabe was asking for the payment." He teased since Gabe only offered just so i can bake him cookies.

"Oh yeah," i say as I waved at Gabe and Darrell.

"Large!" They yelled in unison as a greeting.

"I better  _feed_  the beasts," Peter said, then he pats Lucas's shoulder, "We'll catch up later." Then stalks off with the box of cookies.

I didn't have to turn to Lucas to know what he's about to ask. So I just said, "Hello Lucas,"

"See  _that's_  what you should have said to me first. Now I'm suspicious." Lucas teased me.

I roll my eyes, "You gave me a look, so I decided to answer it."

"Lara Jean!" Pammy cried out from the end of the hall when she saw me. Then runs towards us, she wraps her arms around me excited to see me, "Thank god you're here, it's starting to be like a dick party in here." That's when I noticed that the living room is packed with mostly guys, with only a few girls like about six including me.

"Excuse  _you_ ," Lucas argued.

"Well, you know what I mean," Pammy laughs it off as she squeezes his arm. " _So, what's the deal between you and Peter,_ " her voice was such a high tone it's as if shes singing to me and it's annoying because there is nothing to tell.

It was Lucas who answered, "They're  _just_  friends," then he eyes me knowingly, "That's the first thing she said to me as soon as she saw me."

I closed my eyes and sucked a breathe. I am never gonna live that down.

"Sounds like your on the defense there Lara Jean," Pammy smiles at me and then winks.

"Oh god," i rub my nose bridge in annoyance. I should have just waited till Lucas said something.

It also didn't help that Peter comes to us and he brings me a bottle of malt beer. He nods at Pammy then says to me, "Since I'm driving, you can drink." He was standing behind me and he had his arm in front of me handing me the drink. Our position isn't helping my cause of saying that nothing is going on between us.

"Thanks,"' I mumbled, hiding my blush.

"Hey Pammy," Peter says.

Pammy just ignores him and pushes him off, "I saw you the other day.  _Bye_  Peter." She had already slapped Peter's arm in front of me and waved him off.

Peter shakes his head and just laughs it off. Besides someone else called for him already.

"Friends,  _right_." Pammy said sarcastically. "Peter brings you beer while _my boyfriend i_ gnores me all night," she specifically had her back on Darrell. He has his eyes at us though.

"You  _guys_  are back together?" Lucas asks.

Pammy scoffed, "I'm making him work for it," Darrell and Pammy have been in an on off relationship for the past four months that I really don't know whether to ask if they are together or not. They still hang around each other but asking means that they'd want to kill you because they are either broken up or back together.

Lucas laughs and shakes his head, "Well he certainly wants to. He won't stop looking over here."

" _Please_ , let's not talk about him." Then she smiles excitedly at Lucas, "Speaking of  _boyfriends_ , I see your going solo today, where's the lovely fellow?"

" _Oh yeah_! Weren't we supposed to meet him?" I ask too. Glad that the conversation isn't about me anymore, focusing about them will have them forget.

"Well, he only just drove me home since I'm in his way. He met my parents and had dinner with them. He was only here for a day. It just sucks Sarah Lawrence lets out break a lot later this semester." Lucas had a pout on his lips as he talks. It shows that he misses him so much.

"So, what's his name... spill..." i am far to eager than they catch on to my act.

" _Don't even think_  on turning this around on me." Lucas narrows his eyes at me. "You have a lot of things to tell us."

I drink at my bottle a lot longer than I should. But their eyes are burning into me, as their patience is wearing thin. " _What_?"

"Don't what us!" Pammy said and she looks at Lucas for help who just shrugs. He knows that i don't talk until i do.

"There isn't though. Peter and I are  _just_  friends." I'm so tried of saying this now that it shows in my expression.

"Did you guys  _talk_  about it though?" Pammy inquires.

"What do you mean?" I blink, confused.

Pammy groans and turns towards Lucas asking him to take the reigns of this conversation, he finally gives in. "Did you and Peter talk about the fact that you two are  _just_  friends  _or_  are you  _assuming_  that?"

" _What_? Those things still need a talk?" These things are confusing. Wouldn't it just be simpler if were friends without establishing anything.

"Of course!" Pammy cries out in frustration.

I take a glance towards where Peter was standing at and he's laughing at something with Gabe and another guy, I'm sure his name is Carl. We never really had that talk per say but it's assumed that it is. I mean what else would it be? Then there he is again, he's on his phone sending a text. I look away and cleared my throat, and I take a big swig of the drink. "It's obvious."

Lucas smirks, he's certainly entertained by this. "It's obvious you  _assumed_  that it's what it is."

I shake my head, "We've said the word  _friends_  in the same sentence a few times. So yes."

Pammy then asks, "Well if you two are  _such_  good friends, tell me.  _Does Peter have a girlfriend_?"

I almost choke on my drink, and I swore my heart stopped. I gawk at Pammy in disbelief, "How on earth would I know that?"

"So since the break, have you two been hanging out almost everyday?" Pammy's starting her inquisitions as if ruling out if I'm guilty for something or not.

I stutters my answer, "Yeah but—"

"So why can't you answer that?"

Then Lucas adds, "Pammy has a  _point_  there Laura Jean,"

I just laugh at both of them, it's like I'm having a crisis of some kind that I'm laughing. They stare at me as if i'm insane, "What  _point_?"

"That maybe you just assumed you two are friends... when he probably doesn't see it that way." Pammy said as a matter of factly.

My heart races and i could feel my face burn. I'm positive it's probably from the alcohol. I've already drank half the bottle and my tolerance isn't usually that good. At the corner of my eye, I'm watching Peter.

_Are they right?_

Then Margot's voice echoes in my mind,  _It's worse when you think there's hope but there isn't._ So immediately shake off that hope that I have. It's easy because it's small. Like microscopic...

"Peter and I don't talk about those stuff," I say.

Lucas titled his head to the side, curiosity is getting the better of him. "Why not?"

"Because Peter and I don't usually hang out alone. My sister, Kitty is there." Come to think of it, Peter comes over a lot and he hangs out with me and Kitty. It's not  _just_  me. We've hung out twice outside of the house alone and that includes the first time we talked when I went food hunting.

Lucas and Pammy are now sharing an alarming glance at each other. They both knew they did something wrong, and now i'm out of the loop. " _Oh_ ," Lucas said. He's pitying me now for some reason.

I widden my eyes, and shake off Lucas. " _What_? Why are you  _looking_  at me like that?"

Pammy then says, "But still you need to know if he has a girlfriend or not."

I slump my shoulder, "Why?" I ask. i am so tired of asking questions and i'm only getting more confused as if they are giving me riddles to solve on my own.

"Well she doesn't have to. She can just look at the signs. If he has one." Lucas then snaps his fingers, someone with a plan.

I really don't understand why they are making such a big deal about this. Am I missing something here? I take another drink just trying to clear my mind. These two are giving me a head ache.

"Or at least figure out where they both stand in this friends thing," Pammy said.

"I'm so confused. Why do I need to figure those things out. Can't it just be like this? I like it this way." It's less of a mess and it's not complicated.

Pammy then puts her palms on my shoulder. This is the first time I feel small standing in front of her. She steps closer, her face is a foot away from mine. I can smell the liquor on her breath, "Trust me Lara Jean, you  _have_  to. It's for a peace of mind. It's to know if this friendship is leading somewhere or it's staying that way. With Darrell and I, if were broken up we establish that we are friends. I mean you and Peter are just hanging out right?  _No kissing_?"

"What? No!" I say it far too quickly for her to believe me.

"You should  _know_  Lara Jean, Pammy. She lived her life like a  _saint_." Lucas laughs. He just actually noticed that Pammy maybe a little drunk.

I blush. I really don't want to think about kissing Peter especially when I've drank. Plus, they might start asking me things I've done with Peter now that we are headed towards this topic. I so don't wanna go there. Not now, not ever. Those are my own stories to tell if I want to. I havent even told Margot stuff.

Pammy frees me from her hold and frowns, "That's weird. Darrell and I kiss still."

Lucas snorts, "Maybe that's what's wrong with your friendship with Darrell."

Pammy just looked like she got hit by an epiphany, "I never thought of it that way! That's it! I'm not kissing Darrell tonight!"

"Maybe if he begs you enough," Lucas teased.

She thinks about it, trying to contemplate if she wants to or not. "Nope, no matter how he begs."

And that's how it ended with the talk about Peter and I. The three of us were now catching up about other details of our college life. Which I'm relieved though... I didn't want to keep talking about how kind of friends are Peter and I. I didn't know there are kinds... jeez. I'm so inexperienced with these kinds of stuff.

I am barely paying attention to Lucas and Pammy now. I am staring at them but no words are trying to process. In my mind... and when I hear Pammy's voice i could remember what she was saying about the  _peace of mind_  thing.

Am I really that confused? I'm not though...

I need to find out if Peter has a girlfriend? I don't understand why... maybe it's part of the piece of mind thing.

I drink from my bottle, and I didn't even realize it's empty.  _Oh how sad._

I really don't need to ask him. I can just look at the signs. What signs could that be. I search for Peter and when I found him, he was on his phone. My heart clenched, That's a sign right? Even that smile on his face as he sends the text.

Then he probably could feel i was watching him because he looked up and and met my gaze. He tilts his head to the side, and gives me his best Peter smile. The smile that's usually for me, like how he used to. Or maybe how I think he used to.

I just twitched my lip for a small grin in return, then he was tackled to the couch by Gabe.

My pocket buzzed. I reach over to my phone. And find a message from Peter.

**~You having fun? Do you need another drink?**

I pursed my lips. He was watching me when I pouted at my empty bottle just now. I laugh.

Pammy and Lucas looks at me. Their conversation probably wasn't funny. So i said sorry, then they continued.

I send a reply.  **~Yeah I'm having fun. I don't need another drink. And don't let Gabe kill you.**

Actually. I like what we have now. Why complicate things? If Peter wants to tell me he has a girlfriend then he can. If he wants to keep it to himself then sure. I can be that kind of friend.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

I wake up early, around 8am and for some reason I had a smile on my face. I dont know what it was but I knew it was a good dream, because of my elated mood waking up. Seeing Lucas yesterday made me happy too, at least I got to see my friend this time. Also, i got an email from Chris last night when Peter took me home.

Chris is gonna come back soon, just before I have to go back to North Carolina. She sent me her Itinerary which probably means I'm picking her up.

I don't know what's gotten into me this morning but I want to call Peter.

With a smile on my face I do. After a few rings, he answers.

"You better be dying, Covey." His grouchy voice was a tell that I woken him up. He probably ended up being Darrell and Pammy's designated driver last night because he told he was going back to the party after he took me home.

Revenge tastes sweet... I wanted to say but instead, I spoke far too enthusiastically than i expected, "Enjoy the morning Peter, listen to the birds chirping!" I repeat the nonsense he uttered when he forced me to wake up last week.

I could hear him groan in frustration, "Funny Covey. Now, can I go back to sleep?"

I shake my head as if he could see me, "Let's have breakfast at Home Buddies!" I say in excitement. I don't try to convince him though, I'm sort of trying to make him.

He doesn't answer for a few seconds. "Can't you go with Kitty? or Margot?"

"Well, Margot is in Texas with Ravi. She won't be back till after New Years. Kitty is at a weekend slumber party." I pouted so he could hear how sadly alone I am. I don't tell him that Trina and Dad are going to her moms for the weekend too, with the dogs. So I'm all alone... maybe I can invite Lucas and Pammy over or something.

"Ahh..." He's stretching in his bed probably thinking if he should go with me or not.

"I'll pay you gas money to join me," I offered playfully.

He smirks, "Tempting." Since the drive from his house to mine will probably be only less than 5$. "I'd rather you make the food, and I'll eat it." He does a counter offer.

But i whine like a child, "But I want eggs benedict and they make the best ones." I tried to do that one time and it was such a fail. I am a strong baker... that's about it.

He didn't answer again and I knew he fell asleep on me.

So i say, "I can just call Lucas later when he's more awake." Lucas gets terrible hang-overs and would love greasy food for a cure. I'm not upset though, I'm just bored and want to bug Peter.

"I'm awake." He mumbles particularly to no one. I clears his throat, "How about I make you a deal Covey,"

I make a devious smirk and I pretend to be interested when I'm actually letting him off the hook, "Depends, if it's a good one."

He probably doesn't understand what I mean since he's still a bit loopy. "I just got home like an hour ago from Darrell's. I had to listen to him bitch about Pammy refusing to kiss him for the good of late dawn that I had to contain myself from smothering him to sleep."

I had to stifle a laugh. Oh dear god, Pammy was serious about what she said last night. "And?"

"Let me sleep for a couple more hours since, that place closes at 1pm anyway. We can have your breakfast then,"

"It's okay Peter, go to sleep. I just wanted to pick on you today." I really did wanted to wake him up like he did to me last week. He's not obligated to do anything for me. I easily hung up and said no to him last week. He should be able to as well.

He yawns, "Okay Lara Jean."

"Night Peter," I smile on the phone.

Then he just grumbled some idiotic thing, he's already sleep before I said anything. He didn't even hang up, he just put the phone on his pillow because I could hear his soft snores. A sign that he really is tired. He snores like that when he's exhausted from the travel to UNC and practice the same night.

I stay like that for a good twenty minutes listening to him sleep like a stalker, until I finally decided to hang up. I should have done that as soon as I said good night.

I secretly blame Lucas and Pammy for this. It's like they planted something on my head. That microscopic hope is creeping it's way into my reality and I hate it.

I need to do something to distract myself.

I shake it off and stand up. First order of business, I wanna bake cookies. My magical amazing cookies that I didn't get to even eat because Gabe and them finished it all by the time i even remembered I brought some last night.

I was on my second batch of making when I heard the door bell ring. I set the timer before running towards the door since it rang again.

I was surprised to see Peter standing there, when he saw me he about smirked in my face. "You leaving like that, Covey? That's a nice look,"

"What?" And then I glance at the mirror next to the door and I was about to shriek. My hair is a mess theres a chocolate thing on the tip of my nose, and my cheek, my face has white stuff. Worse of it all, I'm wearing mismatched socks. "Oh god," but before I could wipe my face he had already reached over and swipes the chocolate on my nose and cheek in one swipe. "I—" i stuttered, then I moved away from his touch. "I got it."

He didn't seem phased that his touch just burned me, he puts his hands on his pockets and watched me carefully. When I just stared back he just sighed in frustration, seeing that I'm completely clueless as to why he's standing there waiting for something. "I'm hungry, let's go."

I blink, "Where—ohhh!" Then it hit me. He was serious about the breakfast thing. He kept to his word that he'd sleep for three hours and come get me. "Well i'm not ready." I say finally

He snorts and gestures at my ridiculous get up, "Yeah I can see that." Then he takes a sniff. "Are you baking something?"

I step out of the doorway to let him inside, "In the middle of it. Not doing my magic cookies though," i say since I'm not too patient for it. I saw his frown, "What?"

"I didn't even get to eat your cookie yesterday. They finished it by the time I git back with your drink." He pouts adorably.

I shake my head and flicks at his shoulder playfully, "Well, you can have some. I've made more than enough for me anyway."

"But you're gonna get ready, right? Because I'm starving, and all the talk of breakfast food when you woke me up..." he gives me a knowing look, making sure to let me know was not happy about what I did, "Made me crave for it,"

"Oh," I really wasn't serious about the breakfast thing.

"Don't oh me! Hurry up and get dressed!" He claps his hands together like he's a couch at boot camp trying to rush their little soldiers to rush or else.

I hazily point at the kitchen, it's still a mess. "I'm still in the middle of baking the last batch,"

He rolls his eyes and waves me off. He takes the apron from me and wears it. "I've watched you a billion times in there when we were together I'm sure I can finish it and clean up."

That's the first time in the two weeks we've been hanging out that the mention of us used to be together was uttered in a sentence. The past test makes my stomach tie on knots. I mean it is in the .

"Covey!" Peter puts his hands on my shoulder and turns me so I'm headed towards the staircase. "I'm serious, as much I enjoy your cookies, that's not going to satisfy my hunger." He gives me a light nudge before finally leaving me.

"Don't forget—"

"To use the green spatula to remove the it from the pan, i know Laura Jean," Even if his back was facing to me, I know he's rolling his eyes. The nerve of this guy being annoyed at me.

I smiled though. I stand there by the end of the staircase where i can have the clear view of the kitchen. He was in front of the oven, holding the spatula that I told him to use. He had a cookie on his lips and he was eating it in one bite. Theres still a minute in the timer. He could probably feel me watching him, he turns just enough to meet my gaze and scowls at me. He points to my room, "Seriously, get dressed." His mouth was still full of the cookie, and in a sterner voice he add. "Don't make me come up there."

And i widen my eyes and blush as I ran to my room with a whelp. No way in hell he's coming up here. My room is too Peter friendly and he's gonna either laugh at me or take this the wrong way. Dam it... i need to clean my room. I make a promise to do it either today or tomorrow.

Peter wasn't joking when he said he was starving, he had a full breakfast meal and finished my food when I couldn't. When i was watching him with judging eyes, he says, "I'm a growing boy, Covey."

I chuckle, "Boys stop growing at eighteen," since he's already 19 which means he can't make that excuse anymore.

He ignores me. And continued eating.

My phone buzzed on my pocket. Finally, Lucas answering my text about hanging out tonight.

~Well, my boyfriend called said he's coming up today. I'm sorry Lara Jean.

I nod replying that It's okay that he should have fun that's when he sent me a winky emoji which had me choke on my drink.

"You alright?" Peter asked alarmingly. He pats my back with force.

I nod instantly and coughed. "Yeah," but my tone is too high to be okay.

Our server comes back seeing that our plates was empty, "Would the bill be together or separate?" She asks with a smile well mostly at Peter probably testing if he's with me or not.

"Separate," I coughed out the answer before Peter could say anything. I could see the server's eyes shine as if she had won the jackpot. I had to tell myself to not roll my eyes.

You can have him sister,

gosh I need to get used to this. Having a good looking ex boyfriend that everyone ogles over. I didn't care when we were together because I know Peter is loyal with me but now well. if wants to, he can. "What?" My voice comes up short like i was snapping at Peter since he was staring at me.

He pushes the water glass to me, "You okay?" There was something in his tone of voice that I don't understand but I just take the glass and finish the water.

"I am now."

The server, her name is Ashley, comes back with our bill. She hands me mine civilly while she gives peter's with a million dollar smile and a survey. "If you answer this survey, we'll raffle out for free breakfast if you fill out these, all." She was far to eager to give him the survey which I'm sure isn't about the free food but Peter's number.

Peter nods and smiles at the girl back then takes a pen. Ashley stumbles at first unsure what to do next. Then leaves for the counter looking dazed as ever. Now I roll my eyes.

When Peter was done he closes the bill giving out the exact amount. I notice he didn't put his number in.

"The point of free breakfast is to give them your number," I say amusingly as I also put in a tip along with my bill.

He shrugs, "Not desperate for free food," then he turns to look at me and smiles his ever Peter smile, "Yet,"

I slide off the booth unaffected. I'm annoyed at him anyway, "Well at least you have options,"

"I always have options." He says proudly as he followed after me.

Good thing he's behind me. He couldn't see that I gagged but made sure he heard it though. Peter and his confidence.

I make way to his car silently. I got in and I could feel my phone vibrate too. I got a text from Pammy.

~Laura Jeaaaan! I can't tonight, i have a thing.

I sighed. Replying okay. Sure her thing would be Darrell. So that's it my only friends are abandoning me for their boyfriends while I'm gonna be stuck at home with nothing to do.

Maybe I could just drive up to North Carolina today and stay with Leah for the weekend. She's been bugging me to visit her all of break anyway. Then i frowned totally against the idea now. Gavin is gonna be there too and I don't feel like third wheeling.

"Okay what's wrong with you?" Peter asks. He's watching me carefully. He was leaning on his steering wheel. His eyebrows are wrinkling trying to read me. "You look like you're about to jump off somewhere."

Now i stare at him in disbelief, "Excuse me?"

He shakes his head and laughs, "Well no. But you look like you're contemplating about doing such thing."

I let out a breath and say with a pout, "Well I was hoping to have like a girls night or something but Lucas is gonna be with the boyfriend and Pammy, well I'm sure she's gonna be with Darrell. Leah asked me to come over but 2 hours is too far." Well not really but Gavin being there it wont be worth the trip. She hasn't complained about her boyfriend yet so I guess having him 24/7 isn't too bad.

He nods and starts his car, "I'll hang out you, Covey."

"What? Why?" I say. Hanging out with Peter all day? Alone? I feel giddy and nervous.

"What kind of question of that?" Then when he sees the unsatisfactory expression I have, he adds. "Because we're friends Laura Jean." He said simply.

And there it is.

If only Lucas and Pammy could hear this now. For some reason I smile. The way he said friends has a nice ring to it. Yeah, we are friends. And that microscopic hope had vanished. It makes me shrug.

He rolls his eyes an answer to my shrug. "I can be your girlfriend for the day," he offers.

Okay no. I take it back. The way he says girlfriend has a better ring to it. I like that more. It makes me think of evil plans, "Oh really?" The smile on my face i can feel is too scary than anything.

"Shit." This is the second time I've heard Peter cuss when were hanging out these two weeks. "Don't make me regret this, Covey." But it was too late. He offered already. His deal with the devil was locked and sealed.

"Oh I won't," but i don't sound too convincing.

"I'll do what you girls do." Then his face turns sour. And shivers, "Well except droll at guys or whatever you girls do or something,"

I gasped dramatically. I wanted to laugh at his word choice of word but I was on a roll, "Why not Peter?" I demanded.

He seems angry now, "Because." Then he clears his throat, "It's not not that I'm not secure of my masculinity to not appreciate a dude's—yeah." He is so uncomfortable now and me sniggering is not helping his cause. "Yeah. Just. No." He said firmly. He looks like he's about to throw up.

I laugh at him so hard my stomach hurts. I'm almost out of breath now. I finally take deep slow breaths trying to calm down but I'd still have burst of laughter here and there.

He shakes his head, "Glad you find my discomfort entertaining."

I finally was able to breathe in and out with out laughing. I really can't believe though Peter thinks of me as one of those girls or a side me that wants to drool over guys but to his sake I'll make him think it. "You have no idea what your missing," I tease.

He grips at the wheel and in a short clipped tone that ended this conversation he said, "No, I really am not."

It was almost about six when the movie ended. There was a showing of Breakfast At Tiffany's and I wanted to watch it in the big screen. It was one of those movies that no matter how many times you watch it, you still tear up. And for some reason I haven't seen the movie in so long that it made me cry at the end. I started as soon a she forced the cat of the cab.

Peter was just watching but I could tell he was starting to get anxious because I was crying. When we were together he would wrap his arms around me or plant soft kisses on my head trying to remind me that it's just a movie.

But now. Well he was holding on to the arm rest so tightly, while I was leaning on the other free arm rest, crying to myself.

"I don't look bad right?" I step in front of Peter to ask if my eyes are too red or something.

He looks at the top of my head, and clears his throat. "Looks like someone poked your eye?"

"Amazing," I say sarcastically as I dab my sleeve onto my eye and cheek. It's still wet.

He walks ahead of me and I catch up. "Thanks for today Peter." He playfully bump my shoulder onto his arm. He swayed a little and I laugh.

"You think tonight is done?"

I stopped my step. "Don't you have to go home and have dinner with your family?"

He turns at me, and shrugs. "It's just left overs for now. Owen's barely home since he plays video games next door. Mom is busy with end of year calculations for the shop." Then he raises an eyebrow, "Told you Covey, I'm yours for the night."

"You didn't say that," I narrowed his eyes at him. He just said he'd hang out with me but that didn't mean that it was gonna include night time too. We did plenty enough during the afternoon, with forcing him to go shopping with me and buying face packets at the Korean Face Shop. I did all those girly things he expected me to do. And now I don't know anymore... i'm out of things to do. i'm not your typical normal girly girl.

"What now?" He asks me when I finally walk next to him.

I bite my lip and trying to think. "Actually..." i should probably tell him the truth. "I don't know."

He laughs out loud and shakes his head. He scratches his chin to. "You don't want to go home yet right?"

I shake my head. Not yet anyway. It's still too early. "What do you have planned, Peter?"

"I could eat. That's for sure."

I closed my eyes and breathes. Yep Peter and food. That's a real relationship right there. "Okay. Lets' go!" I run towards his car not caring that doing that the cold air would slap my face.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! This isn't a race Covey!" But he runs after me catching up rather quickly too with his long legs.

For some reason I get to his car first. I yelled happily and cheered. I did a silly dance which I never do. Well id did this stupid dance in front of Brandy and Charlie once and they begged for me never to do it again. Even holding me down to stop me.

But Peter is looking at me differently as he's never seen me before. His soft eyes on my makes my stomach jump and I can feel my face burn, despite the cold weather my body warms up from his gaze alone. It makes me smile. "What?" I asked, nervously.

He returns my smile, "What do you want to do, Laura Jean?" He answers my question with a question. There's something in the tone of his voice that says there's a hidden meaning to his statement, I just had to read into it.

But I don't. So instead i say, "I want hot wings from Keboys."

His smile was still there but it doesn't reach his eyes, he shakes his head then chuckles to himself. "Alright, get in." He says softly.

I let out a breath I wasn't aware that I was holding. A question pops into my mind before getting in the car.

What was that?

And immediately I shove the thought in my mind not wanting to disturb that microscopic hope threatening to crawling out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wings anyone??? heheh

**Chapter Seven**

I pushed off the celery that came with the hot wings. Anything that touches it kinda freaks me out. I  _hate_  celery. I was about to move the other one when Peter grabs both of it from the two baskets.

"Poor things, what did you ever do to Lara Jean." He was talking to the celery and sets it to the side out of the distance.

"Being the  _grossest_  food that ever existed." I shivered just the thought of it makes me lose my appetite.

He raises an eyebrow, challenging me. "Some of  _us_   _like_  celery, Covey." He takes a stick and chews it without breaking eye contact.

" _Please_  don't do that." I looked away feeling grossed out totally forgetting the delicious wings in front of me. Gosh i hate it when he does that. Before, I'd threaten not to kiss him if he eats celery. That thing lingers on his breath it's gross.

Then I feel myself burn up, remembering Peter kissing me.  _What the hell_. Why are all of these things resurfacing all of a sudden. I was fine every time we hung out. It's just like something in that parking lot today changed something. I could still feel his gaze on me and it makes me shiver.

Peter sees this and probably thought i was grossed out or something. "Fine, I won't touch it. It'll just stay far away." He pushed the plate even further so i could't even see it.

I lower my head in shame. I can't tell him what not to do. I have no right anymore, "You can eat it." I just need to keep my emotions on check if this friends thing is going to work. Im silently cursing Lucas and Pammy in my mind. They did this to me.

He shrugs, "Nah, I can live without it. I just did it to get a reaction from you."

And whatever I felt about him a second ago evaporated as quickly and now I'm burning up with annoyance. He's always picking on me. I slowly narrowed my eyes on him. ready to pounce if threatened... and I'm not afraid doesn't matter if he's huge. I'm spunky... and he knows it.

He pretends to be scared and slides the Garlic Parmesan flavor to me as a peace offering, "Don't hurt me?" He had the most playful smile.

I relax a bit, and roll my eyes. " _Maybe_ ," I sneered.

"That's a start." He said then takes the wing piece that the celery touched, knowing that there is no way I'd touch that thing.

Well. Okay. I'm not annoyed anymore, but I'm not telling him that.

A football game was on and Peter was watching it. He was yelling at the TV. Virginia Cavaliers VS. Kansas City Chiefs. I'm not really much into football but i enjoy looking at Peter be angry when the game doesn't go the way he think it should. Granted he's not the only one doing it, since he was sending cheers and whoops the the table next to us too. It's a couple, probably late thirties or early forties.

When it was half-time, Peter was talking game strategies with them and both the couple had something to share to. I had no clue what they are talking about so I just smile and nod.

I drink into my cup and almost spit it out when the lady says. "Is she your girlfriend?"

Peter looks over at me, and when he sees that I'm okay. He shakes his head, "We're friends." But he wasn't glancing my way anymore but the Television. They were doing replays of the game highlights, "See! That was a  _clear_  shot and he  _missed_  it!"

I blush into my cup. Slightly putting the glass onto my face to cool me down, i feel uneasy.

"You okay?" Peter asks.

I nod. "I think I ate chilli," I lied, I pointed at the chilli hot wings. My voice broke in between to make the lie believable but i know that's not the reason.

"Ahh," then Peter grabs my glass and fills it with water then hands it back to me. "Drink,"

Which I did. He was too distracted now that he doesn't see the lady leans over just enough, "You better  _snatch_  up him before someone does. A good guy like that is hard to come by," she winks at me and then continues watching the game.

I'm mortified. If  _only_  she knew, I did have Peter but I just took him for granted. I glance over at Peter, and no _w I_ really think about it Pammy's voice echoes in my mind _. But still you need to know if he has a girlfriend or not._

Because  _she's right,_  a good guy like Peter is hard to come by. All the girls who either deserves him or not would see how amazing he is and would want to claim him as their boyfriend. And who ever that is, would be so lucky.

And I would be happy for Peter, I honestly would be. No matter how it might sting. You only wish happiness for your friend,

_Right?_

"I'm gonna wash my hands," I say to Peter, when i stand up to head to the bathroom.

He just nods at me, his eyes still on the game.

I wash my hands slowly. I'm trying to calculate how to ask him. He did say friends twice already today. It's like he's trying to  _imply_  something. So if we really are friends then conversations about significant others are okay  _right_? That's what  _friends_  talk about... even if that  _friend_  is a recent ex. _A two month ex boyfriend_.

I walk back to our table and the people next to ours is gone. Peter wasn't watching the game anymore and he was on his phone. He was texting again.

I made a decision. I'm  _going_  to ask. To get this anxiety away. Not that I'm anxious to know if he has a girlfriend or not but to actually determine what's going on between us. That gaze he gave me in the parking lot... i wanna know if it meant something.

He sees me coming and he smiles at me, he sets his phone on the table. "Hey, they left. The game is starting to go downhill. If I keep watching I won't be fun to hang out with."

Peter does get into football too much that he'll be in a foul mood for a good while until I distract him with something  _else_. "Oh," I look st the TV to see the scores 33 to 10. I really don't know what that means so I just shrug.

"You ready to go?" He asks. He grabs his wallet from his pocket, as do I. "I got this Covey, you only ate like four out of all of these."

True. Sixteen pieces and I only had four. Go Peter.

His phone buzzed on the table and he glances at it, not giving the phone a second thought.

"You don't have to hide texting your girlfriend when you're around me," And I say it before I lose my nerve, which I regret because he was taking a drink from his soda and be almost spit at my direction.

He was so flustered he coughed a bit and he looks at me in disbelief as if he was just got hit in the head with a bat, "What?"

I swallowed hard. I started it. I should finish it. "I mean, I don't mind if you talk to your  _girlfriend_  around me. Actually, I  _don't even mind_  if we talk about your  _girlfriend_ ," and I hate the sound of my voice. It's too probing and happy. I sound fake. I don't want to sound like this. I clear my throat, "Really," there that sounds more like me.

I blinks once, twice, three times. Trying to understand the situation. As if he's caught like a deer in headlights. "Lara Jean I—"

"Peter,  _honestly_. We can talk about her." I say again. Much softer this time. I had to tell my heart to calm down.

"Why?" He doesn't deny it or acknowledge it either. He's just actually really confused as to why this topic is being brought up.

The server shows up with tab. He doesn't even look at it. He just puts a fifty dollar bill. And mutters to her to keep the change.

I widen my eyes. That tab probably wasn't barely over thirty dollars and Peter just gave a 20$ tip. He doesn't ever give tips. I really have caught him off guard with what I said.

He's waiting for my answer. His eyes are urgent and questioning.

"Because,  _we are friends_." And I say it too. Actually I've never really said these words to Peter before but i've said it a lot of times to the people around me that are asking.

"We  _don't_  have to do this—" he sounds defeated. Utterly beat. He has no idea what to do or say now.

And I feel like i shouldn't continue, but I do because that's who I am.  _I ask questions_ , heck i even asked Peter if he watched porn!. So,Why it took me a while to even mention bring it up. I don't know, maybe because deep inside, this is something I am not ready to hear. I was in denial that maybe... just maybe. I don't know. what but there is no point now. It's done. Gotta live the reality of it all, not everything is a happy ending.

"So, where did you two meet?" I ask carefully. Is it really this hard to keep a smile? Can i keep it up?

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He's calculating something. I can see his mind working but that's the thing with Peter he is always too honest for his own good, and that's what I loved about him. "One of the Lacrosse games,"

 _And there it is_. My heart stopped completely. As if I was run over by a bus or actually an elephant stomping on my heart again, and  _again_  and  _again_. But i try to remain calm thankful that i am still breathing normally despite what i'm feeling, and I smile. I'm not sure it reaches my eyes but I want to say what he said to me when we broke up,  _I want my girlfriend to be there for me too, even watch a game or even ask how my games went because you never do anymore, Lara Jean._

But instead I say with all my heart, "I'm happy for you Peter."

His eyes looks sad, and his jaw tightened. He's tensed and annoyed but he returns my smile. "Thanks," but it doesn't sound sincere.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then and now?

**Chapter Eight**

I wish I didn't mention Peter's girlfriend. It's not because my heart is breaking as we speak. I actually don't mind this, at least I found out. It's better to know. Lucas and Pammy were right. You need to know where this friend thing is  _going_. It's  _going_  straight into a wall and banged up everywhere, broken into little pieces then  _stalled_. Not moving,  _stuck_  into that wall  _forever_.

But besides that, it's the mere fact Peter hasn't uttered a word since we left the restaurant. And it's so awkward between us now. I could feel the air and it's so prickly and cold despite the heat blasted to my face.

Maybe I should have waited till he'd tell me about his girlfriend instead of blindsiding him. I try my best not to do anything to catch attention like sighing or jumping out of the car  _(which by the way I'd so wanna do right now.)_

It doesn't help that Keboys is thirty minutes away from my house. And it has been complete silence since then, I could hear a pin drop a  _mile_  away.

We were about ten minutes away from my house when Peter breaks our silence. "Lara Jean, Listen." He clears his throat. He's not himself this way. He was always so sure of himself and so confident it's so bizarre seeing him this way.

"It's okay Peter. You don't have to explain anything," i say in the most cheerful way as I could. He isn't really obligated to say anything. The fact that he admitted to having a girlfriend is explanation enough.

The silence is deafening. I could hear his hand grip at the steering wheel, "What about you, Covey?" He sounds out of breath for some reason.

I turn to him. His jaw is tightened, teeth clenched. "What about  _me_?" Though I know where this conversation is going.

"Do you have a  _boyfriend_?" when he says that word it's like poison left his lips. I don't understand how he act like this. I'm happy for him. He should do the same if I had one too.

I shake my head. For some reason a chuckle leaves my lips, "No, I don't."

He keeps his face straight on the road, but I could tell he wants to look at me but he's trying his best to calm down before he does. I don't get it, how come  _this_  Peter i can't read. Why is he upset and what is he irritated about?

"What?" I ask him.

"Oh come on, Adam Smith didn't ask you out as  _soon_  as we broke up?" He sounds like he's accusing me of something. Like I just admitted to having a boyfriend instead the other way around.

"He's my _study partner_!" I laugh at this. It sounds so ridiculous. Even now it's stupid. He had been a little jealous of Adam. Adam is the only person that I have all my classes with so of course we have the same study group. I reassured that Adam was no threat and he said he believed me but from this conversation it seems like he's been  _doubting_  me the whole time.

"Well he's  _stupid_  then if he didn't," he mumbles under his breath barely audible.

I didn't want to get into that. Besides, Adam likes Candy our other study group member. They might be dating now too which I don't intend on sharing with him.

I sighed, i really don't know where this is going now. The past two week interaction we had of happy blissful relationship has flown out the window and  _now_  replaced with hostility, defensive, awkward and angry  _thing_  like what a recent ex boyfriend and ex girlfriend should be.

I need to fix this. I don't know how but I just say what's on my mind. If this silence would go on, it might get worse. "I really don't see myself with anyone right now." I answer honestly. Since he has been honest with me I'll be honest with him too. I look out the window, and I could see my house already.

It's almost over. I can get out of here now. I can run to the comforts of my home where I can actually show what I'm feeling and not to have to hide myself.

Because even if I told Margot I wouldn't get hurt, i did believe it at the time but that's because she wasn't asking the right questions. When Lucas and Pammy presented me with the reality, that microscopic hope that I kept shoving at the back of mind had already formed no matter how hard i try to keep it inside.

It's like when your wearing a white shirt, and you accidentally get a stain on it but it's so little that no one could see but you do. It's there, screaming at you that it's existing... it's annoying, irritating and loud. That the stain is eventually all you can see.

Peter takes me from my thoughts when he asks "Why do you say that?"

We have arrived in front of my house. It's here, my refuge but I don't get out yet. I turn to face him as he waits for my answer.

_Because, whenever I see a guy I always compare him to you. Even a week ago I just made a promise to myself that someone who is close to Kitty would a criteria for someone i'd love. Someone who is like you, Peter. or Maybe even you. When in reality, I should let go of the thought of you but allow someone else to try to enter my heart. I shouldn't be with anyone because that person would end just trying to heal me. What I really need is to heal myself. I need to work on that. Alone._

"Laura Jean?" He asks. I have been staring at him intently as if I'm trying to speak but no words would leave my lips.

So instead I say, "Because I need to work on myself before I head to that road," It's a cleaner and shorter version of what I wanna say to him. I don't want to make him feel burdened by my emotions. I took us for granted and he smartened up, to find someone who deserves him more.

Friendship is all I can ask for in the end.

He just stares at me back, he's still searching for answers in my face. I look away to not give him anything.

"Thank you for tonight, Peter. I had an amazing time." And it's true. I did. It's a perfect way to close the chapter that is me and Peter. It's time to put Peter in the hatbox, along with my memories with him. It's a perfect goodbye.

"Anytime, Laura Jean." He doesn't call me Covey. Covey seems like a playful banter between us, it's his endearment for me.

I nod not wanting to speak, I'm afraid my voice would betray me. I had my hand on the door latch.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He had hope in his voice. He still wants to see me when I've already said my goodbye.

I sighed. I rest my hands to my palms. I probably should tell him. "I don't think we  _should_  do that."

He's livid now, "What? Why?"

I stand my ground and hoped my voice to steady, "The semester is about to start up in two weeks. This Christmas break was  _supposed_  to be about Kitty getting used to not having you around while I'm home. You being  _here_  defeats that." I repeat what Trina had told me the first day I came back.

He grits his teeth and cursed, "That's  _bullshit_  and you know it." Then he adds, "Is it Kitty that has to get used to it  _or_  You?"

I swallowed hard. He's calling me out from the start already. "Well, I don't want trouble with your girlfriend." Maybe i should have asked her for name and not where they met. It doesn't matter anymore.  _I do not want to know_.

He runs his through his hair, and grasps it at the back of his neck, he groaned. "So now that I  _have_  a girlfriend we shouldn't even be  _friends_  anymore?"

"It's because you  _have a girlfriend_  that we can't hang out." My voice is so low that I could barely hear it but I know he did.

"This doesn't making fucking sense!" He yells angrily and punches the wheel.

I flinched in my seat. I explain myself, "Because I know exactly how she feels. I felt that way when you hung out with Genevieve," I bring up the name that doesn't cause any of our fights for since junior year. Her name never gets brought up in any of our conversations because there was no point to it. We were both over that stage.

He had his head between his arms, his hands grips at the wheel. "So your  _comparing_  yourself to Genevieve now,"

I nod. "And to be honest. I think I know now what she felt too." The pain of knowing that when you think someone loves you so much that you think it's forever but how easily you can be replaced.

He sneers, "You don't know what Gen feels because the situation is  _different_ ," he is saying this too calmly now that I know he is furious.

"How is it any  _different_!" I demanded. How could he know! He's not the one whose hurt because the other one is already dating 2 months after breaking up.

" _Because you're not Gen_! You deal with things  _differently_! And this isn't high school! This is us heading to being adults. Besides, if you  _really_  are comparing yourself to Gen, I have you know i think of Gen as one of my close friends!" His voiced is raised now. I've never seen him act this way around me before. We only fought on the phone alot but this is different, and I don't know why.

He let out a growl and clenched his hands into a fist. " _You're the one insisting on this! You wanted to be sure it was real!_ " He is sputtering nonsense now and I can't decipher what He's saying.

I shake it off my mind, i needed to defend myself. "I'm not saying I don't want to be friends! I'm just saying that now is not the time for me to be friends... it's just—"

And he could see what I wanted to say, and his face turns red, "What? so until you can have a  _boyfriend_  of your own too! You want to  _rub_  it in my face as well!"

Okay this is completely getting out of hand.  _What is happening?_  "You're twisting this around and you know it!" I raised my voice too. I can do that. I can yell! Jeez he is frustrating me and I don't understand. "I'm not the one with the  _girlfriend_! So don't pin this on me!"

Then he shuts off. Completely realizing what he had been saying. "Then what is it?  _What do you want to do, Laura Jean?_ " There it is again. The question. What does he mean by that question. If I ask him, would he break up with his girlfriend.  _Does he really think I'm that kind of person?_

"Nothing! I  _want_  nothing! I just  _want_  things to go back the way it was. Before two weeks ago." I thought this friends thing was easy but if you dig deeper, it's like a tip of the iceberg.

He was hurt. He doesn't say anything.

I take this as a cue to leave. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home. I want to cry in my bed. I just want to shut the whole world out.

"Goodbye Peter," and hastily get out of the car. I run as fast as I could to the comfort of my dark home, where i belong.

I was almost at the door when I felt Peter pull me. "Lara Jean, I—" then he saw it the tears that had threatened to fall from my eyes. They are falling freely now. He lets go of me, unsure of what to do next. "I—" he tried to take a step forward but I backed away.

I immediately wipe my tears and sincerely begged, " _Go home, Peter_.  _Please_  and leave me alone."

I found my keys easily and opened the door to run up to my room. I threw myself on my bed face first and cried.

This was much worse than the our break up. Twice the pain, like someone piercing a healing wound.. Margot was right that hope makes it hurt a lot more.

I curl into a ball. As sobs don't leave me anymore. I cry the tears that I wanted to cry when I found out about Peter's girlfriend, I cry the tears i wanted to cry when I realized that tiny hope was shattered, and lastly which is probably what I should have done before. I cried the tears i should have shed when Peter And I broke up two months ago.

And I cry because I know it's all my fault...  _all of it._

* * *

Two Months Ago

I was almost half asleep when I walked in my dorm room. It was about 2am when I finally got back and what's worse, I have to be in school by 7am. I didn't even get to sleep for only 2 hours yesterday getting ready for the exam. Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing Biochemistry for my major, i have a head ache just thinking about it.

"Hey," I sloppily greet Leah who was still studying for her test tomorrow too. She's in the nursing program. "Where's Charlie?" When I notice that Charlie isn't home. I don't even ask where Brandy is, last I talked to her she met some guy with beautiful eyes, what is that the fourth one now.

Leah sighs and looks at me, "I don't know. She's probably with her study group."

"Oh," I lay on my bed, which is below Brandy's. I take off my shoes slowly and i groaned. I am so exhausted.

"Uh, Lara Jean, you left your phone didn't you?" Leah ask quietly, she seems uncomfortable about something.

I sit up to look at her, " _Oh crap_." I curse under my breath. I knew i left something, no wonder it felt quiet today. I didn't get to text Peter. Actually, if i think about it. I havent talked to Peter for three days now, and I didn't even text him today. Oh he's gonna be pissed. I take my phone from under my pillow and as i expected I got three missed calls from Peter and a lot more text messages from him too.

"Peter called me.  _Like a lot_  looking for you." Leah finally said why she's slightly annoyed.

I widen my eyes in shame, "I am so sorry." Peter kinda does this when he freaks out about where I am. I've told him a million times not to call Leah and especially now that exams are left and right for her course.

I get out of bed and call Peter. He answers in the first two rings. I leave the room to talk to my boyfriend. This is going to be another fight, I can feel it.

" _Where the hell have you been Lara Jean_!" Peter exploded on the other line.

I shake my head, "I told you I was going on my study group! I told you about this big test I have tomorrow!" I defend myself. He should at least know that I'm having a hard time with this class. I need to focus as much as i can.

"Well, you could have called me or texted me than have me believe that you're on a ditch or something much worse!"

I should have felt guilty for making him feel like this but I am so tired. If we keep this up, I'd be up all night trying to calm down when I should be sleeping. "I left my phone."

"Then you could have texted me on your friend's phone or something."

"Why so you can save their number and call me on there too  _like you've lost a child_!" I am so irked that he'd do that. I've told him so many times not to call my roommates if I get too busy.

He stays quiet. He knows what he's done.

"Peter, why are we fighting  _again_?" I groaned in frustration. I was in the hallway where no one can hear me.

"I don't know." He responds.

I am so tired. Like not about just school but everything. Lately it seems like all Peter and I do when we talk on the phone is fight. It's either cause I don't call or when I do call he won't answer because he's busy too. Then for some reason we'd end up just yelling at each other for things that we could just talk about simply.

This distance is hard. I just saw him last weekend at my house and we were fine. Well actually, that's a lie. We were fine in front of my family but when we were alone, we didn't talk.

We should have talked.

"I don't understand why I'm the only one trying to make this relationship work." Peter says something after us being silent for five minutes.

My heart stops. The thing that i'm fearing the most is coming, I can feel it. "That's not fair Peter."

"What's not fair is I'm doing what I can to keep us going! I maybe annoying to your roommates and I apologise but you have to realize that you have a boyfriend Lara Jean!"

"I'm sorry." Because I am. That's all I am sorry. I know I'm the one lacking here but I'm trying so much to balance myself and it's hard.

"You made me stop the letters because you were trying to spare me but I wanted to do those. I wanted to keep the contract, but then you're not calling me anymore either." He was basically just talking to himself now. Trying to tell himself what has been happening. "You can't even think about bringing your phone when you know that's the only way we can talk to each other. It's like your slowly  _phasing_  me out."

"That's not true!" I can feel the tears leaving my eyes.

" _Peter and Lara Jean will always tell each other the truth, even when it's hard_ ," he quotes our contract now.

I take a deep breath, "What do you want me to say Peter?"

" _The truth._ " But i think he knows now. We both know where this conversation is headed.

"I'm not phasing you out... but I'm having a hard time. With  _this_ , school, my grades, and  _us_."

"You don't think this isn't hard for me too? But I make it work because I want to but when your treating me like this, is what's making it...  _what we have_  difficult."

"I'm not doing it on purpose." I try to hide the tears on my voice.

"That's what's make it worse, Lara Jean. You not doing it on purpose because you are forgetting that I exist."

I don't say anything because If i do he could hear my crying. I don't think he should hear my tears. I deserve all of this. I do love Peter I really do but if all we do is fight, I don't want him to hate me so much in the end of this because this past two months does not equate what we were for each other the two years were were together. I want him to think I was a good girlfriend too at some point.

"You don't even try to deny it." There was a bitterness in his tone. He hates that this is happening too.

I take a deep breath, "I love you, Peter."

He groans in anger, "But is that really enough? Do I just keep staying and keep going insane because of words that you probably don't mean anymore."

I shake my head. He has to know it's real. That they aren't just words. "But, it is getting hard. I don't—" I stifled a sob.

"Don't what..." he's waiting. He doesnt want me to say what I think i'm planning to say. "I think you're scared.  _About what happened_. T _hat you took that night as a sign or something_  because after what happened, you've become distant. It's like we both crossed a line we weren't supposed to cross and now you're seeing me that way.  _A mistake._ "

I sobbed, "No Peter, that's not true."

"Then what is the truth, Laura Jean. Tell me and end my misery." He begs me.

I bite my lip as i slid my back on the wall. I was crouched on the corner, my phone in my ear. What do I tell him? That he might be true. Because after that night, i do admit i started getting distant but was it really because of that?

Sex?

They say being intimate with someone makes you be close with that that person that the connection will never break that bond that you have. That if you love each other, it'll only strengthen it. I thought I was ready... i mean i told myself I was ready but... when it came to that.

I got scared. I was afraid that I would be losing something i'm not ready to give. But i kept asking myself, if I was afraid of losing it then maybe it shouldn't be with Peter.

But I love Peter. I know I do. So I shouldn't be afraid... I wanted Peter to be first... if not him then who?

"I told you, if you weren't ready. I wasn't going to push you. I could wait for you till your ready, i had been." he sounded like a lost child. It reminded me of that night. His voice was so broken and lost when he was comforting me. He said he was afraid he'd lose me, i assured him he didn't

But maybe he did. Maybe I lost myself because I don't know anymore. If i really truly love Peter then going to the next step of the relationship would be easy right?

So when i heard the rip of the packet, i cried. I hugged Peter told him I wasn't ready and I cried all night instead. I didn't understand why. I got all of it ready. The music, what to wear, the candles, i even asked my roommates a lot of questions about how to go about it.

But i guess i truly wasn't it was  _my_  problem.

Now I think about it, I don't know.  _I really don't_. And if he's asking for the truth then  _that's my truth_. So i say it out loud and I knew the answer doesn't satisfy him.

He didn't say anything after that. He waits. We stay quiet for five minutes. My sobs have finally died down, "So what do you want to do Lara Jean?" he whispers.

My heart tightened, i wanna throw up. "I don't know," i repeat the same thing. And I'm afraid to ask... but i do anyway, "What  _do_   _you_  want to do, Peter?"

"I'm doing my best to be with you. To want to be in this relationship. It's like I'm always there for you but you can't do the same for me. I want my girlfriend to be there for me too. Even watch a game or even ask how my game went because you don't do that anymore, Lara Jean."

He points out how I'm lacking. And no matter how hard I try it just don't amount to how much tries to put in this relationship and I don't think it's fair for him at all. I love him too much to give him all the happiness in the world even if it's not with me.

 _Even if it's not with me_... those words hurt. Because if I utter them it would be real. "Then maybe, I'm not that girl for you, anymore."

I could hear it in his voice. It's like he's calling me in the third person  _I want my Girlfriend to be..._. He's hoping for someone else other than me. He's stuck with me.

He takes a deep breath and replies, "Maybe," that one simple word. He doesn't even want to deny it because he feels it too.

"Now what?" I ask weakly. Where do we go from here?

He doesn't answer because if he does then what I'm thinking would be real that this is really  _it, it'll be over_. "It's simple really. We either work things out or we just end it now." Then he takes a deep breath, and lets it out in a long heavy sigh, "But if we're going to keep having the same fight then might as well just end it here."

And I let my head hit my knee and I bite my bottom lip, i think it's bleeding. "If that's what you want,"

He growls, "You know that's not what I want."

"But it's what we should do?"

He pauses, "Yes."

The tears won't stop falling, i had to cover the mouth piece so i can sob heavily. I wiped my tears at the back of my sleeve and nod. I know he can't see it but the sound of my head touching the mouth piece made it clear that I did.

He lets out another deep breath and says in his most sincere voice, "You take care of yourself Laura Jean,"

I nod. I'm not saying anything anymore. I can't. I can't speak. This is what's best. I know it is.

"Okay." His voice is clipped and short. He stays on the phone since he can hear me crying now. "Good bye Laura Jean,"

I give it all my strength to talk. I had to. "Goodbye, Peter."

Then he hung up. I let myself cry. I cried as much as I could but I gave myself a limit.  _Five minutes_  then I go back to my room. And get on with it. I have to. Life has to go on. I have class tomorrow. I have a test in  _three hours._

I absently walk to my dorm room. Leah is still studying with one lamp on. Charlie is back but she's sleeping in her bed. Leah looks over at me, she can't see much of me in the dark which is good I don't want her to know i've cried so much the past hour and a half while talking to Peter, better yet while Peter and I were breaking up.

"You okay?" She could feel my mood is different.

I hummed, she's used to this anyway. When Peter and I fight I usually cry after I talk to him. I don't tell her about me and Peter. I don't want to.

"You gonna sleep?" She asks moving the lamp light a bit to face the wall instead of her so it wouldn't shine at my bed.

"I'm gonna study," my voice is thick and nasally.

Leah eyes me carefully. She can tell it was more than just a fight and she waits. To see if i'd talk. "I'll be right there." She says slowly as she points at her chair.

"Thanks." But ignore her and open my book. It's useless I'm reading the same sentence over and over again. Praying to god that this sentence would come out of the test.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth...

**Chapter Nine**

I hide under the covers to cry. Even if my room's lights are off the street lights are coming in through the window and it's not giving my room the darkness I want.

I become one with my bed and sheets. I don't know how long I've been crying but I guess enough that I could feel my throat dry.

I plan to stay like this for awhile until maybe Dad or Kitty comes home. I've shut off my phone as soon as I saw that Peter was trying to call.

Then there was a tap at my window.

I stay frozen refusing to move. I don't need to look to see who it is. It's obviously Peter.

What is he doing here? He is the last person I want to see or even talk to.

"Lara Jean?" He calls for me.

Maybe if I stay still he'll think I'm in my dad's room or something. Or if I keep ignoring him he's going to take the hint that he isn't welcome.

Which totally does the opposite because I heard my window creak open, and his struggles to get in through the window. I mentally curse myself for not locking it the other night.

I can hear footsteps towards the bed, then stopped. "Lara Jean, talk to me."

I squeeze the sheets under me between my fingers and I bite my lip. Even though I'm still upset at him, his presence is making feel a little better. I hate it... I'm not supposed to feel like this, not anymore.

" _Please_ ," his voice was low. There was urgency and sadness to it. But I don't want to give into it.

I could feel his power gaze at me despite hiding under the covers. I shivered, and not because I'm cold. "Go away, Peter." My voice cracked and it was obvious that I had been crying too much, and I'm not done yet. I want him to leave so I can cry everything out.

He groans in frustration. I could feel the battle he has with himself. He was either going to do what he wants or listen to me and he is having a hard time too. "I'm not leaving until you and I talk." He said firmly, he had made a decision. And I know that he won't leave.

The longer I try to deny him, the longer he stays there. If I want him to leave then I'll give him what he wants, we'll talk. I get up with out removing the covers from me, on any other day it would have been a funny movement as it looks like I'm a freaking zombie sitting up, the covers slide off of me. I sit at the side of my bed.

And then I lifted my chin to face him. I could see his pained expression when he saw me. I know what I look like, I look like crap. My eyes feel heavy, my nose is stuffy, i can feel my hair sticking up everywhere from being under the covers. I don't care.

But what I do find irritating is that he looks like I hurt him and not the other way around. He's standing there with his shoulders slumped, the light from the window at the side of his handsome sad face, I've actually never seen him this defeated before.

How dare he, make me feel worse. I turn away from him melting gaze, "Talk, so you can leave." I said coldly. I saw him grimace from how I treat him.

He clenched his fist and shoves his hands in his pockets. He takes a deep breathe and lightly tosses me his phone, it lands face first on my lap. He is getting messages after messages, from a group chat. It's his Lacrosse Team, for UVA.

I stare at it, dazed. I don't understand what he's showing me. I look up and stuttered, " _What_ —?" But he doesn't let me finish.

"You  _didn't ask_  me if I had a girlfriend, Covey."

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I don't like the fact that it sounds like he's accusing me of something. I didn't do anything wrong. He didn't do anything either, just because he has a girlfriend it's not a bad thing. It just hurts. "But you said you have one," his phone wasn't helping me either, so i slide it off my lap.

He ignores my statement and goes on with what he wanted to say, "You had that look on your face, you were so sure you were right, you believed I already have a girlfriend."

Then i remembered what he said in the car, the nonsense he was sputtering or what I thought was.  _You're the one insisting on this! You wanted to be sure it was real!_

"What are you talking about, Peter?" My mind races, there are so many thoughts in my mind thats making it worse. Theres a possibility and i don't want to think about that.

"You didn't even ask for her name, you asked where I met her.  _Like you're sure I already met her_!" He runs his hands through his hair. He was frustrated.

I was fumbling with the sheets in my hands, I didn't want to listen anymore. My heart tightened in my chest, I want this to be over. I knew I was in the wrong when I don't even know her name. Why is he saying all this? What's the point?

"So yes, I lied. I told you what you  _wanted_  to hear,"

I had my hand to my face, "You think  _I want to hear_  you say you have a girlfriend?"

"You're the one implying that  _what we are_  is only friends!"

I look at him in frustration. "You were the one who said we are  _just_  friends!" He said it more than three times today.

He puts his arm out as a surrender, "You've been telling  _everyone_  that we're just friends— _don't give me that look_  Covey. You told Kitty which I assumed your family too. Then Lucas and Pammy," he was raising his voice again not allowing me to speak. He closes his eyes to calm down when he saw me slightly cringe. "Yet, why didn't you ever tell me that to my face?" He asks me.

"You talked to Lucas and Pammy?" As if the the only thing that got to me from his speech was Lucas and Pammy. I figured Kitty talked to him, theres no way Kitty wouldn't leave it alone for too long.

He narrows his eyes at me and shakes his head. "Why do you think they had  _plans_  today," explicitly indicating how Lucas and Pammy couldn't hang out with me.

So the two had told Peter that I mentioned that we never hung out just the two of us. That's why he was willing to do anything I want today.

But he wasn't done ranting, "And even that  _girl_  at the breakfast place, you asked for a  _separate_  bill. Then you were willing to throw me at her for a free breakfast!" I forget how peter can hold a grudge. He probably was mad at me but just smiled not to say anything.

Then he clears his throat, he knows he's gone off track. He had a serious look on his face now. "So yes I told you we met in one of my lacrosse games, but the people I keep talking to is  _them_. Our team captain is obsessed with game plays. So we just tell him to shut up."

I turn to his phone and it's just there, messages from the his teammates still. I remember at all those times I see him on his phone, compared to when I find him texting and I think he's smiling but then it's the messages he sends me.

"You believe me don't you? That I'm not lying to you now?"

I know he means about the girlfriend thing. And yes I do believe him.

"I knew I shouldn't have but you wanted me so badly to admit to it that I had to. Maybe it was your way of wanting to tell me you were dating someone." He sounded hurt from this statement too. He didn't want to utter these words.

"But I'm not—"

"That's how I knew I messed up. When I saw that look you gave me in the car, about needing time. I knew I had to fix it. But I made you cry." Then he started pacing around, annoyed with himself. "I didn't want that stupid lie to be a reason why you'd be crying."

I just watch him, waiting because he stopped. I didn't have anything to say. Not really.

"I'm done talking, if you want me to leave, I can." He said after a minute of silence.

He is anxious, he doesn't want to leave. And neither do i. So i shake my head.

He tries to hide it but he's relieved. Then he started looking around my room, and he sees it all. My room is still the way it is when we were together. He doesn't say anything about it. His eyes are on the picture on my table, "my sixteen candles", and next to it was our graduation picture.

This gives him hope, because I've been home the past two weeks and I still haven't cleared out my room to my hatbox. "I was miserable the past two months." He wasn't saying this to make me feel bad but it's stating a fact. "All i ever was, a robot. I did practice, did the games and school. My roommates called me hermit." Then he points to his head, "Thus the hair," probably saying that he doesn't even have time for a haircut.

I chew the inside of my cheek, "You can't grow a beard, so not fully a hermit." I teased

He grins at me. "I can grow it if I want to," but he knows he can't. He tried once when I mentioned that a full beard was sexy as a joke. His baby beard came in patches here and there. It was bad, but still made him good looking. Dam Peter, he's really blessed with that.

"Well I wasn't doing so well either," I told him. I tried my best not to think about him. It was easier since Peter's picture isn't there.

"Let me guess, Brandy took down my photo?" He guessed.

I nod. "It's under my bed." It was a week after the girls had noticed I was on autopilot and that Peter hasn't called me. So Brandy was planning to rip the picture but i begged her not to. So it's under my bed.

"I know we have a lot of issues to work on, Lara Jean. It's not going to be easy but life just doesn't make sense without you. These past two weeks have just reminded me of how much I missed you. It drove me insane that I couldn't hold you when you cried at the theatre." Him talking about it got him even more irked, than before.

Margot's voice echoed in my mind,  _Peter and you broke up for a reason_. Yes, and that's me. I don't deserve Peter. He's too good, he needs someone better than me.

"What if I hurt you again? What if we get hurt again?" I ask, afraid.

"That's part of life. It happens but we just have to work hard not to." He is so sure of this. It's like the unspoken promise we had under that tree at Dad and Trina's wedding.

"You deserve someone better than me," I'm afraid that we'd head on that road again. "That's why I believed that you have a girlfriend because I know that you deserve the best."

He shakes my head. He kneels in front of me so I don't have to look up at me, "No I don't. Because I want you," his face was hard so i could see he is serious but be could see my hesitancy. So he nods, "I won't rush you now. I can wait for you, Lara Jean. I will." He stands up again to give me space.

I finally let out the breath I was holding when he was that close to me. I wasn't sure what would have happened if he stayed that way. I would have kissed him, and he would have let me.

"But I'm disappointed that you believed that I could easily forget about you, I could just date someone else that quickly as if what we had the past two years was nothing," He breathes heavily, there was hurt and sadness in his voice that makes me want to go over to him and hug him but I don't.

I finally look up. "Well you dated Genevieve for three years—"

"That's not fair, Lara Jean and you know it." His jaw tightened and he clenched his teeth. "You jumped me in the hallway at school!"

I bite my lip and try not to smile. Normally when he's tease me about this I'd get annoyed. Embarrassed that I would did such lengths to keep Josh away but Peter had told me that it wasn't the letter that made him look at me differently though it definitely put me on his radar but that hallway kiss was what got him curious.

Curious of Lara Jean Covey and my antics. Then he went along with my plan because he wanted to see where it would eventually go... and the rest was history.

When he saw me smile, his expression softened. "I don't think it's not going to be that easy to get over you, Lara Jean." He says, he believed his words so well that I do too. "I certainly don't want to, I don't think I ever will,"

And a tear fell from my eye, and It's a good tears. My heart wells up and even if I thought my heart was breaking, his words and promise are slowly healing my heart.

He gives me his best Peter smile, so sure of himself and of what we have, "So I ask you again." He takes a step towards me, he was towering over me. "What do you want to do, Lara Jean?"

And this time, I knew what to say or actually what to do. With all my strength, I get on my feet and I was an inch away from him. I look at my hands at I hesitate to touch his face, I could feel my palms shaking. I meet his eyes, his gaze is steady on me. He is waiting, patiently. He always has been.

I lift myself, that my lips were a breath away from his, "I want to kiss you," I said against his lips.

He grins, his arm was around my waist, his palm resting at the curve if my back to pull me close. Our chest were touching, I could feel his heart race against mine. "Then kiss me,"

And I do. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close to me. I poured all my emotions into the kiss, everything I'm feeling tonight. Peter and I kissed so many times before but I knew in my heart this kiss is different from all the other times.

Is it because we haven't kissed in so long? Or maybe the fact that we've been hanging out the past two weeks but no physical contact at all? Or possibly because if we were broken up we still truly love each other?

Well, I know I still love Peter.  _I love Peter_.

We both break the kiss and were both out of breath. He leans his forehead against mine. His breath on my face. I look up at him and I could see his love for me. How could I not see that, It's been there the entire time. He's been looking at me the same way these past two weeks...

His fingertips lightly touches the side of my face as if he's trying to see if I was real or not.

And I am real, as he is real too me. Just like how I much I feel for him is real too. It's always there. It will never go away. He was right before, what Gen and him had was different. It was so high school, they were young. With Peter and I, it's different. Our relationship is about our start as becoming adults together. That in the end it would be just us.

"I love you, Peter." I say with conviction. I want him to believe it because It's true. I want him to know he has my heart, that I've given it to him a long time ago.

I can see his face change. He knows. He knows the decision I had just made.

He looks nervous.

I am not.

He shakes his head, "Lara Jean," he says carefully.

But I don't say anything, instead I slightly moved from him since he was still holding me. Without breaking eye contact, I had my hands at the buttons of my shirt. I remove one button at a time, I can see his adam's apple move when I was left with two buttons. Then the blouse falls on the ground.

He's watching me with conflicted eyes. "Lara Jean, we don't have to do this." His voice was low and breathy, it gives gives me shivers down my spine.

But I want to. I want to do this with Peter because it's him. The boy I love, the boy who is turning into a man right before my very eyes. The man that I truly love, the man that I could give everything to as I know he'd give me the same and maybe even more.

When I thought I was ready, I believed that giving yourself was supposed to be this magical romantic thing. That's why I prepared everything. I had candles, music, the right undergarments, i wanted it all to be perfect but what I didn't realize back then that what makes it magical is not the mood of the room or how ready I think I am.

It's the moment. Right here, with my heart knowing that It's Peter. His love for me that mirrors mine. That his eyes will always be for me, that he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world to him even in my favourite worn out bra that has rips on it, which i should have tossed out like two years ago.

I step into him, my chest touching his shirt. I know he needs reassurance that I want this and not because I think I do. This time I knew exactly what to say, instead of saying I'm ready. I tell him, "I love you," it's the only thing he needs to hear.

He is scared. He knows I have high expectations of this. "Lara Jean," he says my name like a prayer.

I take his hand and places it on my chest where my heart lies. He takes a deep intake of breath. My heart is beating against his palm, and his touch is making my heart race. I could see his eyes darkened, he is trying to fight himself so much. "This is yours Peter. It's always had been." And I kiss him, he kisses me back immediately, with a growl from his throat.

His hands leaves my chest and grabs the back of my legs so can lift me by them. I instinctively wrap them his hips, we were at the same position we were so years ago but this time it's real. Love is there and not just starting.

He leads us to my bed, and without breaking our heated kiss i could felt the rumpled sheets of my bed on my back. I lifted my back towards him, and his lips leaves mine only to say my name and kiss me at my chin and then to my neck.

My mind is hazy. I know one thing. I'm wearing less clothing than he is. I reach over to his shirt and I felt his hand on my wrist, stopping me.

"Laura Jean," He faces me. He is reading my face to see if there is any doubt in them. He didn't find it.

And I brush my lips against his, "I love you," that's what I say to reassure him. Then with a slight nod, his shirt comes off onto the floor next to mine.

His gaze alone making me melt right here and there, he hovers over me. His weight on his arm, but I could feel our tangled between each other. I touch his hair, it's almost touching my face, "Your hair's long."

He smiles, "Do you want me to cut it?" He kisses the side of my mouth.

I shake my head, "No, I love it." And I do. That's the first thing I noticed when he stood in my drive way a two weeks ago. I wanted nothing than to run my fingers through his hair.

He chuckles at my neck, "Then why didn't you?"

I bite my lip and not because I am dizzy from his lips on my neck. I didn't realized I said that out loud. I shake my head, I slide my hands to his bare back. "I don't want to change anything that has happened then to now because it led us here." And I mean it, the conversation we just had made me realize how much Peter means to me. Even if it was heartbreaking for the past two months without him, being here with me now makes everything worth it.

"I love you, Lara Jean." He whispers to my ear, he nose is nuzzling against the side of my neck, his lips lightly touching.

I moaned, and I could feel my breath quicken. There's that knot in my stomach and it's making me feel warm. Is this normal.

He freezes, "If I hurt you," he's scared now.

I know this is my fault, because of what happened before. I understand why'd he feel this way. But I want him to know that he doesn't have to be worried, this is what I want.

I kiss the hallow base of his throat, then wraps my arm around his neck lowering him down. I can feel him still hesitate, so i kiss him till i reached his lips. "I love you, Peter." I meet his questioning eyes.

It sounds repetitive but I just needed to let him know my truth. I love him with all my heart and I know he does too. And that's why I trust that he won't hurt me.

And everytime he'd question or hesitate I just tell him that I love him.

When I looked into his eyes, I could see without a doubt that he loved me more than anything else in the world. He'd ask me to look at him, and I would. He'd whisper my name in between kisses, like it was a promise. He touches were sweet, careful and warm. I loved everything about it. He'd ask me if i was okay, and I am because I trust Peter.

Eventually we didn't have to say anything because we knew from the way we were holding, touching, and kissing each other about what we truly feel.

And right at that moment, it nothing else matted but us. Being together, with the person you love, is what made us whole.


	10. Chapter 10

 

**Chapter Ten**

Peter had his arms around me, as I laid my head on chest. I had my eyes closed still trying to collect myself. Then his breathing clears my mind and lets me think.

I wondered if I feel any different. I mean other than being a bit sore (good kind). I don't feel different. I'm still Lara Jean Song Covey.

But I know Peter and mine's relationship has changed, nothing bad but for the better. I feel closer to him already and I know we can beat the odds. I plan to keep the promise I told myself as he whispered his I love yous every time that I would fight for us. I'm not going to ever take us for granted.

I felt Peter's lips on my hair. He kisses me and smells my hair. He tilts my head to face him, "You okay?"

I scowl at him, "If you ask me  _that_  one more time,  _I am going to hurt you_." I threaten him, my words are full of promise. He has asked me that so much that it's not sweet anymore but annoying.

He laughs, "Duly noted." Then he leans his head to kiss me softly. It was a nice sweet, short kiss. I know he's exhausted so I don't push it.

I had my hand on his chest. I watch his chest rise and fall and I could feel his finger tips making little circles at the lower side of my back. I'm normally ticklish but when he does it, it doesn't make me laugh at all. It's more intimate and i love it.

Then i feel my cheek warm as I started to  _remember_... I giggle all of a sudden and hide myself into Peter's chest.  _Embarrassed_.

He just smirks, "You're not thinking about  _dirty_  stuff are you, Covey?" He teases.

" _No_!" I squeaked.

"Liar," then he wraps his arms tightly so he'd hug me. He plants kiss in my head.

I sigh in content. I had no idea it would be this way, how incredible it feels like, before, during and after. I kiss on his chest lightly, happy that I can do it.

"I miss this," Peter says after a few seconds.

" _Sex_?" I gasped. I know about bis active sex life completely died out after he was with me, he said he was fine—

"No, get your head out of the gutter." he looks at me with judging eyes. Though he's amused by this but he acts disappointed at me. "I mean  _this_ ," he tightens his hold on me again and kisses the top of my head.

I blush again, "Oh," he means laying together in bed, cuddling. We did that a lot when he'd come down to see, me. Of course he'd sleep next to me, and we'd wake up next to each other. I did miss those.

"Jesus, Covey. You're a  _perv_." He teases me.

"Shut up!" I hide my face under the covers and move away from him.

"Where you going..." be demanded since I turned my back on him. He pulls me towards him, my back against his chest. "I just told you I missed cuddling with you and you move away from me." He touches his lips on my bare shoulder.

I pretend to stay mad but his kisses to my shoulders, to my neck and the way he brushed my hair off my neck making sure that his finger tips would just lightly touch the sensitive part of my neck is making me shivered, and a moan escapes my lips.

He chuckles, "I win, Covey." Hi whispers against my ear in a low sexy voice that is making my stomach tie in knots. Peter has never affected me this way before, I don't  _not_  like but it's different.

I roll my eyes not giving him the satisfaction of telling him he affects me that much.

He kisses the back of my neck, "I love you, Lara Jean."

This i can respond to, I take his hand from my stomach and pull it close to me. His hand is in front of me, I intertwine our fingers together. I smile into his hand and whispers, "I love you too."

We stay like that for a while. Then he stars kissing on my shoulders softly, "You're going to be alone tonight right?"

I try to think straight and I just nod. I move my head slightly to encourage him to do more.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

I froze. I mean sure Peter and I slept together (and the literal meaning) a few times in my dorm. I never in UVA since it's the campus is only less than 30 minutes away. And now, he's asking to stay in my house. I want to say yes,  _oh badly_  especially if he's kissing me like that. But, i don't know what time everyone (except Margot) comes back. I know Dad is on call tomorrow so they might be back early. Kitty is at a sleep over but she might ask her friends mom to send her home early if she gets bored for a really believable excuse. So I don't wanna risk it.

He could sense my hesitation. So he stop. And gives a counter offer, "How about i stay and leave before the sun comes up tomorrow?"

That's okay. It's not even midnight yet, so we have time till he has to home. "Okay,"

Then he tightens his hold against mine. He reaches for his phone under my pillow and sets an alarm for 5:30. "And tomorrow, I'll come over. We can go on a real date, we can watch a movie that is going to make you cry then I'll hold you, kiss the top of your head and remind that it's a movie?"

The thought brings a smile to my face. "I'd like that,"

I felt him move slightly so he could tuck his chin to the top of my head. Like how me and him sleep in my small twin size bed in UNC. My bed is alot bigger, and we're only occupying not even half of the my queen size bed.

And with that, we had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

I felt Peter's kisses on my shoulder before I heard his alarm. I know he has to go now, and I don't want him to. So i turn to face him, my head on his chest.

He brushes the hair off my shoulders, "I  _have_  to go. I've put it on snooze more than once already,"

I shake my head. " _Stay_..." I whined.

He kisses my cheek. "As much as I want to, I don't want to push it. I still plan to get into your Dad's good graces."

I wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss his lips. "My dad  _likes_  you already," it's true. Dad never said it but he was sort up upset when I told him Peter and I broke up. He never really said much since he had to be on my side but daddy knew how nice and good Peter was. I'd like to say Peter's his new favorite when it comes to the Song Girls boyfriend line.

"Yeah but I don't think he would like it if he finds out that i stayed here tonight."

"Yeah but my dad  _loves_  you." Then I frowned, "Well not  _how_  I love you," I'm still buzzed from sleep and I have no Idea what I'm talking about.

He shudders and gets up of bed, "Okay, I'm going to go now. Thanks for that  _wonderful_  image, Covey." He's annoyed at me now. There's a crinkle at the top of his forehead. It's so adorable.

I sit up and crawl to him, and I am sitting on his lap with my legs around him. "How about this one?" I tease him. A good memory from last night.

He touches the back of my neck and his lips formed a smile. " _Better_ ," he was about to tilt his head to kiss me but then the alarm go off again. We really are pushing it. He just kissed the top of my head,  _the moments gone_. "As much as I want to, I have to go." He squeezed at my leg playfully, ticking me.

I giggled and fall off of him onto the bed. Then Peter gets out of bed, in his naked glory. My beautiful Adonis. I watch him get dressed.

He can feel my gaze at me and he chuckles. "Keep it in your pants, Covey." He had already put on his shirt. He raises an eyebrow at me, teasingly.

I pout. It's all covered. And I'm sad.

He sits on my bed and brushes my hair off my face. "I'll see you later, yeah?" He kisses me on the mouth. An innocent little peck even if I'm naked under the sheets.

I nod. "Yeah."

"Go back to sleep," he pulls the comforter over me tucking me to bed. "Night Lara Jean." I felt my eyes feel heavy and I was slowly drifting to sleep.

He leaves the way he came in. And i fall asleep.

It was a good thing Peter left as soon as he did, Dad and Trina came back home twenty minutes later. I knew that because the dogs announced their arrival by barking like theres no tomorrow. I quickly get dressed since I never really sleep naked not ever.  _Last night was an exception_. Maybe with Peter it will be.

 _Peter_. My thoughts drift to last night and I giggle again.

My gash. I slap myself softly. Chanting that I need to get it together. There was no way I was sleeping again, I'm too giddy. So I head downstairs, and was greeted by Jaime-Foxx at the end of the stairwell. "Hey boy," ruffle at his head and then he ran to Trina with Simone since she has their food. "Traitor." I grumbled but still my voice sounded far too cheerful than normal.

That's weird.

"Hey there, Lara Jean." Daddy greeted from the kitchen. I walk over and sit at the breakfast bar. "How was your night, you didn't have too much fun right?" He teased.

I blushed and panicked, " _What_?  _Me_?  _No_! You know I  _stayed_  home and watched TV. Nothing  _too_  fun!" I say in a fast paced hoping daddy won't catch on to anything but I was smiling too much.

Trina noticed it. She walked towards me and gives me a look. Like she's trying to read into something. Then she puts a hand on my head. "You look red."

I widen my eyes. " _Me_?  _No_! It's probably hot! The heater i mean, Yeah i think that's what it is. Can I have a glass too Daddy?" I sputter out in one breath. I gulped.

"Sure, anything for my Lara Jean," Daddy said blissfully. He was having orange juice, so he grabs a glass and pours me one.

Trina takes the glass from Daddy and hands it to me. She narrows her eyes at me and she smiles. Between her teeth she says, " _I'm on to you_."

And i chose to ignore it. Telling myself to calm down and be cool or else Trina might know.

Daddy is just blissfully drinking his orange juice, unaware that his wife is suspecting that I am up to something or i  _did_  something."So I have to go to work like in thirty minutes, Trina has to wait for some package I ordered online. Do you mind if you go pick up Kitty at the Andersons? She called me last night asking me to come get her as early as possible."

"Yeah sure! That's fine! I can do that!" Once again it say it far too enthusiastically than needed it be.

_What is wrong with me?_

"I'll go now," i say immediately i can't stand Trina's stare it's like she's reading into my soul.

Then I grabbed my coat checking if the car keys were in there, before I leave I hear Trina say to daddy, "She's too chipper at 7am."

Dad who is as clueless as ever, probably shrugged. "She's just Lara Jean to me,"

And I want to tell Daddy I love him but I leave instead. Trina might catch on if I stay a bit longer.

* * *

Kitty gets in the passenger side after putting her stuff in the back seat.

"So, how was your night? Was it fun? Did you have fun? What did you guys do?" I ask all this in one breath.

She glares at me. " _What's wrong with you_? Did you eat something funny?"

I bite my lip. Oh god. I'm too giddy. I need to calm down. Jeez eventually people are gonna know and it's not going to be good. "Can't I ask how your night was?" I said to her accusingly.

She gives me one look and shrugs. "I don't know. You just look like you slept with a hanger in you mouth all night. Your  _smile_  it's too much."

"Oh," I look at my rear view mirror. I don't look any different. "Well. Maybe I caught something."

"Don't give it to me, then. I don't want that." She points at me like I'm some contagious person.

I roll my eyes. I'm not planning to share him with anyone anyway. Well not  _that_  way.

We were quiet for a few seconds. "Did you want to have breakfast?" I don't want to go home yet. I need to calm down first or else Trina is going to bait me into talking. She has the talent for that, her witching words.

"Okay,  _are you dying or something?_ " Kitty said dramatically, she is actually worried about me now.

" _What_?" I briefly glance at her, utterly stunned by this. "No. But fine we can go home." I sighed. I'll just avoid Trina till I calm down. or I can drive really slow.

"Is Peter coming?" She ask hopeful. She hasn't seen Peter this week yet.

With Peter's name being spoken, my lips moved on their own. I cleared my throat thinking that Kitty was watching she wasnt. She was on her phone. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to call Peter," she says browsing through her contacts.

" _What_!  _No_! He's sleeping. Let him sleep," I said. She looks at me like wondering how I know he's sleeping.

"He'll answer," she says proudly. She already had the phone to her ear and I could hear the phone ringing.

My heart jumps. I want him to answer but at the same time I know he needs sleep. He hadn't had much the past two days.

"Hey kid," His voice was groggy. Obvious that he had just been woken up.

"Hey!" Kitty greets happily, then she sticks her tongue at me. Peter always has a soft spot for Kitty. If given a choice between me and Kitty... Peter would chose me cause he knows Kitty wouldn't get mad.

Kitty puts the call on speaker phone. "So, Lara Jean and I are going for breakfast. You wanna join us?" Kitty isn't really asking. She's making him.

Peter needs to sleep, "Stay home, Peter and rest. You don't have to go. Just come over later," as planned.

"What! No!" Kitty protested.

"You kidding me? why pass a perfectly good invitation for breakfast. You gotta know me better than that, Covey." Peter's voice is more awake now. There was rustling in the background. I know he's out of bed. No turning back now.

"Yaay!" Kitty cheers. Mostly because it's a win for her against me, more than Peter joining us.

"I'll meet you guys there? Where you guys eating?" He asks.

Then I had an idea, "You think you can get ready in thirty minutes?" I ask.

"Well, probably around twenty.  _Why_?" Peter takes quick showers anyway.

"How about we pick you up and we'd head there together," i suggest.

"Okay. Then let me hop in the shower really quick then I'll meet you guys here." Peter said.

"Alright, bye Peter," Kitty said and he did the same before he hung up.

Kitty looks at me and raises an eyebrow, "Yes, I am that awesome."

I shake my head and laugh. "I guess."

Kitty decided to eat at Home Buddies which both Peter and I agreed to, even if we just ate there yesterday.

We sat at the bar with Kitty between me and Peter. They keep talking to each other about anything that comes to mind. He talks about his Lacrosse games while Kitty talked about school and her recent slumber party.

It may seem like I'm left out but I'm not. Peter would wink at me once in while or smile at me when he sees me staring at him, which I would always look away blushing.

It was time to pay the bill. It was then I noticed that our server changed, and it the girl from yesterday, Ashley. She just gives me a small smile but then her eyes were only for Peter. She smiles at Peter the same way she did yesterday, then she looks at Kitty. Gives her a smile too. Everybody thinks Kitty is cute anyway, so it brings out the sincere smile out of people.

"Will you be paying separately or together?" But she knew what he answer was. She just wanted to hear it.

Without wanting to gouge her eye out, i say with the same smile he gave Peter, " _Together_ ," my tone is short, clipped with a little possessiveness in it.

Kitty doesn't read into anything to this, she was more busy looking at her phone now that we are about to leave. I notice that Kitty has an Instagram account. How is it that my baby sister has social media now. How come she's growing up and I'm missing all of it. I hate it.

In the corner of my eye I see Peter beam at me happily. Like he had just been proud of what I said. Of course I remembered everything he said last night. "Yeah together," He says to her but he doesn't even give her a second glance. It's like She's rejecting her right there. He hands her his debit card to show he's paying.

Then Ashley turns towards me, an expression I know  _oh so well_  every time I'd say that the gorgeous man sitting next to my sister is my boyfriend or when Peter says I'm his girlfriend.

That,  _how on earth did you end up dating him_. As if I really don't deserve him at all.

And to this I just shrugged, I really don't know but one thing I am certain. We both deserve each other and we are lucky to have one another.

Ashley stalks off, her smile disappeared.

I smile, victory written on my face.

Peter glances over at Kitty's phone and sees she's on instagram. He looks at me in horror. He's thinking the same thing. Kitty's growing up in front of us and next thing she'll be a young lady. Peter can't call her Kid anymore.

I laugh.  _Yep I'm really lucky to have him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. this is the last one for what i uploaded on a different site. Hope you like the fanfiction. I just wanted to share this. Leave in your thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: I'm baaack slowly updating, rhe next chapter in written in a piece of oaper so I just need to type but I have class still hahaha hope you like this chaoter. OHH DISCLAIMERR!_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Peter and I were supposed to stay and hang out at home but Trina had promised Kitty to go dress shopping for today. So Trina kicked us out before they left not wanting for me and Peter to be left alone at the house.

I have a tiny feeling she knows why I was acting like a lovesick fool this morning, I don't tell Peter this because it's embarrassing.

So we drove around town for a while and before i knew it, we were parked at a secluded yet romantic place that I've never been before. I don't ask how Peter found this place, I don't plan to. He had two girlfriends before me, i'm sure he has secret spots.

Peter and I are at the back of his car. I am on his lap, his shirt had been discarded a while back in the midst of our heavy make out session. My sweater had just come off and his hands are all over my back just over my bra clasp.

He broke our kiss and he was only an inch away. He had a playful grin on his face, "Didn't realize you had  _this_  in you, Covey."

I had my hands on his neck, I lifted his chin to have his lips touch my chin. "Kiss me  _and_  stop talking," I ordered. I don't like that he's teasing me. I'd rather we keep kissing or maybe more...

"Yes Mam," he said and he crushes his lips to mine and kisses me hungrily.

I kiss him back with the same intensity. My hands had a life of it's own. I was caressing his shoulder, the muscles on his arms, his firm chest from his obvious work outs, then to my favorite part the line side of his stomach where his abs start.

A groan forms on his chest and his lips are my neck, eager and wanting.

I moaned, my cheeks are touching his hair. I can feel my stomach tightening like what I felt last night, I  _feel_... i  _feel_... i need some sort of release .

Then he abruptly stops as if he remembered something. "Lara Jean," he says my name but there is no passion to it. It's like he wants to tell me something.

I ignore him. He just needs encouragement. So I'm the one kissing at his neck, by his ear. I know that spot drives him crazy everytime. He breathes heavily. I mentally smile, I  _win this time_.

Then he growls this time, animalistic sound. Not because he's turned on but He's at a war with himself. His hands are on my shoulder and pulls me away from him. " _Lara Jean,_ " his voice is firm., he needed us to stop but he doesn't want to. His eyes and body say totally different to what his actions and words are.

I grin, and was about to lean to him but he keeps me at my place. Hands tightly at my shoulder. I look at him questioningly.

"I need to tell you something," he says.

I frown, he's so serious. "I'm losing wood over here!" I say deadpanned. Then he looks at me guilty, "Okay, talk."

He brushes the hair off my face and says, "Don't  _freak_  out okay?"

And not even know what he wants to say, I'm freaking out. "You don't say  _that_ and think that I wont!" I get off of him and scoots as far away from him as possible, my back is against the door.

He pretends to be sad that I moved away from him, he pats the cushion and so I'd sit close to him.

I shake my head, not until I know what's going on, " _Tell me_ ," I demanded.

He nods and scratched the back of his head, "So, my mom wants you to come over for dinner tonight."

I felt my jaw drop and my stomach fell to my butt. I am well aware that I am shirtless and I go cold. I find my sweater next to me, I put it on quickly. Whatever mood i was in that I wanted to do with Peter has gone out the window.

I notice that not even an invite from Peter's mom, it's a do it or else kind of thing.

Peter raises an eyebrow, "Okay, say something."

"Tell your mom i got the flu or I'm dying of some contagious uncurable disease or something..." it's really to make an excuse like this but I'm freaking out. I've always been terrified of Peter's mom since our first real break-up. She's a cool woman yes and I have nothing against her. I admire her for raising her 2 sons alone. But she has this big dreams for Peter and I don't think she sees me in them. I understand too, i mean two months into college starting I break Peter's heart. And now the semester is over when Peter supposed to spend time with his family since he doesn't have a girlfriend, he spends it with me. I can only imagine what she'd think of me now.

" _What_?" He seems to hide the fact that he's irritated at this, "I hang out at your house all the time!" He protested.

"Yeah but my  _family loves you_!" Everyone loves Peter Kavinsky. He just has that personality. "But your mom  _hates_  me!" I cry out! I burry my face into my hands.

He groans. He aware about what I feel about his mom. He knows I try hard for her to like me. He slides over, he pulls me close and I'm leaning on his shoulder. "Come on, Covey my mom doesn't hate you," he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

Okay. Maybe hate is a strong word. " _Okay_ , your mom  _doesn't_   _like_  me." I look up at him and I bit the bottom of my lip.

"I know for a fact that my mom  _likes_  you,"

I glare at him, "You're just trying to make me feel better," i push him off but he just holds tighter and not budging.

"No I'm serious. Who wouldn't, you're a strong confident girl who knows what you wants. You've always got your head on straight, you aim for a goal and reach it every time despite the struggle, you never give up easily. You're smart and also beautiful on the inside and out,"

I blush as he lists off compliments about me but I don't get distracted, "That's what  _you_  think of me!" I poke at his chest.

"My mom would never use those clean innocent words to describe you. If you ask me what I think about you, I love this  _tiny little mole_  you have right by here, I think it's  _sexy_." he lightly touched my boob where the mole is, i have to wear really revealing neck plunging, cleavage showing clothes for it to be shown, he's seen it a few times when I wear my bathing suit. And he continues, "And you have a nice—" i cover his mouth with my fingers as I see a tiny glint of mischief in his eyes and I knew he's going to say something far too inappropriate yet it would still make me blush.

" _Alright_ ,  _alright_!"

"I mean, it's really like—" and i hit him on the chest with my head almost missing his neck so he'd choke.

"Stop it," I warned him. There was no games in my tone anymore.

"Okay, no more jokes." Then he slightly moves back so he can look me in the eye, "My mom  _likes_  you. I  _know_  she does. She just has a  _weird_  way of showing it."

Yeah she does,  _super weird_  that I believe she really doesn't like me. That makes me run out Peter's house naked in the cold than sit there and accept her cold treatment but I don't say it out loud. It's Peter's mom. She's a woman I respect. I just have to make her like me.

"Don't worry, it's  _just_  dinner." He tries to reassure me.

Then my mind goes blank and it goes wild a second later, forming up a series of scenarios that I don't hesitate to utter all out loud leaving Peter flabbergasted, "Yeah dinner,  _right_ , but what if during dinner she realizes that she really doesn't like me. Then she's going to think that I don't deserve you at all. So she'll find this perfect girl for you, you'd fall in love with  _her_  and then you're going to marry  _her_! Then have  _five_   _boys_  with her!" I was out of my mind now. Believing that this will happen, i groaned and hide my face into my palms again. "Because I could probably never give you boys! My dad was the only boy with three sisters... my dad has three girls!" I continue after one intake of breathe.

Peter doesn't move. He's really confused. I just threw this all out in one breath. "What?" He doesn't even laugh. It takes him s few moments before he'd spoken again. "First of all, Covey.  _Breathe_ ," he orders me. When I don't he shakes me slightly and I let out a breathe once, twice and thrice. "Second of all, none of that will ever happen."

"Why do you believe that?" I don't understand why he can't see it. I sound like I'm about to have a mental breakdown.

"Because this isn't a  _soap opera_. This is  _real life_." He clearly sounds amused to my almost breakdown.

I lift my head and blankly stare at him Then i blink a few times, as it finally hits me how ridiculous I sounded just now. Maybe I've been watching too much of those Korean Dramas my friends from the Asian club who I've been hanging out with. I mean it's helping me with my Hangul but my grasp to reality... a bit questionable based to my reaction just now.

"And, actually if you and i will  _only have girls_  I think my mom would love that. She's always been with boys, so she'll love you more for that." He touches my cheek.

Oh great... another pressure for me.  _Watch me have all boys_.

Then Peter smiles at me, and I do the same a thought comes to my mind. Even though, it's still going to be really far from the future but this talk of having the many girls or boys Peter and I might have... it's a nice thought. Like there's possibility to it. I look forward to it someday. (In like reaaaaaaaallly far, like at least a decade or so, maybe)

I lean close to lightly brush my lips against his. "Okay. I'll go." But really as I said before Peter's mom wasn't really inviting me. It was a "go or else..." but I'd like to think it was.

"It'll be okay, I promise," then a playful grin plays on his lips, "I swear on the lives of  _my five unborn boys_ ,"

I roll my eyes and smacks his arm, now it comes to me that he is still shirtless, "You're crazy," joking about the five boys.

"I'm crazy for you," He takes my wrist and without breaking his gaze at me, he kisses the inside of my wrist. He leans close, his nose nuzzling my ear lobe. "So, how about we take this off so I can see that sexy mole of yours I love so much," his finger tips was inside my sweater, touching my bare stomach.

"Nope, moment's over." I say as calmly as I can. If his hand went any farther i would have fallen for his charm but this thing with his mom is kinda freaking me out. So i pushed him off of me and he easily slides to the other side of the seat.

"You're killing me, Covey." He's not upset. He is just smiling like an idiot.

I find his shirt by me and I toss it at him, playfully. As she puts on his shirt, I glance around us. I seriously have no idea where we are. Actually, i fell asleep while Peter was driving and he had woken me up by kissing me so I pushed him to the back seat. " _How do you know about this place anyway_ , Kavinsky?" My voice sounds annoyed, waiting for him to slip up.

He doesn't give in. He has that poker face but I already saw his lip slightly twitch, his tell. "A  _friend_  told me about it,"

I roll my eyes. I climb into the front seat and sit at the passenger side, "And has  _your_   _friend_  done stuff with  _other girls_  here?" I say with a smile, a scary deadly smile.

He shrugs and climbs into his seat too, he doesn't look at me. "I don't know. Do you want me to ask  _him_?"

I sigh. I am not gonna win this, besides I really don't wanna know. "Nope," besides I have other things to worry about. Then I take in a long deep breath, "Let's go to my house, I think I'll make your mom Red Velvet cookies." It was still 1pm so I still have time to make bake them, it doesn't take long and I still have ingredients at home.

"Okay," then Peter takes my hand and places it on the gear shift under his.

If his mom doesn't like me. Then I'll her like me through cookies.

* * *

When we got back, no one was home as expected. Kitty and Trina probably would be out all day. I head out to the Kitchen and I ask Peter to check on the dogs to see if they have enough water and food in the backyard. They usually stay outside if no one is home and we let them back inside but id be baking, i really don't want to have Jaime jumping around me to distract me.

Peter disappears and I start to prepare the materials to bake. It doesn't take long since I was already planning to make some for New Year's eve. Trina likes these cookies too.

I mentally take note to go to the store and buy more. Trina said she'd be throwing her diet out the window for the holiday, so I can bake anything I want and she'll devour it.

I was already on my second table spoon of sugar when I felt Peter's arms around me. His face buried to my neck, his breath on my collarbone causes me to lose count and a moan escapes my lips.

He chuckles and his nose touch the back of my ear, "You know,  _we're alone_. It's  _only_  2 dinner's not till around 7." He's trying to hint out to take advantage of this time we have, being alone.

I swallowed but then refocused myself on my cookie plan. "This takes about 3 hours to bake." I had to count outloud now or else I'm going to lose count of my ingredients, if he remains to act this way.

He can hear my hesitation so, he turns me to face him. He cups my face, he didn't really seem to care that I was holding a spoon. "Well, we  _still_  have time," he leans to kiss me.

I breathe in, and it bounces back to my face with how close his lips is. I need to focus. I place the spoon on his lips. "Unless you want to help me, so maybe we can have time... then  _maybe_." I say playfully and touched my lips on the other side of the spoon, i could taste the sugar. Yep I definitely need to change spoons.

"Fine," he sighs exasperatedly just to be dramatic. He slumps towards one of the cabinets to find an apron trying to act sad that I just rejected him again.

I laughed, "You either put that beautiful smile on your face or I'm benching you." And I point to the couch far away from me, which I kind of want to do so he won't distract me. Having him this close to me, I just want to keep kissing him instead of working.

"Yes sir," he said. He turns to me with a wink. He gives me a beautiful toothy smile and grabs a pair of tongs, "Now what do you want me to do?"

I shake my head, "Definitely don't be needing that," I turned away from him.

"Oh this is my special item, like you know those chef shows and they always carry something, this could be my thing. I can grab butter using this or grab others..." when he's talking he keeps grasping at the tongs which makes a pang pang pang sound. It actually makes my heart beat faster making me more anxious. I know he's trying to make me feel better but it's not working.

I turn to him and I whine, "Peter, stop being so weird and distracting me. I'm trying to do this because I want the cookies to be perfect, for your mom and I just —"

Then he grins like a young boy and sweeps up towards me grabbing my face, he still had the stupid tongs on his hand. He gives me light pecks on my lips, once, twice, three times. He does this every time i open my mouth to complain. He's trying to make my pout disappear along with my worry for tonight's dinner. "Stop it,"

" _But—"_

He kisses me.

" _Peter—"_

And he does it again, a sloppier kiss this time.

I sigh in defeat.

"Don't worry about dinner tonight, everything will be fine. You and I will make the best cookie my mom has ever had, and she's going to like you a lot more than she does." He kisses the wrinkle between my eyebrows. "Okay?" He waits till I nod. And when I do, he kisses the tip of my nose. "Now tell me what to do."

I don't deserve him but he stays with me, and chooses me. "I need you to make the cream cheese filling." It's easy enough that my instructions would be confusing, besides he has helped me a lot before and he usually does the mix for icings anyway.

"Okay," then he gives me one last kiss and he lets go, to grab the ingredients needed for what I asked him to make.

"Your keeping the tongs?" I ask him. He looks like a fool trying to grab stuff using the tongs like it's his hands.

"Yep," he says seriously as he tried to move the bowl of cream cheese with them.

My eyes doesn't leave him as I keep watching him. I know he's doing this to keep me entertained since I'm far too anxious. I wondered what I was in my past life to be so lucky to have Peter in my life.

"Covey, If you keep looking at me like that, I'm going to kiss you, then and we wouldn't be ending up making these cookies." He says this like a promise. He wasn't even looking at me, he was working while I'm ogling.

I widen my eyes, realizing what I have been doing... and immediately continue what I was doing before he was distracting me. I secretly glanced to him to check if he was doing what I told him. I smile when I saw the wrinkle on his forehead, he's trying hard to recall everything i had just told him.

We finished the cookies with time to spare. I had to get dressed since I didn't like what I was wearing. It was too simple for a dinner. I rummaged though Margot's clothes, but decided to just borrow her thick cardigan and I'd wear my new long sleeved dark green dress, it was smaller than how I remembered because it's hugging my body showing the little curves I have. I just wear my black combat boots that I use frequently.

After one look at the mirror, I could see how pale i looked. So i decided to apply a light colored lipstick just to add color to my face. Then I gave myself a satisfying shrug before I decided to walk downstairs where Peter was waiting by the couch.

"I'm ready," I say as soon as I grabbed the box of cookies from the kitchen.

He was on his phone, then he stands up without giving me a look yet. He then walks over towards me and finally saw what I wore. He stumbled back as check me out slowly from head to toe, I know he wants to say something but he just kept it at the back of his head. He grins, and holds my hand. "You look beautiful,"

My blush and giggle, "Thanks," Now i'm well aware that my dress is a little bit leggy too. The hem is at the top of knee. For a not so tall girl I actually have long legs. More than once, Peter would complement them.

"Ready?" He asks carefully.

It's like he just splashed me with cold water. all of a sudden remembering why I'm dressed up, the dinner. I clutch at the cookie box and gulped. I just nodded, fear that my voice would betray me.

Peter steps forward to kiss me lightly on my lips, a soft innocent peck. "It'll be fine." He promises me.

"I know," I say when I'm actually doubtful. It's just if I would be Peter's mom I wouldn't like me either after the break up. It's just how it happens really... your biased toward your kid. I squeezed at his hand, "Let's get this over with,"

* * *

" _Owen_?" Peter calls as loudly as he could as soon as we entered in his house. The whole ride here was so quiet except my heart beating across my chest. Not even Peter holding my hand was gonna calm me down.

" _Owen_!" He says again, more urgently this time. He takes the box of cookies from me, and sets it at the table next to the where there is a bunch of mail.

I close the door behind me, wondering why he's calling for his brother. "Why—" but before I could finish that sentence his lips crashed into mine and my back is on the door. He has pinned me between him and the door.

His lips are needy and he bites my bottom lip. And i could feel him smile when my hands tangled between his hair.

All my anxiety from tonight's dinner is gone.

Peter's kisses are calming me down. there's that build in my stomach that causes me to moan into his lips. He lifts me by having his arms around my waist, and I wrap my legs around him.

With my back still at the door, he lightly touches my cheek. "Did I tell you, you looked hot in your dress?" He then had his lips on my neck.

I let out a breathy laugh, "You said a much cleaner version to it,"

"Well as much as I love that dress, I want you out of it." He whispers against my ears.

I'm not laughing anymore. Our eyes meet, and I can see my hunger for him reflected in my eyes. God, is it this normal to want someone this much. It's like Peter unleashed something I didn't know I had... has she always been here?

He can see it too, that I want him as much a he does. And leans slowly.. he was an inch from my lips, when we both heard it.

The screen door behind us open. Then the doorknob twists open.

In panic, Peter quickly locks the door when it was about to open. I'm still pinned between him and the door, with my legs around him.

"Haha, funny Peter." Owen said sarcastically as he tried to open the door. The door shook on my back.

Peter hid his head on my chest and he cursed. "I'm going to kill him." He hissed between his teeth.

Owen was wiggling the door. "Open up!" He was hitting at the door now, where my head is. My teeth clattered.

I quickly hop off of him. Then hid behind Peter. My lips are at his arm, I quickly check my reflection at the mirror. My hair still looks okay, good. "Open," I told Peter.

He cursed again, then he opens the door begrudgingly. He was standing in front of the door, blocking Owen's way. " _Why aren't you at the Drakes_?" His voice comes out harsher than he plans to. I squeezed his arm.

Owen rolled his eyes, "I am just getting a game. Then I'm headed back there." Then he pushes through Peter and me. He's getting so much taller the last time I saw him. He's only fourteen, yet he's actually taller than how I recalled Peter was at fourteen. "Hey, Lara Jean." He greets as he walked passed me.

"Hi," but he was already headed to his room, he didn't even wait for me to greet him back. It's okay though, he's a kid I understand. And I don't know how to talk to boys, though at least Owen is alot easier now than before when Peter and I started off.

I turn to Peter and smile at him. He was still fuming though.

Owen returns with his game console and a controller. He looks at Peter and smirks. "Nice lipstick Peter," he points out

"What?" And Peter turns to the mirror while I move closer to Peter to see. There it was, his lips are slightly pink and glossy than it should be. My lipstick is barely there and Peter has some of it. I immediately try to wipe it off. My face turning red as a beet, this is so humiliating .

Before Owen leaves he said teasingly, "Mom's gonna be home in an hour or less. You might not want to be making out at the door." Then closes the door behind him before Peter was about to launch at him, though I already had had my arms around him before he could try.

I forgot, Owen is a teenage brat. It's funny on any other day but it's embarrassing especially if he knew what we were doing.

"He needs a girlfriend so he'd shut up," Peter hissed under his breath.

I let go of him, and I continue to dab off the lipstick on him. "Well, He's different. In time maybe..."

Peter smirks, "Different right,"

With Owen being a miniature Peter, and as much as Peter would hate to hear this but Owen has more of a handsome boyish look to him than Peter did when we were his age but the difference is, Owen has no interest in dating at all. He's enjoys hanging out with his friends playing video games and stuff than to mess with preteen girls or teenager girls.

I know from Kitty that two of her friends had a fight one time because they were trying to decide who'd marry Owen. So there are many girls interested... but it's just up to Owen when he decides to see all the potential girls he can date. He'd be a heartbreaker, then.

"Let's see what we can watch while we wait for your mom?" I ask after I had finally decided that I can't see my lipstick on him.

Peter glances at the door angrily. He probably was trying to send out a curse to Owen who just disturbed our heated moment. Though secretly I was rather thankful... i don't know what I'd do if Owen would hear us in Peter's room or even see us headed there in the position we were in.

I stand on my tip toes, and kiss his cheek. " _Please_?" When he turns towards me, I blink slowly once, twice and one last one, " _Pwetty pwease_?" I use aegyo (aegyo is acting cute in Korean. I've learned so many weird things from Korean shows...)

He groans. He seems to not be phased by me acting cute. He just looked confused wondering what I'm doing. Guess I'm not doing that again.

then he grabs my hand, he gives up, "Fine!" He sound like a child being forced to sing in front of relatives just because. He drags me to the couch. He plops me down the couch next to him and He pulls me towards him so I can lie on his chest.

He reaches over the remote browsing through on Netflix He selects, the last show we watched together when we were a couple,  _Entourage_. And then plays the last episode we saw.

I widen my eyes in surprise, "You haven't finished this season?" I asked. The only reason why were watching is because he forced me to. I would have thought that he'd watch it without me.

He shakes his head, "I wanted to watch it with you,"

I look up at him, confused. He really wanted to watch this. Like he begged me for weeks because It's not my type of show. I notice that There was a tone in his voice that made it sound like he knows we'd watch this show again,  _with me_. I was about to ask but he points at the Television when the intro

just ended. "Watch,"

I smile and snuggled closer. He wraps his arm around me.

Deciding that I like being here, just being in Peter's like I always belong.

* * *

_A/N:i_

_Yeah. Update... yeaahh it's not Lara Jean that's obsessed with Korean culture but me hahaha (GOT7 BIGBANG and Kdramas) i just wanted to give that to her to share the burden. Hahahah_

_Anyway, leave me reviews to let me know what your thinking guys! Thanks for reading, reviews, follows and Favorites. Im not sex crazed I promise it's just. Theyve been hanging out with each other for two weeks with no physical contact so... yes they are gonna act like that becsuse they are both sexually frustrated without knowing hahahah ANYWAYS REVIEWS!_

_GAMSAMIDAA (thanks in Hangul)_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kavinsky Family Dinner.....

_Don't forget to leave reviews and stuff please? heheh_

_Disclaimeer!_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

If someone would have given me a choice between sitting here, having dinner with the Kavinskys or relive one of my most embarrassing moments in my entire life all at the same time...

I'll chose the most embarrassing moment ever...  _ten times over_! This dinner is so awkward that it's my hands are hurting trying to eat without having my utensils make any unnecessary noise on the plate. The first fifteen minutes was  _too_  quiet I could hear myself chew loudly.

Peter would give me glances here and there, with a smile. But I don't react. I'm afraid he'd see what really is in my mind. And so  _Finally_  Peter decided to start speak, so he and his mom are talking to each other. But I'm not paying attention.

I probably should try to join in, but my heart is beating too fast to even help me think. That's all I hear... Lara Jean's too quiet because I can't hear my own thoughts. Peter's mom is upset at me, I know. She's not saying it, but I could feel it like she's yelling it at me.

_I want to go home._

Owen hissed out an inaudible cuss under his breath. I heard him say  _truck_ , he was playing on his phone. He had finished eating his dinner a while back.

"Owen,  _language_. We have a  _guest_." Mrs. Kavinsky reprimanded.

Owen just smirked. His face is still glued to the phone, "It's  _just_  Lara Jean,"

Even if he just dismissed me easily, his words actually made me feel better. His statement is saying it's normal to see me here. I'm not a  _guest_ , kind of like Peter isn't a guest at our house but he's part of the family.

Mrs. Kavinsky sighed, giving up. "If only you'd put all that  _energy_  into a sport."

The younger rolled his eyes and he looks at Peter briefly then back at his game. "You already have a jockhead."

Owen is a bit on the lankier side compared to how Peter was. He is good at sports too but he doesn't enjoy it. He loves his video games too much to be bothered. He had mentioned to me once that he wants to be a video game designer. And I know he can do it, Kitty had mentioned that Owen is one of the top of his class. (Kitty is 2 years younger than him and they go at the same middle school. Her friends don't like the fact that Owen would sometimes greet her down the halls when he ignores most of the girls who aren't part of his video games crew.)

Then Mrs. Kavinsky turns to me, this is the first time she has technically looked directly  _at_  me, "How's college life treating you Lara Jean?"

I should be happy she's talking to me but I'm too nervous that I froze.

Across the table, Peter lightly steps my toe. But only a squeak left my lips. I swallowed my nerves.

But Peter came to my rescue. "It was good. She's doing well."

And there was something in Mrs. Kavinsky expression that changed, she didn't even give Peter a second glance. It's as if she was waiting for this opportunity and Peter gave her the ammunition, "How would Peter  _know this_? You guys were broken up for two months." She had a smile but I know it wasn't sincere.

" _Mom_." Peter said firmly.

Oh god, she immediately went  _there_. She didn't even soften the blow. It's like getting slapped with cold water from being asleep for so long.

Now Owen's attention is peaked, he's looking at me and then to Peter. " _Awkward_."

Peter glowers at his brother, "Go to your room and play a game or something."

Owen rolls his eyes and gets up, "Fine.  _This_  is boring anyway." Then he turns to me, there was a tiny hint of pity in his eyes then he went back to his game, leaving the dining room with me wishing I went with him too.

I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I had to hold on to the hem of my dress to stop myself from shaking. My mind goes wild with the scenario I made early on about his mom finding him a better suitable girl then the  _five boys_.

Mrs. Kavinsky had turned to Peter, probably impatient of my silence. "I didn't just form up the fact that you  _missed_  one of your big games that day because you two  _recently broken up_ ,"

My face fell and by instinct I look at Peter. I knew that he had a game the weekend we break up, I was supposed to come up with Leah to UVA to watch. Mrs. Kavinski's voice from my last long conversation with her plays in my head. Worrying about Peter's mindset... and hinting out that I break up with him because I'd be a reason as to why he wouldn't focus.

Peter didn't glance my way; his eyes were fixed at his mom's. He was blindsided by how his mom is treating this whole thing. I don't blame her though, she has every right to act this way. She's only looking out for him.

"The team got hit with the flu! There were  _three_  people that were out that day too! and  _you knew tha_ t!" Peter's voice had raised as he spoke. I know he was trying to defend me but him talking this way isn't going to help our cause.

I also knew about the flu thing, he mentioned it to me, his teammate got sick because of his girlfriend. I even told him to take care of himself because he was starting to feel sick too.

"Still, weakened immune system is because there are just too many  _distractions_." She waved off Peter's statement.

My heart clenched, trying to keep my face straight when in reality I want to tear up. She just called me a  _distraction_ , well she implied that I am.

It's not only Peter that was a mess too, the test I studied for days, even the night of the break up?

Well I flunked it;  _bad_.

On the morning of the exam, when I got my test paper, I did fine at first but once I got to the fifth question... the statement I was only able to read over and over again was asked. It just triggered all the emotions I tried to bottle up. I couldn't cry in class but I just froze there, until the professor said that I only had ten minutes left. So in the end I only answered  _ten questions out fifty questions._

Peter finally looks at me and reads into my expression. He knew I caught on the hidden statement that his mother had just said. He clenched his teeth and turns to his mother, "Lara Jean is  _not_  a  _distraction_ , mom." His voice was low.

I finally got the strength to move so I tapped his foot with mine. He had to not do this. Instead of looking at me he moves he foot as far away as he can from me. "Peter," I say quietly.

Mrs. Kavinsky has a strong emotion on her face, she kept exchanging looks from me to Peter. Then to Peter, "Are you two back together?" but the question is directed to Peter, she has dismissed me already.

His jaw tightened, muscle tensed. We haven't really exactly talked about it but we both just assumed that we are. Well, i think we are.

"Whatever, Lara Jean and I decide is  _our business_."

He sounds so irritated that I just want him to stop. He shouldn't pick a fight with his mom, especially if it's about me.

Mrs. Kavinsky takes a long deep breath, she crossed her arms across her chest. She is not happy about how Peter is acting. "Well, I can only hope that you two had talked about it because if you broke up once who is to say you aren't going—"

"Mom—"

But Mrs. Kavisky just continued as if Peter didn't interrupt him at all, "— _To break up again_. I understand what it feels like to be in love. But you have to think things through before jumping head first with your heart. You are  _too_  young to see life that way." Mrs. Kavinky's expression softened, which makes it seem worse because it's like she's pitying us. Or Peter, that our choices aren't supposed to be this, like she's expecting it to fail when Peter and I haven't even tried yet.

"It was a lot harder for you two to keep your relationship last semester but it's only going to get a lot harder now. This time around, your Lacrosse games are going to be for National games and not just statewide. Your practices are going to be a lot rougher and you still have classes to think about."

I feel like I'm invading something private, that I shouldn't even be part of this conversation at all.

Mrs. Kavinsky reached out for Peter's hand, she placed her hand on top of his. "You've worked hard to get into, UVA. Don't make this a reason all your hard work would go to waste."

I had to physically tell myself not to cry right there. I silently took a deep breath and mentally had to control my breathing. I was close to sobbing.

 _Because she's right_. We didn't really think this through  _yet_ … we just jumped head first thinking about with our heart when there are so many things we need to deal with.  _Margot is right too_ , it seems like it's easy now because being together wasn't the problem…  _it was the distance_.

I really wanted to believe Peter and I would be good this time around. After what we had shared last night, I knew in my heart that we were going to make it no matter how hard it is. I'm not scared anymore. I was ready to defend my decision to Margot when she'd ask. I love Peter and it makes me want to fight for us.

But hearing Mrs. Kavinsky just now… I'm starting to doubt myself. She is an adult who has lived her life with more experiences than two naïve nineteen-year olds. What if she's right? That we'd end up breaking up again, worse I'd hurt Peter again. Maybe I shouldn't have gone through this, so I can avoid this pain of losing him.

But I love Peter, too much in fact. I may not have experienced much in life but I know this feeling I have is real. It's as real as what Dad felt for Mom. Or how Mrs. Kavinsky did to Peter's dad too despite them separating in the end.

Peter could sense that I'm starting to think through what his mom has said. So he stands up, and slammed his hand on the table. "It's because of Lara Jean that I got in UVA in the first place." His voice was shaking in frustration, he was in such a battle with himself. His mom is just wanting what's best for him and he understands, but seeing me look like I'm about to breakdown… he can't handle it anymore. "I wouldn't even have a chance to get in with the grades I had."

I chew at the inside of my cheeks. Remembering the winter of junior year where all Peter and I did was for him to study for his classes while preparing to retake his SATs to be qualified for UVA. He is an amazing Lacrosse player that he was getting scholarship invites from a lot of schools in Virginia, UVA was one of them but it required a certain grade average and SAT scores. For three months, his hard work finally paid off when his average went up to 2 grade points then his SATs was above what was asked for. So when he accepted the invitation for UVA's Lacrosse scholarship and the school signed him on immediately.

Mrs. Kavinsky's was shocked by this information, she turned towards me and for the first time for today, She actually  _looked_  at me like actually  _seeing_ me. I think she had forgotten I was sitting there. She was probably checking if this was true.

He didn't tell his mom this because he knew his Mom would have made a big deal about it saying that he needed to focus more which would be counterproductive because Peter is a bit of a stubborn head. Tell him to do something he won't do it. He just has to want something on his own.

But I couldn't even face her, I lowered my head and I was watching my hands fiddle with the hem of my dress again. I'm doing this subconsciously now.

"I am not going to let you talk to Lara Jean like this anymore mom. And as I said, whatever we decide you don't have any say to it. I'm adult now, you have to learn to deal with that." His voice was a bit calmer than a while ago but I know better. If he's talking like this it means he is angrier than he lets on. "I can't have you belittle her like she's someone I can let go easily or replace because whether you believe it or not. I'm very lucky to have someone like her to love me the way she does."

A tear fell from my eye and I wipe it immediately before anyone could see but I saw Peter cringe and I realized he saw it. He's been watching me at the corner of his eye.

"You like Lara Jean mom, you've told me before. I know you still do. Don't make the fact that we want to stay together be a hinder to that." He waited for a few seconds then he walked to me. He extends a hand towards me which I only stared at blankly. "Let's go."

I shake my head. He should stay here and settle things with his mom. He can't leave his mom like this. Mrs. Kavinsky is frozen to her spot; her face is fixed at Peter's chair as if Peter is still standing there.

Peter and I can talk about whatever  _we are_  later… he needs to fix this with his mom. I can't have him stay in a fight with his mom because of me.

" _Let's go_ , Covey." His voice was a lot firmer this time. He grabs my hand and pulls me up on my feet. I was so weak that he just does it easily, plus the fact that I do want to leave.

Before Peter could drag me away, I bowed my head at Mrs. Kavinsky, "Thank you for inviting me for dinner and I am really sorry about tonight." I say apologetically. Peter was tugging at me so I'd move. He doesn't even wait for her to respond because he pulling me now. He grabbed my coat and his and we stepped out without our jackets.

It was cold out, like freezing cold but I think this is what we both needed, the cold air to slap our face. To cool Peter down so he can think of what just happened in there. To just let us both clear our minds because one question definitely comes to mind…

 _What happens now_?

I let him drag me to his car. I'm trying to decide if he should take me home or I'll have Trina pick me up. His hold on my palm tightened afraid that I'd run or something.

"Peter—"

"Fuck!" he hissed out a curse. He lets go of me only to frustratedly run his hands through his hair, he rubbed the back of his head, incessantly. "Fucking damn it!" He yelled it this time at the top of his lungs, His voice cracked at the end.

The tears that I've tried to hold has now fallen. I reach for him since he was about to punch his car. I've never seen Peter this violent before and it breaks me. I did this. Oh god, I hurt him again. "Peter—"

Then he turns towards me and grabbed my face with his hands, he crushes his lips on mine. He poured out his fear, frustration and all his love for me in that kiss. There was a question in it that he wants to know.

And I answer him by kissing him back with the same force. All my doubt about us when I was hearing his mom has vanished. And I now remember that I love him, too much to that I felt guilty to have have those thoughts. I kiss him back with all my love poured into that kiss as well. I could taste my tears in mixed in our passion…

Oh, how I love Peter… it hurts sometimes… It hurts that my heart might explode from just having this one emotion for someone. I don't understand it sometimes and it scared me but I shouldn't be afraid because whatever I am feeling, he's feeling it too.

We slowly broke our kiss, we were both breathing fast. Forehead touching. His eyes on mine, hard and determined. Without needing to say anything I already know what he wants to say when his lips moved, "I love you, you know that right?'

I nod. And I don't doubt it. "And I love you."

He wipes the tears from my cheek with his thumbs, then he wraps his arms around me tightly, and I do the same, my hands tightly at his back. My cheek is leaning on his chest, feeling his heart beat against it. In his arms, I felt safe and warm. I know this is where I belong.

We stand there holding each other for a while until finally he takes a deep breath, "My mom and I will be fine. I'll talk to her later. I just need to calm down." He said against my hair.

"Okay," I move my head so I can kiss his chest.

"Let's get out of here," He said. There is still tension on his voice but it's not noticeable, "You don't want to go home yet?"

I shake my head. I really don't, I want to stay with Peter. He shouldn't be alone just yet and actually neither should I. There's still time anyway, I had told my Dad I'll be home by curfew— _well curfew_ , doesn't really apply to me anymore now that I'm in college and live away from home but it's just common courtesy to be home by 1am unless I call to say it'll be later.

"Where do you wanna go?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Anywhere as long as I'm with you." I answer honestly. And I know I gave him the correct one because I could feel him smile against my hair.

He pulls away from our hug just slightly so he could look at me. He seemed to have decided on where to go. "I want to show you something."

I tug at his shirt lightly so he'd lean forward, my lips brushed his. "Okay."

"God, I don't wanna move." He said, he brushed the hair off my face and tilted his head slightly to kiss me again.

"I know, but I'm cold." My teeth slightly chattered when his lips were about to touch mine. We have been standing out here for a few minutes now and we aren't wearing a jacket and I'm wearing a dress with no leggings. My body's got warmth from Peter's but my legs… not so much.

He laughs, "Alright. Let's go." With his long arms, he opens his passenger door while his other arm was still around my waist. He still doesn't want to let me go. There was sadness in his eyes behind his beautiful smile. "We'll be fine, Lara Jean. I promise." He's afraid that whatever his mom said is going to scare me.

It did but being with Peter reminds me that what we have is worth fighting for. And I want to. So I lift my heels and kiss him, "I know." And I saw that sadness in his eyes replaced with hope. And I want to keep it that way. "I love you, too." I whispered.

"I didn't even say I love you,  _yet_." He slightly pulls away, his eyebrow raised teasingly.

"Well… I can hear you think." Then before my lips touched his, I breathed. "Do you know what I'm thinking?"

"That your cold?" he smirks.

And I smile proudly, "And you are correct, now you win a prize."

"What do I win, Covey?"

"Me," and I kissed him.

* * *

_A/N: OMMMMMMMMMMMMG like I didn't realize this chapter is so much angst hahaha that I had to fix it and end it here. I saw someone comment that the mom might be a witch with a B but I understand her though she just wants what is best for her son. I wasn't going to end the chappy here but oh well. Anyone wanna guess where they are going? Hehehe anyway… don't forget to review, follow and favorite and tell me what you think._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter-friendly and Lara-Friendly

_a/n: UPDATEE WHAAT? Heheh review please… oh and DISCLAIMER!_

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**Chapter Thirteen**

 

I assumed I was fine but as soon as I got in the car left in my own thoughts, without Peter and I talking. I started to recall everything from that dinner again. Mrs. Kavinsky words are far stronger than Peter's and mines trust in what we have.

Peter would squeeze my hand in his once in a while, reminding me that he's there beside me. His face kept straight on the road concentrating on driving but we both know what's on his mind too. It's the same as mine.

It's not the doubt of us being together but what it entails for us when we stay together. And I say  _when_ , because it's Peter and me and we are staying together.

I was too deep into my thoughts that I didn't even realize where we were headed, until Peter parked his car in the parking spot a couple buildings away from his dormitory. We're in University of Virginia…

"Peter?" this is actually the first time either me and him say a word in the twenty-minute drive it takes to get to UVA.

He turns and smiles at me. He shut off his ignition and squeezes my hand again, "Come' on." He seems excited for something and who am I to deny him this, he's been out of it tonight and had tried his best to make me feel better. I'm sure he has something planned up his sleeve.

I get out of the car and he runs next to me to bundle me up with my winter coat. "Thanks," I said trying to have my teeth to stop shaking. It's really chilly out night, I think it might snow tomorrow if it stays this cold. I shoved my hands into my pocket, then looked at him. "You can get in?" I asked. In our dorms there's a different key card for the break, and you have to ask for it a week before the semester ends.

He takes my hand from my pocket and warms it with his breath before tucking it in his pockets, inside he linked his fingers with mine. "If not, then." He shrugs it off not caring if we can't get in or not.

We walk quietly side by side, until we were in front of the door. He takes his wallet with his free hand and swiped his ID card into the scanner. The door clicked open. He cheered in victory, he probably wasn't sure he can get in either.

I roll my eyes, " _Dork_." But I'm actually curious what's in his room he wants to show me.

He just ignores me and walks inside. We take the stairs since his room is on the third floor.

"Home sweet home," he mumbles when he opened the doors to his room. He turns on the light and lets go of my hand, he takes our jackets off then places it on Mark Tuan, his roommate's, desk. He gives me a look and then throws himself into his bed. He can do that since he is tall enough, one stride he's already in by his bed.

I stay where I'm standing, by the door leaning on Mark's desk, for some reason I'm nervous. I distract myself by looking around his dorm room. Peter has 3 roommates. All in for an athletics scholarship. Mark Tuan, a Taiwanese born in Maryland and he taking pre-law, plays for the basketball team then Andrew Matthews is in football from West Virginia, he is a biology major. Peter is taking pre-doctorate for Sports Medicine Rehabilitation.

I like his roommates. I'm actually close to Mark even if he's a little on the quiet side. It's because there are times when I would be left in their room while I wait for Peter to be done with practice when I'm in town.

He was watching me but he doesn't say anything that I'm frozen to where I am at, "It has been a long day." He said with a sigh. We barely slept last night and then we had breakfast with Kitty, then his dinner at his house. Yes. The day is long, well the night actually.

I nod. I'm still looking around the tables. Mark has photos of him and his girlfriend, they had only started dating in the summer. She's still a senior in high school, I met her once, her name is Wendy Son. She's Korean, too. Andrew's desk on the other side of the room, it's still clear and just has books and a picture of his little half-sister.

"You still going to live together next semester?" I asked. In UNC and UVA all freshmen are put in one building, in sophomore year is when we can choose where to go and which roommates we want. Me, Charlie and Leah were already planning to live together but in a 2 bedroom dorm but be in the same hall. I think it'll be the bunkmates that are going together, Brandy and I then Leah and Charlie.

He just shrugs, they probably haven't talk that far in the yet. "Probably Mark and I, we mentioned the building close to where school parking lot is. Andrew, I don't know. That kid has a life of his own sometimes."

"Ah," I pursed my lips. Andrew is one of those free-spirited people, even time I'm in town he'd always invite me to go to Parties and he'd also be the one who knows about the fun happenings in school.

Peter sits up from bed, his back on the wall. He finally smirks and shakes his head. "I don't bite, Covey." He was patting on the bed next to him, inviting me in.

I smiled at him, I don't know why I'm nervous. Maybe because we are  _completely_  alone… and well.

_Yeah…_

"Okay," my voice breaks as I walk over towards him. I ignore his expression since he cocked an eyebrow, curious.

Then I walked passed Peter's desk and I stopped my steps completely, and I let out a gasp. His desk hasn't changed at all from when I was here in October, the collage photo that I put on his wall the day he moved in was still there. It had photos of me and Peter, candid and posed. The photo of our graduation in a frame and next to it was a photo I gave him the last weekend I was here, the weekend before we broke up. It's a photo that Leah took of me and Peter sleeping on my bed.

Peter and I were waiting for her and Charlie so we could watch a movie. It took them an hour from their fifteen-minute promise to get back, so Peter and I fell as sleep in the most uncomfortable position ever since both our legs were hanging on the side of the bed. Though the photo didn't show that, but I was laying on Peter's chest with both my hands tucked in front of me, he had an arm around me while the other was under his head. It was a really nice candid photo and it's actually was my wallpaper for a while.

The note I wrote is still there too,  _My back hurt when I woke up but I'd do it all over again. I love u, Peter!_

I bit my bottom lip trying not to tear up. My scrapbook is still there too, on top of his desk just like what the contract said. It stays for all the world to see that he is taken. My fingertips touch the cover. We've been broken up for two months and he still hasn't taken down our photos together. I cannot imagine what he felt like seeing this everyday… I know it hurt for me when I came home and saw my room had too much Peter.

It's like he knew… he knew that we still had a chance. I know he didn't just come from any of these two weeks to do it this way. Which means he kept it because he knew that we'd get back together. How can he love me still when I lacked so much during our relationship?

God I don't deserve Peter at all…

I felt his arms around me, his lips touched my shoulder. "I know whatever my mom told you is  _still_  bothering you," he said against my shoulder. His hold tightens even more afraid that if he'd let me go for just a second, I'd run away. " _Don't_." he said as if it's easy to take his mom's words off my mind.

And my question will probably make him feel worse, "What if  _they_  are  _right_  Peter?" My voice as soft as a whisper. I'm hiding the fact that I'm breaking inside. I don't want to go there again, now that we're back together. I can see myself wanting to work us out... but his mom's words are haunting me.

He hissed, " _Well screw all of them_." He cursed out.

"Peter!" I turned towards him. He can't be cussing, he has to hear me out. "It's not because I want to break up, but whatever your mom said made sense, that there are many things that's going to happen to us in the future. It may sound easy now but when we are in that situation again—"

"But the point to that is,  _us_. You said  _we_. It's you and me in this relationship, Lara Jean.  _Not my mom_ ,  _not Margot,_   _Not Brandy_..."

I couldn't deny Brandy talking me into being fine during our break up. There were so many times i wanted to call Peter to beg for his forgiveness and take me back or why the real reason as to why I was willing to head the thanksgiving for the Asians staying at the dorms when there are more than capable people that can do it, is that when I'd see my room, I'd run to his house and beg me back.

Eventually, as the two months came by I thought I was fine, but being with Peter reminded me that I wasn't. So here we are now... facing the same problem but the difference is I want to fight for us.

"You and me, Covey. We know it's hard because we were there but now at least we have an idea of what to do and not to do." He takes my face in his hands and lifts my chin so I can look him in the eye, there is no uncertainty in his eyes. "We'll be fine,"

We learn things from experience and we did know what was wrong,  _me_. I can't be scared anymore… and I'm not. "Do you think it'll be easier this time around?"

He grins, " _Fuck_ , no."

I can't believe he just cussed  _again._ Not being with me for two months has gotten him back to his habit of using a cuss word every sentence to imply emphasis. "Stop cursing," I pinched his arm, he jumps slightly and he lets go of me.

He laughs and then hugs me when I was about to hit him again, my arms trapped between our chests. "Alright, I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead, though he really isn't. He's more amused that I'm trying to hurt him. Then when he finally felt me stop, he sighed. "As much as I hate to admit it, my mother is  _right_."

I just nod into his chest. I can hear the sadness in his voice, "That it's only going to get harder," Peter is going to start practices now and the games are for real. Not just a warm up game competing against schools in colleges in Virginia. Now the it's real deal, National Collegiate Athletic Association Division I. Practices are going to be a lot longer and harder, this time his games would be out of town or out of state. At least there would be some games in UNC too or closer.

He nods. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds but he was brushing my hair over my shoulders so it would be falling at my back. "But I know we'd be alright, Lara Jean."

"Why do you sound so sure?" I ask him. It's not that I'm doubting him at all but him being so sure makes me feel like I should feel that reassured too.

He slightly pulls me away so he can look in my eyes, "Because it's you and me. and Yes, that's not a good enough reason but I know us too well. Even if we break up for some reason we always find our way back to each other. It's like were destined to be together."

I giggle. He sounds so romantically cheesy, I don't know if I should kiss him or tease me. I chose the latter, "You're like a girl."

He shakes his head. "I'm serious, Covey." He lightly shakes me once then he narrowed his eyes at me when I just laughed.

"Okay, listen. It started in middle school, you and I were the last ones left at Sundance Kid's house—"

"That's because my dad—"

He shushed me with a kiss. " _Let me finish_." He said seriously. He waited then I nodded.

"I seriously  _didn't_  have plans to kiss you that day, it  _didn't_   _even_  cross my mind—"

"Wow thanks." I said deadpanned feigning hurt but then he glared at me. I wasn't going to win this. So, I probably should just let him go on with his epiphany.

"But when you sat by me, ignoring me. it drove me crazy… so I leaned to sort of get your attention and your hair, the coconut scent just made me lose my mind and without thinking I kissed you. I gave you my first kiss.  _Our_  first kiss." While he was talking, he was absently doing circles at the lower of my back, he's looking at me but not really at me. He's trying to recall things. "And then, Gen and I happened. We both had our own lives… you liked other people. A  _lot more_  people… but I was only  _with_  Gen."

I could feel my teeth grind. My eyes slowly narrowed at him, I feel like he's accusing me of cheating or something for liking other boys while he only had one girlfriend,  _two_. "There better be a point to this…" I say darkly.

He nods. "Then Gen and I broke up, I didn't really want to start dating anyone just yet. I wanted to be free but then the letter came to me. And it made me remember that you were my first kiss… I was curious what you were up to. Then Sanderson happened, you launched yourself at me like a cannon and latched on like a koala. You said to me,  _oh Peter I think you are the handsomest, and sexiest boy in the world and I want you to kiss me. Kiss me, like you mean it because I can only think about your lips since that first-time many years ago."_  He is having too much fun with this, he even tries to mimic a girl voice which sounds ridiculous.

I was far too stunned to react from his statement.  _He's an idiot_. It took me a second to gather myself, "Handsomest is not a word, besides That is  _so not how I remember it_ —"

But he just dismissed me like  _I was the insane_  one for not remembering what I supposedly had said. "From then on, you changed my world Lara Jean. That was when you entered my life, again. Our lives have finally intertwined changing both our lives together. Sure, there were obstacles. There was  _only_  Gen but I was living a life of a celibate while there was Sanderson and Sundance Kid for you."

Okay… he  _really_  needs to get straight to his point or if he even has one because I might seriously headbutt him. He's teasing me so much and he is putting himself in a pedestal while I've apparently been living a wild life. It's not like I made them kiss me, they just did it on their own I wasn't throwing out signs.

He probably saw that I was starting to get irritated so he lightly brushes his lips against mine, "All jokes aside, Lara Jean." His expression is serious now all playfulness has gone. "We did pretend to break up and broke up for real in those times we got back together despite all that." His thumb was caressing my chin, his eyes fixed on mine. "It's the reason why my room still have photos of us, kind of like yours—"

I blush, he never mentioned my room yet. "Well I haven't been home for two months." I couldn't say the word break up, the thought made my heart hurt.

He shrugged, "You could have done it the night you got back from school, you could have put everything away. You could have put me in the hat-box, and would just be a memory."

I blinked. He was right. I could have done it I had been thinking about it but I didn't because it hurt to even consider putting away the photos in the box, to officially end what we had… to move on.

"I didn't have it in me to take them down. If I did, it would have meant that I accepted that we were broken up because I didn't. in my heart I knew that we were going to find our way back to each other, our story wasn't just going to end there. I was willing to wait for you."

A tear had fallen from my eye and I bit my bottom lip trying to stop more from falling. He swiped the tear with his knuckle and he lower his head to kiss my cheek, my nose, my other cheek, and between my eyebrows, lingering there for a few moments. A sigh of content would leave me every time his lips touched my skin. He leaned his forehead on mine, and I say. "The thought of you in my hat-box was heartbreaking to me. It was like going through that break up all over again."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that because I am never letting you go." He promises, a promise I know is not going to be easy to break, no matter how hard it gets because as what Peter had said, we always find our way back to each other. I see it now, I don't want to sound cheesy or anything too but I believe Peter when he said we are  _destined_  for each other. "Because This is Us, Lara Jean. You and I belong with together.. ."

There is always just that one person you truly belong with… I guess Peter and I were one of the lucky ones to find each other this early.

And Peter kisses me. his arms around me lifting me up, and somehow, we end up in bed together. My back on the bed, our legs intertwined, Peter hovering over me, making sure his full weight isn't on me. He breaks our kiss and he looks at me with soft, adoring eyes, like I'm the only girl that matters.. "I love you, Lara Jean."

I lift my head to lightly kiss the side of his mouth. I ran my hands through his hair, and my hand was at the back of his neck. "I love you too."

He smiles at me, and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. "So," he starts.

I smirked. I think I know that our kissing for the night had just ended, because he just yawned. I only noticed now that his eyes are bloodshot, aww my poor boyfriend is exhausted. I giggled all of a sudden. He looks at me questioningly, "I just called you my boyfriend in my head.' I said happily. We never really discussed it but from all the talk we had today I already assumed that we are.

Peter now looks annoyed. No, he's insulted that I only thought of this now. "Covey, before we had sex last night. I already thought you were  _my girlfriend."_

I widen my eyes and I could feel my cheek flushed. I smacked his chest hard as I shrieked for his name embarrassingly.

He was so startled by what I did that he tipped to the side and hit his back on the wall. "What?  _What did I say?_ " he demanded.

I was blushing and hiding my hands on my face. The memories of last night started to come to me and I was flustered. "You said we had— _sex_." I whispered the last word as if it was a bad word.

Peter blinks, once, twice and thrice then he busted out laughing. Then he probably saw the change of my expression that he tried to stop but then he couldn't. "Woah, woah, woah _… where you going_?" he asked still trying not to laugh, he grabs me and wraps his arms around me then a leg over me when I threatened to get out of bed. He held on tighter when I tried to wiggle free but it was no use, he is a lot stronger than me. "You're adorable you know that?"

I rolled my eyes, "You laughed at me." I pouted.

"Well, because we did have sex last night." The way he said it was so simple, like it wasn't a big deal at all. That I shouldn't feel embarrassed about it. Well, I am not but me and the word sex in one sentence weird, like it shouldn't have happened but it did. And honestly, I didn't regret it though. It was always going to be with Peter anyway… and the where and when didn't matter.

I heard him yawn again. "And I know it something that needs to get used to to you but its normal when two people love each other as much as you and I do."

And I know that sex to Peter now is so much more different than what he had before. With me, it's the promise of love, like real we will beat all the odds kind of love. "I know." Then I turned towards him and he stifles a yawn, I lightly cup his face and I pouted again, "You're sleepy." I've seen him like this so many times already that I know that in a few minutes he might pass out. He did this when he'd get to my dorm from his 4-hour drive from practice.

"To be honest, I actually brought you here for two reasons." He yawns into his pillow, and I had to reach over to wipe a tear that fell on his cheek. "One, I wanted to show you my desk."

And I smiled, "Your Lara Jean friendly desk." I say. That's what I call my room these past two weeks. Peter-friendly.

His eyebrows met in confusion, " _Sure_." Not wanting to disagree with me. then he continues, "And lastly, as much as I love fooling around with  _my girlfriend_ ," he pauses to look at me and he grins when he saw me try to hide the thrill that he just said  _my girlfriend_  and it's still me. "And maybe a lot more… god…  _I want to so bad_ ," his voice was husky trying to fight his urges, "I don't think I'm ever going to get enough of you. You unleashed something in me that I've had buried in a long time, or I didn't know I have."

And I blush, proud that I'm the one doing this to him. That I, Lara Jean Song Covey, have this effect on Peter Kavinsky, one of the sexiest, most handsome man in the world. That this man loves me as much as I love him. "Well, you've done the same to me too." I cleared my throat, I'm still a bit timid when it comes to intimacy...

He chuckles, "I know, Covey. You've turned yourself into a shirtless maniac." He teased since the both two times with made out since then I'm the one removing our clothes.

I was about to smack him again but he was much faster this time, he grabbed me at the wrist and kissed the inside of my palm. "And it's not that I can't… because I know I can." Just him talking makes me want to jump him and shut him up so he can just do it but I know what he's going to say.

"I'll sent an alarm. Go to sleep," I say with a smile. I lifted my chin to give him a light peck on the lips.

He clears his throat and nods. He's embarrassed that he's saying no. No guy usually says no. it's funny how uncomfortable he is, like he is regretting his life choices. "I could do it—"

"You know, most guys wouldn't say no to their girlfriend wanting to jump them." I tease him.

He looks sad and he pouts. " _You want to jump me?_ "

" _Not anymore_." I replied but there was playfulness in my voice. I forgive him for now, they'll be other times still. There's still two weeks till a new semester starts up.

Oh god, Peter's turned me into a perv.

He pulls me closer and I could feel him yawn on the top of my head, "It's just if I let you jump me, I'd be too tired to drive us back. It'll be dangerous."

I shake my head, he didn't really need to explain himself and him doing this makes me want to tease him more. "Excuses,  _excuses_ , it's like belly buttons  _everyone has them_." I turn so that my back would be against his chest. I like spooning more than cuddling when it comes to sleeping, I like to feel Peter's chest behind me as if he's going to protect me from anything that comes our way.

He sniggers lightly, "I love you too, Covey."

And I smiled. I reached for my phone in my pocket, it was almost fifteen minutes till10pm. "I'll set the alarm at midnight. That gives us an hour till my curfew." I say, as clicked on the 1200pm picking the really loud bell that always wakes me up, with 2 minute snooze intervals. That should do it.

He just humms in response. He's already far gone. He wouldn't hear what I'm saying now. Then just as I guessed, I felt his breath evened out and he is snoring slightly.

I closed my eyes, listening to him snore. I felt his hold tighten around my waist even if he's still sleeping. "Don't worry Peter, I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore." I whispered.

He mumbles something and I'd like to think he said. "Me too, Covey." And I also drifted to sleep, hopefully dreaming about me and him still even if it's just for a short nap.

* * *

_a/n:_

_What do you think guys? I didn't have class today so I wrote this chapter. Hehe actually, I hope its not too fluffy because Peter's a dummy hahahah I wish I made a better line with peter's memories. I hope I made you laugh coz I did…lol Didn't expect this chapter to go up this long but oh well. HAHAHH (my kpop showed up… Mark Tuan got7 and Wendy Son Redvelvet hahaha) don't forget to review coz it helps me write faster. Thaaanks!_


	14. Chapter 14

a/n: so question did anyone notice that I put pm instead of am for Lara Jean's alarm? And no it wasn't a typo…. Uh oh… DISCLAIMER!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

I opened my eyes; Peter's arms are still around me. He's snoring softly that it just sounds like he's breathing deeply. I was afraid to wake him from our nap, he seems so peaceful besides I love being in his arms. Ill just wait till my alarm would go off until I have to wake him up.

I heard a buzzing, it was my phone under the pillow. Margot was calling. So I slowly lifted Peter's arm off of me so I can sit up. He is such a heavy sleeper that I could just be loud and it wouldn't matter, he only wakes up when someone says his name. I kissed his cheek and smiled, he turns to the other side with him facing the wall now.

I answered her call, but before I could even say anything Margot was already frantically screaming at the other end, " _Where the hell have you been?_ We've been trying to call you!"

I widen my eyes in panic, thinking of the worse scenarios to everyone.

I shook Peter's leg heavily trying to wake him up, "Is  _everyone_  alright?  _Daddy_?  _Kitty_?—"

" _No_ ,  _You_!" Margot sad furiously. Then she groaned, "Daddy has been trying to call you, he called Peter who also didn't answer, he also called Mrs. Kavinsky. He is freaking out."

Peter's mom? Dad called Mrs. Kavisnky? " _Me?_ " I was confused, why wouldn't I be okay anyway? "Why?—"

"Where are you anyway?" Margot demanded

"I'm in Peter's dorm," I say without thinking. I bit my lip regretting this answer now.

" _Seriously_  Lara Jean?" She had a tone of disappointment in her voice, she's also sounding like she's accusing me of something. "Never mind that," she dismissed it for  _now_ , but I know she'll be asking me questions when she comes back or even later on. "Call daddy,  _now."_  She said exasperatedly, then hangs up on me before I could ask what's going on.

That's when I saw that it was almost 4am. "Oh,  _shit_." I gasped. I rarely curse but the situation calls for it. And what's worse I have gotten ten missed calls from Daddy since 2am, one from Kitty twenty minutes ago, and Trina.

_How is it 4am?_  I look through my alarm and just noticed that I set it for 12pm and not 12 am. " _Shit...' shit_ …" I breathed out. I was shaking, I was reaching for Peter's phone and had missed calls from Daddy, his mom and Kitty too.

I smacked my head; how could I be so stupid! Why did I not double check my alarm?  _Dam it!_. "Peter! Peter! Wake up!" I heavily shook Peter's arm to wake him up.

Peter groans awake and he turns, he must have sensed my panic because he sat up immediately, all signs of sleepiness gone. "What's going on?" he reaches for me.

I moved his arm away and handed him his phone, "Call your mom." I got out of bed and was hopping into my shoe.

"Why— _oh fuck_." He saw what time it was and the missed calls he has gotten. He does what he was told and calls his mom.

I dialed daddy's number too. After a couple rings, he answer. "Daddy!" I cry out before he'd say anything, "I am so—"

"You better be home in  _five minutes_." His voice was clipped and far too calm that I ever remembered him. He is pissed. And what I will say next will probably make it worse.

"I don't think I can do that, daddy." I bite my lip Peter was looking at me guiltily. Anywhere in town takes five minutes to get to my house but unfortunately, we are a lot farther than that. "I'm in UVA.'

He was quiet.  _Too quiet…_  I could him breathing and it was the scariest sound of the world. After what seemed like eternity he finally said, "You better be home in  _thirty_   _minutes_  then." He's giving us a five minute leeway since it takes less than that from the school

I swallowed nervously and nod, then I stuttered when I forgot daddy can't see me. "Yes daddy." Then he hangs up. My knees go weak, and I sat on the bed, I couldn't breath and I even jumped when I felt Peter's hand on my back as he's trying to comfort me. He's still on the phone, his mom is talking to him.

"Yes, Lara Jean is with me… Yes we are both okay… Yes mom." He paused probably still waiting, he mouths at me,  _I'm sorry,_ his palm is moving up and down my back softly. Then he continues to listen to his mom, "Yes, we are leaving now. I'll be careful driving back." Then with a nod he hangs up.

"This is my fault!" I cry out and I hide my face into my palms. I knew we had to leave now but I can't move. I'm shaking and I'm terrified. I've never done this before in my life (well the UNC with Chris was one but it was for a good reason, this is just stupidity… ) and I've never seen daddy act like this before. "I set the alarm for noon and not midnight!"

Peter wraps his arms around me and brushes the back of my head, "It's my fault too. I could have set an alarm too." He was shushing me and kissed the top of my head.

It's almost 4 now, which is 3 hours passed my supposed curfew. Dad wouldn't be this angry if I called but how could I have when I had fallen asleep with no clue that I was being an idiot.

"But we have to go," he whispers against my hair and giving me one final squeeze before letting me go. He gets up and offers my hand.

I take a deep breath and I put my hand on his. He helps me up when I nod.

* * *

Our drive back was quiet and Peter was driving slightly above the speed limit. He would squeeze my hand trying to comfort me but we both know that we are both nervous.

I've never been home this later before, even Margot would be home before 3 or thirty minutes after. It was just common courtesy really. We are both in college and have lives of our own there, we go back to our dorms at different hours of the night without caring about curfews but if your home… we respect Daddy's rules. He never really had a problem if I would call saying I'd be home later than 1am.

We get to my house with three minutes to spare and I exhaled in relief. All the lights of the downstairs is on, as expected. I removed my seatbelt when I noticed Peter was turning his ignition off. "What are you doing?" I ask weakly.

"I'm going with you." He was about to unclick his seatbelt but my I grabbed his hand. " _Lara Jean_." He said urgently when I held on tightly and shook my head.

"Your mom is worried about you too." My voice is breaking. We both know that isn't true to an extent. Peter is a guy, so it's not really trouble if he's out all night, but with my dad calling her looking for me. That's a different story.

"I am not leaving you alone, Covey." He's annoyed that I'm even suggesting this.

I lean to kiss the corner of his mouth, "I  _have_  to do this  _alone_  Peter,"

He sighs knowing that I am right. He takes my hand from his and kisses the inside of my palm. "Call me later?" he doesn't take his eyes off of me.

I nod and kissed him softly on the lips. "I have to go."

He squeezes my hand before letting go, "I won't leave until your inside."

"Thank you." It was his way of staying with me. And I appreciated it. I smile at him, trying to remember every detail of him from his beautiful dark green eyes watching me warily, I do not know if I'd still be able to see the light of day from now on. I shake off that negative thought and jump out of the car before I beg Peter to take me away and just runaway.

Dear goodness… I'm like nervous, and I'm shivering and not because its cold out but much worse.

I didn't even try to use the key, I'm guessing the door is unlocked. And I was right. I opened the door and Daddy was pacing in front of the door, Trina was on the couch with Kitty on her lap who was sleeping. Trina pursed her lips at me and gave me a small smile, it's like she's telling me  _You're on your own, kid_. I return the smile.

Daddy stopped and he just stared at me checking if I was injured anywhere with his eyes but there was scrutiny in them still. He tried to hide that he was relived and feign a blank expression.  _This is definitely much worse._  I'd rather he yell at me now, like he did last year when I came back from North Carolina.

"Daddy—"

He raised a hand across his chest, to dismiss me. He didn't want to hear from me. "Just because you have been living on your own these past six months in college, doesn't mean you can disrespect the rules I have set in this house." He sounds so calm it's alarming. It's like he is slowly calculating what he is about to say, what would hit me the most. We've never been in this situation before so this is new to him too... I really would rather he'd yell at me.

I lowered my head, I couldn't face at him anymore that look he is giving me it's like I've done some mortal sin. Sure, I did wrong but why does it seem like this is my fiftieth offence and he's already given up on me. "I know, daddy."

"Do you  _really_?" he questions me.

_Is this a trick? Am I supposed to answer?_ I decided not to. I just let him continue.

"I am so disappointed in you Lara Jean. Never in my life would I thought that you'd do something as foolish as this,"

I bit my lip. I just forgot an alarm. Why is daddy talking down to me like this? That's the point! I never do anything bad. This is horrible. I could feel something in me building… and it's scaring me. I mean, i could have done much worse... i had always tried to be a the good teenager. There more stupid kids out there who are doing much worse. Yet i make one mistake don't come home on time when I'm almost 19 and it was even an accident! He's making it sound like i'm as terrible as they are.

"I didn't raise you to be this way—"

And I blew up, I don't know why but for some reason I couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe because of how my night went that I've turned hostile… I accidentally projected all my feelings to Daddy. "I over slept daddy! It's not like I meant not to not wake up and worry you!" my voice was raised, I could see Trina's mouth go wide. Kitty woke up and she's looking at me. "It was a long night, the dinner didn't go as smoothly as I wanted it to go," I had to clear my throat since it cracked trying to recall how uncomfortable I felt at that dinner table is making me feel sick.

Daddy just stared at me in disbelief. His eyes are watching me as if he's asking himself who is this girl standing in front of him. It couldn't be his sweet Lara Jean…

"It's not like I went out and do what those stupid kids my age are doing. Peter was just trying to make me feel better so we went to his dorm room. We fell asleep, and I set the alarm wrong. If I knew I would have done that, I would have called and you know it." I had to clench my fist hard and shoved it in my pocket I was shaking so much. I don't know what has gotten into me. I shouldn't talk to him like this.

" _Lara Jean_ ," Trina said softly from the living room. She was giving me a look, like  _Stop._  She whispers something to Kitty and then Kitty begrudgingly without saying anything goes upstairs.

Daddy and I are still staring at each other. I want to say something, I wanted to apologize I was about to when daddy said something that I knew I deserved but actually made me feel terrible.

"You're grounded." Daddy said firmly.

" _What_?" I demanded.

" _Dan_ ," Trina said she was already behind Daddy. She was trying to referee for me and Daddy but it seems like Daddy is using his dad card too early in the game. She lightly touches his arm, trying to calm him down.

"For telling you that I don't do stupid things like other kids do?" I asked but I actually know why. I just didn't want to admit it.

"For disrespecting the rules I have set in this house!" Now he had raised his voice that I flinched. He saw my hesitation as a sign for him to continue, "You can't drive the car unless I say it's okay. Peter can't come over if no one is home and he can't stay till after 8!, and you can't leave the house until further notice."

Okay he has gone too far. What the hell does Peter have to do with this? I was the one that did wrong and raised my voice. He can't punish him too. Oh god, I made a mess of things. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Dan, I think that's too much. She's not a kid, she can have her boyfriend over." Trina said trying to have him rethink his unnecessary punishment.

But daddy just looked at me waiting for me to confirm what Trina had just said. She just said  _boyfriend_  I haven't even told anyone about it yet. We only had just decided we were officially back together tonight when it's actually been two days now. But I just stared back at Daddy, I think me talking would make things worse.

And that was a mistake I guess because Daddy huffed and glares at Trina. Now he's ignoring me? "That's enough Trina, I've already made this decision." Then without another word he turns to head to their bedroom.

I bit my lip, my knees could buckle at any moment. I wanna cry but I can't I'm too exhausted to think… maybe that's why I blew up the way I did. Even if I had that four hour  _nap_  with Peter my energy had just gotten drained right back because of the phone calls.

Trina puts an arm on me, "I'll talk to your dad. It'll be okay." She gives me a comforting smile.

"I'm really sorry for making you worry Trina." I say to her sincerely.

She gives me a hug and pats my back, "We were just really worried and I think your dad couldn't handle all his thoughts that instead of being relived seeing you he blew up, but what you did was inexcusable too." She shakes her head. Me and Daddy butting heads never happens, it's usually Margot and Daddy, then he'd just give up because Margot has this thing where you can't win with her.

"I know," I sighed

She pulls away and looks into my eyes, "I'll see what I can do and talk to your dad. And just tell Peter what happened so not to add fuel to the fire. Maybe not have him over for a couple of days?" She suggested.

I nod, understanding the situation. "Okay."

"Go sleep. You look really tired." She gives my a quick kiss on the top of my head and squeezes my shoulder. She pushes me towards the stairs so I'd start walking to my room.

* * *

"I'm grounded." Was the first thing I told Peter when he answered.

"What?" He was as shocked as I was when my Dad told me the same thing five minutes ago. "What happened?"

I exhaled, "I don't want to talk about it yet." And I know Peter wouldn't want to push me into talking even if he wants to know, but if I am just not in the mood at the moment and I know Peter would feel bad if I say something... "I messed up, that's the short version." Then I told him the other  _set_  of rules for me being grounded.

Peter groaned, "Well it's gonna  _get worse_."

"Why?" I know he can't get upset that he can't stay till 8pm.

"Well, I got in trouble  _too_." He seemed amused by this fact. Then it hit me, I was too caught up in my stuff that I forgot that I forgot about Peter and his mom too. "I have to help out at the shop— _till close_."

Now I'm the one who whined. The store closes at 8pm so there's no way he can come over at all anymore, " _The whole break?_ " I sound so sad it's ridiculous. I want to cry for real now. Why did I put myself into this mess?

"Relax Covey, just for  _two days_. The lady that works for mom is out of town. My mom said I should do it instead of galivanting all day."

I cringed and hid my face on my pillow. I screamed into it and I could hear Peter call for me. "Your mom used  _galivanting_! If she didn't hate me before, she hates me now." Plus the fact that my Dad called her at dawn looking for me…  _greaaat!_ This day is just the worse ever!

He smirks, "Well  _we were_."

"Shut up," He's not helping at all.

"And no,  _she doesn't hate you_. How many times do I have to tell you that? She even apologized about how she behaved last night." He said as a matter-factly.

"Was this  _before or after_  she used the word galivanting?"

"Does it  _matter_?"

Oh dear god, Peter's mom thinks I'm a bad influence on her son.

"What sucks even more is tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I was hoping I would get to kiss my girlfriend at midnight." I could hear the pout on his voice.

Oh yeah, it's New Year's Eve… we were supposed to attend a party that his teammate is throwing I even asked permission and it was dad that offered that I don't have to go home at 1am.

"Do you think I can sneak in at your house at midnight and get my kiss then just leave right after?" he asked sincerely. He has done that a few times before when we were in high school.

I sighed, thought I really wanted to say yes, because New Year's Kiss is like one of the most amazing things you can share with your significant other… yet I got my stupid self grounded because I couldn't hold my tongue. "Daddy already thinks I'm a black sheep of the family. I don't want to push it."

Peter stays quiet for a few seconds then he lets out a breath. "I know you don't want to talk about it but I hope you'd tell me sometime today." He said then he adds, "Besides, your dad will probably just needs to calm down. He'll come around, Covey."

I bite my lip and stare at the door. I've never seen Daddy like that before so I don't know if it'll be that easy or soon.

"Coming!" I heard Peter yell. "Listen, I need to shower. Got to head to the shop."

I chuckle, me imagining Peter working has brought on something in my head, "You gotta bring home the bacon?"

"Yeah, I got to feed the girlfriend. She's a  _bit_  high maintenance."

" _Hey_!"

"i'm kidding," He just laughs. "It'll be fine, Covey. I'll see you in a couple days. We can watch shows with Kitty, I'll bribe her to stay at home with us so I can hang out all day till 9pm." He said as a promise. He doesn't have to convince Kitty... she'd stay but _for a price_. I feel bad for Peter now, he's going to sell his soul to a 12 year old.

I couldn't help but feel touched. I wish I could hug him, "I love you,"

"I love you too," He responds. "I'll call you later?"

"Yes please." Then we hang up.

I was staring at the ceiling. I don't understand for why for some reason when Peter and I are doing alright now for some reason there are obstacles along the way. I'm grounded and I don't know for how long. I can't spend my first holiday with Peter now that we are back together. Then with Peter's mom.. I know I have to fix that too. She can say she likes me in front of Peter and he'd believe but I know better. She doesn't trust me with Peter.

Then there's still Margot. I can already imagine what Margot would have to say.

But that's the thing… I don't need to explain to anyone really. I don't have to defend my feelings for Peter or for having them or even staying with him when we broke up because of the long distance. Maybe the reason why everything is going downhill around me and Peter when we are fine is because I still haven't told anyone that we were back together.

Maybe I shouldbecause if they want to ask about how we are back together all I need to tell them is what Peter and I want, or what my heart wants. I want to be with Peter and that's all that matters. I love Peter and that's all they need to know.

I grabbed my phone. It was almost 6am. My roommates are all asleep, I check our chat group. We haven't talked to each other for a day. So I sent a message.

**~Peter and I are back together.**

That ought to do it. When the girls will wake up, they'll see. I can already anticipate what they would say. Leah would be really happy since she'd have a buddy to drive up to UVA plus she's such a believer of True Love. Charlie would just probably congratulate me, then Brandy. That one might be a tricky one… At least it'll be good practice for when Margot and I talk.

I was about to fall asleep when I felt my phone ring. Brandy was calling.

I sigh.  _Here it is_ … "Hey," I say groggily.

I am ready for her wrath or whatever mood she decides to be in. I got to hand it to Brandy though, she has been my rock for the past two months. Leah couldn't understand what I was going through, plus it hurt being around her because she was still with her boyfriend. Charlie would just bring me out to study with her to get my mind off things. Then _there's Brandy_ … she would make me go out with her to movies or just to hang out. She brought me to a party a couple times but I would just end up baby sitting her and shoo the many guys that want to make a move on her.

"Yes you can have last slice, shut up." She was arguing with someone it sounds like. There was a loud ruckus in the other line.

I giggled. I was planning to ask her why she's up so early but then I realized that the better question would be is  _why she's still awake_. "You threw a party?" she mentioned that her parents are going on a cruise for a week. She invited the girls to come over but she lives 5 hours away so that's a no, for me.

"My older brothers are! It was a good idea last night but I'm baby sitting the fools! I'm supposed to be the younger sister!" she complains angrily. Brandy has two older brothers that are twins.

"You can drink tomorrow…  _and we'll watch you_." One of the brothers say loudly.

"No. If were throwing  _another_  party, I am  _calling_  mom." She said stubbornly. It was probably really bad last night that she just said no to a party.

I just laughed in the background. I've met her brothers before they go to UNC too.

"So," she started. She had moved to a much quieter area. Now, here it comes the reason why she called for at 6am. " _You and Kavisky,_  huh?" there was something in her voice I can't point out just yet.

"Yeah." I already have the answer ready if she'd ask if this was a good idea or not.

She was silent for a couple seconds, but it's not that she was thinking I can hear her doing something in the back. I think she's changing. Then she says, "That  _can't_  just happen overnight."

"We've been hanging out the past two weeks… we  _talked_  last night." That's all I said. I didn't really need to explain a lot with Brandy. She's not your typical girl that needs intimate details of things. She can spell it out quickly. Maybe that's her personality for being the only girl in her family.

"Oh. Well then. As long as you talked." She simply said. She didn't really seem interested anymore. Because she started talking about something else, "Did you know that my  _brother's_  girlfriend—"

"That's it?" I asked. She was probably going to go on a rant about her brother's girlfriend who she hates so much. She was totally just going to drop one of the biggest news she's heard in our group since Charlie said she hooked up with her ex-boyfriend over Christmas. She went on a rant spree on the chatroom and now, she's just passing it off as some normal news?

"Why are you guilty of  _something_?" she asked me clearly amused that I'm making a big deal about something that doesn't need to dwell on.

"No," My eyebrows met in confusion. This girl actually confuses me, and here I was ready to say something and she does this. "It's just that. I figured you'd  _impart_  me your teaching about  _life_." I say sarcastically.

She gives out a sarcastic laugh. " _You're a grown ass woman_ … I don't need to tell you what to do and what not to do."

I roll my eyes. "If I am I  _wouldn't_  be grounded right now."

Now Brandy is laughing seriously, like even asking me if I was serious. In one breath I told her everything, well excluding that dinner at with Peter's family. After a few moments she smirks, "Sounds like your dad just  _needs to get laid._ "

"Brandy!" I exclaimed at her.  _Eww_. I don't even want to have those thoughts at all! I firmly believe my dad is a celibate. I don't care if he's married.

"Sorry," then she just sighed. "So you're telling me you got in trouble for sleeping over a guy's dormitory and you didn't even have  _sex_  with him."

I bite my lip. "Yes." Because it's true… we didn't sleep together last night. She better not read into my hesitation because I am so not ready to tell her that her virgin friend is virgin  _no more_. So I distract her, "Seriously, you're not going to say anything about me and Peter? You just called me to bitch about Brandon's girlfriend?"

I could tell she was rolling her eyes already. "Because she's a pain in my ass. She's the reason why the party was such a mess," she yawns. She's probably needing to sleep now too from her shenanigans from a few hours ago. "I don't know why you're so obsessed with me trying to say anything about you and Peter."

And I think about it… why? Why do I want her to? Then the answer pops up, and I say it out loud. "Because I wanted to prove to you that Peter and I will be fine."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. That's between you and Peter." She said simply. "And besides, I figured you two would get back  _together_  anyway."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because Peter's photo is still under your bed." She says it like it means something.

And I just shake my head, I don't understand. It's under my bed because she made me put it under there.

Wait, I put it there because she wanted to rip it. I kept it under the bed because even if I couldn't see him, he's still in the room. I didn't want to give him up. And that actually made me smile. My dorm room was also peter-friendly.

"I mean, you don't need me to make you realize if you actually love Peter or not. Hell if you do and the world seems to be against you then all the more for you to fight for what your heart really wants, because in the end it would be so worth it." She says it as if she knows there are other things that makes me want to defend Peter and mine's relationship. I've told her about Peter's mom before and had called her some colorful names.

And I smiled, her words were actually comforting. She was right, When we make it through all these obstacles and come out of it in the end in one piece it'll all be worth it. It'll be a rough six months but after this semester i think it'll be a little bit easier. I can have my car, I wont feel stuck in North Carolina, i can visit home and Peter anytime I want by then. The four hour drive wouldn't be so bad if I i get to see Peter, Daddy, Kitty and Trina.

"This is why, I don't date, too much work." Brandy said in her ever-know it all tone. Like she's repeated this so many times it sounds monotonous. "You and Leah are dummies. Instead of enjoying the world that is college fun, you're with your boring boyfriends not even testing the waters."

_And there she is_ , the Brandy I know and love. I just giggled, "Well, I guess, we are going to miss out." And I sound too happy about that. I really don't want to or plan to meet any other anymore. I may be too young to say this but I know one thing, it's Peter. I want it so bad that I will make our relationship work, even if it won't be that easy.

Brandy and I talked for a bit until she declared that she needs to sleep, which reminded me that I was exhausted as well. So we hang up and I was ready hidden under the sheets.

I was about to fall asleep when I felt my phone ring, I was going to ignore it but I saw Peter calling.

"Hey," I say trying to hide the fact that my voice i thick from wanting to sleep. "You headed to the shop?"

"Yeah, I am." I can tell he is talking though his bluetooth speaker from his car because he sounds far away.

"Well drive carefully," It had started to snow now.

He smirks, "I am a good driver, Covey," he says proudly and at least that I can admit to. I'd trust Peter to drive us through a snow storm... seriously what is he not good at.

I stifled a yawn.

"Oh, I am not going to keep you long but I have a question," he starts.

"Yeah?" My interest goes at peak.

"Did you say anything to Brandy about us?"

"What? Why?" I asked my voice raised in surprise.

"I got an interesting message from her on Instagram. I didn't realize a tiny girl like her would be able make do on her threat." I could hear the humor on his voice.

_Oh Brandy_... i shake my head. "What did she say?" I ask as innocently and sweetly as I can.

"Nice try, Covey... that's something Brandy and I keep in confidence."

I roll my eyes, I'll get it out of him as eventually... or I can ask Brandy. "Fine."

"Besides, she just has to hold her breath because it will never happen." He said, there was a promise in his voice.

I smiled, i figured it would be something to do with our future. "Oh yeah?"

"I swear on my unborn five boys," he teased me, i have a feeling my breakdown from yesterday would a thing for Peter to make fun of me now.

"You know, that's not nice, you jinxing your five boys like that even before they were born." I retort, maybe getting him to feel guilty.

I could imagine him shrugging, "Well, it won't matter since you said you wouldn't be able to give me boys." He said amusingly..

I could feel my cheek burn. I wasn't sure if the butterflies in my stomach is because he already assumed our future together or I'm embarrassed. I covered my mouth over my arm and let out a tiny squeal to hide my girly moments. Don't want him to think it's okay to say these cheesy things. I took a deep breath to calm myself down, "You're a dummy you know."

He just chuckles, "But you love me," he insisted as if him being that way makes it acceptable for him to a dork.

and unfortunately... yes. It's so true but I don't tell him that he already has a big head. Gotta bring him back down to earth where regular people live, "Keep dreaming, Kavinsky."

"Wow Covey, that hurt." he acts pained this kid could win the Oscars for Best Actor if he wants to.

"You'll live." I say in deadpan voice.

He laughed, "I'm here at the shop."

"Oh," i slightly pout, I don't to hang out yet but I know he has to go. "Alright, go and have fun. Bye..."

"That's it?" He said in disbelief. We always say the three words before we hang up.

I pursed my lips trying not to laugh I know what he's expecting and I am going to make him wait for it. "Yeah, bye." I say again in my sing-song voice.

he groans, "Seriously... that's it. I mean I have to go to work and sit at the shop on a holiday when no one would come in. I am going to so bored out of my mind and my girlfriend wouldn't even-"

I laughed at him and finally I gave in because he is still going  _on and on_... He is such a big baby sometimes. "I love you, Peter." I say seriously.

"I love you too, Lara Jean." He says with a smile. "I'll call you later?"

"Yes please," then we both said byes and then hung up.

I had to lightly pat my face a bit because my lips are stuck smiling, and it has been over two minutes since we hung up. I am in so much trouble and I felt terrible not too long ago but then hearing Peter's voice is turning me into a blubber and a giddy person, forgetting all my troubles. This boy is going to be the death of me I'm sure of it... but I don't mind. I  _really_ don't.

* * *

_a/n: I know this isn't the chapter you were expecting but not everything you want in life is going to be set in place that easily there is always an obstacle... but coming out of it in one piece always makes it worth it. heehe :)_

_Anyone have an idea why Dr. Covey is acting like this?_

_oh and, write your name down on the comments too if you don't want to log in. Thanks for reading the chapter, don't forget to review, folllow and favorite for more._

_and final PS. i actually am not in school but a review for licensure for Nursing so please be patient as i update. Just be patient my loveliessss... :)_

_REVIEWS PLEASEEEEEE! the more reviews it makes me want to write faster hahah :)_


	15. Chapter 15

_a/n: Disclaimer_

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

I was sleeping peacefully when I heard a shriek that immediately woke me without a second thought. It came from Kittty's room.

I shot out of bed, "Kitty!" I called and I ran out my room and as quickly as I could go to here. I was at her door ready to open it but she already did it. She saw me and she looked horrified, she immediately threw herself at me. She's shaking. I was startled at first because she never is affectionate but I hug her back. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask calmly when my heart is actually jumping out of my chest.

"I think I'm  _dying_ … I'm not  _dead_ , am I?" She was crying now, clutching at my back just hoping that I was real and not a dream.

Now I'm freaking out, I pull her away from me so I can stare into her eyes. She refused to meet my gaze, "What are you talking—" but before I could finish she points to her bed. And it took all my strength to not laugh at my little sister, at least the fear I felt a second ago has now disappeared. I shook her once, her head wobbled twice, "Kitty,  _our Dad is an OBGYN_ … why on earth do you think you're  _dying_?" I was giving her a serious expression now.

Then she straightened in my arms, as it finally hit her that she was being dramatic for nothing. Now her face has turned bright red as she recalled what she did two seconds ago, it doesn't help that I was now keeping my face straight so she wouldn't see that I was laughing at her internally. She frowns, "Stop it."

But I couldn't a smile left my lips and I hugged her, I was a proud big sister. "Kitty! You're  _officially_  a  _woman_! I can't believe it. I didn't miss it!  _I'm here for this_."

" _Get off of me!_ " she cried out angrily and pushes me away from her or tries to anyway because I was holding on to her tightly. She finally gave up and just kept her hands to her sides she was grumbling clean profanities under her breath.

I finally let her go, but my hands were still on her arms. "Like seriously, you should have had biology class by now and understand that it's expected to happen when you're a prepubescent."

She opens her mouth to speak, no totally embarrassed. Then she groans, "Well, I heard stories from Anna and Krista…  _theirs wasn't that much!_ " she refused to look at her bed. There was a big circular stain, a sign that our baby sister isn't a baby anymore.

I bit my lip. Trying to remember when I found out about the gift that Mother Nature gave me. It was definitely not that much… it even took me two days to finally ask Chris about it because it was just spots. "It's different for others… but Kitty—"

Then she backs off because I was about to hug her again, " _Touch me again and I am going to pummel you_!"

I shake my head in disbelief. I cannot believe my sister just threatened to hurt me.

"Are you just going to stand there and patronize me or are you going to help me?" She said as she crossed her arms across her chest.

I scratch the back of my head, "I used Margot's last pad from four days ago." Remembering that I was supposed to replace them. "We can check Trina's."

When we did, Trina didn't have some but only liners. That will do for now, I was about to explain to Kitty how to put it on when she snatched it from me.

"I'm not an idiot." She snaps at me, then she stalks off to our bathroom.

I sighed. This kid I swear… But I understand though, it's stressful around these times. It was easy for me and Margot because we were only two years apart. With Kitty, she probably feels little around me when I'm only trying to be helpful.

"We probably need to go to the store to buy you some pads," I say from out of our bathroom door. "Then wash the sheets too."

Kitty leaves of the bathroom, " _Aren't you grounded?_  You can't use the car."

I try to hold rolling my eyes. She probably hid by the staircase last night so she can listen in when Trina actually told her to go to her room. She probably heard everything, and now I'm embarrassed. I feel like a bad influence thinking that it was okay to yell at dad like the way I did. So I guess, that's one of the reasons why Daddy grounded me too.

"Well, I'll ask dad. It's for an emergency anyway." I say but there was doubt in my voice. "Go take a shower so I can do that do, and the sooner we can leave."

Kitty looks at me and then blinks. "Don't tell Daddy that I got my—" she stuttered a bit, "My period…" she had her head down, "I'll want to tell him."

Now I have to find an excuse to tell dad why I'm using the car.  _Great…_  "Fine, shower. Now." And I head to my room to grab my phone. I stare at it for a few seconds, my heart beating across my chest quickly. I have to call him and I know it.

And I did, after a few seconds of staring at his number. It rings five times and I was trying to think over of what message to give him but then he answered.

"Lara Jean," He says my name with no affection what so ever.

I swallowed. I wanted to cry. He's still upset at me. I secretly curse at Peter,  _yeah right Kavisky, dad will soooo come around soon._

"Dad," I say formally. I can't really say Daddy, it's weird to say when he's mad at me. "Can I drive the car to the store with Kitty?"

He exhales out, "Why?"

I bite my lip trying to find a lie, my fingers are fumbling though on my sheets. I really don't want to lie but I can't tell him why. Kitty asked, "I need to buy  _some_  things." I say adding an extra intonation to it so he wouldn't ask any further.

"After the store head straight back at home." He said firmly.

I nod.  _I really don't know_   _what's up with daddy…_  I shake off that thought, as if I was planning to go anywhere else anyway. "I know daddy," I whisper in exasperatedly.

"Okay. I need to go back to work." He said.

"Bye Dad." I say in the softest voice I can conjure.

"Bye," and I swear I could hear the sadness in his voice. He hates that we are this way too.

I was about to say anything but then he already hung up.

"I'm done." Kitty called from the bathroom, she was headed to her room to get dressed.

I figured I should get ready too, but then I saw a text from Peter. Oh, it's going to make him sad to know that the  _kid_  isn't a kid anymore but is now a little woman…

**~Morning, well to you since you're still probably sleeping. You know sleeping in is bad for your health?**

I smiled, It was actually 9am, so that's not over sleeping. I reply.

**~You're just jealous that my punishment is for me to stay at home, while you're working.**

Sure, really don't have any right teasing him but he asked for it. I don't want for a reply and I take a shower so Kitty and I can leave soon.

I impart Kitty lessons that I learned on my own that helped and also what Margot taught me. I explained to her that it's basically a preference of what to chose since she had asked if tampons or pads are better. She listens attentively asking other questions relating to what position to sleep in, or if cramps really do hurt the way everyone says it is. I told her, I never really had terrible cramps but Margot does.

I also told her there are types of food I like to eat that increases my mood since normally I get to be so moody from the highest of high to the lowest while I have my period.

We were in back in the car, Kitty was rummaging through the bag since she we also bought goodies. I might as well buy some junk too if I'm grounded and stuck at home. Who knows when will be the last time I can get back out to society and the real world during the break…

"Thank you." Kitty said quietly, that I wasn't even sure if I heard her correctly. She had her face on the bag and didn't look at me., pretending to decide what to take from it. Then she sighs and hands me my Mocha drink that I bought. She was now facing me but she didn't meet my gaze, "I'm glad that you're the one that's helping me through this."

I bit my lip trying to stay silent. I can't make a big deal out of her affections because she'll get made at me for it. I wait for her to continue.

"It's not like no one at home could help me  _but_ —" she stops and shuddered realizing who the other option would be if I wasn't home.

I nod in understanding. I know what she means. It's weird to go up to your dad saying that you've already started your period even if our dad is an OBGYN. I was glad that Margot was there when it happened, she had stuff at home already so she was telling me what to use then when I even didn't want daddy to know because it's embarrassing. she told dad that she needed to go to the store for her own sanitary pads when she just finished her cycle not three days before that.

"But it's nice to know that even if your still far and miss a few things at least for my one of my big ones youre still here." She was blushing now. I know it's hard for her to talk to me like this.

I smile at her, "Kitty, just so you'd be aware. Despite being far away, you can still call me anytime if you want to talk to me about  _anything_. I will still be there even if I'm not physically there for the big moments. You can tell me so I can experience it with you." I think we never really had this kind of talk before I left. I do forget that Kitty is growing up to be a young lady and not that witty kid that always has an answer to everything. Now, she's going into her awkward teen phases and even being witty will not usually save you from that though I know she'll do a lot better than I even me and Margot did in our teen years. She's actually really popular and likable.

Kitty stares at me and returns my smile. There was still the kid in her, my little baby sister but different at the same time. "I know."

I squeezed the bottle as tightly as I could if not I'd hug Kitty right here and now, which would make her irritated at me and our moment would disappear.

Kitty rolls her eyes. She can tell what exactly I'm thinking. "You can hug me but only  _for two seconds_."

And I don't even hesitate and threw myself to hug Kitty, I even knocked my teeth on her bony shoulder but I don't care. I had my arms around her and held tightly for two seconds then I let go, I don't want to overdo it.

"Can I ask you something?" Kitty asked as soon as I let go.

I nod. "Sure,"

"Are you and Peter back together?" She asks going straight to the point.

I pursed my lips together because my lips immediately formed a smile when asked about Peter. And I notice that Kitty wasn't even asking due to curiosity but for conformation. "I guess so," I say calmly though my heart is doing jumping jacks wanting me to yell it happily that we are back together instead of trying to act nonchalantly about it.

"About time," She mumbled to herself but it was still enough for me to hear.

I laugh and ask her what she meant by that.

"Because I told Peter, if he wants to get back together with you that you two should hang out alone and not have  _me_  around all the time." She said it in a bored tone as if she's said this so many times to Peter. I try to recall when they were alone, and this was when they went sledding, before Christmas.

 _Dork, did he seriously just ask advice to my 12 year-old sister about how to get back together with me._  I will so tease him about that later when he calls me. Then something hits me, "Did you tell Peter that I told I kept telling you, that Peter and I  _were just friends_?" remembering that Peter said the night before that I've been telling everyone, but he mentioned Kitty first.

"Well he was annoying. He kept asking if you were dating someone. I told him he should ask you but he refused to do it, so I asked him that if you two are friends he could ask that easily." She just said it simply.

I stare at my sister, my jaw wide open. My sister just Jedi-mind tricked Peter into making a move to get back together with me instead of assuming that we will. This kid is diabolical and it's scary what she can make people do without even her trying too hard. I secretly thank her because if she didn't, then Peter and I would still probably be in a stupid game of  _do we still love each other_.

I never really told Kitty that but only Margot. Dad only asked once and Trina never really asked, she just thinks it's normal to have Peter at the house  _all the time_. She even said boyfriend yesterday, so I think she was already assuming we were back together when we really weren't. "I don't know if I should thank you or not."

Kitty just shrugged then was back at looking for the snack she wanted. When she finally got it, she opens it and takes a bite.

I on the other hand was opening the bottle and was about to take a drink which was a big mistake because I choked when Kitty asked me, "Did you and Peter have sex last night?"

" _What_?!" I sputtered and I coughed out. My arm was on my mouth trying to hide my cough, what scared me even more is how serious her question was. She just asked it so easily and is eating on her Doritos like it's a normal for a 12-year-old to ask her 18-year-old sister if she had sex with her boyfriend. " _Kitty_!" I shrieked though I was still coughing. "Why are you asking me that?"

She takes her time on chewing, and responded after a second when I glared at her. "Well, I overheard Daddy and Trina talking. He thinks you guys did and he doesn't seem happy about it."

I had to control my breathing, I faced the wheel and mentally told myself to take deep breathes. My heart is beating against my ear, I shuddered please god let this be a nightmare… all of it. Of course, Kitty was pretending to sleep last night, she probably listened in like the brat she is. I take it all back… she's still a kid.

"So, did you?" she asked in amusement, obviously not letting go of this question.

"No!" I say with my voice being an octave higher than it should. Of course, now I'm thankful that Peter and I didn't do  _that_  last night. It's much easier to say that we didn't because it's the truth. If someone asked me if Peter and I have  _had_  sex then maybe that's hard to lie about since my face turns as bright as a tomato when thinking about that night.

Then Kitty shrugs again, not really caring about anything else but what happened last night, "Well you might want to tell Daddy that you didn't."

"Kitty!" This seriously needs to not happen right now. The conversation shouldn't even happen to begin with. Why does Kitty think this is an okay question to ask? I turned to her and narrowed my eyes at her slowly, trying to show her that looks could kill.

She just blinked, not even phased by this. "I think we should go back now."

"Yes we should! And never ask me that again!" I squealed not really going to be able to control my emotions right now. I turned on the ignition but I couldn't move. I grip at the wheel, staring straight at the parking lot. "I really scared Dad last night, didn't I?" I really do understand why he's upset but grounding me was too much.

Kitty nodded, "I've actually never seen him like that Lara Jean. I mean, sure when you went with Chris to Chapel Hill he freaked out but he was scarier last night." She shivered as she was remembering how Dad was acting last night probably. "I don't ever want to get Daddy that mad, ever." Kitty was telling herself mostly as if making a promise.

I pursed my lips and secretly agreed. I've never seen dad that way either and I don't know how to make up with him. It's like the distance we had this semester has brought on this wall that I didn't even know me and Daddy shared. "I'll try and fix this."

"You better because you did yell at him last night," She shakes her head in disbelief. I am never really the raise your voice angry type of person.

"I know." I sigh. I just have to think of something, and soon. I don't want to be at war with Daddy.

"You can bake daddy one of his favorites I guess, to start peaceful negotiations?" She suggested.

Usually when Dad gets mad, I would bake and Kitty would take the all the credit then we'd all be alright but as what Kitty said, we've never seen daddy this way so it might not work… but there is no harm in trying though.

* * *

Just talking on the phone was nothing new to me and Peter. That was the center of our relationship last semester, before I messed it up—well anyway.

So talking to him for the past three hours about nonsense and anything that came to mind was just as special to me and Peter like kissing, hugging or actually physically close. We did this a lot on the weekends when I don't come home or he doesn't come down to see me.

Our conversation was halted when I yawned. "Sorry," I said mid yawn again.

He chuckled, "Well it's midnight." He informed me like I can't see my clock on my desk.

I lay down on my bed finally, since I was sitting on the floor with my laptop beside me since we have been watching funny videos for the past hour now too. "Yay…" I say sarcastically as I stifle another yawn.

"You shouldn't be this tired, Covey. You didn't do anything all day." He teased me when obviously he knew I was doing chores trying to clean the house and all that just so I'd be the good kid my dad knows I am. "I was busy too." I defended myself.

"You keep telling yourself that, Covey"

"Oh, I will," I retort back.

We shared a laugh and then we were quiet after that. It was a comfortable silence though. And we do this a lot too, stay on the phone and not say anything just needing the company of each other even if it's just breathing. I really can't defend myself on why I took these little things for granted back then… if only I didn't get scared by what I felt for Peter then we wouldn't have been in this mess for the past two months.

Though, I kind of don't regret it because things happen for a reason, and even if the past two months sucked I'd still take that path if I'd be given a time machine.

Why?

Because it made me realize how much I actually love Peter… and how much he loves me too.

"I miss you," I finally spoke after a few minutes of silence. I miss him a lot more now than I ever did because I know he's only ten minutes away and I can't even see him. At least living in 3 hours, had a legit reason but this is just insane.

He breathes, "I miss you too," then he moves, "Just say the word Lara Jean, and I'll do it." He says, he sounded determined and I know that he means it. One word and he'd come here.

Oh, how I want to… gosh my entire body and soul wants to say  _yes_ …  _but_ … "You know I can't."

He groans in frustration. "This is killing me! You're just within the neighborhood and I can't see you!"

I pout. I want to hug him so bad and kiss him, "I know. It's worse for me when I'm the one who put us in this mess, Peter."

"So, your dad really refused to eat with you guys for dinner huh?" he asked again. I had told him what happened with me and Daddy, when he called me tonight.

I didn't even want to think about how awkward dinner was. I baked daddy's favorite chocolate pound cake with special icing just for him, Kitty helped with it and designed it the way I asked her too. It was perfect, even Trina helped make Daddy's favorite dinner. We had it all planned it was operation  _'Get Daddy To Forgive Lara Jean'_ but when he got home he saw me sitting at the dinner table with the cake and he said to Trina that he already had dinner at work before he got home.

Daddy didn't even give me a second glance! He just totally ignored me! it hurt! Like a lot! How am I supposed to apologize if he refused to talk to me? What's worse is that he actually wanted to sit down and eat, I could see it in his eyes but because I was there he didn't want to.

"You should have been there Peter,  _it was horrible_." I had my face on my pillow now trying to shake off the memory. I have to find another way to ambush daddy and I know it.

"Maybe I should apologize to Dr. Covey too since it's my fault we were in UVA." He said

I shake my head, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I think because of how I talked to him Don't worry Peter, I'll ambush daddy tomorrow or something… he can't avoid me forever. I'm here for two weeks." I promised myself.

"Well. If you say so. Then I'll just cheer you on," he said.

I was about to say something but then he yawned rather loudly.

I laughed. I think that kind of yawn was subconsciously done now. I think he had been fighting a yawn until I started it a while ago. "Go to sleep, Peter you still have an early day tomorrow."

" _This isn't fair_. How come I get work as punishment and you get to lounge at your house and be grounded. I'll take that instead." He whined like a child.

I roll my eyes, "Sure, then  _you_  can deal with Daddy not talking to me. Because I'll take working at the shop all day any time, Kavinsky."

He doesn't say anything. He probably realized what he just whined about. " _Touché_ , Covey, touché."

I snicker. He is such a dork and he's so adorable _… he's so adorably mine_. "Go to bed Peter," since I heard him yawn again.

"Fine, just because  _you told me to_." He said stubbornly.

He just doesn't want to admit that he's tired and say I'm right. "Good night Peter," I say this time I yawned too. I was starting to get tired.

"I love you," He said.

"I love you, too." I reply back. And after a couple exchanges of sweet dreams and good nights we hang up.

I decided to sleep too since I still have plans for tomorrow. I will get Daddy to talk to me whether he likes it or not. He can't avoid me forever. I won't let him.

* * *

I try to wake up as early as I could but unfortunately still not early enough because Daddy had already left. Trina gives me a guilty look as if she knows exactly why Daddy's acting like this. Well I know she does, she just doesn't want to tell me because she doesn't want to make it seem like she's a picking a side.

" _Tonight_. I'll talk to him," I told Trina. I am determined that I will get to. I hate being in this cold war with Daddy. I want to throw in my flag.

Trina just patted my shoulder and nods, "Well, I'll see what I can do." She said.

I shake my head, "I did this. I want to fix this one my own."

She looks so conflicted though. She wants to talk to me  _now_  but her eyes were on her watch. It's like she's deciding on either talk to me or be late for work. She decided the latter, "I'll see you tonight," There was something more that just  _seeing_  me tonight and I'm sure of it.

She says goodbye to me with a kiss on my cheek and rushed outside. The two seconds of her deciding to talk to me was not going to help her be on time for her work.

I go upstairs and decided to go back to sleep since there was no point for me to stay awake this early if I didn't get to see Daddy. I reached for my phone and I had text messages from my roommates, from last night. Before I talked to Peter last night, I had gotten a group call from them Leah congratulating me stating that it's nice to have another roommate to be in a serious relationship while Charlie just said that as long as it doesn't make me lose focus on my school (Charlie the ever mommy of our group) and then Brandy saying that it's a mistake to have a boyfriend in College. I miss them so much too…

I don't get a message from Peter yet. He probably thinks I'm still sleeping so I sent him a quick message.

**~I didn't get to see Daddy this morning but tonight I will talk to him.**

I feel like if I say it a lot more, I'd have the strength to actually do it and not chicken out to let him leave.

A second later he replies.  **~And I believe in you, Covey.**

And I smiled and I don't doubt him. Thankful that he has that faith in me, when I'm worried.

* * *

"Lara Jean?" I heard Trina call for me from downstairs. I was in my room, I was already reading for one of my classes. Adam had already sent me the syllabus for the first two weeks of class.

"Coming!" I say and I head on downstairs. I saw Trina sitting on the couch. I look around for Kitty since last I left her she was watching TV.

"She's in her room," She answered my unspoken question. She pats on the spot next to her.

I raise an eyebrow, "Am I in trouble?" I ask warily.

Trina smiles and shakes her head. "Not exactly but I want to talk to you."

"Okaaay…" I say carefully as I did what I was told, I sit next to Trina.

"So, I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore, since your dad might be back any time now." She says in the softest voice I've ever heard her in. She's trying to be careful, Trina and I never really had a sit down like this before so it's a different atmosphere. She takes my hand and squeezes it.

"Okay," I swallowed hard, nervous.

"Before you try to talk to your dad, I want to ask you _. Do you know why he's upset?_ " she asks me.

I chew the inside of my cheeks and try to think about it. I don't want to rush this because in reality I actually don't know. The obvious would be because I went home late and didn't call daddy by making him worry or the fact that I raised my voice at him and talked back. But from Trina's expression it seems like it's more than that.

"You're  _not going_  to tell me, aren't you?" I answer her with a question.

"As much as I want to, it's just I am first and for most your father's wife before I am your step-mother. I don't want your father to think that I am undermining his decisions of this house." She tells me and from this I understand that she also thinks dad grounding me was totally uncalled for.

" _But_?" I hopefully say since she might actually help me. Trina has always been helpful to us Song Girls but I think Dad probably had told her something that I need to figure out on my own.

She sighed, she really wants to tell me. "Remember your conversation last night with your father, other than calling him out. What was the one thing  _you should have done first_?"

And I try to remember, and all of a sudden it hit me. "I didn't apologize." Well I tried to but he interrupted me, and then went on to go on a speech about how horrible I am as a kid which totally made me feel guilty and angry at the same time.

She smiled sadly. "I know he didn't give you a chance to but if you could just probably let him go on and talk nonsense I think it wouldn't go this far." She places a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Your dad knows you aren't a bad kid, Lara Jean. Dear god he knows how lucky he is to have you girls compared to all other kids out there. He was just really worried and had imagined terrible things that could have happened to you. So, when he saw you, he just projected those feelings the wrong way."

I looked down and was about to tear up. And I made it worse by yelling at him...

"You know what I did when I was your age?" She said. "And if you tell your dad I said this I will feign innocence."

I nod.

"I was such a troublemaker kid. I partied a lot and dear gosh… anyway I digress. But my dad bless his soul he just lets me do it and still loves me so much because at the end of the day I do admit that I was at fault even if I wasn't." she lifts my chin so I could meet her gaze. "Do you understand?"

"No?" I ask since I kinda do but don't at the same time. I don't want to mess it up again.

"Even if you're an adult, just let him rant once in a while. It's just I think he just finally realized that everyone is growing up fast. Sure, Margot went to college two years ago he should get used to it, but it's different now that  _most_  of his kids are away from college."

I was about to say something but then we heard the garage door. Dad was home.

Trina squeezes my other shoulder too and gives me a look, "Just talk to him…  _and listen to him_."

I nod.

"Even if sometimes he is totally wrong." She said. She leans to kiss my cheeks and gets up to head to their room. To leave daddy and I alone, to talk. Now I can feel my heart race.

I stand up too and wait for him.

"Hello?" Daddy calls since it was 7pm and no one is in the kitchen for dinner.

I immediately meet him, "Daddy," I greet quietly.

He slightly jumped, still not ready to face me. There was no anger in his demeanor anymore, he's daddy again. Like the awkward one as if he's over heard something that Margot and I would be talking about girl stuff. "Lara Jean," he greets back.

"Daddy, I'm sorry!" I blurt out before he leaves again and we wouldn't talk.

He sighs.

"About last night, I really sorry about everything. I have no excuse of why I acted that way." I could feel my eyes glistening with tears. I really was sorry and I hated not talking to daddy.

His lips formed a slight smile and he walks towards the dining table. He gestures me to take a seat next to him. And I do… we sit there staring at each other. Awkward. It was nice… it's at least a start. These two days have been hell.

"I should be sorry, Lara Jean. I acted—"

"No daddy—" then I cleared my throat as I remembered what Trina said Listen to him. "Sorry. I'll stop."

"I know that you're a good kid, I am so lucky that I have Margot, You and Kitty as daughters. I hear stories from my colleagues about their teen daughters and every time I secretly think that I am thankful that you are my girls because you've never done anything to disappoint me at all. In fact I am just so proud of all of you girls achievement." He brushes my hair off my shoulder and squeezed my shoulder. "It just you  _scared_  me last night Lara Jean. It is never like you not to call. What's worse, Carina didn't know where Peter was too. So it made me worry even more, thinking of the worse scenarios."

"I really am sorry, daddy."

He nods, "Things happen that we don't mean and any other day I would have been alright but I guess I didn't realize that I've been holding a grudge against you all these months."

"What?" I asked as I was confused.

"You going to North Carolina. I thought I was alright with it but I guess I wasn't." he smiles but mostly to himself as if he was enjoying an inside joke.

I wait.

"It's just when Margot left for college, I already know and from when she was a sophomore in high school that the University she wants to go to is in Britain. So for two years, I already had that mind set that my eldest daughter is going to leave home."

Then that's when I finally understand why Daddy acted this way. As to why Trina said that he feels it different with me, because my decision to go to UNC was a totally sudden. Since I've known, I always wanted to go to UVA, my mind set was for that school so I guess daddy has that too. When I told him about UNC he was really happy but it didn't even hit me that I also blind-sided daddy too.

"And it's not that I'm not proud and happy of you for going to a school as prestigious as UNC but it's just it only took me a couple months to even process it. It made me realize that this little girl who was as tiny and half as long as my arm, has finally grown up into a beautiful young woman right before my very eyes. So I acted irrationally when you stood up for yourself, I got confused and forgot that you're not that little girl anymore."

"Oh, daddy. No matter how old I am, I'm still your little girl. Margot and I are. Kitty is still your baby girl… I understand daddy, I really do. That all of us will always be the little ones to you." I say to him, my voice sort of cracks in between as tears start to fall from my eyes. What daddy has said is so breaking my heart, I want to do something to fix it but he's in pain because I'm growing up and I can't do anything about that.

"But I have to accept that you all are growing up,  _I mean for crying out loud Kitty just got her period!_ " he threw his hand up in the air, surrendering to time.

We shared a laugh together, because we both know how that feels like. Kitty growing up probably will be one of the hardest things I have to deal with. I have to take that mind set that she isn't going to be little forever.

"That's something I have to deal with. And I will.  _I am_. And I'm sorry I took it out on you." He apologized sincerely, "Do you have it in your heart to forgive your old man?" he wipes the tear off my eyes.

And I nod, "Always daddy, always." And daddy pulled me for a hug. He patted my back and then he kissed the top of my head. "I love you, daddy."

He chuckles and tightens his hug. "I love you too, kid."

And I smiled. It's nice to hear that word though… even if time is fast and I'm growing up, at least I'm still a precious little girl to my dad.

We pull apart from the hug and daddy smiles at me, "So,  _that_  cake?" he points at the fridge.

I laugh,  _I knew it_! Daddy is so predictable, if he had the cake yesterday we would have made up easily but then he wouldn't talk to me like this. It's okay, I like it this way its like I'm closer to daddy. Him pouring out his fears makes me feel like I'm also an adult in his eyes, a  _little adult._

"Daddy, Peter and I are back together." I told him. I want to share these things with him, when Peter and I first got together I never really said  _Peter's_  my boyfriend. It was just assumed since he was always at home and he did boyfriend things. But this time, I want to tell him the decision I made.

He frowns. "Why does it sound like it's recent?" he asks.

And I giggle, "That's because it's only been three days since we got back together."

Daddy scratched the back of his head. "Well I figured you guys are back together since he started hanging out here again." He only asked what was going on with me and Peter once and he never questioned it again.

Ahh so, Trina and Daddy just assumed that Peter and I are back together since then. How come everyone knows these things when I didn't back then.

"Well, either way. It seemed that it was bound to happen anyway. I see the way that boy looks at you. Sometimes it scares me…" He says honestly.

"Why do you say that?" I really like this, it's like daddy and I crossed a bridge together that makes us open up more to each other.

"I feel that he's going to do his best to make you feel the most special girl in the universe. Which I'm thankful for but you might forget about me." he shrugs, he's being awkward again going though his emotions. This is where Kitty gets being closed off sometimes… Daddy.

And I giggle hug daddy, "You will always be my favorite and number one man in my life Daddy."

He sighs and pats my back lightly. "I better be." Then he coughs out a laugh.

"I promise!" because it's true. I may love Daddy and Peter differently but my heart has room for both of them equally.

"Alright,  _you can go_." He said with a snicker.

I pull away, "Go  _where_?" I'm confused.

"Aren't you supposed to go to a New Year's Eve Party with your  _boyfriend_?"

And I smile, it's not because he just hinted that I can go but he just called  _Peter_  my boyfriend. Once again, the mention of Peter brings an automatic smile on my face. "But I'm  _grounded_."

He thinks of my smile as a reaction to me being ungrounded, "Well  _obviously_  you aren't."

I shake my head. I don't want him to think I'm only apologizing because I wanted to go to this party. I'll gladly stay home and spend New Year's Eve at home.

"Go, before your dad changes his mind and make you watch the ball drop on tv with us boring old people." It was Trina that said before I could respond. She gave me an encouraging smile when I looked at her, she mouthed  _Have Fun._

"I really don't mind." I say but my voice gives me away.

"I demand you to go have fun on New Year's Eve, Lara Jean." Dad's voice is firm but his expression was soft and he was smiling.

So I smile back, "Okay," then I pointed at the fridge, "Cake is in the fridge it's in touched." I say and I quickly kissed daddy on the cheek and walked out the dining room to get ready.

I heard Trina say to Daddy, "You did well, my love. You've grown up."

Then daddy sighed, "They all have. I might as well should too."

* * *

Trina dropped me off at Peter's. I wanted to surprise Peter that I am able to go to spend New Year's Eve with Peter. Peter wasn't home yet. He wouldn't be home for another twenty minutes. Twenty minutes would probably be good enough time for me to make my agenda as to why I'm here early.

I knock at the door, and not a minute later the door opens. Mrs. Kavinsky was standing there and she was rather surprised to see me there. "Lara Jean, Peter's not home, yet." She seemed confused to expect me here. I never go to his house with out Peter, only that one time.

I gather my courage and speak, "Actually, I want to talk to you Mrs. Kavisky." I was thankful that my voice didn't shake.

She gives me glance and then she nods. "Well then I will make tea," she opens the door wider so I'd enter their house. Every step I take I could feel my heart beat loudly that's the only thing I hear, Mrs Kavinsky would be talking to me know and I wouldn't hear it.

Calm down heart, I tell myself.

And I sigh, thinking if I can back out and run away instead but I swallowed my nerves. Tonight, will either be another long night or incredible one, depending on how this conversation would go.

* * *

_a/n:_

_HAHAHAH DUNDUNDUDNDUN! I haven't left cliffhangers for a while soooo yea. Hahhaha_

_Guyyys thank you for the reviews… see told you if you review I will write. Though I think coz theres no school tomorrow. That's why. I might be silent again but who knowsss mayve your reviews will make me write more. Hehe Tell me what you think of this chapter. It was kind of hard to write coz when I wrote Lara Jean being grounded I wasn't sure what Dan's thought process was haha_

_KITTY! Aww shes a woman now! Heheh oh Carina is my made up name for Mrs. Kavinsky._

_Alright, let me know what think. I think from now on my chapters might be longer now. REVIEWS, follows and Faves please 3 thanksss_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Happy Updates :) heheh Oh and DISCLAIMER_

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

I was sitting on the couch anxiously waiting for Mrs. Kavinsky. I offered to help her but she said to wait in the living room since she said it wasn't going to take long. But, every second she's away seems like an eternity for me and what makes things worse is I'm having war flashbacks from the time I was here alone. And I'm terrified because what if she's going to bring up breaking up with Peter being the best for him.

I know in my heart I can't go through that again. How I survived for two months without Peter, I can't even answer that. I have to stand my ground and protect my heart and Peter's as well.

Mrs. Kavinsky finally comes and she was carrying two mugs. I was about to stand but she gestured me to sit back down, "Careful it's quite hot," She hands me the mug.

"Thank you," My voice was low and I'm positive I'm the only person who can hear it. I held the mug tightly not even caring that it is hot in my palms. It was my only way to stop myself from shaking. I had to mentally tell myself to breath properly and not have a sigh escape my lips.

I stared intently at the steam from it.

I wish I had thought this through before I decided to do this. I have been wanting to speak to her for since the dinner. I know what I wanted to say to her but facing her now, I can't even get it together. I have completely forgotten why I needed to do this… or the words I practiced while I got dressed today. It's in the tip of my tongue but it's all jumbled up that I knew I messed up as soon as I spoke.

"I love Peter." Then I bit the bottom of my lip now hoping that I could run away but I had to do this. I'm already here… I already started…

Mrs. Kavinsky had the strangest expression in her face. She wasn't upset, in fact she seems amused. The way her lip curled reminds me of how Peter would smile when there's something he finds interesting or he's secretly wants to laugh but knows it's not the right time. Mrs. Kavinsky must know how nervous I am since now that disappeared and she gives me a soft stare, "I  _never_  doubted what you feel for my son, Lara Jean."

My heart stopped. I wasn't sure how I'm supposed to take that statement. She states she doesn't doubt it but from it she never acknowledged that the feelings I have is actually  _love_. But then consider it, I shouldn't take it as anything because I believe parents don't really see their kids as someone to capable of having these emotions yet especially if in our age. They still see us as kids and not the adults that we are slowly turning to. Daddy even never really said that Peter loves me but  _used words_  to describe that Peter does.

So this time, I let myself sigh. It's a way of trying to relax. I need to, so I can talk properly. "I really do understand that you believe Peter and I shouldn't be in a serious relationship when we are still young. You think that it might get us distracted from our goals." I say and from the look I got from her just now, I am a 100% positive that I am correct.

She doesn't say anything but she just waits.

"You really don't have to worry about that, Mrs. Kavinsky. Peter and I know what we want for our future. We are quite aware how important school is. Especially Peter, He has his head straight when it comes to that. He knows what is at stake." This is why I didn't pressure Peter from writing the letters and that I was having a hard time calling him at night when he is sleeping and I'm still studying. He has more responsibilities than me. He has Lacrosse, school and a long-distance relationship was a struggle to balance at times, well I thought it was. Peter was actually doing really well, I was not.

She was so unreadable but she asks, "What is it that you want for your future, Lara Jean?" It's a sincere question.

And I really think about this. Peter and I talked about it a week before school started. My dad never asks me what they are since he just lets me make my own decision on what I plan to do. So being asked this question makes me answer forgetting that I'm talking to my boyfriend's mother.

"Well, my major now is Biochemistry. I'm not sure if I want to make this as my premed or I'd continue with my Doctorate. If I plan to do that then I have to add Physics to as my minor." I smile to myself. These are the thoughts that come to me as I study. "With Peter, obviously he's taking up Sports Medicine Rehab but I've told him that he should proceed to medicine with that since I know he can do it." This conversation was so random that he was almost really thinking of switching to premed cause I almost convinced him to, he even said we should take up medicine together. We even looked for schools that we both could apply in.

I know Peter could do med school with the right focus and motivation. The UVA admission was a prime example to that. "That's why I'm hesitant to do Med school really… if Peter plans to do that then I'll do that too since at least we'd both be in school at the same time. If he's doing the graduate program for Sports Medicine and rehabilitation then, I'll do my doctorate instead."

Mrs. Kavinsky sighed lightly, "So you and Peter have plans already for the next eight years." It wasn't a question but a statement.

That's when I realized that I talked too much. I never even uttered this to anyone else before and this wasn't really a serious conversation but just a passing one. It's a possibility… and the thing is that's the point. Our future always has the both of us in it, no matter where we go. Yes, were broken up for two months but I think that during those times it made me grasp that the distance was so much better than not having him in my life.

"I know all too well that you are only looking out for Peter's future. And so am I. I want what's best for him too. Since I also have things that I want to do for my future." I answer her questioned look.

"This is why I like you Lara Jean, I may have a poor way of showing it. But I've told Peter before that I do, you're strong and you're confident, you know what you want." She sighs, "that's why I talked to you about Peter last summer…" she clears her throat realizing that she brings up what she had done when she ambushed me about Peter. "I knew you were going to be fine if I asked you. Peter wasn't going to do it because he cares for you too much. But with you, I figured you know your goals and want to reach that goal, so you can keep yourself focused." Then she looks at me with sympathetic eyes, it's like she's sort of apologizing for what had happened.

She likes me? she doesn't hate me? Peter was right… he said it the other day that his mom thought that I was strong and confident, intelligent and know my goals. It wasn't just his way of making me feel better his mom actually sees me that way. But the way she's saying it even if she's apologizing, she still stands on what she believes is right. This is what scares me.

"I believe this is why you and Peter broke up two months ago." And she didn't need to hear me say anything because my expression showed that she was right. I was having a hard time balancing Peter and school. I knew I was lacking. "So, I will ask you this time. What makes now any different, Lara Jean? It will only be harder this semester."

And I was thankful she asked this question, I know she wants reassurance that I won't distract Peter for what he needs to do. "We maybe young Mrs. Kavinsky but I know what I feel about Peter is real. I only want good things for him, and I don't want to be a cause for him to lose his focus when given a choice if he really has to, to chose between school and me. I will step out of the equation." I try to control my emotions. I don't even want to think about it but I need to say it just so Mrs. Kavinsky would understand.

She can see my struggle of keeping it together, she takes a deep breath. "But, you would rather that it wouldn't happen."

I immediately look down, embarrassed. I am reassuring her but for some reason it's as if I can't make that promise I'm giving her. "Yes." My voice broke and it was weak.

Mrs. Kavinsky just nodded trying to take in what I said. She didn't speak after that.

We were at a standstill. It has been a minute She didn't say anything still and I'm afraid. What if she doesn't believe me and her best resolve is for me to stay away from Peter's life. I know I can't do that, so will she dislike me forever?

I swear she was about to say something but then we heard the garage door open. "Looks like Peter's home."

_No! He wasn't supposed to be back till ten minutes from now._

"Mom! Do we have dinner? I'm starving." Peter said from the kitchen, he was probably rummaging through the fridge.

Mrs. Kavinsky smiled at me and then calls out to Peter, "We're in here." She gives my knee a light squeeze.

And I'm not sure what that means… but I'm hopeful.

" _We_?" Peter asked curious who is the 'we' his mom is referring to since Owen was next door playing games. He steps out of the kitchen and takes a few steps. He froze when he saw me sitting on the living room. "La—Lara Jean?" he sputtered out my name, he was chewing on a piece of carrot.

"Hi Peter," I just waved like it was normal for me to be waiting for him in his living room, sitting next to his mother.

" _What_  are you  _doing_  here?" His eyes were close to popping out of its socket and his neck would probably break by how much he is exchanging glances between me and his mother. Then he eyes his mother, remembering the last time I was here alone with her. " _Mom_?" he asks warily.

Mrs. Kavinsky rolled her eyes and stood up. "Well, your  _girlfriend_  is obviously waiting for you that's why she's here."

Now I had to control myself from giggling or smiling too much.  _His mom said girlfriend! She said your girlfriend!_  In the past year she never referred to me as the girlfriend before. I think she did but after the summer she never really said it out loud. She would say my name but no she's indifferent to it.

I shrugged at Peter when he looks at me in shock.

"Yeah but—" Peter was stumbling with his words. It's rare to catch him off guard. It's so adorable to see him this way. I plan to do this at least a few more times. Just surprise him that he would be at a loss for words.

"Aren't you supposed to go with Peter to a New Year's Eve thing?" Mrs. Kavinsky asked me. She's loving the fact that Peter is flustered. It's always fun to tease Peter I guess.

I nod. "Yeah." My voice came out funny but I cleared my throat.

Mrs. Kavinsky smiled at me, she can tell that I'm still a bit edgy from our conversation and because it was cut short. "Anyway Lara Jean, I wanted to thank you for the Red Velvet cookies you brought the other day. It's almost gone now."

"You're welcome." And I blushed. The Kavinsky's always have this effect on me, being liked by them is always an incredible feeling. It's weird.

"So, I was hoping you'd teach me how to bake it one of these days. I want to show off to my sister I can bake too." Mrs. Kavinsky said to me with a smile.

And I smiled back, trying to hold back my tears. This was her way of saying that we are okay. I'm officially welcomed to their family again… I can happily date Peter with his mother's blessing. "Yeah, of course. I'm free this weekend. I can come over anytime." I say it too fast, I'm quite ecstatic at the moment.

"Great. Make Peter buy the ingredients then we shall make those cookies." Then she turns towards Peter pretending like she's just seen Peter standing there, who was still in shock. His mouth slightly open, and he still hasn't swallowed his carrots. She walks over towards him pushes his jaw shut with her finger. "Seriously, it's rude to keep your mouth open when you have food in your mouth. Have I not taught you manners?"

I laughed, "I know you did well, raising him Mrs. Kavinsky. Its just Peter is a barbarian." I teased Peter.

Then he finally swallows and then glares at the two women in his life who have now decided to be friends and thinks its incredible to pick on him. He laughs with us too but there was no humor in his tone, " _Great_ , so my girlfriend and mother are teamed up to gang up on me.  _Great_ …my life is amazing." It could go both ways, either a good statement or not. To me it's a good thing because that means Mrs. Kavinsky and I are in good terms (finally) and bad for Peter because well we're out to get him it seems like.

"Got to bring you back to earth my dear, you can't have it all you know." Mrs. Kavinsky pinches Peter's cheeks like he's a little kid and not someone who is towering over her. Then she turns towards me and winks, "This is going to be fun." She waves at me as she heads to her room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Peter was shaking his head trying to brush off what had happened or to collect himself. Then he finally straightened and looked at me, " _Explain_ , Covey." he demanded.

But my heart was swelled up with emotions, I had totally forgotten that I haven't seen Peter for two whole days and I miss him. I don't know what has gotten into me but I got out of the couch and ran up to him. Praying to god that his mom wouldn't come out anytime soon.

I launch myself into his arms like a shot up canon, "Lara Jean What are you—" he caught me immediately, his arms were around my waist lifting me off the ground, since I was dangled to him like a monkey on a tree branch, I hitch up my legs at his waist. My nose slightly touching his, I can see my eyes reflect on his, I was a woman with a mad plan it seems like.

The expression on his face reminded me of that day when I did this exact thing to him in school two years ago. Pure shock, disbelief and a drop of amusement… no I take that back he is totally amused. He raises his eyebrow, "Covey?"

I didn't answer but I just kissed him. Right there in their living room…  _like really kiss him_. I haven't seen my boyfriend for two days what was I supposed to do. I didn't conceive that I'd miss him  _this_  much.

Peter kisses me back immediately also forgetting where we are at. His hand was on my face, fingertips tangled in my hair as he deepened the kiss.

God I was dizzy, then I remembered where we were. So, without another second thought I broke our kiss, Peter was leaned towards not wanting the kiss to end but I had a finger between our lips. "Peter," I breathed his name, we were both out of breath.

He groans, "You drive me crazy do you know that." he complains.

I give him a quick kiss on his lips and I hopped off of him. I wipe his lip since it was shinny with my lip gloss. "I try."

He looks over to his mom's room and sighs. "Are you okay?" he turns to me and tucks my hair into my ear, he's nervous. He doesn't know why I was here… I was supposed to be grounded.

"Daddy and I made up." I said with a smile.

He smirks. "Obviously, you wouldn't be here if you weren't." then he shakes his head, "No I mean with my mom. Everything okay? She didn't call you here, again right? Because Lara Jean—"

I kiss him. He's so amazing that he's worried about me. That maybe his mom did something again, which nothing happened but all good things.

"You do know my mom's  _door_  is open right?" he teases me since for some reason he's really entertained by the fact that I'm acting like this when his mom is just a door step away.

"I came on my own.  _I_  wanted to talk to her." I wrap my arms around his waist. I am so happy right now, I can freely love Peter and no one will get hurt because I do. I breathe in and take in his scent. A mix of detergent from the shirt despite being out all day and a slight hint of his cologne. Gosh, I missed him.

He hugs me back and kisses the top of my head. "So, I'm guessing if you're being this way that the  _talk_  went  _well_?"

I never really told him that I was planning to talk to his mother at all. I just nod into is chest. "You can say that." I can't hide my giddiness anymore even my voice is slightly higher than normal.

"What did you guys talk about?" he whispered against my hair.

Then I smirked, I looked up at him, and he peers down at me curiously, I gave him a devilish smile, thinking to myself.  _Ahh sweet vengeance is mine._ "Nice try Kavinsky, that's something your mom and I keep in confidence." I repeat exactly he told me yesterday when I asked him about what Brandy said.

He narrowed his eyes at me in disbelief and I just stared back but I was smiling. We did this for about a minute and no one even tried to blink. Peter can never win this game, I can see his eyes tearing up already. He groaned when he blinked. "Fine… you win."

And I smile again, this time a much sweeter and innocent one. "I love you," I say to him.

He lifts my chin and leans down to brush his lips against mine, "I love you too," he whispered back.

"You ready to go?" he asked me since it was almost nine and we still have to travel about thirty minutes, and probably feed Peter on the way there.

I nod. "Yeah."

"Let me get changed first then we can go." He kissed the tip of my nose and between my eyebrows. "You want to go upstairs with me." he wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

I hit him in the arm. "Your mom's  _right_  there!" I say in a hushed tone and points at the open door. Next to his room.

He just laughs, "Yet  _you kiss me_  in the middle of the living room."

"It's still a safe ground. It's public space yet intimate." Then I tip toe so I can whisper in his ear, in my most seductive voice, I breathed. "Besides, If I  _watch you get dressed_ , I might not be able to control myself and  _would stop you from putting on clothes_." I felt his breath hitch and saw his throat bob nervously. I placed my hand on his chest and I felt his heart beat fast, then I pushed him off. "Get dressed, I'm actually starving." I say with a straight face, I pretend to be uninterested that I got made him feel that way when in reality I wanted to jump up and down to declare victory. I got him flustered again! That's twice in less than thirty minutes.

He just stood there his ears are red, mouth slightly open, he was staring at me in shock. It was a whole two seconds before he finally came back to his senses. He frowns at me, " _Have I ever told you that you drive me more crazy than any girl I've ever met_?"

And I smile, remembering that it was when we got back together after being broken up for weeks during high school. It was also when Peter said me he loves me for the first time, in the tree house. "You've told me before."

He returns my smile, knowing that he said that on purpose. "Just wait here, I'll be back in less than ten minutes." He steps closer to kiss my cheek and then runs upstairs.

* * *

Here is the thing with me and Peter, we don’t have to be close to each other to have fun. We can mingle with other people just fine and would still find one another without trying too hard.

Peter is across the room playing beer pong with his teammates rather loudly in fact, I think he’s winning. Every time he’d make a shot he’d give me a wink, like he did now.

It was cute the first few times but now he’s just showing off, and it’s annoying.

I ignored him and rolled my eyes, when he waved obnoxiously to get my attention. i just stuck my tongue at him and he gave me his best Peter smile. Okay, I take it back he’s _adorable_ still.

“You know he is so _lucky_ to have you,” Ashley said when she giggled at our interaction.

I turn towards Ashley. She is one of Peter’s teammates girlfriend, Chester. She’s like really super pretty _like super model hot,_ if she decided to lead her life that way. I felt a little insecure standing next to her since she’s towering over me. “Really? Why?” And I’m surprised she said that because most girls who are as pretty as her would usually say that I’m a lucky one to bag someone as hot as Peter.

“Because I’m surprised you’re letting him run around like that when there are parasites around wanting to take what isn’t theirs.” She points over to where Peter and Chester were standing.

I didn’t really notice until Ashley pointed it out but mostly the people watching the game are girls, and dressed up attractive girls, whose attire is about hit up a club and not a house party are flocked together and whispering while oogling at my boyfriend like he’s a piece of meat.

Peter scores again and he meets my gaze, responding with goofy smile. One of the girls noticed that he kept looking at our direction. She saw me and rolled her eyes, wow she’s annoyed at me for some reason.

This made me laugh. I am so used to this that it doesn’t faze me at all. I take a drink from my glass, and say to Ashley with a shrug, “Well, he can make his own decisions. I’m not here to tell him what to do.” Which is true, I have a lot of trust on Peter that these things don’t bother me even the slightest. The only time I make him look at girls is when I think they are super attractive and he’d respond to ‘Nah, you’re prettier,’ and when I call him blind he’d begin to list things that he thinks are beautiful of me then I’d just start blushing.

“See, that’s where I think that’s wrong. I mean look at Chester... he’s smart enough to stay at least a foot away from those girls and not even try to glance their way...” the way she’s talking it’s like she’s telling me how to be in a relationship with my boyfriend.

That’s where I see that Chester is ignoring all those girls and would even jump away if they get close. Of course, Peter isn’t helping him at all because he’d be asking everyone to cheer and ask for high fives with everyone that’s near to him which includes those girls. Peter doesn’t notice those girls drooling over him, he just wants an audience to him playing.

“I trust Peter, so you just have to trust.” I simply say because that’s my truth. I eye Ashley carefully, curious as to why this gorgeous girl is so insecure that she’s be super possessive of her boyfriend. Chester is an idiot he knows how lucky he is.

Ashley’s face soured and glared at the girl trying to talk to Chester. The girl’s friends pulled her away then slightly gestured towards us. “Well, he knows better. If he decides to make a mistake, he knows I’m cutting it.” She waves at the girls with a scary calming smile.

I almost choked on my drink. This girl is intense and terrifying. I better hope she’s joking because she’s creeping me out. I have been talking to her the past hour and she seemed so normal, and I was starting to like her too.

She probably saw my discomfort and then laughed, “ _Oh my god_. I was _joking_.” She squeezed my arm lightly.

And I just laughed warily, totally terrified. She sounds like she’s joking but she looked so serious a few moments ago that I wasn’t really sure. “Of course, you are.”

“Ashley!” There was a girl who called for Ashley. I’ve met her before in one of the games, it’s Freya. She’s Chester’s twin sister. The two girls hugged then Freya looks at me, “You’re Lara Jean, _right_? You’re Peter’s _girlfriend_?”

And once again at a mention of Peter, a smile automatically leaves my lips and being a bit tipsy tis making me loopy too since I was smiling far too much. I had to put my bottle to my face since I was blushing as well. I nod, “You’re Freya,”

She smiled at me happy that I remember her. Then she glances at Ashley who was throwing icy glares towards where Peter and Chester are. “Chester isn’t going to disappear _if you don’t have your eye_ in him for just a second.”

“Well, I love your brother.” Ashley defended herself.

To Ashley it might be love but she’s too blinded to see that it’s now an obsession instead of what she thinks it is. To me I believe there’s a thin line between love and obsession, it’s just how you see and understand what you feel about the person.

I love Peter and I don’t have to go over there right at this moment to show him that. I don’t get angry at all those girls staring at Peter like he’s some conquest, because I know he’s not going to do anything about it. I know my boyfriend has the tendency of wanting to be praised and he is so likable that it’s comfortable being around him. We don’t need to spend every waking day with each other because we have our own lives too but we are intertwined with each other, and that’s what matters.

Me and Peter... where ever we are. It’s always us...

 

I was sitting outside the porch alone. I needed some air since whatever shot I had just gotten fifteen minutes ago is taking effect and my body is too warm. Even the slapping cold of the winter on final day of year is only slightly helping.

I was talking to Freya and some of her UVA friends. Ashley had finally decided she was done with the other girls gawking at her boyfriend that she took him somewhere. As far as I know they disappeared in one of the rooms upstairs.

I took a photo of myself since Leah was asking what all of us are doing. Even in the dimly lit porch it was obvious how red I am. Brandy’s photo just came in and she’s at a party with her high-school friends, she’s in Myrtle Beach. Charlie was having a family gathering while Leah was with Gavin, they are having a chill night at Gavin’s house.

 **~Where’s Peter?** It was Leah that had asked.

I was about to type that he’s trying to be the beer pong champion of the night when I felt warm hands wrap around me. I could smell the familiar detergent mixed with his cologne. Peter planted a soft kiss on my shoulder then he playfully bit me.

I wiggled from him but he tightened his hold. “Hey,” I say mid giggle.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” He said into my shoulder. He was nuzzling on my neck, the tip of his nose barely touching the skin in my neck.

“Here, smile.” I raise my phone to take a selfie. His chin was on my shoulder, my cheek touching his. We both have bright smiles on our faces.

I typed along with the photo **, ~He says hi.**

With that, Charlie and Leah reply with a hi while Brandy sends a puking emoji.

I showed the response to Peter when I laughed. Brandy and Peter like to pick at each other.

He takes another photo with me in it but this time his lips touched my cheek. It was such a candid shot coz I blinked. **~She’s my homegirl not yours - Peter**.

“You’re egging her on,” I take my phone, from him. And I saw a reply from Brandy saying, **two more weeks buddy and she’s mine.**

I shake my head. These two are such dummies sometimes. I pocket my phone and I saw that there was less than five minutes till midnight. “Did you become champion?” Last I checked on him it was almost the last round.

He puts an arm around me and shakes his head. “You were gone. I didn’t have my number one cheerleader. So, I gave it up.”

I roll my eyes. I haven’t been cheering him on while he was playing, so what makes it any different now. “You have a lot more cheerleaders out there,” I teased since there were a lot of girls there chanting for him if he makes a shot.

I sighs dramatically and pouts, he hates it when I tease him about girls drooling on him. “But you’re the one I want to hear cheering for me. That trophy wouldn’t make any sense if you’re not there to see me win.”

“You’ll live,” I shrug but I was already hiding my face on his chest so he wouldn’t see me smiling like an idiot because my heart is jumping up and down quickly and it’s not me being slightly tipsy.

He kisses the top of my head, “Well, my girlfriend was busy making friends that’s why she forgot about me.”

I looked up and I frowned. I liked talking to Freya but Ashley just has this weird vibe. Sure, she’s cool and I have nothing against her but when it comes to Chester she gets blinded and turns into something else. “ _Ashley’s a bit_...” I pause trying to think of the proper word to describe her.

“ _Intense_?” Peter offered. He brushes the hair off my cheek, since my hair was in between my lips too.

I pursed my lips not wanting to say anything. I shouldn’t judge really. “Um, to an extent.” Though my words sound like I don’t believe myself either.

Peter just laughs, “Well, she drives the team crazy sometimes. She picks a fight on cheerleaders at some games when she thinks that they are looking at Chester. Then when she be there at practices too and would yell at us if we don’t hand Chester the ball.” He shakes his head and smirks trying to recall the things he had mentioned. “She barely misses practices and the games so imagine how much of a mess that is.”

I’ve only been to two games last semester and I’ve never seen Ashley act like that before. I can only imagine. Then I felt guilty, did I hear anything on Peter’s voice when he said she barely misses practices and games. It made me feel guilty, and the Peter’s words to me when we were breaking up plays in my head. So, I ask, “Do you wish I was like that too? I mean the going to the games not the crazy part.” Okay, I think I’m a bit tipsy because I just called Ashley a name. That’s not nice. I tell myself.

I felt Peter freeze. He pulls away from the hug and holds his gaze at me, “Hey, look at me.” because I refused to. He had to lift my chin to meet his eyes, “ _Covey_.” his voice was firm. When I finally did, he sighs. “I want what we have now. I don’t care if other people have this and that in their relationship because everyone is different. We are different. _This is us,_ Covey _._ You and me _not_ us and them.”

And I smiled. His words are so simple but I really understand what he means. Maybe I was jealous of Leah and Gavin before who saw each other almost every weekend. It was easy for Gavin because he didn’t have Lacrosse like Peter. Peter and I have a different case than other long-distance relationships because we have other responsibilities. I shouldn’t compare myself to other girlfriends who always calls because they have free time.

He brushes my hair lightly and kisses my forehead lingering there for a few seconds. “It will be hard, but we just have to go through this semester, Covey. After that it’ll be smooth sailing from there. We will be sophomores, we have adjusted to the college life. We have most of the summer to spend almost every day with again, and you know why it’ll be smooth sailing from there?”

I shake my head. I kind of know but I let him say it because he’s on a roll now.

“ _Cars_ , Covey. We can have our cars now. I think that’s what made it harder because you feel stuck in Chapel Hill without a car and I have to ask Mom to drop off my car to school.” His mom knows when he comes to see me because of that, he’s mostly in a bad mood when he comes see me the later weeks into the semester because his mom and him argue as to why he’d come see me. He won’t tell me why but I know better. “You can finally come drive up to see your family and me.”

And with that thought I feel excited hoping that the semester ends soon before it even start… “I can watch your weekend games with Kitty, I can come home every weekend—”

“No, I don’t want that.” he said firmly.

I looked up at him, curious. Why would he say that? It makes a lot more sense for me to drive up since I have family and him while here in UNC it’s just me and it’s an extra four-hour drive since he has to drive back.

He answers unspoken question, “I love your family Covey, I do. But if you come home every weekend then I would be sharing you with them, now that your friends with my Mom. I have to share you too.” Then he shakes his head and pouted like a child when someone asks if he should give one of his toys to a playmate. “No, no, no, no. I want you by myself for at least _one_ weekend or two.”

I pursed my lips trying not to smile too much. He is such an adorable dork. My adorable dork… not wanting to share me because he knows I have to split my time with him and my family. With being at UNC at least my roommates understand to give us time to ourselves. Brandy, Charlie and Leah stay out of the dorm as long as possible every time Peter visits but we all have dinner together, that’s why Peter is close to my roommates too.

“One minute!!!” We heard someone yell from the inside and the commotion started as most people are trying to find people to kiss.

But Peter and I are just looking into each other’s eyes, we’re together and that’s all that matters. A thought comes to mind, like our New Years Resolution. “Should we make a new contract?” I ask in a soft voice it was almost muted by how everyone else around us was loud, even if we were the only ones outside.

He lightly caresses my face with his fingertips. He shakes his head, “No more contracts for us Lara Jean. I was right the first time when I said it. Let’s go all in, no more safety net. We did that and we were fine for a year, then I had that contract and we broke up in less than 2 months.” He said. And I just realized that he was right, that contract isn’t ensuring that we are together, it pressures us to be together and not because we want to.

“Okay, no more contracts. Let’s go all in.” I smile as his arm wraps around my waist pulling me close, our chest is touching. Our face was only an inch away from one another.

Then the countdown began… everyone was yelling…

_Ten…_

“I want to write you a letter when I can because I want to and not because the contract is making me.” He starts, his lips touched the spot between my eyebrows.

_Nine…_

He kisses my cheek, “I want you to call me once a day, anytime you want, even if I’m sleeping because you want to.”

_Eight…_

And I know what he’s doing, he’s listing what he wrote on my yearbook. There is freedom for us to be happy, to actually jump with our hearts first. So, I say the next one, “I will put your picture back because I want to. And you will leave your desk the way it is, because you want to.” I close my eyes and let out a breath on my other cheek.

_Seven…_

“We will always tell each other the truth even I it’s hard, a contract isn’t necessary for that because that’s what we should always be honest to each other.” He kisses the corner of my mouth.

Six…

“Open your eyes,” he said since I still kept them close. I already know what the last part is. I was waiting for him to say it. I memorized that contract by heart, so I want to hear him say it.

 _Five_ …

I opened his eyes, and I could see it in his gaze how strongly he feels about this last one. “I will love you, Lara Jean Song Covey, with all my heart. Always.”

_Four…_

I smile, “And I will love you, Peter Noah Kavinsky, with all my heart, always.” I say with conviction because it’s true.

_Three..._

“You better not break my heart then Covey,” There was playfulness in his voice but I knew it was real.

I smiled and I waited.

Two…

One…

“Happpy New Yeaaar!!” Everyone else yelled.

“Never, again.” I said and without saying anything else our lips met finally and we kissed. Our kiss was full of promise, it was as if it was right there we both give each other our hearts once again and it will never be the same from here on out. We don’t no idea what our future holds but as long as we’re together fighting it through we will be fine.

Six months, that’s the hardest part after that, it’ll be easier. But no matter how hard it is, we will love each other and _work_ on our relationship. It’s not just about love but work too and I want to. I will fight for us, everyday for the rest of my life… a strong promise that I want to keep.

I’ve given my heart to Peter Kavinsky and he also gave me his. We will treasure it and care for it carefully.

“Happy New Year, Covey.” Peter said as he broke the kiss slightly but his lips were still against mine.

I groan in annoyance. I can’t believe he just stopped kissing me, I don’t care if it’s New Year. “If you’re going to stop kissing me again, your dead, Kavinsky.” And I can hear the promise in my threat. And I want him to know it.

He laughs and nods. He lifts me so I’d be sitting on the ledge, with my back against a column. He steps close, my knees are on his waist. My arms, snakes around his neck to pull him close my fingers are tangled at the back of his hair, brushing his smooth hair. “Don’t cut your hair,” I whispered as if the feel of his hair is getting me amp up for nothing. I’ve always loved Peter’s hair and he always kept it short, so now that it’s longer I love it even more. My fingers are almost buried underneath them.

He nods again, “Anything else?” his lips were at my jaw, he was alternating between soft kisses and an open one.

I sigh in content, as I could feel my heart race against my chest hard. My fingers tighten at his hair. I close my eyes, my breath hitched as I felt his hand inside the back of my sweater, his cool hand came in contact with on the small curve at my back. “Don’t grow a beard.” I absently, my mind hazy. I can feel the prickle of his unshaven chin on my neck, which isn’t helping me at all, it’s giving me tingles in every edge of my body especially in my toes and finger tips.

“And?” his mouth moving down from my jaw to my neck then to my collar bone. Then to the other side… my name left his lips slightly.

I am so enjoying this when I shouldn’t. Not when there’s a big window next to us, and if someone to see us in this very indecent yet _hot_ position. Since my knees has locked him in place and he can’t go anywhere. “I can’t think.” I said breathlessly.

He just chuckled but still continued his assault on my neck yet he he’s sucking on the bottom of my ear lobe now. That I had to breathe his name too. “Kiss me dam it.” I cursed. I can’t take this anymore, I might explode. I grabbed the back of his hair to pull him away, he had a surprised look on his face then he grinned darkly, “Kiss me, Peter,” I ask nicely this time.

And we don’t say anything anymore, all games have disappeared. We kiss passionately that I could combust right here and now. His finger tangles at the back of my hair too holding me in place as he deepens the kiss. His arms around my waist pulling me, closing whatever invisible space we have from each other. My body molded into his perfectly, as if we were one jigsaw puzzle.

It was a good thing he was holding me and my back was on the column or else I’d fallen off this porch by now.

I had to mentally tell myself that we were in still in a public place or I would have taken off Peter’s shirt just so I could feel his skin. But our kiss is making me forget… forget everything.

I feel…

_I feel…_

Then someone made a hurling sound next to us. It was like someone threw a bucket of ice water at me and Peter waking me up from our daze, lust and love for each other.

There was a guy a few feet away from us that was hurling his guts out the porch. I don’t know why we are both watching. It was such a disaster for us and even this kid. Disaster for me and Peter because, well we were interrupted in whatever we were about to do. And for this kid, because it’s embarrassing to just run out to and projectile puke, like it was no one’s business.

Then I laughed. I laughed so hard that I hugged Peter and hid my heated face into Peter’s chest. Peter had to shush me because it’s not nice to do this to someone. But I can’t help it, I wasn’t laughing at him but at the situation. If it wasn’t for him, how far would Peter and I have gone? If someone recorded us and made this viral again like last time then this is totally my fault. I should know better.

The guy had finally finished. He was holding on to the railing breathing heavily like he was trying to contemplate if he wants to die right here or continue to throw up. That’s when he saw us, and he frowned since I was laughing.

Peter cleared his throat, “You alright, man?” he asked in his most charming voice but I could hear the bitterness in it. He wanted to hurt the guy for ruining our moment.

It took the guy a second to recollect himself. He knew what he did, he felt guilty. “I am so sorry dude, _um, continue_.” He coughed and stumbled back inside using all the walls to keep him straight. It took him a good two minutes to even find the door. Peter and I just stayed where we are, watching him. We didn’t offer to help him, we don’t want to. I’m kind of holding a grudge at him anyway, even if he saved me from myself.

Peter then sighed. He looks at me, and he knows that the moment, The wanting to eat up each other whole was gone. Logic had finally hit us, and we both realized that we have had a few to drink and if we continue we might do something we shouldn’t do even if we want to. “Moment’s gone?” he wanted to ask, though he doesn’t really need to.

“Thank him for that.” I teased as I pointed at the spot where he decided to ruin everything.

“Killing him would be better.” he grumbled angrily under his breath. “I think we should sober up.” He said more seriously this time. He flicks my hair off my shoulder. “I think a couple hours will do then we can drive back. I didn’t drink much anyway since I’m champion. They all drank from my cup.” He said proudly.

I rolled my eyes, so he did win. He just came and found me because he was done playing. Not because he wanted to find me. “Well, my Champion. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see that.” I felt bad slightly. Then I took a deep breath and kissed his cheek, it’s much safer. “I think it might take longer for me to. I think I’m a tipsy.”

He chortles, “I can smell the alcohol from your breath, Covey.”

And I frown at him. “Yet, you take advantage of me.” I said to him judgingly.

He covered his chest as if he felt used, “You _took_ advantage of me! You got mad that I greeted you a happy new year! You just want me for my body Covey! Shame on you!”

I tried, like really tried to pretend to be angry but I can’t help but laugh. His face looks sincerely hurt and _taken advantage_ of. Besides, he was right. I haven’t greeted him yet. It’s not nice to start this way. “Happy New Year, Peter.” I was about to lean to kiss him but he puts a finger on my lips. I raise my eyebrow at him, in question.

He shakes his head, “Don’t kiss me, Covey. I don’t think I can stop myself if you kiss me again.” There was an edge to his tone. It was dark husky and _sexy_.

I gulped. My face starts to burn. If I kiss him, then we’d go back to what we just did five minutes ago and if he can’t stop. There was no way I could too. Peter always said that I was driving the bus to this _intimacy_ that we have. So, I ask myself, do I drive that bus to that direction or stop it right here and there just to keep in control. We were in a public place, and sure there are rooms around. _I’m sure we can find some place_ … _or Peter’s car_ …

Oh god, something’s wrong with me.

“And it’s not that I don’t want to. God, Covey. If I could. I’d take you right here.” His hold tightens around my knee. I had just noticed that he had taken a step a way from me. There was a good foot distance from us. “But, if ever we head to there again, I want it to be special still not because we can’t think straight or I can’t control myself. I know that sex is special to you. I plan to keep it that way. I want to make you feel special, properly. Because I Love you.”

And I pout and my heart swells up. I want to kiss him so bad now, like not passionate but just a light peck on his lips to reassure him that sex is special to me because it’s with him, the boy I love. But he’s right, I really don’t want to do it on someone else’s bed or worse in Peter’s car. _Not during my first few times_ … I nod. “Okay. No kisses.”

But he leaned forward and plants a soft kiss on my lips, and then he pulls away quickly before I could respond to the kiss. “You want to see if Jackson has food in his fridge?” Jackson Wang, a sophomore, is one of Peter’s teammates who is throwing the party.

I smile, and nod. “I think I found some pizza rolls in the freezer.” I say. He looks at me funny when I said that. I have this thing of checking people’s freezers when I’m drunk. I did that a couple times at Gabe’s and Darrell’s.

He offers a hand to help me hop off the ledge. “Alright, then we should make some and hide. I don’t want to share.”

I laugh and nod. “You make a distraction and I’ll microwave them. Meet me back here in five minutes?” I say deviously as I peep through to see there were five girls standing at the kitchen. “Give them your best Peter charm… only for three minutes… take them out of the kitchen. Then break their hearts… _because you are mine Kavinsky_.” I say with deep possession. To me I feel like Ashley, crazy and obsessed. This will be the only times I can use my hot sexy boyfriend for bait. _Food._

He laughs heartily. He hugs me and kisses the top of my head. “Okay. Breaking hearts for food. I like this team of ours.”

And I smile, I need to sober up soon so I can kiss Peter again without having him worried that I’d take advantage of him. “Not my heart though.”

Then he stops, turns to me and gives me a hard look. “Never yours. I’d rather starve.”

“It shouldn’t have to go that far.” Then I kiss his cheek, “I will never starve you. Now go! Do your mission.” I push him to the door since he was standing there, seriously thinking that I’d believe he’d break my heart for food. He’s still also drunk I think. Two hours to sober up wouldn’t be enough. I probably have to call Daddy that we’ll be home before after 4 or something. Dad said it was okay anyway.

“Alright. Here I go. Sorry ladies, but my girlfriend is starving.” Then he stalks off to the kitchen headed towards the girls.

I shake my trying to stifle a smile. I swear, Peter’s such a dummy. A cute adorable, sexy, hot, lovable dummy. But he’s _my_ dummy. And will be mine forever… if he’d let me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n:  
> LOL I wasn’t going to end it here I was going to do like something they’d be back for school… but I forgot Chris is coming. CHRIS IS COMING lol I never do spoilers but there’s one. AWWWWWW GUYS! I UPDATED! Hope you like this, I enjoyed writing this chapter, with Lara Jean and Mrs. Kavinsky that was really hard to write. I wrote that last actually, the new year scene was before that lol. Also, I quoted a lot of PS I LOVE YOU and ALWAYS AND FOREVER, LARA JEAN because yeah. Oh and the contract, it’s not like im totally disregarding that contract from the book there are a lot of ways that can go. But I’m just thinking, in this story they don’t need it.  
> Hahaha… sexually pent up teenagers hahhaah! Oh and the countdown… hahan sorry im just being dramatic there was no way they’d talk a second a time hahaha


	17. Chapter 17

_**a** /n: this chapter might have explicit language not suitable for minors. So just pretend that you're an adult and don't get me in trouble hahaha DISCLAIMER!_

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Stop smiling too much, you look like The Joker with no makeup on," Brandy commented as soon as I walked in the room after talking to Peter for an hour. She was sitting on my bed browsing through fashion magazine.

"Leave her alone, she's allowed to be giddy after talking to her boyfriend." Charlie said not raised her head from the book she was reading.

"Why aren't you on your bed?" I frown at Brandy, she always sits on mine when she's too lazy to climb up hers. I never usually mind coz I'd just sit next to her or sit on her leg but she was teasing me so I want to act like I'm annoyed at her for being in my bed.

Brandy just continued on reading her magazine ignoring me. She waves off a hand gesturing to sit wherever until she's done.

I rolled my eyes, I spoil this girl too much. I noticed that Leah wasn't in the room. "Where is Leah?" I asked, I grabbed Brandy's chair.

"It's Wednesday today." Charlie said like it was supposed to mean something.

" _And_?" I ask. There should be another end to that sentence.

Brandy smirks, "She's having phone sex with Gavin."

I was close to falling off the chair that I was planning to sit on, "Wh— _what_?" I stuttered. I had to hold on to the chair to keep myself balance. "No, you must be joking." I say in disbelief. I've known my roommates for over half a year now. Yet I never knew about this, though Brandy and Charlie are saying like it's a routine for Leah to do this on  _Wednesday_ nights.

"Phone sex  _isn't_  a joke. It's  _serious_  business." Brandy stops reading the magazine and stares at me intently. I know she's making fun of me now but she seems so serious.

I look over at Charlie who had also stopped studying to glance towards me. She just pursed her lips to prove that Brandy was right.

I glared at both of them, my neck started to hurt from either glaring at Charlie or Brandy. "How come I didn't know about this?" I say sounding hurt. We always share things to each other and I can't believe I'm being kept off the loop to this.

Brandy and Charlie shared a look and then they both laughed at the same time. Finally, they stopped, it was Brandy said, "Because we were trying to protect your  _virgin_  ears."

I could feel the blood rush into my face in embarrassment. Brandy likes to tease me more now that she knows that Peter and I have had sex already. I wasn't going to tell them but Brandy took me to a party last weekend, I wasn't sure if she gave me alcohol or a truth serum because I blabbered that I wasn't their token virgin anymore when she asked me just one question. So, Brandy proceeded to tell Charlie and Leah proudly that their  _child_  had grown up into a woman. My roommates are freaks.

I was about to say something when Leah walks in the room. And I could not believe it, it's like I'm seeing her in a totally different light.

Leah probably noticed I was gawking at her because she her eyebrows met in confusion.

"Oh, Lara Jean knows about your  _sexcapades_  with your boyfriend on the third-floor fire exit." Brandy answers Leah's unspoken question.

Leah sits on her bed and giggles, "So are we talking about  _it_  now?" she said confirming that Brandy and Charlie weren't lying the entire time.

I could feel my jaw drop, in shock. I've heard from my study mate, Beverly, that she had hates going to the third-floor fire exit because she could hear someone having sex in there. It never occurred to me that  _someone_  but is  _my roommate_!

"You might want to find another spot by the way, one of my friends just asked me if the girl that she saw was  _you_." Charlie said in warning. She then continued reading on her book.

Leah just shrugged and waves it off, "Well, it's a  _physiologic need_. So, I have nothing to be sorry about,"

"Lara Jean is looking at you like she's never actually seen the real you before." Brandy said with a snicker. She has been eyeing me this entire time and could read me like a book. Brandy had always told me I wear my emotions on my sleeves sometimes.

And I glared at Brandy but I don't deny it though. All this time I thought that Leah was sort of like me. Not needing to be intimate to her boyfriend  _that_  way, she never really had signs that she has Brandy  _tendencies_.

Then Brandy snickering so hard, "She thinks we're cut from the same cloth!"

Now I had my eyes wide open in shock, "I did not  _say_  that!" I defended myself.

"Your expression says it all!" Brandy was still in the middle of laughing too much that Charlie has now completely shut her book and now has her full attention to us. She seems rather amused by this.

Leah gasped in disbelief, her head was shifted between me and Brandy's direction. "Aww seriously! Just because I enjoy sex as much as the next person, doesn't mean I'm like Brandy! I've only been with Gavin and I love being that intimate with Gavin. And I only plan to be with Gavin!" Leah was defending herself since from what Brandy sounded like it's seems as if I'm saying she's exactly the same as Brandy.

Brandy rolls her eyes, "That's where I think it's boring, one person..." then Brandy shudders.

This is where Leah and I are similar I think. That sex is about feelings and love not just the act of it. Seeing myself with another guy scares me, I don't think I will ever be that intimate with anyone else (gosh forbid that if Peter and I won't end up together... gosh the thought of this is terrifying.) it's always will be with Peter.

I just really believe that if Brandy finds that right person for her, she'll eventually see the importance of being intimate with someone and have it mean something. She won't share with me why she's acting out like this though.

Leah sighs giving up. There was no point to sharing her thoughts to Brandy's closed off mind about relationship so she looks at me, "You've only been with Peter  _once_  so you can't understand yet, but eventually you'll see what I'm talking about." Then she continues trying to explain it even further, "I've been dating Gavin since I was fourteen and we've  _been_ together since I was Fifteen, and as much as I make it seem like it's easy being in a long-distance relationship it's not. We go from seeing each other every day to every weekend or every other weekend. We do things so I don't randomly combust."

I raise an eyebrow, " _Combust_?"

Charlie laughs, when Leah sighed. Brandy wasn't even paying attention anymore, she's reading her magazine. "You have to spell it out to her." Charlie says.

"I'm not saying I'm going to cheat on Gavin if I don't have sex. It's just for some reason, I always tend to jump him when we see each other." Leah was blushing as she was talking, since the talk is slowly getting deeply personal. She doesn't have to keep explaining but for some reason I don't stop her. I'm far too curious to tell her to.

"Gavin and I didn't need to be at each other's skins to be—  _don't even say anything Brandy or I swear..._ " Leah warned Brandy who had smirked and was about to say some quirky comment. We all teased Leah before that she's the clingiest girlfriend we've ever met in our lives. Brandy had once told her to never break up with Gavin because to have someone love you despite her being so suffocating is a blessing.

Brandy pursed her lips and shrugs. She pretended to zip her lip to keep quiet then gestured Leah to continue.

Leah waited for a second then she did, "Before college, Gavin and I can live without having sex for days maybe... but now It seems that every time we spent time together, we always have sex, like all day. I don't want our relationship to just be about that because we're in a long-distance relationship. The first month was rough… like every time we are alone we jump each other."

"You  _liked_  it…" Charlie teased.

Leah's face turned bright pink and she refused to comment on that. She just kept her eyes at me, ignoring the other two. "I'm not saying you'll turn into that because it is different for every person. But majority of the girls I know are like that. That's why Brandy always has f-buddies and Charlie slept with Carlo last Christmas."

Now I looked at Charlie who just pursed her lips refusing to say anything now that she's part of the conversation. I did ask her if she and her ex-boyfriend got back together over break and she said no, there isn't a possibility since Carlo goes to school in UCLA. They just slept together since it was familiar and she was tipsy.

"Charlie just needs to get her head out of a book and she can start dating again." Leah says judgmentally at her bunkmate. Charlie is on a scholarship for her pre-med and has to maintain a certain grade point average. She doesn't really need to study since she's already getting 90% on most her tests but she just has that habit.

"Or, you could always just go with me I'll hook you up with some guy with no strings." Brandy said with a wink.

Charlie rolls her eyes, "Sometimes I wonder if you are a girl or a guy." The way Brandy speaks at times shows that she has three older brothers, having the twins really close to her age has turned her into this. She's girly in her own ways but when it comes to relationships she's such a guy. "Besides, it's so exhausting to go about things the first time. Carlo knows what I want so that makes it much easier… no awkward silent moments wondering if they are doing it right or not or  _something-"_

And I wasn't paying attention anymore as my mind drifted to my first time with Peter. I always hear stories about that awkward first time with someone new (not necessarily  _first time, first time_ ) Margot told me that even though she's not Ravi's first it was still awkward the first few times they were together. I know Charlie has dated a couple guys in high school too so she's experienced that  _first time_.

But with Peter, there weren't any awkward silence that night. He didn't even have to ask because he  _knew_  what feels good. The entire time I wondered if it was normal to feel that way… I even thought how I'd survive that night. Every feeling I had was too intense that I thought I was seriously going to burst into flames and melt right there but every kiss Peter gave me brought me back and remember I wasn't, it was just his touch, the feel of our skin together that made me feel that way. It was such a beautiful memory that sometimes I wonder if the next few times would be as amazing or even more? I might actually combust then.

Though, I really wouldn't know since I've only been  _with_  Peter once. The entire rest of the break there was never a time we were alone. Kitty was always home or for some reason if we're at Peter's, Owen would have his friends over too. I don't know if our parents planned it out or what but there was no  _chance_  for us to go there again. We both were fine and never really mentioned it but when we were alone even for a few minutes we'd always share heated urgent kisses. I wonder when Peter would visit this weekend, we are finally alone that we'd  _jump_  at each other just like Leah had said.

Then Peter's words echoed in my mind… what he always when I'd start comparing.  _We are different. This is us, Covey. You and me not us and them._ And Peter's right I really do need to stop comparing other people to our relationship.

"That's why you  _lead_ … of course a guy just wants to get off, if you don't do it your own." Brandy said.

_Oh great, I drift back into their conversation the right time._

"Okay, I think we should stop talking now. Lara Jean is blushing like crazy we've never talked about sex this much with her around." Leah was giggling as she was watching me. She runs over towards me and hugs me. "We always try to protect your virgin ears but now… I never got to officially say,  _Welcome to the club._ "

And I blinked. I didn't know there's a club. I feel weird being part of this  _club_. I'm sure she's just teasing me but I do notice that they'd randomly stop talking when I'd come back to the dorm before then Brandy would have subtle hints of what they were talking about followed a high pitch laugh from Leah or an immediate change of subject. My roommates are such dorks I swear.

Leah then sees Brandy browsing through a magazine, "Is that the new line for Victoria Secret for this month?" she walks over to Brandy and sits next to her.

Brandy nods, "I already folded some parts that I knew you're going to like. There's this cute dress that I think you'll look great in."

"OH, that is cute." Leah said excitedly. And then they both look though the other pages together.

* * *

It was finally Friday, thank god. I can see Peter. I am excited… I haven't seen Peter for almost three weeks. I haven't been able to come home because Daddy has weekend calls and I really don't want to bother Trina. Peter has full weekend practices since their coach thinks that they need to get back in gear since their first game is in three weeks. We have been talking about today almost everyday for the past week and I can't wait to see him. His class ends at 1pm so he said he'd leave around 2pm which means he'll be here by six pm the latest.

I decided to shower, thankful that I don't have anyone to fight it with. Leah and Charlie their classes at 730am while Brandy has a class at 8am. Now I'm the one who gets to sleep in this semester since my class is at 9am.

I was about finished when I heard Brandy and Charlie. It was Brandy's voice complaining, "If they want to cancel class. They should have done it an hour ago jeez. I could have stayed in bed still."

I walked out of the bathroom, Charlie was sitting on her bed while Brandy was in the middle of changing. "Cancel what?" I asked.

Then Charlie gives me a pitying look, "They canceled school today because of the snow storm."

And I stared blankly, not wanting to believe what she said. There was news that there would be two to three inches of snow but not enough to cancel class. " _What snow storm?_ "

"Look out the window?" Charlie said but she didn't have to I was already rushing to the window. I had to hold back my tears when I saw there was about four inches on the ground already and it's not even slowing down any.

"Stupid weather people…" Brandy was cursing now since she could probably see the expression on my face.

Leah then walks in too, she had the same expression I've got too. She pouts at me, she was holding her phone. "You might want to call Peter, Lara Jean. Gavin just told me they've got more snow than we do. They canceled their classes first thing this morning."

I didn't need to be told twice. I take my phone and head outside, calling Peter and after a couple of rings he answers.

"Hey, Covey." He greets cheerfully as if there was nothing wrong.

"Peter," My voice broke. I tried to control my emotions but I am just so disappointed but these are the things we can't do anything about. If there's four inches of in North Carolina I can only imagine how much more Virginia has now that they canceled class already.

"So, you're calling to say that I'll see you, later right?" he asked hopeful.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I know he's trying to make me feel better but he's not helping at all. "That's not funny Peter." Though at least there's a smile on my lips.

He takes a deep breath, "Did you class got canceled too?"

I nod, "Just now. Brandy and Charlie just got back. Yours got canceled this morning, Leah told me."

"I was really hoping you'd say that I should still see you." He sounded so serious that I wanted to say those exact words. "I'd fight the storm for you."

I giggled, he is so cheesy it's not even funny. I'm cringing so badly. "You're an idiot."

He laughs and made a goofy sound which I'm sure was him whining. "You're  _supposed_  to say  _romantic_ , Covey."

"Not when your endangering yourself just to be one. I'd rather have my boyfriend in one piece than see him today."

"Why you don't trust my driving?" he challenged.

I know Peter is an amazing driver. He could get here if he wanted to even if it takes him 7 hours drive. "I do but it's the other drivers I worry about."

He groaned. "This sucks."

"I know. I was really looking forward to seeing you and spending this weekend with you."

"I can drive down tomorrow or something if this storm ends. I'm sure it won't go all weekend." He suggested.

I bite my lip and think about it. As much as I want to say yes, I just decided it'll be much safer if he just stays there now. No one really expected the weather to be this bad so no one can predict tomorrow. "The weekend is already going to a bad start, just stay in Virginia for now. If it snows again I don't want you to get stuck in Chapel Hill."

" _Three weeks_  Lara Jean. I haven't seen you in  _three weeks_."

" _I know Peter…_ "

We were quiet for a few seconds. This is so hard really. I do stay in the positive of all things but it does hurt when even the weather doesn't want me to see my boyfriend.

"I'll come see you next weekend after practice." He says firmly. I think Saturday next week he doesn't have practice but Friday night which would mean he'd be in around 10pm.

"Peter… Saturday morning is fine with me. Or I can take the bus Friday and come up to see you guys." I've already been thinking that I should just take the bus anyway, so I wouldn't hassle Daddy and Peter to drive that extra four hours. I really don't mind if I'm taking the 6-hour bus ride, at least I come home to my bed and my house.

"I am not taking no for an answer. So, you better expect me next weekend with food preferably." He says the last part hesitantly which means he literary is going to leave right as soon as practice ends.

I really can't do or say anything anymore since once Peter decides something, it's final. "Okay. I'll have a box of pizza ready."

"Cool." I could hear the smile in his voice. There was a comfortable silence between us now. "So, what are you going to do  _now_?" he asks.

I smiled and I sit on the couch in one of the halls, "Talking to you, until my phone dies." I say softly.

He snickers, "Good." Then he proceeded to talk about a video he saw before I called him.

* * *

A week later, finally came. It couldn't come fast enough. Peter had told me that their coach had canceled practice today so he's leaving after his class ends, which I should be expecting a call anytime soon. Jackson Wang offered to drive him to his house so that Peter wouldn't need to ask his mom to drive his car to UVA.

So, when I finally had gotten his call, I immediately answered with a cheerful "Hey,"

There was a pause on the other line, "Lara Jean,"

 _Uh-oh…_ he said my first name, there is something that usually goes after it, like bad news. I waited, hoping to god it's not and just him trying to switch it up instead of my last name.

"I have bad news."

 _I knew it._  With the tone of his voice, it doesn't seem all that bad like no one is sick or something which could only mean—

"My car won't start… I had to take it to the shop today, they said they have to keep it all weekend."

"Oh," I say softly. My heart clenched. Last weekend, snow. Now it's Peter's car. What are these signs saying? I am trying to not cry but I can't help it. Something in the cosmos is not allowing me to see Peter at all. My only resort would be next weekend when Daddy can finally come down to pick me up. I can watch Peter's game and spend my weekend with him and my family. But I also want to at least have some time with Peter alone.

"Don't think into this too much, Covey." He says trying to calm me down.

"I'm not." I lied. Obviously, it just sucks. "It's not fair. Maybe I should just take a bus tomorrow and I'll come up." I don't think I can go another weekend without seeing Peter. I mean… I'll be alone in the dorms this weekend too so no roommates to distract me for my being alone. Charlie has a competition for some academia thing Saturday and Sunday, Leah is going home this weekend since it's Gavin's birthday and then Brandy would just be partying all weekend as usual.

"Don't do that. You know what. I'll figure this out. I'll come—"

"No. It's okay. Things happen,  _to us, apparently_." I say bitterly.

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "Don't be. Next weekend. I'm sure we can see each other.  _I know we can_. Daddy already said he can pick me up Friday after my class. I'll drive up to Charlottesville and watch you practice. If anything, else, I'll take the bus and  _you can't stop me_." I say firmly this time, now making my decision. If fate is trying to stop me from seeing my boyfriend then I will fight through and show that I am not afraid.

"Your dad will probably get you and will not make you take that bus. But okay, I would love to have you watch my practice. You can distract Ashley or something." He has already mentioned that if it wasn't for Chester he'd probably would have said a word to Ashley being too annoying.

"Deal." I can handle Ashley. Or I will anyway.

"Listen, I'll call you later. I need to tell mom about the car. I think I should just go back to school with Jackson, too." Peter had stayed two days at his house to watch Owen, his mom was out of town for a conference. He apparently took Owen to my house to for dinner, when Trina found out that only the boys was staying home.

This makes me jealous that my family has seen more of Peter than I have and vice versa.

"Covey?" he calls my name since I wasn't responding.

"Yeah. That's fine _. I'll be here_." I didn't mean to sound annoyed but it's just ridiculous that this is happening two weekends in a row. I really hate this no car policy thing. Five more months… I'll be a sophomore.

"I'm really sorry, Covey."

"Don't be Peter. It just sucks but it's life. Now go call your mom." I said, I'm not trying to ignore him but I feel bad having Jackson wait on Peter if I stay on the phone longer. "I love you, Peter."

"I love you, too Lara Jean. I'll call you when I'm in Charlottesville?"

"Yes, please." My voice is a bit softer now, we said our goodbyes and hung up.

* * *

Leah was packing her final bag for her laundry when she said to me, "Are you sure you don't want to go with me? My parents don't mind having you over." Leah had offered to take me to their house for the weekend so I won't be alone. I've already told her no twice because I don't want to impose really. It's Gavin's birthday, if it was hers then maybe I'd go.

"It's okay, I can stay here. I'll just study for the class next week. Then Peter said he'll call later tonight, we'll just do movie marathons through the phone." Peter and I would do this on weekends normally if we don't have anything to do. We were already on the last season of Entourage and finished it during the snow day las weekend.

"You know you can do that at my house  _too_ , you know." She said as she sat on my desk chair then slid over toward me. "Then Gavin and I could drop you off in Virginia."

I bite my lip; this offer is really tempting but I don't want to impose. Leah and Gavin live at the border of Virginia and North Carolina which is about 2 hours away from my house but I'd feel bad for Gavin whose weekend would comprise traveling. "I am really thankful for the offer but I'll just stay here. I'm fine, really." And I am actually after I cried it out in front of Leah after speaking to Peter. I didn't want to let Peter know I'm upset. We're both having a hard time about our circumstances these two weekends I don't want to make him feel worse.

She looks at her phone, and sighed. "If you're sure." She gives my leg a comforting squeeze then stands up, "Gavin's here, I need to let him in. He's carrying my stuff." She points at the many bags on her bed. She hasn't been home for two weeks, and laundry is already this much. That's the advantage of living closer than most people. You don't have to use to laundry room the hall offers.

"Okay,  _I'll be here_." I say a bit calmer than I did when I talked to Peter. I really can't do anything about it other than making the best of it. Peter and I are doing great these past three weeks. I even got a letter from him Wednesday. Dork had it rushed mailed Monday.

I look at my phone, I'm not sure if I should call Peter now or wait for him to. Leah will leave here soon, and I'd be alone. I want to talk to him.

I could hear Leah and Gavin talking outside the door, I was getting ready to greet Gavin with a goofy happy birthday song since Gavin is the biggest nerd I've ever met.

"Haap— "

I stopped my steps when the person at the door wasn't Leah or Gavin but  _Peter_.

Peter was standing in by door with his best Peter smile that would always make my heart leap into a dance every time. "Hey, Covey." He said.

" _Peter_!" And I ran into his arms, and I wasn't even aware I was crying. All tears of joy, of course. I jumped and my legs were hitched at his waist, my arms tightly around his neck without trying to choke him, my face at his shoulder. I could smell the detergent and mixed with his cologne. God, I never realized I missed him this much. That even being in his arms, still doesn't satisfy my need for him. If Leah and Gavin wouldn't be standing there, I would have showed him how much I missed him.

"Surprise?" He had an arm holding me still, while his hand was caressing the back of my hair. "Told you I'll figure it out."

"Good thing I haven't left yet." Gavin said from behind Peter.

I lifted my head slightly Gavin was grinning like an idiot while Leah was trying to hold back tears. "Did you know?" I asked Leah, I wiped my tears on the back of my palm.

"No. I was  _surprised_  as you were," Leah glared Gavin and hit his arm.

"Hey!  _Birthday boy_!" Gavin complained as he rubbed his arm and pouted at his girlfriend.

Then I just became aware that I was straddled on Peter like I was a sloth holding on to a tree branch. His eyes still haven't left mine. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and then I patted his shoulder.

He smiles and lets me go, since I hopped off of him. I stepped behind Peter, "Happy birthday, Gavin!" I gave him a big hug, thankful that he brought my boyfriend with him.

Gavin chuckled and pats my back, "You know, I should be getting a present... not me bringing you a  _giant_  present." Gavin is actually only 3 inches taller than me, while Leah is barely taller than me. Peter is towering over all of us.

I pulled away from the hug and said, "I'll bake you something next weekend and Peter can give it to you." I

Then Gavin smiles lopsidedly, and puts an arm out, "Deal!" And we shook on it, now I have to find out from Leah later what kind of sweets Gavin likes.

"We better head out, before traffic hits." Leah said as she pushed Gavin inside so they can grab her things and leave.

"Let me help," Peter offers as he grabbed a bag that Leah was carrying.

Leah smacks Peter's arm softly, then took the bag. "Nonsense. You stay here with Lara Jean, Gavin can  _carry it all_." Then she shoves the bag to Gavin who was already having a hard time carrying two laundry bags.

"Seriously, do I not get special treatment that it's my birthday? Do I still get the abuse from you?" Gavin complained, the bags aren't heavy though so it's fine it's just the struggle of balancing three bags.

Leah and I looked at each other, then smiled. " _Nope_ ," we say in unison.

"Well for what it's worth, I think you're special, man." Peter complimented the birthday boy.

Gavin peered over at Peter and nods happily, "Thank you man. I appreciate it." He said far too enthusiastically as if showing to me and Leah that it's how we should treat him.

"We  _really_  need to go, before our boyfriends fall in love with each other." Leah rolls her eyes and then she grabs the smallest bag from Gavin. "There you happy?"

"As always baby," Gavin leans to kiss Leah on the lips.

Peter puts an arm around me and he rests his chin on my head, I leaned my back on his chest, my hands over his. "Thanks for letting me go with you, Gavin." He extends a hand, his elbow on my shoulder lightly. "I'll drive us back to Charlottesville, if you don't mind someone else driving your car."

Gavin adjusts the bag on one hand so he can shake Peter's hand. "That wouldn't be a problem at all. Anytime you plan to come down, we could come together. Much more fun driving back to school with someone."

"Yeah, sure. If I don't have practice then we can come down together." Peter said.

Leah clears her throat. "Alright you,  _two love birds_  break it up." Then she glares at me when I was about to move away from Peter. "I'm talking about these two  _not_  you and Peter."

Peter laughs, "Well, as good looking your boyfriend is. He's not my type. Besides, I'm loyal to Lara Jean here." He plants a kiss on the top of my head. I'm normally not I to PDA but around my roommates, especially Leah and Gavin, Peter does become affectionate. It's like he doesn't want me to be jealous or something.

"Baby, I wouldn't want anyone else but you," Gavin said and pouted.

Leah smiles and had her hand on Gavin's cheeks, "Aww, okay. You're special to me too, birthday boy." Then she pulls at his chin so she'd give him a short quick kiss.

Yeah, no one can beat their PDA  _ever_. They are the type of couple who isn't afraid to make-out in the middle of a huge crowd, not caring what everyone around them thinks. And if I don't stop them and make them leave they'd so do it in front of me and Peter. " _Traffic_?" I reminded them.

"Oh yeah," Leah said she clapped her hand. Then gives me a quick hug even if Peter had an arm around me. He had to step back or else Leah's face would be on his chest. "It was nice seeing you, Peter." Then Leah leaves ahead.

"See you Sunday." Gavin said. With a quick wave at me he follows after Leah, closing the door behind them.

 _Alone_. We're  _finally_  alone.

I looked up and Peter had a smile on his face. He meets my gaze, "Hey," he was about to lean to kiss me

but then the door opened, I jumped and for some reason ended up a foot away from Peter, Leah walks in with her hands on her face then when she saw that I wasn't anywhere close to Peter, she stifled a giggle, "Sorry, I left my phone." She looks amused now as she reaches for her phone. "By the way, you might want to put a sock on the door just in case Brandy comes. Byeee..." she sang the last part before she ran out the door.

I closed my eyes, in embarrassment. Whatever I wanted to do with Peter had disappeared and now I just want to be anywhere but alone with him at the moment. I'm so nervous, and I don't know why.

Peter could probably sense it since he sits on my bed, "You want to start a show?"

I pursed my lips. I wasn't sure if there was a show I want to see. "We can browse through," so I busied myself with trying to set up my speakers and Laptop. I was shaking too much that I couldn't even properly hook up the auxiliary cord to my laptop. I take a deep breath and then I saw that my phone was going off like crazy. It was my roommates.

**~Peter is in the dorm room! You two better not go to the room!**

**~Omg! Well then, good thing I already packed brought my things for tomorrow!**

**~Finally, some alone time. I am going to stay at my brother's dorm and not come back so have fun. There're condoms in my closet and you can have it all!**

I started to blush like crazy and looked away but it still was going off like a ticking time bomb. It was already too much that I wanted to shut off my phone. The last message I saw was from Leah.

**~You two better stop disturbing them! No more texts now… she's not responding which means BAWCHIKAWAWWAW….**

"Jeez…" I cursed under my breath.

Then I gasped when I felt Peter's hand on my arm, and he pulled me towards him with strong force. With a yelp, I had fallen into his arms. I was crouched into his lap. "I—" I stuttered since our nose almost touched.

Peter's hand ran through my hair, while his other hand was on my back keeping me from falling. "Why are you so nervous around me, now?" He said, he had an amused look on his face but his eyes were dark.

I swallowed hard, my heart is beating wildly on my chest. "I am not." But my voice was an octave higher.

He smirks. "You have always been a bad liar, Covey." then he proceeded to nuzzle his nose on my neck, then his breath on my skin caused me to sigh.

 _Focus!_  So, I did, I asked the first thing that popped into my mind. "How'd you got a hold of Gavin?" obviously they go to the same school and have met a couple times here in UNC. They probably exchanged numbers, Peter has said that he'd see Gavin around since they live in the same building.

He didn't answer though, he just continued with what he's doing. Now his lips are at my neck, slow and wet kisses tracing the sides to my jaw then on my chin. I closed my eyes and the sensation of his lips was a lot stronger now that I moaned.

He stopped, and asked, "Do you still want to talk?" he was teasing me now and I hate him for it but at the same time. Talk? Who wants to do that? No, I want him to continue…

I shake my head. I slid off his lap, and I was on my bed. My back was against my headboard, "Unless you want to?" I challenged him. Two can play that game too.

His arm was on the back of my knee and he drags me down in one swift movement, so I'd be lying on the bed. He lays next to me, he kisses my cheek, then brushes my hair off my face. "I've missed you so much Covey, I thought I was fine but when I saw you sitting on your bed. It took a lot of self-control for me not to kiss you in front of Leah and Gavin."

I grabbed at his shirt to pull him, so he'd roll over me. His was careful not to put all his weight on me, I had my arms around his neck. "I missed you too. I was really afraid that there was some cosmos that didn't want us to see each other."

He rests his forehead on mine, "And you think that would have stopped me?"

My fingers tangled at the back of his hair, I slightly tilted my head. My lips were a hair away, "It wouldn't have stopped me." and I kissed him.

We kissed. We didn't have to say anything how much we missed each other, our actions were too obvious with that. I finally understand what Leah had said about  _wanting_  Peter this much just to feel him… those four weeks of not being able to hold, hug and kiss we're just hungry for each other, passionate, the love and even  _more_.

I wanted Peter so bad, and I didn't even think I'd be capable of having these emotions. I tugged on Peter's shirt and he caught on, his lips left mine just for a second just so he can discard his shirt. He was about to kiss me again, but I pushed him off. This time, I was laying on top of him. I don't know how I was able to do this since Peter is much heavier than me, but I think he was caught off guard as to why I could.

My hair curtained our faces, I could see his eyes darken and I saw his adam's apple bob when my fingers caressed his collarbone to the side of his shoulder. I lowered my head and kissed his neck, I could feel his pulse quicken on my lips. I heard him breathe my name, desperately. He's asking for something but he isn't sure what. I leave trail of soft kisses on his jaw, neck, the hallow base of his throat. He is breathless and so am I.

I could feel Peter's hand on my up on my back, his fingers stop just above the clasp of my bra. I stopped kissing him so I could look at him. With his free hand, he moves my hair to my back. Carefully after gaining my permission with a slight nod, he removes my top.

"Is this my lucky bra?" He grins as his hand touched the strap of my gray bra. I didn't even realize I was wearing the same undergarments the first time I had sex with Peter.

I blush, "if I knew I would have changed." I did buy new ones that match and laces too just for this weekend. The girls forced me to go shopping two days ago.

He shakes his head, and plants a soft kiss on my shoulder, he moved the strap to the side. "This is my favorite." Then proceeded to trail kisses on my chest then on that small mole that he had mentioned he  _loves_. "This I love." He whispers against my cleavage. I'm sure its not just the mole.

"Just my mole?" I ask, I'm a bit light headed from his kisses.

He turns us so that he'd be on top of me now. He had a playful look on his face, "You're seriously asking me that?"

I don't answer him but I touch his lips with mine and bit his bottom lip lightly. "And if I am?"

A growl formed on his chest, when I pulled away before he could kiss me back. "You drive me crazy, have I ever told you that?"

I nuzzled my nose on his neck again and whispered, "I've been told a few times."

"Well… there are many other things I love about you and what I love most about you…"

* * *

I woke with Peter's arm around me. I was laying on his chest with the covers over me. My laptop was still playing F.R.I.E.N.D.s. We had started to watch the show last night and I guess we fell asleep watching it because I don't even remember how I got to this position.

I prop myself on my elbows, to see that Peter was still sleeping. There are only a few times when Peter and I have slept in the same bed together. Every time I always wake up me in his arms, even if I don't recall sleeping that way. I wonder if his arm is asleep from me laying on it, or his chest, or his shoulder. I pouted, the poor guy who sacrifices a lot for me.

I know Peter is a heavy sleeper, so I plant a feather light kiss on his chest, shoulder and arm. It's my way of thankyou for giving me a comfortable pillow to sleep in. Cuddling with Peter is always one of my favorite moments with Peter,  _though last night_  would be the top favorites. I blush and laid my head back on his chest, trying to suppress a giggle. Remembering last night is making my skin tingle all over, it's like the ghost of his touch and kisses still lingers on my lips and my skin...

It makes me want to—

Then the door knob wiggles, and I could hear keys.

Brandy's back. I turned away from Peter and faced the door.

"Hey," I greeted her when she walked in. She looked like crap, her white shirt has purple stains on it, her hair is in a messy bun and her lipstick is mostly there. "Do I even want to ask?"

She peers over at Peter who was sleeping. She decided to go to Leah's bed instead. "I just want to forget last night and move on with my life." She complained.

I know nothing bad happened since her brothers were there but I'm sure she still had a rough night. She always almost never goes to parties her brother throws in school during the weekends. She goes with her own friends or classmates but since she had no place to stay last night, she went to her brothers. "I'm sorry."

Brandy groans, "You better have done  _something_  a lot  _more fun_  than what I did last night." Implying  _an_  inuendo in that statement.

"We watched most of season 1 of F.R.I.E.N.D.s." I answered. I don't really want to tell her about last night, not with Peter here. Besides, she'll probably bluntly asked me that question when the girl's comeback on Sunday.

"Whatever, Lara Jean. I am sleeping here tonight, so not my fault you didn't  _jump_  your boyfriend.  _I gave you your chance_." Brandy got up from the bed, and walked over to her closet. She saw the box of condoms unopened. She rolled her eyes, "I'm going to take a shower. You owe me for making me leave the dorm last night."

I widen my eyes and sat up from the bed. "I didn't ask you to."

"I stayed out so you can  _do_ something not watch a tv show  _all night_." She was judging my life choices it seems like "Take me to breakfast, I took my brother's car so we can go eat proper breakfast. I have a terrible hang over and I need grease." On weekends, Brandy takes all of us to a breakfast place about 45 minutes away from here and I swear to god it's that place serves the best biscuits and gravy.

"Okay." I wanted to take Peter there too.

"I'm going to take a  _long_  hot shower. Do  _something_  productive by then." She had her clothes in her arm, she takes her speakers and gives me a wink before she walks in the bathroom. Her music blasted so loudly I'm sure if I yell she wouldn't hear a thing.

"Is she usually  _this loud_  in the morning?" Peter asked groggily. Peter doesn't like loud before he can get his caffeine.

I turned to him and smiled, "Morning,"

He takes my arm and pulls me so that I'd be laying next to him. He was about to lean to kiss me but then I moved away covering my mouth, "Morning breath."

He snickers, "I don't care," then he holds my hand and kisses me. It was a sweet morning kiss, that turned into  _something_  else entirely not innocent.

I break the kiss and we are both out of breath. "Peter!" I hissed at him. He was listening in to the conversation Brandy and I had. Which I'm sure is why he's kissing me this hard.

"She said, she'd have a long shower. What does long shower usually mean for Brandy." He scots closer so our bodies would touch, his hand is at the back of my neck.

There are so many things I wanted to say, the inner devil and inner good in me are fighting. This is totally inappropriate to do with my roommate just in the bathroom. Sure, the music is blaring that she couldn't hear a thing… but then it's Peter asking… it's as simple as that when I answered. "I think fifteen minutes."

He had a playful smile on his face before he crashed his lips on mine, making the next few minutes worthwhile.

Sunday comes and I hate it. As much as I enjoyed spending the past two days with Peter, but the fact that he's leaving I've forgotten all those happy feelings I had with him. Now It's replaced with this depressed feeling of loneliness reminding me that It's going to be a while till I get to see, hug, kiss and just physically touch Peter.

I held on his hand tightly not wanting to let go, but we are getting closer to Gavin's car now. It's really time. Peter has to go. I had to take a deep breath so I don't cry.

Peter could feel my distress so, he takes my hand and kisses the inside of my wrist. "It'll be alright, Covey. I'll miss you too."

I pursed my lips together and nods. If I speak I might cry.

Leah and Gavin are a few steps ahead of us, we wanted to give each other space and of course to spend time with our boyfriends before they go back to UVA. Peter stops walking when Gavin and Leah had reached the car.

"Hey, we had a great time this weekend. Think about that. An amazing time." He steps closer and wipes a tear that fell from my eye. "Me leaving? It's just temporary. I'll call you when as soon as I get in my room. We can watch a couple episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.s tonight unless you have to study. I'll see you next weekend, you'd watch my game with Kitty."

"But then I have to leave  _again_ ," I say sadly. I really hate this part right here, I swear. It hurts. I should get used to this but it's the hardest part. You get so excited to see Peter, spend the entire time with him when you can then reality hits again that life has to go on.

Peter pulls me for a hug and holds me tightly. "I know this sucks. This is the part that I hate the most. But as I said. It's only temporary. I'm still here. I still love you no matter how much we miss each other, just remember that."

I nod and sniffles.

He moves away from the hug and cocks his head to the side. He smiles beautifully and comfortingly, "Come on, Covey give me a smile. You can't send me off with a sad expression."

He was pinching my cheeks forcing me to smile that actually made me gave him a forced toothy grin. "Better?"

He squinted, "Um..?" he wasn't so sure what to say. It was not a good parting gift that's for sure.

Then I grabbed his shirt and go on my tip toes so our lips would meet. He kissed me back almost immediately, his hands tangled in my hair.

"Better?" I whispered against his lips and now I'm actually smiling.

He's breathless, but he groans. "You're going to be the death of me, Covey."

One last chaste kiss, as I brush our lips together. "I love you, Peter."

"I love you too, Lara Jean." He gives me a soft peck on my forehead, he lingered there for a second before finally taking my hand again to walk to the car.

Leah and Gavin were hugging goodbye. Which I'm sure they've already did their fair share of the heavy make out session. "Call me when you get back." Leah said to Gavin when they broke apart.

"Yeah, I will, Baby." He kisses the top of her head. "You sure you want to drive?" Gavin asked Peter.

He nods, "Yeah not a problem at all." Then he accepts the keys from Gavin.

"Drive safely okay, you better bring back my boyfriend in one piece." Leah said to Peter.

"I will." Peter said. If it was me that had said it, Peter would have boasted that he's a good driver but It's Leah who's asking to keep her boyfriend safe so he has to be serious.

"I'll call you when I get to the dorms." Peter said to me and he gives me a quick kiss. "See you later, Covey."

I let go of his hand after a tight squeeze. "Bye,"

"Later, Lara Jean." Gavin said before he got in the passenger side. "Make sure my girlfriend won't cry."

I put an arm around Leah, her head rested on my shoulder. "I'll take care of her." I could feel Leah's sobs beside me as she tries her best to hold her tears until the boys leave.

"I love you, Baby." Gavin said to Leah.

"Just go. Or I'll cry." Leah demanded. "Fine, I love you too." When he saw that Gavin pouted. He waited for a second then he gets in the car closing the door. The car is heavily tinted so we can't see Gavin.

Peter was standing there, looking at me. I gave him a reassuring smile because I was fine-ish. This is part of our relationship. I mouthed  _I love you_. Which he returns with,  _I love you, too._ One final wave and smile, he gets in the car.

The boys drive off and Leah and I are still standing there until the car had disappeared from our view.

"This is the hardest part, seeing him leave." Leah's tears had fallen but she wasn't sobbing. These were the tears that she had fought to fall. "No matter how many times we've done this, it's still not easy."

I nod. "I know. But it'll be okay. It's just temporary. We still love them despite that and we love them more because we miss them." I wasn't sure if I was saying this to comfort Leah or myself but one thing I know for sure is.

Peter and I will be fine. There's no doubt in my mind at all. And that to me is enough.

* * *

_a/n:_

_I remembered when I was in college (when I was young hahaha) that I was in a long-distance relationship too. 3 hours, he could barely come home on the weekends and no matter how amazing our weekend was. It just you forget about that feeling because your sad that he's leaving that sometimes you don't want to see them anymore because it hurts. lol_

_Reviews please? I had more than 40 on chapter 15 then only got a little over 20 on chapter 16. It makes me think you guys don't like long chapters. So tell me what you think because it makes me super happy and excited to hear from you guys. I've written another 9k word chapter..._

_Don't get annoyed about those scenes coz I can't do smut hahaha I tried with my Sherlock fanfic and it was so weird. Anyway, reviews please? PLEAASEEE?_


	18. Chapter 18

_a/n: Disclaimer! I am not the amazing Jenny Han for bringing this story into our lives and creating Peter Kavinsky who has now ruined my image for a perfect guy. I swear with these fictional boys I'd become an old maid._

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

I was trying to search for a highlighter in my bag when I felt my phone ring. Peter's calling. It was still six. He usually doesnt calls me this early, besides he knows I have test tomorrow so I'm going to be with my study group till dawn and I can only call him for a goodnight tonight.

At least we weren't in the Library so it's okay to answer my phone but I gestured to my group that I had to step out a bit so I won't disturb them. Adam Smith was the only one who noticed and he nods.

After a couple more rings, I answered. "Hey," I still couldn't hide the fact that I was happy he called despite me supposedly studying.

"Lara Jean," the way he said my name is different. Which means he's calling for a reason... "What time is your test tomorrow?"

My eyebrows met, I wanted to ask why he's asking but I answered him first. " _9am_?" though it comes in a question.

"So,  _don't freak out,_ okay?" There he is again... I think I should teach him not to start those words because it is making me freak out.

" _What's going on_?  _Are you okay?_ " I started to have these thoughts in my mind and I'm panicking really bad. If anything happened, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm 4 hours away with no car...

"Whatever  _you_  do decide  _I'll do it_ , if you want to go  _tonight_  or  _tomorrow_. I'll come pick you up." He started to talk really slowly trying to calm me down. He already knows I'm pacing around like a mad man and biting my thumb nails.

I can't process what he's saying _, why is he picking me up_? "Peter!" He is leaving me in suspense and it's not even the good kind, I'm too anxious to read into his riddle.

He takes a deep breath, "It's  _nothing_  really serious, but Kitty's in the hospital."

" _What_?" I sputtered out so loud that a couple people that walks in the cafe turned to me like I was crazy. "What? What happened? Oh my god is she alright? well obviously not if she's in the hospital... oh my god..." I could hear Peter in the background raising his voice at me at me since I haven't been paying attention. I'm hyperventilating now. "Is Daddy and Trina— "

" _Covey_!" Peter's firm voice finally brought me back. " _Breathe_!"

And I stopped breathing all together. My heart beating across my chest, demanding air.

"Dam it, I knew I should have just drove there." He mumbled under his breath.

That's when I decided to calm down, or started to. I did the slow breathing just to settle my nerves, though my pulse is beating wildly I could hear it by my ear. Peter said it's not serious, so him driving 4 hours just to tell me that, well. He doesn't need to do that.

Peter was waiting for me, it was a good ten seconds before he finally spoke. "You better?"

I nod but then I forgot he can't see him so I gave out a tiny squeal. I cleared my throat and said, "Is she okay?" I tried to sound normal but it came out in one shaky breath.

"She slipped and fell on some ice on her way to her friend's house. She landed on her arm. Your dad said, she might have a fractured elbow." He explained as slowly and as calmly as he can.

I put my hand on my mouth to stop making any unnecessary noises that would make Peter uneasy. I could already hear the guilt in his voice since he knows he went about giving me this news the wrong way. "Where's daddy? Why didn't he call me?" I whispered.

"He did but you didn't answer so he thought you we're busy and called me— "

"I'm  _never_  too busy when it comes to  _my_  sister having a broken arm!" I scream out in frustration.

Peter chuckles nervously, "Woah, Woah, Woah,  _don't_ kill the messenger, Covey."

"I'm sorry." I say in a clipped tone. I didn't mean to snap at Peter, not at all. It's just this is frustrating. I'm stuck here in school with no car... this no car rule for freshmen is stupid! Stupid I say!

"Dr. Covey said he'd call you back when the results come out to be sure." He explained.

I let out a deep breath and nods, "I really am sorry." Finally, apologizing for my outburst.

"It's okay, Covey. I understand. You're far away and feel helpless about the situation." He said. "So, you have a decision to make. I can drive down right now and I'll be there around 9. Your dad also said that he has a hospital pass if you want to stay at the hospital tonight."

And I think this through, and glanced at the window where Adam and Candy are looking at me warily. They probably know something is up. If I go home now, I still have a test tomorrow that I can't miss. I hear horror stories about this Professor and his first exam of the semester. You have to do well because if you don't he'd already assume that you're a lazy student and won't help you out to pass if needed.

Then I remembered something, "Don't you have practice  _now_?" If he drives today, that means he's going to miss practice tonight and he also has a game tomorrow too. He'd be too tired to be on his first game. I can't do that to him. Daddy was supposed to come get me tomorrow so I can spend the weekend with them but I guess that's not going to happen anymore. I feel more stuck now than I ever been before.

"I talked to the coach, he said since it's an  _emergency_  and tomorrow's game is more of a formality it's not really important so I don't have to be join."

I bit my lip. I really want to be there now. My heart screams that I want to be next to Kitty. I've never broken a bone in my body before but I can only imagine how much in pain she is. Plus, she's really skinny and tiny... I just can't do this. I'm in such a huge dilemma.

"I know you have that  _big_  test tomorrow and I can pick you up after." He suggested. "Either way, it's  _your_  choice."

"You  _can't_  miss your first game tomorrow, Peter  _even_  if it's a formality." I promised his mom that I wasn't going to keep him from school and his Lacrosse. Besides, I do need to take that test tomorrow but  _Kitty_...

 _Kitty_... my poor little baby sister.

"Nonsense, this is  _Kitty_." He said as a matter-of-factly. "Or you can wait till your Dad calls to decide what you want to do, either way I'll come get you when you want me to." He offered sincerely.

"I—." And then I heard the beep. Dad was calling me, "Peter! Daddy's calling, I got to go!"

"Alright call me back. I love you,"

I nod, "I love you, too." No matter how rushed we both are we never forget to say those words before hanging up.

"Daddy!" I cried out urgently.

Dad sighed on the other line, "With that  _tone_ , I'm guessing you've talked to Peter?"

His voice is too calm that it's bothering me, how can everyone seem so relaxed right now as if Kitty isn't sitting in a hospital bed. "How is Kitty?"

Daddy probably heard my worry because he reassured me first, "Peter told you it's not  _that serious_  right?"

I roll my eyes, "Peter needs to learn to not to start a sentence with  _don't freak out_!" I say in frustration.

Daddy just chuckled at me then he clears his throat. "Well, that's a conversation you two  _need_ to have."

I really don't want to talk about Peter right now and I know he's distracting me. " _How is Kitty?_ " I asked again. This time a firmer voice.

"She's good, but she does have a fracture and needs surgery tomorrow to repair it."

" _Surgery_?" I stuttered. I bit my lip and I'm about to cry, I'm sure it's okay but the fact I'm far, I can't do anything. I can't obviously ask Daddy to come pick me up since they'd be leaving Kitty alone.

"We scheduled it for the afternoon, so you can come and not have to miss your test tomorrow. There's not much you can do for now since they've given Kitty pain meds and she's rather drowsy."

I didn't even tell daddy about my test which means that Peter had mentioned it and now they scheduled the surgery around me. "My test might be done around 10." My voice sounds so low and I want to cry but I need to be brave and strong.

"Okay, I don't want Peter skipping school tomorrow too, so Trina said she'll come get you." It's still Friday tomorrow and Peter usually has classes till 1pm then he has his game at 5pm.

"Okay, thank you daddy," I take a deep breath and almost sobbed. "Have you called Margot yet?"

"Yeah I did an hour ago. She talked to Kitty a bit. I think she was reprimanding Kitty because she told me to take the phone away." I could hear Daddy's smile on the phone as he recalls what had happened. It was normal for Margot to do that, when one of us gets hurt she's not the type to baby us and treat the wound. She'd always has to give her cents worth of safety precautions while putting antiseptic stuff on our wound. It was double the injury because Margot can go  _on and on._

"That's good." I wondered if Margot called me or if he told her that he'll tell me. or maybe she had already called and my phone just didn't register it, like with Dad calling.

"Listen Lara Jean _, don't worry too much_. These things happen, and it's unfortunate but your little sister is taking this so well. She'll recover from this, she'll be in a cast for a few weeks but other than that she'll be good as new." Daddy said comfortingly. He's reassuring me so I probably wouldn't worry so much.

"Okay," I say weakly.

"Just study and do well on your exam. Kitty wouldn't want you to lose focus because of her."

I nod and took a deep breath. Kitty will be angry at me if I'd be this affected. "I'll ace this test." I said with determination. I was planning to anyway. That's why I've been reading for this class since break.

"Good. I know you will, kiddo." Then Daddy seemed like he was talking to someone, I tried to listen in but I could barely hear. "Hey, Lara Jean. I'll call you later okay? I need to sign something."

"Yes, yes. Of course. Tell Kitty hi for me." I said.

"I will." Then Daddy hangs up.

I called Peter back. Who responded after one ring, "Everything good?"

I don't have to hide that I'm upset with Peter. So, I let myself sob a little when I told her about what Daddy said.

"That's not so bad Covey," He said enthusiastically. "I've worn a cast before, it's cool to have them then let everyone scribble a lot on it. It was like my own graffiti wall."

I grin, remembering in 8th grade that Peter injured his wrist on a game and he had this Hot Pink cast because Genevieve chose it. There were a lot of people that wrote little messages for him. He even made me write something and I scribbled the only hangul character I know.  _'Love'_  since it there was only a little space left.

"Don't worry about it so much. Kitty will make it a blast wearing that cast. She'd probably demand different colors." Then we both laugh positive that Kitty would fight the doctor to make it more than one color or even charm her way into giving her what she wants.

"So, you're just going to leave tomorrow then?"

I hummed a yes, "Trina is picking me up after the exam."

" _Trina_? No, I  _told_  you I was going to come get you." He insisted.

I know he was going to say this, and when he decides it's always hard to change his mind. "You have class tomorrow Peter and your game. I can't have you drop everything  _because of me_."

" _Covey_ — "

"I  _really_  appreciate it Peter, I do. And I love you for that, and  _because_  I love you, I can't have you skip class and your first game." Then I sighed, "Besides, I  _promised_  your mom that I will never get in-between those two. Just come to the hospital after your game. I'm sure Kitty would love to see you." I already made a choice too, and he needs to do what he has to do. I'll wait for him.

He takes a few seconds before he said anything because I name dropped his mom, he knows he's doesn't have a choice but to respect my wishes. "Fine." Though he doesn't seem delighted by this choice.

"Thank you, Peter." I say exasperatedly. I'm glad he didn't try to fight it. I don't have the strength and I still have to study the whole night. I pray to all the gods to stay focused.

"Just don't let this get to you too much okay? It'll be fine, Covey.  _I promise_." His words were so comforting I believe them.

I know there isn't much to worry about. Accidents always happens to everyone so my precious little sister became a victim to that. I should be thankful it's a fixable injury. She'll recover and be as good as new. "Okay." My response is short but it's reassuring him that I am a bit calmer.

"Go study. And kick that test in the butt tomorrow." He tells me.

A small smile formed in my lips, yet even that act takes so much of my strength. "I plan to."

"And If you change your mind and want to be home tonight, I'll come pick you up." It was his way of saying that he's there for me even if he's away.

And it makes me tear up but I don't want to let him know, "Thank you, Peter but Daddy's right there is nothing I can do now, so I'll take my test. Kick it's ass and then come home." I say willing my voice to sound strong and determined when in reality I want to crawl into a ball and hide. I feel helpless and I hate it.

"That's my girlfriend!" I heard him clap and stomp his feet. He's probably in his room and he skipped practice waiting for my response.

"Go to practice too," I tell him.

He laughs, "How you knew that..." he cleared his throat. "I'm getting dressed now too," Now giving me the answer of why he sounds so far away. He has me on speaker phone.

"Okay. Have a good practice." I say then I sighed. "I'm sorry if I can't go to your game tomorrow." I was really forward to coming home this weekend. I haven't been home for a month and a half, so I get to see everyone at the house and then Kitty and I were supposed to watch Peter's game tomorrow.

"Lara Jean, that is something you should  _never_  be sorry for. I am  _more sorry_  that I can't be there for you right now."

And these are the times where I wonder how I got so lucky to have someone like Peter. He is willing to come here at a drop of a hat when he has other responsibilities too. I feel that even if I give him all of me, it seems that it is never enough for what Peter has given me. I just want to feel Peter's arms around me right now, and I think this is what makes a long-distance relationship hard. "I love you," was all I could say because that's what I feel.

"I love you too, Covey." then after a few seconds, he says. "Now go study. Do well, take everything off your mind. Kitty would be  _pissed_  at you if she found out you did bad on this test because of her."

And I know this all too well… she wouldn't want me to act like this because either way I can't do much. Tomorrow… tomorrow will come. I just need to focus. "I will."

"Call me whenever you wanna talk tonight. Practice ends around 9. I don't care if you think I'm sleeping." We already have established the rules that I can call him anytime and not feel bad about waking him up, which I really don't have trouble doing anyway because I really want to end my day talking to him, just to hear him say goodnight and I love you.

"I don't know how long we will be out here for, but I will call you when I'm headed back to the dorms." That if I walk alone at night he always wants me to call even if I have people around me. I can just ignore him on the phone as long as he is assured that I'm back to the dorm safely. Seriously, was I a general at a war in my past life to be this lucky?

"I got to go,"

I nod. "Stay safe and have fun."

He chuckles, "Yeah I will. I love you, Covey."

"I love you, too Peter."

"Bye." And we hung up.

I was still standing there outside with my back against the window. Now that I'm actually completely alone without trying to reassure everyone that I'm fine, I break down. I wasn't sure why I was crying really… it's just I never really thought this through before when I decided to go to UCN. I wasn't expecting Kitty to get hurt and it has made me realize that anyone of my family could get hurt and I'm over here, four hours away—and stuck.

How does Margot do this? It would probably much worse for her since she's a continent away. She doesn't show it much but she's so much stronger than me.

I sat on the floor, I'm curled into a ball with my arms around my legs, my knees touching my chest. I let myself stay here for a few minutes before I have to go back inside and focus on my reality. This is the first time in the past five months that I've hated being in North Carolina than in Virginia.

* * *

I was just walking along side Candy and Adam, listening to their assumptions of the answers to the test. Normally I'd join in all this fun of sharing your thoughts and argue with them as to why my answers are correct, but I wasn't in the mood. I'm still out of it since all I want to do is go back home.

At least from Candy and Adam discussing I've found that I've got about 10 correct answers. At least that's good, even though I was too distracted to focus on the test. There were times that I was just staring blankly that Kassie, one of my friends in class, kicked my chair so I'd start answering again.

"Kassie did say that 27 is matched to letter F." Adam recalled. He was annoyed now that it means he has two wrongs since he got two items mixed up.

We were headed to our dorms when I saw someone who has the same stature as Peter, except the fact that he has light blonde hair and of course he has a different facial feature but his looking from behind I could be fooled it's Peter. He was crossing the street. It made my heart clench. I knew who that is, he's a Biology major who lives in our building, his name is Ashton. I've met him in our freshman mixer last semester. Every time I see him it makes me miss Peter so much. It hurt to see him around campus when Peter and I were broken up that I was so used to avoiding Ashton if I see him.

"Did you have the same answer?" Candy asked me

I blinked, " _What_?"

Candy links her arms on mine. She knows why I'm so out of it. She even offered to just study with just me last night since I couldn't focus with that many people. "Is your step-mom going to pick you up soon?"

I nod slightly, I had gotten a call from Trina early this morning saying that she has to go to the hospital first then she'd leave. "Yeah, she's going to be here in twenty minutes I believe if she's driving at the speed limit."

"Is your sister okay?" She asked me.

I pursed my lip. "My boyfriend went to see her too before his classes started and sent a picture. She looks the same, and looked fine to me." Peter is sort of close to the hospital Kitty is admitted to. He could take a quick cab ride or the bus. I didn't really ask but he sent a selfie with Kitty in her make shift cast.

"That's nice of him." Candy squeezed my arm comfortingly. "It'll be okay, Lara Jean."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, and if you plan to stay at your house for a couple more days after the weekend, we'll take care of your notes." Adam offered.

And I felt teary eyed, and look at Adam with gratitude. "Thank you." Then I pinch Candy, "See, isn't he so sweet," I teased.

Candy squints at me telling me to shut up. Adam and Candy are sort of dating each other but they haven't set a title on what they are yet. They act like their girlfriend and boyfriend but they haven't had the talk yet. One of these days I'd officially be the third wheel and would need to find others to hang out with just so I can give them time alone.

"Hey, Lara Jean." Adam tapped my arm, "Isn't  _that_  Peter?"

" _What_?  _Where_?" My head jerked around to look for Peter. He can't be here he has class.

Adam carefully grabbed me by the shoulder to turn me to the direction he was looking at. "Am I  _right_?"

And he was. Peter was standing at the entrance of the building, he was the one who I saw crossing the street not Ashton. He was looking at his phone and the next thing I knew my phone was buzzing in my pocket. I was frozen at my spot unsure of what to do next. It wasn't until he faced my direction. He wave and gives me a questioned look, wondering if I was saw him.

 _Oh, dear god, this isn't a dream._  And I didn't even care because I had lost all train of thought, I even dropped my bag to the ground and the book I was carrying so I could run to Peter as fast as I could. Without even realizing it, tears had started to fall from my eyes.

Peter's eyes widened and I swear I could see him mouth a curse word when he noticed that I was crying. He took huge strides towards me, then he held on to my when I jumped into his arms. My arms around his neck and my legs wrapped at his waist. I was crying into his shoulder, I really don't understand why I'm this emotional but I am.

"Hey, Lara Jean.  _Why are you crying?_ " he whispered urgently. He had his hand on the back of my hair and he was caressing it. He was softly shushing me since I didn't answer. He would plant kisses on my sock cap.

I could hear Peter mumbling 'Hi' to the people around that would walk past us. I probably should stop, it's looks like I'm making a scene. "Lara Jean," there was a bit fear on his voice, he can't really understand why I'm crying this much.

I finally got a hold of myself and wiped my tears on the sleeves of my sweat shirt. I could see Peter's shoulder wet from me crying. "I'm sorry." I hopped off of him and hid my face on his chest. My hands are holding on to the zipper of his jacket.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Why are you sorry now? Hey Covey _, look at me_." He lifts my chin with effort since I refused to face him, when I finally did. He brushes his lips on mine, I could taste my tears on our kiss. "Why are you crying?"

" _I don't know_. I think I'm just overwhelmed that  _you're here_. I'm so happy to see you,  _I can't even_ —" I don't finish the sentence I tugged at his jacket so I'd pull him down and kiss him properly. Words can't describe how I'm feeling, so maybe showing him would be better.

He kissed me back with the same intensity but he slowed down just as quickly. His palms were on my face, he slightly moved away. "Don't cry." He was wiping my slightly soaked cheeks with his palm.

"I—" then it hit me. Peter's here. He isn't supposed to be here. I started to ramble in one breath, "Why are you here? You have class still  _like now_ … your game is later, you still have drive another three hours—" and Peter shut me up by giving me a light peck on my lips.

"Breathe, Covey." He ordered. He was staring me down until I did.

I begrudgingly took a deep breath and let it out. "What—"

Then Adam cleared his throat, Peter and I turned towards his direction and he was carrying my bag and book. "You  _dropped_  this."

And my face turned bright pink, oh my god… did I just dramatically ran towards Peter like how those characters do in the movies? What the heck is seriously my problem I am far too emotional to handle. I feel like an idiot. I blame hormones… I'm usually rather emotional when I have my period. That's probably why I freaked out last night instead of being calm, I let my emotions get the best of me.

"I'll take  _that_." Peter said immediately, since I just stared at Adam, embarrassed. He slings the bag on his shoulder. "Thanks, Adam."

"Yeah, thanks." I mumbled, refusing to look at Adam and Candy, who was grinning rather amusingly.

Peter smiles at Candy, and extends a hand. "I don't think we've officially met, I'm Peter Kavinsky."

Candy blinks for a second, blinded by Peter's smile. This happens a lot actually, since Peter really has this amazing smile that would make you forget where and what you are. You just give yourself time to appreciate that, also Peter is really good looking. The only girl I know who is immune to Peter's smile was Brandy. Leah and Charlie had to elbow each other to move when they first met Peter. "Ca—Candy Mills." She stuttered then she clears her throat realizing what she had done. "It's nice to meet you," she takes Peter's hand for a quick hand shake then stepped closer to Adam, embarrassed.

At least Adam doesn't notice this since he was beaming at Peter. "What's up, Peter?" Adam and Peter have met a couple times last semester. Peter doesn't have Friday classes last semester so he'd come early and pick me up after class.

"Nothing much, and you?" Peter patted Adam's arm lightly.

"We just had our first exam today but I think we all did good." He said with a smile. He puts an arm around Candy and squeezed her shoulder. "I think Candy probably topped the exam." He said proudly at his  _sort of girlfriend_.

Candy is one of the smartest in our year, she was part of the President's List last semester. She blushed again, "No… I'm probably  _after_  Lara Jean here."

"Nonsense." I denied it because it's true. I barely made the Dean's List last semester, it was a good thing I was able to increase the .1 I needed to get there with some extra credit.

Peter pulls me close and kisses the top of my head, "Well I'm sure you did well. And I'd be proud of you either way."

"You guys ready to leave soon?" Candy asks.

Peter casts me a glance, "Are we?"

"I still have to pack since I thought  _Trina_  wouldn't be here till thirty minutes." He still hasn't answered why he's here instead of Trina, and why he's skipping and from his expression I doubt he'd answer me now.

"Well, Adam and I are going to have an early lunch." Candy announced.

" _We are_?" Adam seems to be confused by this, the plan was to go to the dorms and I don't know what they both have planned but Candy had said she wanted to sleep first. "Oh, yeah. Sure." He noticed Candy squinting at him gesturing something. He probably got the hint that they should just leave me and Peter to ourselves.

"It was nice meeting you Peter." Candy smiled at Peter then she goes over to hug me. "Call us if you need anything, if you decided to stay a couple more days."

I nod. "Okay."

"See you later, Lara Jean. Drive safe Peter." Adam said, then he links his fingers on Candy's as they started to walk towards the canteen.

Peter just gives them a small wave and then turns to me, "You ready to go?"

" _Peter_ ," I sighed his name.

"Lets just go inside, I'll explain later." He walks behind me so he can put his hands on my shoulder to make me walk towards my dormitory building.

I just let him drag me to her room without saying anything. It's just too comforting to have him next to me to complain really.

We finally reach my door, I was searching for my keys. As we walked in room, I say. "No one's in the room since they all have class, just give me a few minutes to pack my clothes, I haven't done laundry since I knew I'm going home." I hate using the washing machines on the floor since it's over priced and I have to watch my things just incase someone decides to take my clothes. Brandy lost her whites one time and it made us all learn a lesson that you can't really be all that trusting when it comes to nice clothes.

Peter takes my hand and pulls me towards him. I bumped into his chest, then he lifts my chin and kisses me.

I get lost in his kiss when I remembered something, I put a hand on his chest and moved away, "Peter, seriously what are you doing here,  _why are you here right now_?"

He caresses my cheek with his knuckles and smiles, "No _, Hi Peter_   _or thanks for coming to pick me up, Peter_?"

I groaned and I smacked his chest. "I'm  _serious_  Peter—"

He kisses me again but this time I move away before I could get distracted, "I told you. Coach said it's okay to skip today's game—"

"You have class too Peter."

"Can you let me  _finish_?" He scrunches my lips together with his fingers. " _Covey_ …" he warned when I was trying to argue.

I just nod since I can't move, since my back is still against the door.

He waits for a few seconds takes his hand off, "I already talked to my professor, he just wanted me to send the paper he wants us to discuss about, online before midnight and then the coach."

And I really don't think this is what I'm worried about, I know Peter wouldn't skip class and the game if it's important but there still the issue about his mom. "That's great and all but your mom—" I stopped since he was narrowing his eyes at me in warning. He still isn't done. " _Fine_." I rest my hand on my lips so I wouldn't talk.

"Actually, Mom brought my car to school this morning." He said

My eyebrows met in confusion, " _What_?"

He nods, "You heard me. Mom found out that Kitty is in the hospital and was upset at me for not picking you up today." As he tells the story he couldn't hide his grin that he is proud of his mom for bring him the car.

I blinked, as I tried to process what he said, I lowered my hand. " _What do you mean?_ "

He tucks my hair to behind my ear, his fingers lingered at the side of my neck. "She said that, Kitty needs Trina and Dr. Covey with her at all times knowing how parental support is most important when it comes to these things. So, taking Trina away for 8 hours isn't good for Kitty."

"Seriously?" and here I am again, tears brimming in my eyes. Mrs. Kavinsky made Peter pick me up so that Trina don't have to leave Kitty's side. In a situation where school and lacrosse are involved, Mrs. Kavinsky  _made Peter chose me_. Mrs. Kavinsky actually likes me and not just trying to…

Peter just stares at me and he wasn't sure if he should laugh or be worried, "Why are you tearing up again?" then he pulls me for a hug.

" _Don't laugh at me_ ," and this time I was already sniffling. I really am too emotional and I hate it. I believe Peter knows why I'm like this now and if he'd keep teasing me I'm not going to teary eyed, I would just randomly blow up at him for no other reason at all.

He stops trying to laugh his lips are on my head, "Now can you stop worrying? I've got everything under control." Then he tightens the hug, "And from this, I think we know one important detail here."

"And what is that?" I look up at him, my chin resting on my hand which was still on his chest.

"That you don't have to deny the fact that my mom likes you, wait no I take that back.  _My mom loves you_ , Covey."

I pursed my lips and lift my self off my heel so I can kiss Peter, "Thank you for coming to pick me up, Peter." I repeated what he wanted me to say earlier.

He smiles against my lips, "Anytime, Covey. Anytime."

* * *

"Lara Jean, Peter," Trina was the first to greet us as soon as I walked in Kitty's hospital room.

"Hey Trina," I responded with a wave. I saw an empty bed, and I heard a flush in the bathroom.

Kitty walks out, I was about to rush to help her but she put out a hand, "Seriously, I  _have a broken arm_  I'm  _not_ an invalid."

" _Invalid_?" That's a really big word for a twelve-year-old.

Kitty raised her eyebrow, "It means  _disabled_ , I  _thought_  you were smart."

" _I know what it means_!" I protested, I glared at Peter when he started to laugh. The icy stare said,  _Don't start with me, Kavinsky._

" _Sure_ …" Kitty said sarcastically and she walked away from me, her mission accomplished to distracting me, forgetting that I wanted to help her out.

Peter says by my ear, but it was loud enough that everyone could hear. "She yelled at me saying  _she was a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man to help her move around_ , when I tried to help her get out of bed up this morning."

I frowned at Kitty and put my hand on my waist, "Okay, seriously what have you been watching?" she's talking like she's mimicking some lines off a movie or something.

Trina laughs and helps Kitty with her sheets when she climbed into bed. "Well, there was a F.R.I.E.N.D.s marathon on TV last night and then Sherlock BBC."

My lips formed an ' _o'_ finally understanding why my little sister speaks like an adult. "Shouldn't  _you_  be  _sleeping_  at night?"

Kitty rolls her eyes, "Shouldn't  _you_  be in  _school_  now?" My class was supposed to end at 2pm on Fridays but we didn't have anything to do in that class so I skipped it.

Trina shakes her head and kissed Kitty's forehead. "You be nice to your sister." Then she turns to Peter, "I'm going to get some Coffee downstairs."

"I'll go with you, Trina." Peter offered so that Kitty and I are left alone for a little bit. The reason why Kitty is a bit feisty is because she doesn't want to show her emotions to this many people. The kid doesn't really want to show she's vulnerable and acts like a grown up around everyone when she's actually allowed to stay a child if she wants to. He leans towards me to ask, "Do you want anything?" we didn't really get to eat anything since I just wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

I know Kitty can't eat so It'll be unfair for her if I eat in front of her. She has surgery in an hour, so I can just eat then. "Just something to drink with no caffeine," If I get caffeinated drinks I'd probably have a stomach ache.

He nods and then follows after Trina.

Kitty was just looking at me, waiting for me to speak.

I on the other hand was eyeing her. I couldn't keep my gaze off her make shift cast. "Are you in pain?"

She pursed her lips and shakes her head. "If it stays this way it doesn't. It's just uncomfortable that I couldn't move."

I walk over towards her and sit on her bed, where her good arm was at. I reach for her hand and held it lightly. "I'm glad you're not hurting." Then I asked, "Have you talked to Margot?"

"This morning, she told me to call her after my surgery." Her voice was low then she asks me if I have talked to our sister too.

I just nod. I talked to Margot last night before I went to bed. She actually calmed me down saying that there was nothing me and her can do. We just have to go through our day as normal since we both know Kitty would be upset if we let this disturb our focus for school. Margot also assured me that everything was going to be fine saying that Kitty is the strongest out of all of us. After speaking to Margot last night, I was at least able to get some sleep so I could take the exam a few hours later for that.

"You didn't have to skip class to be here you know," Kitty said to me. She sounds disappointed that I did but the way she was holding on to my fingers tightly, I knew right there that she was  _really_  happy to that I was here with her though this.

I smile and I could feel my tears brim in my eyes, "I know, but I want to be here for you. I'm always here for you, Kitty."

Then her face crunches adorably, "You aren't going to hug me, right?" she really hates it when I get super emotional.

I pursed my lips trying to think. If I hug her, it might hurt her. "No," then I lean forward to kiss her the top of her head.

"Jeez, Lara Jean. Way to ruin the moment we just had." She shudders then pulls her hand off of mine, looking rather irked that I did that.

I widen my eyes in astonishment. I can't believe she just did that. "You let Trina and Dad kiss the top of your head! Why can't I?"

She gawks at me like I'm missing a few brain cells, "It's dad and our step mom! Parents!  _You're my sister!_ "

"You let Peter do that!" I do recall Peter kissing the top of her head once or twice before.

She blushes, "Brothers  _can_  do that to little sisters but not sisters to sister! Have you ever seen Margot do that?"

Then I blink. I can't answer.

"See, you don't know."

I squint at her. Margot did it when she'd tuck Kitty to sleep before when she was younger but she was already sleep by then. Fine I don't argue with her. There's no point. Kitty always wins anyway. "Fine, I'm sorry."

She just shrugs. She grabs the control next to her and turns on the TV, "Want to find something good to watch?" she asks me as she offered me the remote.

I smile at her. Kitty may act like she's tough but she's such a softie. I wish I could record these moments but I know she'll just close herself even more so I'll just savor these moments. "What's good?" I take remote browsing through. I skootch next to her, since she moved so I can be close to her.

"It's 1pm so I'm not sure." She rests her head on the side my arm. "You know you aren't supposed to sit on the bed.  _Patients only_." She says, once again her words are totally opposite to her actions.

I finally found something for us to watch,  _10 things I Hate About You._  We've seen this a few times together already but when we don't know what to watch this is our go to movie. "I won't tell if you don't." I moved down so I could lean my head on top of hers.

"Deal." She mumbles lightly.

* * *

"Are you guys sure, you don't want me to stay a couple more days, to help you watch Kitty?" I asked Dad again since I was going to leave for Chapel Hill in a few with Peter. I had offered to stay for a couple days to help out.

"I told you, we will be fine. I may have a  _couple_  patients in due this week that specifically requested for me but that's about it, Dr. Smith was more than willing to take my load this week. Besides, Trina is off work this week too. We've got it under control, Lara Jean." Kitty will be discharged in two days and she'll be out of school for the next week.

"I really don't understand why I  _need_  to be  _watched_. I can stay at home by myself just fine and survive." Kitty finally spoke up. She was annoyed that we were talking about her as if she wasn't in the same room with us.

Dad ruffled Kitty's hair and laughs, " _Legally_  speaking, you can't be left alone without a sitter."

Kitty scowls. She knows that's right. Legally, she can only be left alone without a sitter till she's 13 and that's not till next year.

Trina squeezed my shoulder, reassuringly. "We got everything under control. Just go to school and do well."

I shook my head while she was talking, "It's fine I've already talked to my classmates—"

"Seriously Lara Jean, just because you want to skip school doesn't give you the reason to use me as an excuse to." Kitty snapped at me.

My jaw fell open. That's when I knew that I wasn't needed. I wasn't really sure if I was relieved or sad.

"The boss has spoken, Lara Jean." Dad said amusingly he wasn't even looking at me but at Kitty. He kisses the top of her.

I sighed, " _Fine_." Giving up.

Kitty smiles at me and hands me a pen. "You can write on my cast, as long as it's  _nothing_  cheezy."

"Do I get in on that action too, Kitty?" Peter asks as he walks with me to Kitty's bed.

Kitty waves her hand, "Duh, obviously since you're cool."

Peter's lips curled into a smirk, "Hear that, Covey. I'm cool." He says proudly.

"I can be cool too!" I pouted.

" _Sure_ ," He says sarcastically but then when I glared at him, he kisses the top of my hair. Peter doesn't even phase him that my Dad and stepmom are standing close to him. He is just that comfortable around my family.

Peter takes the pen from Kitty but I snatched it first from him. "I'm the sister! I should go first." I complained rather childishly.

He backs off and hides a smile. He puts his hands up in the air, "Have at it, then."

I rub the pen on my chin trying to think what to write. I'm taking a Beginners Korean Class this semester. I can sort of write and read a little in Hangul. I can also make conversations but at times I sound like a toddler since sentence construction in Korean is much different from English. Then I wrote in Hangul,  _Stay Strong!_

Peter was eyeing me curiously. Something jogged his memory but he holds his question for later, and wrote on Kitty's cast.

Kitty was looking at what I wrote and she asked, "What did you write, Lara Jean?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, saying, "Something cool."

Dad smiles at me proudly. He was really happy when I told him I enrolled to a Korean class this semester.

After we all said our goodbyes, Peter and I walked hand in hand towards his car. We walk in silence, once again hating this moment and the next three hours since we're parting again.

I sat in the passenger seat, I still didn't want to buckle my seatbelt. "Thanks for this weekend Peter. I wouldn't know what to do without you." I take a deep breath. He had to skip school, his first game of the season just so he'd be by my side the entire time. The only time we weren't together was when we'd go home and sleep, he'd come early to take me to the hospital for the past two days.

He turns to face me, he had the sweetest smile. "Anything for you, Covey." he reaches over so his knuckles would caress my cheek.

I leaned towards hand and kissed his palm.

"Hey, I have a question." He says lightly. I took his hand and had it between my hands. I figured we'd talk here for a bit.

With his free hand he touches the back of his head, "So, I remembered something. When I had a cast. You wrote something. I didn't really get to ask what it was before, but I'm guessing it's in Korean correct?"

I bit my bottom lip and nodded, I figured he was going to ask this when he saw what I had written on Kitty's cast. "When did you break your wrist?" I ask him just to make him remember when it was.

He tries to remember, he doesn't seem to recall exactly when it was. "Seventh or eighth grade." He shrugs.

"No," I shake my head, I know  _exactly_  when he broke his wrist. The day he came back from school he was asking people to write on his cast. I had been avoiding him all day when he'd be calling out for me because I wasn't sure what to write. I was still hopelessly in love with Peter then and he was dating Genevieve. That was when all of us were still friends so obviously he wanted me to sign his cast. I wanted mine to be different so he'd remember and would think I'm cool… or something. So, I was looking at Hangul characters that I could chose, and saw the most perfect one. That seemed pretty easy to write, it was my sort way of confessing what I felt without  _really_  doing it. I learned to write the word  _Love_.

"It  _was_  Eight grade." I say carefully so he would understand. I was staring at him expectantly hoping he'd read into it. "Around after  _a month_  after school started," I added.

There was finally recognition in his expression and his face, guilt washed over his face. "Oh shit—Lara Jean I… dam."

I laughed and I move closer. I squeezed his hand. I didn't expect him to feel guilty. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's just. I didn't know. I mean I was with—" he couldn't even finish the sentence.

I had my hands on his face to make him look at me, "Don't feel bad for the things I felt for you back then and you didn't return those feelings for me. I was happy loving you from the sidelines. Though I  _hated_  you because I loved you... _but still_. Everything that happened from  _then_ and up  _till now_. I never want to change all that.  _Ever."_  And that was true. And I mean  _everything_ , even the break ups we experienced. Those pain made me realize how I truly love this boy in front of me. It's unfortunate that its only those times when I could actually grasp the fact that I love Peter Kavinsky deep in my heart and soul. I'm only eighteen about turning nineteen in a couple months but I know that this he is the one I plan to love as long as he lets me. "Because it led is here,  _together_.  _You and me_."

His hand snake around my wrist while the other was on the back of my neck, "When did you become so wise?" he teases me. It's usually him that talks like this.

"From the most  _amazing_  boyfriend in the whole world." I say with conviction because I believe that he is. And I didn't even wait for him to say anything because I pulled him so our lips would meet.

Loving Peter and kissing Peter for the rest of my life, I'd be happy with that.

* * *

It was the first day of spring and I hate it. I have been sneezing like crazy for the past twenty minutes I swear I just want to rip my nose off just to get it over with. I can live with just breathing through my mouth. It doesn't matter anyway since my nose are so stuffed up I might as well just be a mouth breather.

Even Peter can't understand what I'm saying and tells me I'm adorably fun to talk to because my allergies are ruining my life. I had just hung up on him since he has practice but called me before it started. It also doesn't help that the Registrar's office is almost at the other side of the campus so all that walking is making me breath in all the pollen worsening my allergies.

I already took a Claritin but it's still not enough. Gosh I hate this the beginning of spring.

I shoved that needed paperwork in my bag without really looking at where I was walking that I bumped into someone, "I am so sorry,"

"No I'm— _Oh just the person I was hoping to see._ "

 _Why would he be wanting to see me?_  When I finally looked up, my lips formed a smile immediately. Standing in front of me, was John Ambrose McCleren. "John Ambrose McCleren?" I gasped his name, quite astonished to see him in my school.

He grins, his face brightens, "Hey Lara Jean." He opens his arm to offer a hug, and I immediately obliged. It's always nice to see a familiar friendly face.

"How are you? What are you doing here? How is William Mary College? What have you been up to?" Then I giggled, I think I was too excited to see him that I just bombarded him with these many questions. "Sorry,  _you don't have to answer all that_." We pull away from the hug.

He laughs, "No, It's fine. I'll answer what I can remember. I'm doing great. School is good, I haven't been doing anything special other than classes." Then he pauses trying to recall, "Ahh, and I'm here because I'm planning to transfer next semester."

Oh yeah, I remembered this was his plan when we spoke last year. I was thinking that maybe he'd be happy in William Mary to not want to transfer, but he did say that UNC has always been his dream school. So, I guess that changes things.

"Can't you do that online?" I asked, transferring school doesn't need him to drive for three hours.

He laughs and nods, "Yeah I could but coming here makes me actually think if I really do want to transfer or not."

"And?" I asked, the school does have this vibe where you want to stay and be in its presence. That's how I fell in love with this school.

"What did you  _feel_  when  _you_  visited?" He answered with a question.

"You're  _transferring_." It's simple really.

"So you free right now? Wanna join me in the waiting game? I have an interview in an hour with the admissions," he seems nervous and I know it's not because he is asking. Interviews always are scary, and a friend or even just someone familiar would just lessen that feeling.

I don't have anything else to do anymore, so I say, "Sure. I  _would_  love to."

And he smiles at me then gestures me to walk ahead of him, I lead him towards the admissions office where I've just been in not long ago.

It was around after five that John was done with whatever he needed. It took a while since the person who was supposed to interview him had a meeting. He was happily waiting since I was just there.

Now were having an early dinner before John has to drive back to Virginia. He offered to buy me dinner for keeping him company and not make his day boring, which I told him that it was my pleasure to help out a  _friend_.

In the three hours that we hung out, there wasn't an awkward moment until  _right at this second_  when he smiled. His smile made my heart clench, and not in a good butterfly feeling in your stomach but  _guilt_.

I was  _guilty_  for John. The smile he has on his face reminded me of that time when we were hanging out together during junior year.

He  _has_  hope. And it scared me. I have no feelings for him other than friendship and I hoped I brought up Peter or his girlfriend Dipti in any of our conversation.

"I—"

But he beat me to it, "So  _how's_  Kavinsky?"

I had to stop myself from sighing in relief but I smiled instead. "He's  _doing_  great. He's going for pre-doctorate for Sports Rehabilitation, he's also part of the Virginia Cavaliers and he's one of the key players that's like really amazing for a freshman in Lacrosse. And yeah  _overall_ , he's doing great." I say proudly. Every time someone asks me about Peter I always become this proud girlfriend as if  _all_  his achievements  _are_  mine.

John nods listening closely. He chuckles, "Well from that beaming expression you on, you two still going strong I see." He wasn't even asking he was stating a fact.

I blush. Gosh, I'm so obvious when it comes to this. No matter how hard I try to keep myself contained I always turn into this love-sick fool when I talk about Peter. I was not like this before but after this semester... I've turned into one of those girlfriends who can never stop gushing about their boyfriend if given a chance. "What about  _you_? You and Dipty?"

He pursed his lips, "We broke up."

I gasped. "I am so sorry. I wouldn't have asked if I knew."

" _Don't_  be," he shrugged, "We tried and it was just too much for us. We broke up about two months into the semester, in November. At least  _one_  of us could make the long-distance work." He patted my palm lightly.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't want to say anything because it was the same for me and Peter too. This was one of those things you don't really need to share with  _an almost ex_. "Yeah, it not easy though." And I only say what is the truth. No oversharing.

" _Shit no_. It's much better this way. We are much happier where we are at." He wasn't really saying this to me but I think he was telling it to himself, reminding him that they both made a good decision

"Did you guys try to get back together?" I am never afraid to ask these questions. That's what's wrong with me. I don't want to share but I expect everyone else around me to.

He didn't seem to be bothered by this since he answered without hesitation, "Nah, we both knew what the problem was. No need to try when  _the distance_  was what broke us apart."

"Ah," and I had to squeeze my hand together. I need to control myself... I can't ask anymore.

John just raised an eyebrow, he grins. He could probably tell I wasn't done. "You can ask, I'm an open book. I never mind you asking me questions."

So, I consider this, besides I am far too  _curious_  to deny this. "So? Are you dating now?"

He nods, "Yeah. That's the reason why I'm actually transferring to Chapel Hill too." He shares, "I mean, I've always wanted to go here and was planning to transfer but Dianne is the reason why I'm  _actually_  going through with it."

"Why is she  _transferring_  to Chapel Hill next semester too?"

"Technically no, she's starting her  _freshman_  year here."

I blinked trying to understand what he means. Then it hit me, his girlfriend is one of those students that take college level classes on their senior year to be advanced. "You're  _dating_  a high school student?" That came out a bit higher pitched than it should be.

He smirks and shakes his head in amusement. "Your making me sound like a pedophile dating a child. I'm  _only_  a year older than her."

I gasped realizing what I had just said, I shouldn't say anything because Peter is seven months older than me. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as an apology, "I swear, I don't mean it that. It just came out weird—"

John cracked up totally finding my freaking out hilarious. He was hitting the table as he laughed, it echoed in the restaurant that some people that were far from us was looking at us.

I blush, "I don't really think it's  _that_  funny." I grumbled.

He tried to straighten up but he puffed trying to suppress his laughter. He playfully reached over and pinches my cheeks. "I forgot how adorable you are."

And I glared at him, I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. But I can't take this abuse, I don't care if I probably offended him. I stood up.

He panicked and stood up to hold me down, "Seriously now Lara Jean.  _I was joking_." But his eyes are still shining with amusement.

He didn't sit back down until I did. "Look, I am sorry but you don't have to laugh at me."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He waved his hand apologetically. "I have a couple classes with her last semester, she's taking advance English and math classes already. So, by the time she'd start in here then she doesn't have minors to take."

"She must be really smart then," usually, students who take college level classes are the ones who are the straight As student in 9th and 10th grade that they can advance their classes just so they'd have something to do in for credits.

I could see the change in face, all jokes a side, his face brightened as he spoke. I could see how proud he was as he started talking, I wondered if I looked like that too when I talk about Peter. "Yeah, I believe she's the smartest person I've ever met. She does private tutoring for SATs too and she's the smartest in our class too."

I smile. "So, your transferring because of her?" I repeat what he said a while ago

He shrugs, " _Maybe_  but I think it's like hitting two birds with one stone. I've been wanting to transfer but the going through with being new again makes me not want to but after being with Dianne, I know we've only been together for less than six months but I don't think I can go  _through_  the long distance again."

"I totally understand how that feels, how you two go from seeing each other every day then all of a sudden to twice a month or less, and the relationship is now based on phone calls instead of the face to face you've been used to." Those first two months were rough, I couldn't adjust to it that well, which is one of the biggest reasons why we had problems.

He was nodding every time I uttered something agreeing to every word I said, "At least you  _two made_  it through and are still going strong." But he didn't even see my reaction that he was partly wrong because he continues. "It's not I'm changing my life  _just_  for her but at the same time if I know she makes me  _truly_  happy then transferring to a different school and starting over would be worth it. I know we're young and all but there's always that  _one person_  you are willing to sacrifice for. It's seriously the same education everywhere, the only difference is just the adjusting to the new environment which would be hard at first."

I take in what he said by heart, for some reason I could relate to John easily. I want to secretly thank him but I don't because that would mean I have to explain myself when I don't even really know if this is truly what I want but at least I'm hearing his side. Wording out the fears that I have, but then I know one thing. He needs reassurance that his choice is a good one. "Hey,  _with you_. You are like one the nicest guys I've ever known. You having a hard time adjusting with new people, that's only going to be like for  _two or three days_  and then you'd be like everyone's best friend."

"You  _think_  highly of me," He says sarcastically. He is really nervous about this decision as to why he can't see what I see. It was always Peter and him during middle school that was well liked, even if he was a shy kid. But Peter and John were  _friends_  with everyone without even trying too hard.

" _I'm serious_." And I say it with a straight face.

We stared at each other for a good five seconds, no one speaking, no blinking. I don't understand why people think they can win at this staring contest. I am the queen… no one has beat me to this yet. "I'll take your word for it." He just smirked. But he doesn't need to  _take my word_ , since what I said was true.

" _Whatever_ ," I just rolled my eyes, I have no energy to argue.

"Besides, there's a familiar face at Chapel Hill once I transfer." Then he wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Then I laughed, "We shall see,"

"You're mean, Lara Jean." He crossed his chest across and pouted. "When Peter comes visit you next semester, me and Dianne, you and Peter should hang out."

I don't answer immediately I can't really promise me him anything, so to this I say, "Maybe."

John shakes his head but he was still grinning knowing that I was just teasing him. "Well I'm sure Peter wants to see me that's for sure." Trying to boost his ego when I've been bruising it the past five seconds.

"Sure, he does," And I answer seriously this time. We have gone past to all the grudges. Peter fully knows what I truly feel for him to have any doubts and be petty jealous over nothing. With that aside, Peter does miss his old friend.

* * *

_A/N:_

_I wish i was a general in my past life too so i can have a Peter._

_awww poor kitty :(_

_The first part with the phone call was supposed to be what the last chapter was gonna end with but I think the other chapter ended quite perfectly don't you think? Hahaha_

_Thanks for all the comments. I hope to get more than 5 or per chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts about the story guysssss. Please?_

_Anyone got nervous when John Ambrose showed up? Haha don't be._

_Any thoughts guys? Heheh SHARE_

_Okay Don't forget to kudos and Comment_


	19. Chapter 19

 

_Okay, disclaimer! I hope to get lots of reviews too please? I never get  much hahaha_

* * *

 

**Chapter Nineteen**

I was watching Peter's Lacrosse practice under the bleachers like a stalker. I was going to let him know I was visiting but I decided on the last minute not to, besides when I called to tell him I was here he didn't answer. I didn't expect the interview to go that long. Well, it was more waiting than the actual interview but still I would expect these people to be timely.

I had to suppress my cheers down to a minimum when Peter would do something really cool. They have a game tomorrow so the practice is actually them split into two teams with their Coach yelling at everyone else but Peter (well I can assume, since I'm biased to Peter.)

And, I would have sat next to Ashley but as soon I was close to the field she was already cursing from the bleachers that Chester needs to be part of the play not the sidelines.

" _Go Peter_!" I whooped excitedly when he made the goal while trying to avoid the defense from Chester. I totally regretted it since he turned towards my direction, I ducked down hastily but it wouldn't have mattered because I was under the bleachers.

"Kavinsky! What are you doing!" One of his teammates, Luke Craft hissed at Peter who frozen to his spot trying to find for the voice that had cheered for him.

One more glance at my direction then he nods, "Sorry, man." He grips at his Crosse and starts to join the play again.

After that I did my best to not be as loud. I saw Peter glancing at where I was, I actually had to move due to being a bit paranoid. Not planning to ruin the surprise I didn't even plan on to begin with.

It took an hour for them to finish the game, Peter's team won by one point. They were still by the field talking. Peter was drinking water and decided to pour the rest of the bottle on his face, the water falling to his neck, soaking his chest. Then he took off his shirt.

I heard giggles from the top of the bleachers there were three girls saying how Peter was so hot and well I think they were drooling over Luke as well who also took his shirt off. Luke even waved at the three girls.

It made me irritated, why on earth would Peter undress right there when he could go to their locker. Seriously, I know Peter is confident with his body I just don't feel comfortable that someone can see  _what's mine_.

Oh my god. I sound like Ashley... I shudder. I decide to just calm down since he won't do anything even if there are five supermodels that would throw themselves at him. Peter is faithful to me, as I am to him. Though, I'm sure there aren't any hot guys that would decide to hit on me.

Finally, he decided to put on his shirt... well  _he had to_  cause Ashley tossed Peter's shirt at his face. It made me smile, got to hand it to Ashley she's looking out for me in her own way.

Ashley and Chester went their separate ways probably headed to Ashley's dorm room, while Peter was walking with Luke Craft and Jackson Wang. Luckily, they were busy talking to amongst themselves that they didn't even notice I was right behind them. I was far enough that it wouldn't seem like I was actually tailing them but close that I could sort of hear what they were talking about.

"How about we have dinner first before we head back and take a shower?" Jackson suggested, he was already rubbing at his belly complaining that he was hungry.

Peter looked at his watch, it was around close to 5pm probably checking if he can call me anytime within the next twenty minutes, "Yeah, that sounds good actually,"

"Yeah. That's fine with me I don't care about the musk," Luke disgustingly sniffed his arm pit. Trying to check if he smells bad.

The things guys do when girls aren't around is so weird.

"Well you kind of stink so stay over there." Peter playfully pushed Luke since the guy was getting closer to Peter to have him check if he smells or something.

Luke tumbled sideways, he was caught off guard by this. And that's when he saw me.

I widen my eyes and immediately put a finger on my lips, gesturing for him to not say anything.

Luke grinned darkly then he nods. He's walking a head of Peter now and is walking backwards.

"Hey,  _dumbass_  walk properly, if you get injured tomorrow we'd be missing a player." Jackson said in annoyance. Luke is actually one of the star players in their team and he's a junior.

Luke waves off Jackson then he places a hand on Peter's shoulder. "You know I think  _one_  of us is going to get  _lucky_  tonight." He wasn't looking at me but was facing Peter.

"Well,  _obviously_  that's  _you_  since Peter's girlfriend is in Chapel Hill and my girlfriend is none  _existent_." Jackson said uninterestedly.

Luke gives me a knowing look, then he grips at Peter's shoulder bag. When I nodded at him, he said. "Well, Imma take this." Then swiped Peter's bag.

"What the—" with Peter's back free from a bag, I ran to Peter and snaked my arms around him from behind. My nose on his spine, face between his shoulder blade. " _What the fuck_!" He cursed in panic when he noticed that there was a small set of arms around him.

I had to suppress a giggle, when he was doing his best to take my arms off of him without trying to hurt me. Even if this was an invasion of his personal space Peter is never rude to anyone. "Um,  _excuse me?_ " He says carefully.

I on the other hand had sort of lost my train of thought when I took a deep breath. I forgot how I loved how Peter smelled after he has games or practices. The smell of grass mixed with his sweat and him (detergent, faded cologne). Most guys probably stink after practices or games but never Peter.

"Woah man, you're  _in_  trouble." Jackson peeked through so he could see me, I smiled at him with my eyes closed, trying to not laugh thankful that Jackson distracted me or else I would be some weirdo sniffing my boyfriend, who is freaking out because he has no idea it's me at the moment.

"Hi," I say in the softest voice I could muster. I tightened my hug around him and leaned my cheek on his back.

He froze and his hold on my wrist softened, " _Lara Jean?_ "

"Surprise." Then I let go of him and Peter turns, he has brightest smile I've seen in the longest time, (Well maybe since I haven't seen Peter for almost three weeks). He's like a kid on Christmas morning realizing that all the presents under the tree are all his. I'm his present for having a long day.

He lifts me into his arms and his lips met mine. It was a slow and very romantic kiss. I would have kiss him back but Luke cleared his throat. We broke apart but Peter's forehead was to mine. "Hi," he says.

"Hi Lara Jean," Luke greeted with a goofy wave trying to catch my attention, he brushed his red hair off his forehead. His eyes wrinkle as he smiled. Jackson tosses his bag to Luke which hit his arm. " _What_?" He snaps at his friend.

"Hi Luke," I say mid-giggle. Peter finally frees me from his hold but he linked his fingers on mine, "Hey Jackson," I greet him too.

"So, if your girlfriend is here. Does that mean dinner would be out of the picture?" Jackson asks Peter and me.

I look up at Peter as he waits for my answer. I am aware that every after practice Peter would be starving and has to eat but the question would be if we're joining his friends or we going alone. "I could eat, I'm hungry, too." I haven't eaten since I left Chapel Hill.

"Well I always like having Lara Jean around, you're the nicest girlfriend there is," Luke said with a wink.

Peter takes his bag and then punches Luke's arm lightly, "Don't flirt with  _my_  girlfriend." He swung his bag hitting Luke on the same arm.

Luke stomped his foot, furious now. "One more bag that touches me is going to get  _it_." He threatened.

Peter and Jackson glance at each other and that same second, they grabbed their bags to strike at Luke. Peter; at Luke's arm while Jackson aims at the back of Luke's head.

I had to hold my laughter when Luke's face turned red. I could see his eyes burn in fury trying to decide who to kill first so when Jackson ran Peter is first on his hit list. At least Peter is a fast runner so he was able to get a head start.

But Luke was a bit faster and was able to grab a hold of his shirt. "Run Peter!" I screamed out in between giggles. Though, the good thing about Peter is that he can dodge really well and maneuver around people when he's in a tight spot, that's why he's a good attacker for Lacrosse. When I called out he immediately turned so that he'd free himself from Luke.

They did this for a few more seconds but Luke couldn't catch Peter despite him being at arm's length.

"Hey Luke! You're supposed to be in line for captain next season and you can't even grab a freshman?  _Seriously_?!" Jackson hollered from the other side where the boys are, he was testing Luke. He had his hands on his mouth so he'd be heard loud and clear, which he doesn't need to since Jackson has a really loud voice.

Luke stops and turns towards Jackson, he had the scariest look on his face. "Wang,  _come here_." He was walking slowly then he sprints after Jackson. I was really amazed by how fast of a runner Luke was because even if Jackson was far ahead and was moving Luke was already catching up and quick.

A squeal left my lips in surprise when I didn't even realize that Peter was going to me, he sweeps me off my feet with his arms around my waist. My feet off the ground and he twirls us a couple times. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support, I was a little dizzy.

He didn't say anything but his lips touched mine, his hand firm on my back. After a few moments, we pull apart his forehead on mine. "This was a really nice surprise, Covey."

I smiled against his lips, "I'd say so." I brush his hair to the side. It's slightly damped from practice and the pouring water on his hair, which I need to talk to him about later...  _taking his shirt off in public_.

"When  _and_  how did you get here?" He asks.

I pursed my lips, "A couple hours ago, just in time for your practice," I lied. I've actually been here since 1pm, waited in the admissions office for three hours, he doesn't need to know that yet.

"So that was you I heard cheer for me?" He sounded relieved that it was actually me he heard and he wasn't hallucinating.

I nod and I pinched his nose because he was so adorable, "Yeah you weren't losing your mind." And I continued, "Then, Leah lent me her car. Gavin and her went to their hometown for the weekend." Some anniversary for Leah's sister wedding they had to attend.

"Oh yeah, Gavin asked me if I was going with him. He forgot about the game." Then he sighs, "A couple more months... we don't have to worry about having no cars on campus."

I nod. I am hoping that's the case. There's less than two months left till the semester ends. This is actually one of the things Peter is looking forward to so that he can visit me without having his mom knowing. He had mentioned that his mom gave him the safe sex talk a month ago. It was really hilarious for my part because I don't have to go through it but weirded out that his mom needs to give him that talk when Peter hasn't been a virgin since he was 15. She missed it by 4 years.

"Hey!" Luke called out.

Peter and I turned to the voice. Luke had Jackson on at headlock, "If you two are done making goggly eyes at each other, let's go. Or I'll strangle this kid." He tightened his hold and Jackson's face turned red.

"No! Go save yourselves! Make lots of babies to bring to the world! Don't let one evil person stop you!" Jackson sputtered nonsense and what's worse he seems serious.

I widen my eyes at Peter, " _Is he for real_?"

Pete shakes his head, "That's  _hypoglycemia_  talking." Then he takes my hand and softly pulls me towards them. "Okay, we'll go eat. I declare a truce." He raised his free hand up surrendering. "Let go of the Asian kid."

I bite my lip and chuckled. Peter's friends are such dorks and it's bringing Peter's inner child, and I love it.

Peter slightly looks at me and he winks at me.

And I swear I could have melted right there and then.

 

* * *

 

It was about close to seven when we got back to Peter's dorm. There was no one in his room, I had bumped into Mark on my way to Peter's practice and he said that he will make sure that he and Andrew would be away from the dorm till 10pm, or just him since he believes Andrew is going to party all night.

I could see Peter's relief to see the dorm empty. He quickly pulls me into his arms and kisses me, softly. My back against the door.

"What time do you have to get back home?" He asked, lips against my neck.

My fingers tangle in his hair and I breathed the answer. "No one at home knows I'm in Virginia."

He stops and looks at me, he raises an eyebrow. He seems amused by this answer. "You being a  _rebel_ , Covey?"

I grinned, " _Maybe_ ," I go on my tip toes and my mouth meets his chin. "Don't worry, Kitty is at a sleep over all weekend because Daddy and Trina are going on a trip." I called them the other day and Trina was so excited about her weekend with Dad.

Peter beamed up hugs me tightly, "So that means that you're staying here with me,  _all weekend_?"

"I guess," I chuckled, obviously where else would I stay. "Well,  _unless_  you want me to go back home—"

But he didn't even let me finish that statement, my words got swallowed by our kiss. "You're staying here until Sunday."

"Okay." I nod.

" _That's our first_ , you sleeping in my dorm." He says happily. He's right, I've never stayed the night at his dorm. There was no point really not when we only live 30 minutes away from our houses. "So, we don't have to rush to get back. We have  _all the time_  in the world."

" _Possibly_ ," I really don't know what he means by this, but he steps away from me, and that distance is driving me crazy. I haven't seen him for two weeks, he should stay as close as possible.  _Wow, now I sound like Leah._

"Good, I need to take a shower." He lightly scratches the back of his head, "You can find for us something to watch, I'll be really quick."

Now my heart is beating across my chest loudly, I'm so nervous because I was expecting for him to say this. And I already had a line formed in my head a few seconds ago, " _Speaking of firsts..._ " I say slowly and softly. I could see Peter's face change, he has a slight idea of what I mean.

I locked the door behind me.

"Lara Jean?" He swallows. He is as nervous as I am it seems like. I haven't said anything but he doesn't want to assume but at this dorm their door is never locked. The only time it's locked was when Mark's girlfriend visited and Peter called me saying he can't go in his dorm.

I step forward, our chest slightly touching. My hand was shaking when I reached for his hair, I brushed it off his face. " _My firsts_  don't have to end  _there_ , we can go  _shower_ —" and I shrieked as Peter grabbed me and had me over his shoulder in one movement. " _Peter_! What are you doing! Put me down!" My face was on his back and I was trying to wiggle out of his hold, but I was laughing so much. " _Peter_!"

Peter sets me down carefully when we were in their small bathroom. He walks into the tub to turn on the water, then he stands in front of me.

My laughter died down when I saw his face. His jaw tightened unsure of what to do next, but his hand was on the hem of my shirt. He was slightly shaking, I had my hand on his wrist, to steady him.

His other hand was on my chin and he cups my face. "You're so beautiful that looking at you sometimes hurts. How did I ever get so lucky to have you?"

I could feel my heart flutter wildly. Peter usually doesn't speak like this and what's more amazing is that I also think the same way every time. That how could one of the most handsome guy I've ever met could fall for a girl like me.

He steps into me, our nose almost touch. He leans and would move to kiss me but he doesn't yet. It's like he's savoring this moment right here. Taking it in slowly, his lips would barely touch the corner of my mouth, my cheek, the tip of my nose, every touch causing me to moan.

"Kiss me, Peter." I breath into his lips, the anticipation killing me.

I felt him smile against my chin and ended my anticipation as he finally captures my lips in one of the hottest kiss we've had in a while, and what even makes the moment more incredible is the room was filled with steam from the hot water.

"We should—" he clears his throat, "the hot water doesn't stay that long—" and he doesn't finish because I kissed him and we don't talk anymore, there was no need

888888

Peter and I are laying on his bed. He's holding me tightly. My back was against his chest, he had to move my hair so it'll be laying under my shoulder. He was complaining my soaked hair was making him cold.

 _"Many firsts_  today for us today..." he kisses my bare shoulder, "Your  _surprise_  visit," His lips on my neck, "You staying for the weekend," he nuzzles the tip of his nose on the back of my ear. " _Sleeping_ , on my bed." An innuendo.

I giggle, "You're a dork."

" _And_  shower sex," now he says bluntly. Even though we didn't stay long since the water had become too cool for both of us to handle. There wasn't really shower involved since we didn't get to use soap but the thought was there.

I roll my eyes and turned to face him. "Like you  _haven't_  done that before." I'm sure when it comes to intimate stuff I can never be firsts for anything.

He scowled at me, disappointedly. " _How would you know?_ Do you have a tally of what I've done and haven't?"

I raise an eyebrow at him and hide my snicker. He is seriously upset about this, "Really?" I was grinning like a fool, excited that I could have a first in this department.

"Would I lie to you?" He asks seriously.

I watch him carefully. I trust Peter but shower sex is apparently basic when it comes to being in a relationship. Leah and Charlie were telling me how much I'm missing when I've told them I was still shower sex virgin. I mean I didn't understand the hype to it. I like the bed more.

"I am not a sex fiend as you think I am, Covey." He complains, "It's just I started  _early_  doesn't mean I've tried  _everything_."

I smiled. I am pretty happy about this new discovery that I brush my lips on his, "Really, I've  _taken_  a first from you?"

He laughs at me and shakes his head, "Yes Covey, you took my innocence away. Just as you took my first kiss."

"Hey!" I smacked his chest. "You  _stole_  that from me! You  _kissed_  me!"

He hissed as he rubbed his chest. It was a rather loud smack and I'm sure it stung since my palm tingled. " _That_ ,  _this_  is a first too. I've  _never_  had a girl hit me as hard as you."

"Stop making things up. You're just being weird." But all this talk about firsts is making my heart leap for joy. Even if that last one is stupid.

"I'm always serious about  _my firsts_." Then he moves so that he's be hovering over me, our legs tangled together. "And we still have many of those to go through, this is only the beginning."

And I really think about this because it's true. Peter, the first boy who I ever kissed is now the boy I plan to do my many firsts with. Most girls don't even talk to the guys they had their first kiss with. It was just a passing initiation to enter to their preteens or teens. Even at that time I thought that my first kiss would just be a memory. It'll be one of those you reminisce when you want to recall your firsts with someone.

Yet who would have guessed that the person I'd be sharing these stories to is still Peter K, Kavinsky,  _my Peter_. Who I think is the most amazing kisser in the world, not that I've had many experiences but I don't need to because only my opinion matters.

A sigh escapes my lips when I felt Peter hands at my side of my bare skin, his fingertips sending tingles all over my body. "Peter," I breathe his name.

Then a phone alarm goes off.

Peter growls angrily into my neck. He lays on me heavily.

I bit my bottom lip. Realizing that we have to wake up from this dream of being alone forever since Peter still has roommates and Mark said he'd be back in fifteen minutes. I pat his back lightly, "We have to get dressed Peter." Though my voice doesn't seem convincing enough.

He props himself by his elbows, "You know what I also look forward to  _next semester_?"

And my heart races in my chest then I had to remind myself to calm down because he doesn't know. "What is  _that_?"

"Walls." His mouth on my throat.

I'm dizzy, " _Walls_?" My fingers tangle on his damp hair.

" _We can be nake_ d all we want and not have to get dressed since I'd have my own room." Mark and Peter had found an apartment walking distance from campus that their parents were all willing to pay for since they both are on a full sports scholarship.

"That's nice." I mumbled incoherently as he continues his assault on my neck and I'm just breathless. We were supposed to do something and it's not  _this_. I just can't remember what.

Then his phone goes off again. And I finally remembered, it's like cold water was splashed on us. He groans in frustration, " _Four more months."_ He finally gave up since I pushed him off of me.

I roll my eyes "But for now, we have to get dressed unless you want them to see us like this." Ten minutes is just pushing it really.

" _Never_. Only  _mine_  to see." He kisses my cheek sloppily and hops off to bed to grab my bag to hand it to me while he walks completely naked to his closet.

I don't know why but I just have my eyes on him. Watching him as he gets dressed... "Covey, if you keep looking at me like  _that_.  _My roommates would have to sleep outside_."

I squealed and I quickly rummaged through my clothes. I need to get dressed. In my mind I also say,  _Four months... a new school year starts in four months_.

 

* * *

 

"A  _time out_? Is that a good thing  _or_  not?" Leah asked warily to Charlie.

Charlie groans in annoyance,  _"Seriously,_  this is the first time I've ever watched a lacrosse game. So I have no idea what is happening." Leah was seated at the end of Brandy me and Charlie so her pestering questionings would be for Charlie. Leah and Charlie aren't into sports so they have no idea about the rules. "Don't  _ask_  Lara Jean  _either_. I don't think she knows." Charlie says when Leah was about to reach for me.

Brandy snorts, "You've been dating a lacrosse player for  _almost_  three years yet you are as clueless as those two." She remarked when she had been the one explaining what is happening when Leah would ask. She finally just ignored Leah since she got tired talking.

"All I care about is Peter making the goal." I just shrugged. Peter did try to teach me the basic rules for a season but it doesn't retain in my head so he just gave up. I watched the games and cheered at the right time so he just lets me do whatever. "He gave on that a while back ago."

"You can ask  _her_ ," Brandy said sarcastically, she was pointing at Ashley who was in front of us who was cursing like a sailor, totally opposite to her beautiful image. "She can be your  _new_  best friend." She added. Brandy is more amused at how Ashley is acting than the game itself.

I narrowed my eyes at Brandy. Ashley scares me that I try to avoid her as much as I can. She's too much to handle when Chester is involved but if it's just her, she's actually a cool gal. "No thanks,"

"Or your new  _roommate."_  Brandy said bitterly.

Leah heard this and she gasped, "I can't believe this is like our  _last_  weekend together!" she reaches over me and holds my hand. We all moved out of our dorms two days ago, then the three of them decided to go to Virginia this weekend to stay at my house then drive up the 3 hours to watch Peter's game in Baltimore. It's John Hopkin's Blue Jays against Virginia's Cavaliers. It was the final game for the semi-finals, this game determines who goes into the semi-finals or it'll be UVA last game for the season.

"The game is starting,  _again_!" Charlie said urgently.

"Oh god," I say nervously, there is a minute left in the game. UVA has the ball, their coach called for a final time-out since Blue Jays is a head by one point and this goal would make UVA win. Peter has the ball too; the game is in his hands.

I stood up, along with the crowd.  _"Come on Kavinsky_!" I yell at the top of my lungs that I swear my throat protested.

Brandy chuckles and shakes her head. "Yeah, you two should be friends." She points at Ashley who was now jumping up and down intensely. She was though yelling to hand the ball to Chester.

"This is  _exciting_!" Charlie cheered along with everyone else, she had her arm linked to Leah.

I swear I stopped breathing when the referee blew his whistle and Peter started to run.

I gripped at Brandy's arm and we were shrieking along with Charlie and Leah. I know Peter can make it across, he can make that final shot, he is one of the best attackers of the team but all the defensive players are headed to him. He can't dodge them all. He was screaming at someone to get the ball, and with that Jackson called out that he was free.

"Pass it! Pass it!" I was shouting and points at Jackson as if Peter can hear me as well.

Brandy rubs at her ear since I was actually shouting at her ear but then when she saw what was happening, she also screamed, "Pass it Kavinsky!"

I know Peter wants to be the player of the hour but he can't make it, and he has to decide and quickly. He probably cursed out as he passed the ball to Jackson. Jackson caught the ball and sprinted towards the goal since no one was watching him and with that he made the shot just before the game ended.

"AND GOAL! VIRGINIA CAVALIERS wins 12 to 11!"

"Oh my god!" the four of us hugged happily as the crowd cheers for the team. The boys flocked to where Jackson, who had the game wining shot, they carried him tossing him around as well.

"Congratulations!" Leah said to me.

Then Brandy holds me tightly, "He better take care of you  _or_  I will drive that four hours  _just_  to kick his ass."

And I pouted my lips and I could feel myself tearing up, " _Or_  you can drive up to see me." I offered instead.

"I'll think about it," Brandy said dismissively even if I know she will drive up with Leah and Charlie because they said they will.

"Hey, I think Peter is looking for you." Charlie taps my arm lightly and gestures towards Peter. He knows where I'm siting but he's waiting for me to look at him. He signals me to meet him by the sidelines. We usually do this after his games in high school. I nod, and he was headed to that direction already.

"Go to your boyfriend," Leah slightly pushes me so I don't need to ask permission.

I ducked around everyone so I could get out so I could meet  _my star player._  He was patiently waiting for me to get to him, he was smiling at the others congratulating me but his eyes never left mine. So when I was able to finally run to him I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Congratulations, my MVP." I said against his neck proudly. I can't wipe the smile off my face.

He tightens the hug, "Meh, Jackson's the MVP." He pouts as he finally let's go of me, his forehead against mine. His ends of his hair touch the top of my cheek. His hair isn't as long as it's used to but it's still my type of length that I allowed him to cut.

My hand cupped his face, pushing that adorable pout into a smile. "That was really big of you, passing the ball. So that's what makes you my Star Player." And I kiss him softly.

"Well, if my girlfriend believes that then I'll take it." He was about to lean to kiss me again but I moved away. He raises his eyebrow at me, curious.

"I have something for you," I mutter in excitement. I have been wanting to tell him for a week now but decided that after the game would be the best, win or lose. Good thing they won. I reach for the envelope in my pocket and I hand it to him.

He smiles, "A letter huh? I haven't gotten a letter from you since high school." He accepts the envelope and he wink.

I pursed my lips together, feeling guilty. He's right. I haven't written him a letter since then. I was the one that started the letters yet Peter has written me more letters now. "I'm sorry?"

"I like the fact I have more letters than you." He shakes his head and pecks my lips lightly. He pulls me close and his chin was on the top of my head, "Let's read this out loud then?"

I shrug, "Whatever you want to do." It's not really a private letter so he can read it however he wants.

"Okay, I'll read till I think it's private." Then he opens the letter with both hands, I slightly looked up and could see the seal of University of Virginia on the top right of the letter. "What is—"

"Read it," the letter wasn't addressed to him but to me.

"Dear Lara Jean, congratulations—" then he stopped reading out loud and he stumbles back at least a foot away from me. He gripped at the letter as he reads through it. I couldn't see his face since the paper covered it.

I was patiently waiting for him to read since he was a slow reader but honestly, he doesn't really need to go through it that long. The first sentence of the letter he should have probably gotten the gist of it all.

After two beats, he lowers the paper. There were so many emotions played out in his face. I've never seen him this flustered before, he tries to open his mouth but no sound would leave his lips. He clears his throat and totally ignoring everyone around him. He was getting a lot of congratulations by the spectators who I had to respond thanks to instead.

He finally decided that we needed to be alone, so he grabs my wrist and pulls me under the bleachers. "What is  _this_ , Lara Jean?" he asks as he raises the Acceptance Letter.

I expected him to be happier about this but I really can't read him at the moment, "I got accepted at UVA. I got the letter last week."

He exhales deeply, "I can see that. I read it. But when,  _how_ ,  _why_?"

"Last month when I visited you, I had an interview with admissions and the Dean of the Chemistry Department." I answered.

He really isn't taking this all in and I could tell he's happy but there's other emotions that I can't pick out just yet. He was scratching the back of his head mumbling to himself saying that I did the interview and the acceptance letter, he's determining if this is real or not. "Have you  _spoken_  to your dad about this?"

I blinked. My heart had stopped beating yet I was nervous at the same time. This isn't how I want him to react to this news at all but I answered him anyway. "No, I  _haven't_  but I don't think he would have anything against it." Dad normally just lets me do what I think is best for my future so this wouldn't be an issue. I swallowed my nerves, I'm really taken aback by this. Why is he acting this way? I could feel myself tear up but I need figure out why he's like this first. "Peter, I thought you'd be happy about me transferring." My voice cracked.

That's when he realized how he's taking this information. He was standing away from me, the letter crumpled in his hand and he is quite tense. He takes a deep breath and finally relaxes. He holds my hand and pulls me towards him. "God, Lara Jean if only you  _know_  how I'm feeling at the moment… I just don't know what to say yet."

"Then say it," I beg him.

"I could care less that we won the game  _just_  now.  _This_ … this trumps it all that." He waves the letter in front of him.

" _But_?" because there's a  _but_  at the end of that sentence. He should have sweep me off my feet and kiss me, but he's keeping me at arm's length and he's unsure.

"I don't want to show you that unless you are  _sure_  this is what you want." His eyes bore into mine and he's serious about this.

I huffed out a breath, "Of course this is what I want. Wasn't this the plan? For me to transfer out the next year?"

He shakes his head, "That was  _before_  you were accepted in UNC."

I bit my bottom lip. That's true, ever since UNC the plans had changed and the talk of me transferring was never mentioned ever again. "Yeah but—"

He caresses my cheek, "Why do you want to transfer to UVA now?"

I'm being interviewed for something I've already done. I don't know why this feels like I got caught doing someone bad but he's so calm about this like he has a legit reason for asking this question.  _Because I want to be with you_ , I want to say but I know that answer won't satisfy him. So I recall what John said to me last March, "It's seriously the same education everywhere, it's just adjusting to the new environment would be a bit hard at first." Okay, there was more to that. what else did he say and how did he say it?

Peter just nods, "Yeah that's true. But I  _need_  you to really think about  _this_ , do you realize what  _transferring_  would actually mean?"

"It would mean that I'd be close to home, To dad, Trina, Kitty and  _you_. I won't miss things anymore. If anything happens I'm just right there less than thirty minutes away not four hours."

"That is also true, but Lara Jean you also said adjusting would be hard at first. I'm not saying you're going to have a difficult time, you'll find friends easily because your amazing and good to people but I'm curious why would you go through that again when you've already adjusted to Chapel Hill. You already have your friends, your roommates, study group, your club. Transferring would mean starting over again. Instead of actually enjoying your sophomore year you'll feel like your lacking somehow."

"Peter," I sighed. His words are hitting home that now I'm so confused. I wasn't a week ago. I was happy that I was going to transfer but… _but_. "Why does it sound like you don't want me to transfer?"

He wraps his arms around me and he kisses the top of my head. "Covey, what I want doesn't matter. What I care about the most if what makes  _you_  happy. You're happy in UNC and I know that. No matter how much it sucks not being with you every day, I'm okay with it because at least you're happy."

"But—"

"I will support your decision, if you want to transfer to UVA or stay in UNC but chose it because you truly want to transfer and not because you  _think_  you have to."

"What's the difference?" I ask because talking to Peter now, I don't know anymore. I was ready to transfer but he's right about one thing. I've already built my relationships in UNC and it would hurt too if I leave them. From the side, I could see Leah, Brandy and Charlie laughing, they were enthusiastically talking about something and I want to go over there and ask them what it's about. I'm going to miss my friends who I built outside of Peter. In high school, most of my friends are Peter's friends.

But then, there's transferring. UVA, the school that I've always wanted to go to. I want to be in the same alma matter as my mom and dad. I also want to be close to home and not miss out as much. Kitty is growing up so fast, I want to be there for her on her big moments… if I'm four hours away that means I wouldn't be able to see them.

Peter just shrugs, "Only you can answer that Lara Jean, but know that if you decide to stay in UNC, you and I will be fine. I am not going anywhere. Your dad, Kitty and Trina will update you with anything you want to know so you don't feel like you've missed out."

I look up at Peter, he brushes my hair off my face. He smiles at me beautifully, his hand rests at the back of my neck. He tilts his head to the side and our lips meet. He kisses me slowly and softly, and it's not the type of kiss where he's making me decide to chose to be with him. It's a reassuring one that reminds me that whatever I chose he'd support me. "I love you," I say into our kiss.

"And I love you, Covey." He deepens the kiss as my arms snake around his neck. Holding to him tightly, never wanting to let go because if I do. I need to decide… and I'm afraid to choose the wrong one.

"Hey you two…" Brandy's voice broke us out of bubble. "I'm starving enough to eat a whole cow yet you two are just eating each other's faces… good for you but that doesn't satisfy my hunger."

I hide my face on Peter's chest blushing but secretly cursing at Brandy.

"That's right, besides. We should keep Lara Jean for the whole day since this would be the like the last weekend we'd spend with her, since you're taking her away from us." Leah said childishly with a pout.

Charlie snorts, "You can visit Lara Jean in UVA when you see Gavin. It'll be Brandy and I who wouldn't be able to see much of Lara Jean."

I could feel Peter watching me and he smiles, "Well, if that's how it goes then maybe I shouldn't share Lara Jean for the weekend."

Leah's jaw opened while Charlie gasped. "What?" They both said in unison.

Brandy narrowed her eyes at me and shakes her head, "You made us go through the drama of Leah crying all night because your leaving UNC and you're actually staying?"

"Hey!" Leah protested as she smacked Brandy's arm. "It was an emotional day, okay."

" _I'm sorry?"_  I wasn't sure who I was sorry to; Brandy who was irritated all night or Leah who didn't stop crying till Brandy dosed her with cough medicine.

Charlie and Leah ran to me for a hug. "The four of us will be together forever. You aren't leaving anymore!"

I hugged them back. I don't know how Peter figured out that I wasn't leaving anymore but I'm glad that I'm staying. I wanted to transfer but at the same time—

"Lara Jean belongs to UNC with you guys." Peter said with a smile. There wasn't even a question to it anymore… the first time he found out I was choosing UNC he was upset but now I could see that he was really happy for me and he's right. Me and him will be fine, we made it through this semester, the next three years wouldn't be so hard anymore.

"Brandy," I call for her since she doesn't do hugs. "So, can we still be roommates next semester then?" the four of us decided to move to a building that has two rooms one hall. Leah and Charlie will be roommates while Brandy and I were going to be paired up.

She just rolls her eyes pretending not to be affected by this. "Well I didn't remove your name off the list yet. Then I guess so." Even though she sounds cold, her eyes actually smiled a little if that's even possible. She cleared her throat, "I am serious though. I am hungry."

"You girls go ahead, I'll catch up later." He says then he turns to me and kisses me on the lips quickly, "I have to go to with them for now." He points his teammates who are still going wild on the field.

I nod. "Yeah, sure."

"Hey, Kavinsky. When you catch up later, can you bring  _that_  Jackson guy." Brandy said with a smile. Brandy and I bumped into Jackson early on today and his smile caught Brandy's eye.

Peter lets out a breath and winces. "Brandy, to protect my friend. I think you need to come with a  _caution_  a sign." Peter teased.

Charlie chuckles and stares at Peter in disbelief. "Oh, crap." Leah giggles.

"What does that supposed to  _mean_?" Brandy's voice was low and threatening which didn't phase Peter at all.

"I mean… I  _know_  your style. And you're just going to break my friend's heart." Peter stated.

"And what  _style_  is that?" Brandy said between her teeth.

" _You are so dead_ …" I mutter at Peter.

"Jackson is the type who wants to be in a serious relationship… while you're the  _dine and dash_  type." Peter is still going despite Brandy giving him the icy stare of death.

" _Dine and dash_?" Brandy laughs sarcastically but we all could tell she's out to kill now. "Kavinsky—"

"Okay time to go!  _Bye Peter!"_  Charlie links her arm on Brandy and pulls her away from us since she was ready to launch at Peter. She was talking to Brandy, "I love you and all but Peter's right. I mean, do you  _want_  a boyfriend?"

Brandy gagged and shakes her head, " _No_."

"Then don't kill Peter for telling the truth." Charlie said.

"You are so dead… you realize, that right?" Leah teased Peter who was smiling like a fool.

Peter shrugs, "Nah, Brandy loves me." he says confidently.

"Kavinsky!" Their team captain, Kenneth Zane, found us under the bleachers.

"Yeah." He said then he waves off Kenneth to go ahead. "I have to go Covey. Call you when we're done?"

"Yes, please" then he kisses me quickly before leaving me and Leah under the bleachers.

"What?" I ask Leah since she was staring at Peter dreamily. Not like in malice or anything but she's really impressed by Peter.

"Peter's really amazing. The fact that he said not for you to transfer is  _really_  big of him." She said. "If I would have given Gavin that choice, he would have chosen for me to transfer without a second thought."

I raise an eyebrow at her, "Why don't you?"

She gives me a meaningful look, happy that I asked her the question. "Because Gavin and I have been together since we were fourteen. I mean we did look into the same schools together, but we talked and we think this is best that we take this challenge in our relationship. If we make it though this then that means we're really meant to be together and not just because we've been together since we were fourteen."

I hook my arm on Leah and I lean my head on her shoulder. "Leah, Gavin loves you. I've seen how he looks at you. It's definitely not just because you've been together for that long."

She smiles believing me. "I know but if we make it through this loving each other more and more each day even though were live hours apart then I told him I'll marry after we graduate."

"Like after graduation?"

She chuckles, "Not like  _after_ but that would mean he's the one."

"You're a romantic, you know that?" Leah always has hope when it comes to love and she is really lucky to have Gavin see the same light as hers when it comes to that. They really are meant to be with each other.

"And Peter loves you a lot too. To say no to be able to see you every day and just be in the same premises as you. That must have taken him a lot to say no to."

And she's right… Peter did say that me possibly transferring to UVA trumps what he feels about winning the semi-final today but in the end he convinces me to stay when he actually wanted me to transfer too. I found Peter walking to the field still and for some reason I wanted to go to him. "Hey, can you give me one second."

Leah nods. "Sure."

" _Peter_!" I called for him as loudly as I can. He didn't hear me and I ran for him trying to catch up to him before he'd reach the field. " _Peter Kavinsky_!"

He turned, and he found me running to him. "Covey?"

I threw myself into his arms like a shot up cannon, my legs around his waist and he hoisted me up so I'd hover over his face. I've done this three times now in public so I already know that Peter will never question my actions, he will always catch me and not stop me. He has a smile on his face and he knows what I'm about to do next, and he doesn't wait. His hand is at my neck as he pulls me down so our lips would meet into a heat filled kiss not caring that we are in surrounded by a lot of people.

I have no idea what has possessed me but for some reason I didn't care, no one knows me here, since we were in Baltimore. I am not transferring to UVA, I can just be that girl who kissed a Lacrosse player after their win. I just wanted to show Peter how much he means to me and I am thankful that he is always there to remind me of what really is in my heart even if I doubt it sometimes.

He can see through me and even though I presented him a choice that would make our lives easier, he doesn't let me because it isn't what I truly want. I want the easy way but it doesn't mean that it works and I don't want to find out if it will or not because I love Peter… whether I'm in UVA or UNC I'm willing to do what it takes to make us both happy. What we have, our love for each other is what matters the most. Because, he's the one. I'm only 19 but I think I know it already.

"GO Kavinsky player number 15!" Someone cheered rather loudly.

We broke apart ever so slightly but our face was still an inch away, we were breathless and was now completely aware that we have an audience. The team from John Hopkins and University of Virginia doing whistles, holler and whooping, and I swear someone even saying to go further.

"What was that for?" Peter didn't seem to care about what others were saying, he only has his attention on me.

"I love you, do you know that?" I answer a question.

He smiles, and nods. "I do."

Then I slide off him, "I think I'm going to go  _now_." I say finally realizing how much I'm embarrassing myself.

Peter holds his laughter, "Okay." He tucks my hair to the back of my ear.

"Call me later?"

He nods. Then he lightly brushes my lips with his. "I will," then he looks around to see everyone was still cheering. "Go, before I punch everyone for starting at you."

He didn't need to tell me twice, and besides I know he's not serious. So, I ran as quickly as I could to Leah, Brandy and Charlie.

Brandy looked rather amused at what I did. Charlie was still astonished that I had it in me to do PDA while Leah was clapping her hands, proud of her friend.

"Why not just take Peter's clothes off and do in in front of everyone to get it over with." Brandy raised her eyebrows.

I was more freaking out now, my face burning up. Besides, there was a girl who told me good job for taking what's mine.

"Let's go." I grabbed Charlie and pushed her from the back so I can hide behind her. Small girl Lara Jean can hide behind her tall friend.

"Wow,  _Lara Jean Song Covey_ … so proud of you." Brandy said my full name to pick on me. "She's just claimed what's hers  _girls_." She was laughing so hard what she's saying can barely be understood.

" _Shut up."_  I hissed at Brandy furiously.

"I think it's sweet." Leah said dreamily.

Charlie, who finally came to her senses, smirks, "That's cause you're the  _queen_  of Public displays of affections."

I look back and Peter was still standing where I left him. He was there until Jackson, Luke and Chester dragged him away to go to the field where their rest of their team mates are.

" _Can we like hurry up_ ," I say in a rush since a lot more people are congratulating me as if I won the game too.

"Not our problem you decided to  _jump_  your boyfriend in front of everyone, I didn't know you had it in you, Covey." Brandy said, she had her hands on my back too as she also pushes me. "Let's do the train, Leah."

"Ohh this is fun!" Leah said as she connected behind Brandy.

Instead of helping me be invisible, my friends are making us more noticeable since we are acting like a bunch of weirdos starting a conga line. There are also people lining up either behind Leah or in front of Charlie. All happily cheering that UVA had won against one of their Rival team.

 

* * *

 

"Peter, wake up." I shook Peter heavily since it's been three times that I've been trying to wake him up. I know he's already awake, he's just refusing to get up. I tried to move away from his arms but he tightened his hold around me so I can't go anywhere.

"No," he mumbles under his breathe. He moves me a bit so I don't fall off the couch.

I groaned, my face was on his chest. It was too hot to cuddle like this when the sun is blasting on us through the sun roof. We were watching a movie on Peter's couch when we had fallen asleep. "Peter, I still want too sleep but you were the one that told John Ambrose that we should have dinner with him and Dianne in an hour."

"I did?  _When_?" He feigned innocence and refused to open his eyes.

" _Yesterday_ , when we saw them at the  _mall_." Peter and I were looking for a birthday present for Chris's birthday party tomorrow and bumped into John Ambrose McCleren. Peter being the social butterfly that he is mentioned that since everyone but him goes to UNC should hang out when school starts back up in a month, he said he was going to help me move next semester so we should meet up then. With that, John responded that we should have dinner tonight.

"Covey, that was before my mom forced me to drive up  _four hours_  there and back to pick up some dining set. I just want to lay here and be lazy…" he nuzzles his nose into my hair.

"Peter, I went with you, today didn't I?" he has no right to complain when I was with him for that drive. I'm also tired. "But, we are adults and not flaky people who makes plans, only to cancel them." With as much strength as I can concur I pushed off of him so I could get up but he wouldn't budge.

"No." he says childishly, this time he slides his arm under me so could lay my on the couch and he'd lay on top of me. "I want to stay here, with you."

I need to focus since his lips are on the of my neck close to my earlobe. If he starts kissing me there, then he'd win and we wouldn't be able to go anywhere. We haven't really had time to be alone for a week and any small touches from Peter I randomly fall for his charm. " _Peter_ ,"

"I can tell you don't want to go anywhere…" His hand plays with the hem of my blouse, his fingertips on my bare stomach.

I bite my lip to stifle a moan. I can't make him win. "I don't want to be flaky, I hate it when people cancel on me on the last minute." I complain but my words mean nothing… I'm already dizzy since his hand was inside my shirt, fingers at the clasp of my bra.

"Well, we can be a  _little_  late." His mouth was on my neck, a mix of tongue and kisses.

And I am lost,  _Peter wins_. "But not too late…" I had my hands to his hair, tugging it slightly every time he'd go lower to my shoulders, he had moved my sleeves to the side.

The front door shuts, wakes me up from my daze. I almost cursed when I pushed Peter off of me. I sat up and fixed my hair, and shirt. "Hey Owen!" I greeted far too enthusiastically, that I seem more suspicious. I glared at Peter who smirked next to me.

"Hey Lara Jean," Owen said with a smile. He walks over to the living room and sees the TV playing, "That's 70's show. I like that show."

There seems to be something different with this kid. When he thinks he'd caught me and Peter in an indecent position he'd always have that childish smile on his face like he saw something that he's not supposed to. Now he's not bothered by Peter laying on a couch while I just randomly shot up of the couch.

"Hey Peter, are you guys going somewhere later?" Owen asks.

Peter sits up and shuts off the TV. "We have a dinner in an hour, why?"

Owen glances over at me and his ears turns red but he continues says it anyway. "Do you mind giving me a ride?"

Peter shrugs, "If you hurry up and get ready we will."

"Cool." Then he stands up and runs up the stairs to his room, and I could hear the shower running.

I turn to Peter giving him a questioned look. I don't need to word it out, he knows what it is.

"Oh, Owen has a girlfriend." He said simply.

I widen my eyes in surprise. " _What_?" I did not know this. How come I only know about this now. " _When_?"

"Two days ago,  _I think_ , he invited her over for dinner." Then he scratches the back of his head, realizing that I seriously had just known about this, " _I thought I told you_ …" he says carefully.

I hit his arm, "You  _most_  certainly  _did not_!" he said that he had to have dinner with his family the other night when my Dad asked if he was staying over.

"Well, I  _thought_  you  _knew_  he likes someone. Figured Kitty would tell you."

I gasped. "Why would Kitty tell me?" all the images to my head of Kitty and Owen together…  _Kitty is still too young—_

"What dirty thoughts have crossed your mind, that's just weird. It'll be like  _incest_." He shudders. The thought of Owen and Kitty since he sees Kitty as his little sister too. "No, I mean. Owen's  _girlfriend_  is that  _Jensen_  kid, the oldest. I forgot her name."

Then I knew who Peter was talking about, It's Kitty's best friend. "Kristene's older sister?  _Krista_?"

"Krista, that's  _her_  name."

" _Wow_ , that's weird. Doesn't Kristene have like a  _big_  crush on Owen?" I remembered how Kitty and Peter were talking about two of her friends likes Owen and she was asking how to get inside scoop on the mind that is Owen Kavinsky.

And I regretted those words as soon as they left my lips because Peter stares at me knowingly, " _Like how you were with Sanderson?_ "

I scowl at him and I stood up. "You know what I'll go to that dinner alone."

He laughs at me and wraps his arms around me before I could go very far. He falls on the couch with me in his arms. "That was a  _joke_ , Covey." he said planted soft pecks on my cheek, forehead, nose, chin, mouth as an apology.

I didn't move, and I still had a frown on my face. " _Haha so funny_." I say sarcastically.

"I know. I should quit school and be a comedian." He holds me tightly.

"Well, just stay in school because you aren't funny at all."

"Ouch, that hurt. Well I guess I deserve that." He smiles at me when I finally looked up at him.

We were silent for a few moments, just savoring these moments of just holding each other. I think we both are secretly counting down that there are only thirty days left for the summer and school is going to start again, and our long distance is going to start as well. It's inevitable but we don't talk about it yet, we just enjoy each other's company as much as we can until we get sick of each other. So far, from the start of the summer till now that hasn't happened yet.  _Thank goodness._

"Wow, Owen's dating now huh. He's growing up." I mumbled acknowledging how time is really going by fast.

"A year later than I did." Peter said. It was seventh grade when he dated Genevieve.

I can't believe he's sort of making this  _about_  him,  _that_  he still wins. I chose to ignore that comment. "I was  _thirteen_  when you kissed me. Kitty still hasn't mentioned that she likes someone… I think she's still in that phase where boys have cooties." Other than actors I haven't seen her blush when there is a boy around or if a boy is mentioned. I know Kitty can be pretty rough around the edges when she wants to be but I could always read her expressions when she hides behind them. So, she doesn't like boys yet…

He shudders, "Can we please not talk about Kitty.  _She's still a kid_. She's a baby."

And I giggle and kissed his chin. It's nice to have Peter as Kitty's over protective older brother. And he's right, I don't want to think about it either. Kitty told me once that if she'll like someone I'd be the first one to know. And I trust her since she's always a woman of her word. ( _is it ok to call her a woman?)._  "Okay." Then I pat his chest when I hear the water turned off from the shower. "Alright  _up_ , up."

He stubbornly doesn't budge again. " _No_."

I roll my eyes. I know one thing that could make him move, I was going to tell him later but I guess I'll use it as leverage. "You know, if you're  _good_  tonight… I was going to let you know" I lean towards him, "That Kitty's off to a slumber party and Dad's on call tonight and Trina's going out with her girlfriends till tomorrow." I whispered on his ear, and I kissed his neck, right where his pulse is. I felt his pulse quicken against my lips.…

"I'm up." He sits up quickly and hops off the couch, leaving me on there still lying down.

I laughed to see his surged-up energy compared to what he had two seconds ago. "Tell Sundance kid that we'll be there and the dinner would not be too long." He sputtered in one breath.

I raise an eyebrow, I stand up next to him too. " _Sundance Kid?"_  John hates being called that.

He clears his throat, "John  _or_  McCleren."

I reach my tip toes and lightly brush my lips against him, "This is going to be fun."

"You are going to be the death of me, Covey do you know that?" he had his arm around my waist.

I shrug innocently, "So I've been told  _many times_."

"At least you know." Then he kissed the top of my head and holds my hand. He moves away just in time for Owen to leave his room. "You ready to go?" He calls from the stairs since Owen seems out of it at the moment.

" _Um_?" He asks carefully.

Peter rolls his eyes, "The bottle is on my desk." Owen is probably asking to use Peter's cologne.

"Cool." Owen runs to his room.

Aww. He's spraying cologne to smell good even after he showered. He's growing up so fast. He's acting how a teenage boy his age should.

"At least I know what to get him for his birthday, next week." Peter said begrudgingly.

"A different scent I hope." I say. It'll be weird if Owen would smell like Peter, well to me anyway.

"Of course. Possibly the first cologne I ever used then he can choose whatever he prefers from there."

"Well this is all new to him. He needs someone amazing like you to look up to." I squeezed at his hand and smiled at him.

He returns the smile. "Yeah. I am pretty incredible." He says confidently.

And I don't doubt it. Peter is an amazing boyfriend and Owen would be so lucky to learn from Peter because he knows how to take care and love someone unconditionally even when he was young, he loved Genevieve when he was in his early teens. And then there's me, and if he'll let me I want to be the last.

* * *

_a/n:_

_My chapters are only getting longer and longer as I reach closer to the end. Fair warning guys, I only have less than 4 chapters left. and don't be sad, i mean this story was only supposed to go for 15 chapters with Lara Jean transferring to UVA as the end of the story but as i keep writing i realized that LJ shouldnt transfer coz she belongs to UNC... she needs a life outside of Peter. I dont know that's just how i'm writing this anyway._

_oh and there's only 2 people or something i've read that actually predicted this chapter correctly. Good job. I also mentioned not to be worried about Sundance Kid. I see shade comments about the guy, i mean John is a good guy and yes he did make me nervous too in Always and Forever, Lara Jean so i understand why you felt that way._

_Guys, thank you for reading and leaving commentsfor the story... and to you my silent readers it's never to late to leave a shout out about what you think about the chapter (haha yes yes i'm forcing)  don't forget to kudos, favorite the story as well and spread the word about this (kidding... dont.)_

_oh by the way, i keep forgetting to mention that my Kpop had crept it's way into this story. Jackson Wang and Mark Tuan are both members of a group called GOT7 they are two of 3 of the non korean members that i decided to add because I love them. Though weirdly enough, ive been mentioning Mark alot but he doesnt have speaking parts like Jackson._

_okay I'm done talking... SOOOO please reviews and love you guys. THAANK YOUUU!_

_Laters!_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

_“Just think about this offer for now, I hope you would give me an answer soon. It would be a pleasure to work with you again.”_

Dr. Theresa Young’s words played in my head for more than fifteen minutes now. I have been standing outside he office since then and I haven’t moved yet. I am afraid that if I take a step forward my countdown would start. I don’t want to face it just yet, even though I have to and with in a week is what she told me.

It’s a choice between what is best for my future or what would make me happy.

“So that’s about it really, nothing too exciting.” I hear Adam Smith’s voice from the stairs in the corner. Candy and him are giving Peter a tour of the building while waiting for me. In the four years I’ve been in UNC, I’ve haven’t showed Peter around my building. There isn’t really much to it, we are a small department compared to the other huge courses. There isn’t really anyone insane enough to tackle Chemistry.

“Ahh, no wonder Lara Jean never even tried.” Peter snickers. His footsteps were getting closer, which means they are probably going to headed this way and are going to find me standing here like a lost child.

Candy shows up first, and she was rather surprised to see me there. “There she is. Everything go well?” Her eyebrows met in confusion since she can tell my distress. I actually came to see Dr. Young for my Thesis for consultation since I am having a hard time treating my specimens now that I need to finish all these in the next three months to pass the course and graduate. None of my classmates are close to being done too so we can all feel each other’s anxiety.

“I—” I don’t even know where to start.

“Covey?” Peter’s voice breaks the trance that I am in. I have been staring at them for more than a minute still unsure of what to say.

“Are you experiments okay?” Candy asked, that’s usually one of the things why the Professors call. One of our classmates had to come overnight because her things aren’t going as they should so she has to restart, at least it was caught early.

I nod. I was looking at Peter now, watching his expression as I finally continued, “Dr. Young was offered tenure for either NYU or St John’s University.” All of which schools are in New York.

Adam turns towards Peter, I think he already knows. While Candy had her hand on me, she shook me slightly, “ _And_?”

I blinked. I am waiting for Peter to understand. We have talked about this before that Dr. Young has been hinting out wanting to work with me outside the university. “She asked me if I wanted to join her and be her Teaching Assistant.”

“Oh my god Lara Jean that is _amazing_!” Candy gasps excitedly as she wraps her arms around me. This is how I should probably react. Teaching Assistants have the best opportunity for their future, and it’s always good when a professor would recommend personally to be their TA. Not to mention it’s one of the prestigious universities in the country too. This offer also means that working under them would help lower or even give the Graduates get a decent amount for their Masters or PhD depending on what the offer is.

And my gosh, Dr. Young’s offer wants me to take it right there and then. I can’t even imagine how I got so lucky to be her first choice.

But _Peter_ … and it being in New York. New York is _six hours away_ from Virginia. Well actually, Peter and I had our plans already done. He applied to UNC for his Masters program and had just gotten the acceptance letter a week ago. It would have been simple for him to move to New York too but applications for transferring school was over about a month ago for most schools that offers Peter’s degree.

I can’t be excited yet, I don’t even know what my choice is. If he still goes ahead with his plan for UNC that’s 9 hours away. He also applied for UVA too and he’s still waiting for his acceptance letter but I’m sure he’d get in… but we are already hoping to end this long-distance _thing_ after graduation… and then this happens.

It took him a second to respond since he just standing there taking in what I said and what it means. He gives me his best Peter smile, “Congratulations, Covey.” as if he already knows I’m taking it. He wraps his arms around me, I am so out of it that I didn’t even notice Candy wasn’t hugging me anymore but Adam was holding her, his lips on a tight line looking at Candy to calm down a bit since she was too excited. I think she doesn’t understand what this offer means to me and Peter other than how incredible it is for me.

“Thank you,” my voice breaks. My hands immediately go on his chest just to see if his heart beating heavily across his chest like mine is. But nothing… he is calm, _too calm_.

“I am proud of you,” He whispers when his lips touched my forehead. There I hear it, the conflict. The same conflict I feel. I look up at him to say something but he slightly shakes his head, expression saying that we will talk about this later and not _now._ I just nodded in response, _tonight_ then.

“So, should we go celebrate?” Peter breaks the awkward silence the four of us shared. The four of us were going to dinner anyway and watch a movie.

“I am not even sure if I am going to take it.” I said in a low unsure voice, my eyes go to the ground not wanting to see Candy’s excited expression and Peter’s smile.

He grabs my hand and links it to his. “Of course, _you_ will, and that is why we will go and celebrate.”

“Well, there’s a house party my sister has been talking about… should we go?” Adam suggested.

“I—”

“Yes, that sound fun. After dinner.” Peter had made the choice for all of us.

Adam nods and gets on his phone to call his sister maybe while Candy just winks at me as she wraps her arm around her boyfriend. “Tell Molly I said hi,” when Adam’s sister answers the phone.

I didn’t say anything as Peter just pulls me slightly to follow after Adam and Candy. He’s hiding from me I just know it, and this party that he wants to attend where he doesn’t even know anyone there, is his distraction from the news that I just threw at him.

And I hate it. The way he is acting seems familiar but I can’t point my finger at it yet. I shove that thought back and kept walking.

 

* * *

 

“Have you seen Peter?” I yelled at Logan, who was hosting the house party. He is a junior and I think he is dating Molly, I am sure since he is following her around like a puppy unlike my boyfriend who had been trying his best to not be in the same room as me.

Logan just blinks at me, his eyes glassy and red. He is high I am positive. “Who?” I couldn’t even hear him, the music in this house is getting louder and louder.

I roll my eyes. “Tall guy, curly brown hair—you know what. Never mind.” My throat is getting sore from yelling. I wish I did drink too. Maybe I wouldn’t feel this irritated. Peter is tall enough, I can probably see him in this crowd. The later the party is, the more people show up and it’s getting more crowded in this small house and I want to go before I get claustrophobic.

“That’s the guy you walked in with, right?” Molly asked as she slapped her boyfriend’s chest who was laughing for no reason at all.

I nod. “I think he disappeared with Adam…” I was with them two hours ago but then Adam took them to play Beer Pong and I just let him without following after him. He needs this I know… and I just let him. But when I checked out the beer pong table to see if we can go back to my apartment, he wasn’t there anymore. This is Candy and Adam’s crowd really since the two enjoy going to these things while they force me once in awhile along with Brandy… who by the way I haven’t also seen in the past hour or two. I’m sure she’s with that boy toy, Tristan, she was talking to.

Molly’s eyebrows met trying to help me. “Have you checked in the basement?”

I blinked, “There’s a _basement_?” I have been everywhere in this dam house for the past thirty minutes and there’s a downstairs…

Molly giggles and nods. “It doesn’t seem like it is, but that door—” she points to a small door that looks like a small shoe closet. “It leads to the basement.”

“ _Magical basement_!” Logan snickers.

And I close my eyes in annoyance… I certainly know what that means. I know Peter enough, he doesn’t smoke but when in that room where everyone does. You do end up getting second hand smoke. I did that same mistake one time a year ago. I was out of my mind, I didn’t even know Peter drove down to take me home until I woke up the next day with the worse headache in my life in Peter’s arms. He was asking me if I remembered anything but nothing came to mind. He did say it was one of the best nights of his life and hell, I never asked him what he meant by it. With his expression… I really didn’t want to push it.

So, I ducked under the small door and there it is, stairs and I could _smell_ it. And then the laughter from the crowd and with that I can hear Peter talking.

“It was insane, he woke up the next day with a new tattoo of a girl’s name…” He was telling the story of his roommate, Andrew’s 21st birthday.

When I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, there was about ten people and a bong in middle. That’s College parties for you. Adam was taking the hit and passed it to Brandy. At least she’s down here and not with a guy… well that Tristan guy is her seat, I didn’t notice.

“Lara Jean!” Brandy exclaims and she points at me.

I ignore her and I was facing Peter. He was seated as far away from everyone, so no one would smoke on his face. But the room alone is making me lightheaded and I am not sure how long he’s been sitting here.

He turns and smiles at me, his beautiful Peter smile that made my slight annoyance of trying to find him the past half an hour disappear. “There’s my girl.” He stands up and wraps his arm around my waist. “My smart girlfriend who is going to be a Teaching Assistant for her professor in NYU.” he slurs slightly with his words but it was clear enough that Brandy’s expression changed.

I bite my cheeks and shake my head. “I told you, I am not sure what I am going to do with that offer.”

“You’re moving to New York?”  Brandy asks. She seems happy with this seems like, since she’s also going to plan to work in New York to pursue her Journalism career.

I glare at Peter who is still smiling. We still need to talk about this, he can’t just keep going around telling people this when I haven’t really made a decision. “No.” then I cleared my throat, “ _Or_ I don’t know.”

“Of course, you are… it’s a good opportunity for you, baby.” He said as he kissed the top of my head sloppily.

“ _Baby_?” I frown at his endearment. We never had those nicknames, we established that it’s weird. We tried it once and it just didn’t sound right coming from me _or_ him.

Brandy chokes on her drink and she laughs. “Yeah, _baby_ it is.” She says sarcastically her smile was hidden behind the cup but from her expression I can tell that she’s definitely having a time of her life.

“It still doesn’t sound right, does it?” Peter realized what he did and shakes his head.

“It never did.” I snapped at him. He is drunk I can tell. And from how he is acting, I am sure the smoke in here is giving him the effects too. I knew we shouldn’t have attended this party, we should have just gone back to my apartment and talked about it. The thing is, I finally understand why this feels familiar. He was exactly acting the same way when I first told him about UNC many years ago. He was 18 then close to 19 and not 22.

“I’m sorry.”

I sigh. I’m just on edge too… same as him. At least he had an outlet of whatever he is feeling while I have just been watching people around me drink, and I have been listing the pros and cons about this offer in my head. “It’s okay.”

“Do you want to go?” he asks me, when I coughed out. I moved closer to him and at least his shirt doesn’t smell like the room so he’s only drunk. That’s good.

“Yes _please_.” I whispered. I was getting tired too and I want to sleep.

“Alright, it was really nice to meet you all. But I have to go and take my girl home.” He was back to his charming self as he said goodbye to the crowd, who was protesting saying that the story wasn’t finished yet.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Brandy?” I ask my roommate since she never takes a guy to our apartment really so if she’s with this Tristan guy I’m sure it’ll just be me and Peter at our place. Leah is with Gavin in UVA while Charlie is home for the weekend.

Brandy just smiled at me and nods, “Of course.” Her head was resting on Tristan’s shoulder. His eyes were only for her, he doesn’t even notice everyone else around him but Brandy. Poor guy, he’s falling for a girl who always guards her heart.

“Candy’s upstairs, yeah?” Adam asks as he stands up too probably realizing that he had just left his girlfriend alone for the past hour.

I nod, “She’s playing Beer pong with Caitlin and them.” Then he walks upstairs after he gave Peter and me a slight nod.

“Do you want to grab an uber or walk home?” I ask Peter as I grab my phone from my pocket. It’s not that cold out for a winter night and besides, our house that that girls and I rent is only a couple blocks from here.

“I can walk. God _knows_ I need it.” And I am hoping he only means that it’s to help him sober up and nothing else.

 

* * *

 

The entire walk from Logan’s house to mine was quiet. I can tell he is thinking and slowly sobering up. He was walking straighter and wasn’t leaning on to me to guide him. He was still holding my hand, with our hands inside his jacket. He’d glance at me once in a while and smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

He grabs the keys from my pocket and opens the door for me.

“Peter—”

He leans to kiss me, then closes the door behind me. “I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll meet you in your room.” He says before I could even finish what I was going to say.

We aren’t going to talk about it tonight. I could feel it. He’s here all weekend so we have those times to do that… but how could I calmly spend the entire weekend with him with this hanging on our heads. “Okay,”

“I love you,” he says against my lips then without waiting for me to respond, he grabs his bag from the couch so he can take a shower and change.

I was left standing there by the door way hearing him close the door to the bathroom, in the hallway.

It took him a good twenty minutes before he finally finished taking a shower, I was already in bed with my back against the door. I didn’t even turn to face him, I just listened as he paces around the room probably wanting trying to decide if he’s going to come into bed with me or talk. He can tell I’m still awake and just waiting.

He sighs heavily and crawls into bed with me. Even though he is only about a few inches away from me I could feel that the distance is farther that it is. Then his arm is on my waist and he pulls me to him so my back would be on his bare chest, he tucks his chin on the top of my head. A position he does when he’s about to sleep when I have already fallen asleep before him.

“I’m still awake.” I whisper.

He sighs again, which what I feel like the fifth time in the past hour, “I know.” He tangles his fingers on mine.

I wait for a few beats before I start, “So we aren’t even going to talk about it?”

He doesn’t answer, and I just listen to him breathing in and out. Then he sighs again. That’s it for me, I turn around and face him. I put my hand on his cheek to make him look at me, from the light of the window I can see his handsome face frown in conflict, his eyes are shut tightly. “Peter, _please_ talk to me.”

Then he opens his eyes, and my breath leaves me. It’s he keeps me at a strong gaze that sometimes I get lost in them. The answer is there… it’s like he already knows what choice I’m supposed to make when I clearly haven’t made one.

“Lara Jean,”

I shake my head, “Why are you already sure about the choice I’m going to make when I haven’t yet.”

He smiles sadly, “Because I _know_ you Lara Jean… there isn’t a strong enough reason why you wouldn’t accept your professor’s offer.” He brushes my hair off my face.

When I weighed the pros and cons tonight it was pretty obvious what the best choice would be. The only biggest factor as to why I don’t want to take it is _in front of me_. His eyes are so soft and understanding, that it makes my heart ache every time I look at him. This semester was supposed to be the last time we would be in a long-distance relationship. He came down this weekend so we can start looking for potential places to live when he moves here next school year. It was supposed to be easier for both of us and now with this offer, it just doesn’t seem fair, life doesn’t play fair.

New York is a lot farther, and the fact that this offer only comes _now_. It could have been better if Dr Young asked me two months back. Peter and I always wanted to move to NYC anyway but the timing isn’t right. We could have both moved to NYC and start our lives there early… _but… but… but…_

“Hey, hey, Covey. Don’t cry,” Peter wraps his arms around me so my forehead would be on his chest. He was caressing my back waiting for me to calm the tears that I didn’t even know I had started to shed.

“It’s just not fair… all of it. I want to stay here with you.” I sobbed. I don’t understand why I’m crying really… I’m an adult not that same teenager many years ago that was deprived of UVA to be with Peter. We made it through the past four years even though it wasn’t an easy path, we both know how to deal to be in a long-distance relationship so why would it matter if it’s an extra three hours. Oh god, now I’m talking like I’m really going to accept the offer.

He continues to just let me cry it out and kisses the top of my head. He waits till I calmed down a bit before he starts to talk, “I know this is hard for you, especially the fact that I didn’t really take the news rather well. _If only_ I just talked about it sooner then you wouldn’t feel as if I’m begrudging you the choice for your future.”

“Peter—”

He kisses me lightly to stop me from speaking. “ _I want you to take the offer_. I don’t want you to look at me and think that I’m that reason you shouldn’t.”

I hide under his gaze. I don’t want to face him. I refuse to… I shake my head. He is so sure that this is what I want, because it isn’t. it’s an amazing opportunity yes and I’d take it in a heartbeat if he isn’t in the picture but he is. yet he is easily telling me to take it as if it wouldn’t be hard being _that_ far away.

“Besides, it’ll only be about two years _or_ less anyway.” He informs me.

“ _Two years?_ ”

“It makes sense for me to just continue my Masters in UVA since it would be a bit of a mess if I transfer mid-year or something. I know I haven’t gotten accepted in UVA yet but being an alumnus for the school makes it easier to get in.” He nods into my head. “You really can’t expect that I won’t follow after _you_ in New York. I mean that has always been _our plan_ to move to New York anyway. With you already there it makes that plan so much easier.”

My heart swells of the possibility that he’d be there in New York with me with in two years. Obviously, I understand what he means about transferring again, so the thought of him transferring to a New York school didn’t even cross my mind.

 _Two years, two years…_ I chant in my mind. Making it seem that this idea is actually a really good one. That I shouldn’t be scared. Peter and I will be fine, we did great for three years (the first year was rough but we made it.) What’s two more years, even if the distance is twice farther than what we have now… _what’s two more years_. It’s like I’m trying to convince myself…

He lifts my chin to look at him, “We will be fine, Covey.”

There he is again, so sure and positive about the unknown. He has always been the rock in the relationship. I go with the flow and love him more and more everyday but he’s always the one that has faith in what we have which makes our distance much easier. I nod, in response. Afraid my voice would betray the slight doubt in my mind.

“I know this wasn’t part of the plan, like what happened to UVA. We were in our late teens then unsure of ourselves but we are adults now Lara Jean. In our early twenties, starting our new chapter in our book. Even if I don’t say it, you know that _you are my future_ , right?”

I swallow hard. It’s like he can read the doubt in my mind even if it’s a small one. His words are always so comforting, making them disappear and replacing that doubt with faith. Gosh, I love this man so much and I know he loves me the same too. “And you are mine,”

“So, New York for two years is nothing. It’ll go by fast. I’ll drive up to see you as much as can and I’m sure your Dad would fly you down to see them frequently when you ask. And I get the perks to that.” he winks at me.

“You’re a dummy.” I laugh at him, as if my Dad would spend plane tickets for me _that much_. He’d probably just make me drive down.

He seems relieved that I laughed, at least he knows I feel better. “I’ve already looked at schools that I can possibly transfer to around then that’s close to your school. Weirdly enough their creepy basement has a better phone signal than upstairs.”

I bite my lip. yeah, I noticed that too because that’s why I just kept looking for him because I couldn’t call because signal was crap. “You looked at schools while everyone was getting high at that basement?”

“What you expect I smoke with them?” He snorts the thought of him doing something that unhealthy to his body. “Adam said there was better signal there so I followed him.”

“We shouldn’t plan this early on, with our luck I might be fired before I even graduate.” I still don’t know what to with my experiments anyway and I’m still hoping it’s going how it should so I can actually graduate. I sound bitter yes because for some reason when Peter and I have plans about something, it always gets changed by things like me not being accepted in UVA and _then this_.

He laughed realizing how right I am, plans for me and him never work. “Part of that is true but never the fired part. I know you’ll do great and graduate with a 4.0 GPA…”

“ _Then_ move to New York.” I finish that sentence because that’s how it’s going to happen. This conversation is leading me to move to New York with Peter following in two years.

“ _Then_ I’ll follow. Wherever you will be, I will always follow. This is just a setback, Covey.”

“We’ll be fine, right?” I repeat what he said with conviction because I believe it too.

He nods, “We will be _. I promise_.”

I tangle my hands onto his hair and pull him towards him, “I love you, Peter.”

He smiles, “I love you too, Lara Jean.”

And I kiss him, ending out conversation. We didn’t need to talk, I didn’t want to anymore. I just want to show him how much I love him.

 

* * *

 

That Monday, I told my professor I was taking her offer. Her response was telling me that she chose NYU as her tenure. She told me to get do my application for the school so she can personally mail the said form to the dean of the department. the official acceptance letter would probably arrive in two weeks… but she welcomed me to the NYU anyway in behalf of the faculty.

_So that’s it… I’m going to New York University._

* * *

 

 

I slammed the door a lot harder than I wanted to. Of course, I was pissed off because of the _incredible_ day I just had today. _Emphasis_ on the incredible because it is totally the opposite… This graduating thing is stressing me out more than it should. If I knew that this department has the one of the most demanding requirements for graduation, I shouldn’t have applied for it. It’s like they are prepping us for our PhDs and I think it’s ridiculous.

“Why hello, what did the door _do to you?_ ” Brandy greeted me from the dinning room. She didn’t even give me a second glance she was on her laptop busy making a design for a magazine. That’s her _project_ graduation… create a 50-page magazine with researched topics about said choice.

I take off my jacket and throw it on the couch. “You might as well as me what the _world_ did to me today!”

“Dramatic much?” Brandy said sarcastically. She peeks from her screen to look at me. “Well, you indeed look like hell.” She comments, pointing at my get up.

I roll my eyes and I went on a rant about how horrible my day is. Horrible is not even the word to properly describe it but it’s a disaster. “Let me start off by saying _fuck_ today!”

Brandy gasps but she’s actually amused by this, “Lara Jean Song Covey, _language_.”

I ignore her and I continue, “It’s like everything decided, hey let’s mess with Lara Jean today! I was called by my professor today, telling me that one of my tests isn’t going how it should! I guess I missed an element or something! At least I made some extra just incase but that still doesn’t mean that I can’t watch these things do well or else—” I stop because she won’t understand what I’m talking about anyway. Biochemistry and Journalism are total polar opposites. “Anyway, yeah I have to make sure that it does what I want it to do so I can pass it for my thesis. Then I get pulled over today for going five over the speed limit! FIVE---”

“Were you on Berkley street?” Brandy asks me. and from expression she didn’t need my answer, “You know there’s a dumb cop there hiding in the bushes just to catch kids wanting to live the fast and the furious life.”

I glare at her. It’s true though. It’s a nice straight road heading to campus where no one uses and people can do donuts and races there if they want to. “ _That’s beside the point_ , on bright day light! They should hide there at night where the actual stupid kids are doing that. Not troubled seniors whose diploma is on the line!”

“Sure,” Brandy shrugs not wanting to argue with me. She starts to dip her head on her laptop not paying attention to me anymore but I still go on with my rant.

I don’t know what of what I’m saying anymore but I did say that I went around three buildings in my class back and forth to look for my phone because it was missing. I knew I had it in the bathroom in Thomas Building but some dumb person probably stole it for entertainment, “I mean who steals a phone and not hand it to the lost and found or call someone to let them know they have my phone.”

Brandy just snickers. Which made me snap at her, “What’s so funny!”

“Probably because you didn’t leave it in the bathroom at campus you left it in _our_ bathroom.”

I blinked a few times, “What? No, that’s not correct. I remember using it before class and accidentally left it from the sink.”

“ _You’re right_ … but the sink is our bathroom.” Then Brandy grabs my phone from beside her.

“Oh,” I groan. “Great, so I just wasted _two hours_ of my life for nothing.”

“ _That you did_.” Then she tosses me my phone. “Oh, Peter has been calling you.”

 _Crap._ Of course, he has. I haven’t had my phone all day with me and last night wasn’t really a good conversation between me and him. He probably thinks I’m avoiding him… _dam this day_.

And so there it is, my phone. I barely slept at all that night that’s probably why my morning has been mixed up. And I got fifteen missed calls from Peter.

_Great…_

“You probably shouldn’t call Peter back just _yet_.” Brandy says to me when I was going through my phone to call him back.

I narrow my eyes at her, confused at why she said that.

“You are far too on edge to be talking to him at the moment. Wait till you’re a bit calm… and not on verge or murdering someone.” She says carefully.

“What are _you_ talking _about_?” I responded with a question as I listen to Peter’s phone ringing against my ear.

Brandy just rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head. “You know _exactly_ what I mean by that.”

And I just stared at her… of course I’m in complete denial if I don’t acknowledge what she is saying. Peter and I have been done nothing but fight frequently for the past two weeks. I’m not entirely sure why but everything I say or he says that doesn’t sound right turns into some kind of argument. and this, fifteen missed calls that I’ve accidentally ignored the past eight hours isn’t going to do well for either of us but I can’t _not_ call him back now that I have my phone back.

Which annoys me, because _now_ he’s the one not answering his call. He doesn’t have practice anyway…

_Where the heck is, he?_

“ _Fine suit yourself_ , and don’t listen to me.” Brandy stands up to pack up her things and probably go to her room when I’m still trying to call Peter back with no luck. “I, on the other hand don’t want to listen to this, since I have a deadline to meet. _Good night_.”

I just gave her a dismissing wave when she leaves me alone in the living room. It’s only ten pm so obviously he’s still awake…

I sit on the couch staring at my phone, wondering if he’s going to call back. From the missed calls I’ve gotten, he stopped calling me four hours ago. I only got two texts from him saying to answer my call.

Then he finally calls me back, “Where the heck have you been, Covey?”

And for some reason, instead of apologizing for leaving my phone I got irritated by how he’s talking to me. “I have been calling you, where _were_ you?” I demanded.

He barks a sarcastic laugh, “Seriously, _just three times_ in the past five minutes compared to me calling you _the whole day_?”

I grit my teeth, I supposed Brandy’s right. I should have not called him just yet. “You didn’t answer the question Peter…” and the fact that I hear loud music in the background, means that he’s not at his apartment.

He sighs, “Are we seriously fighting tonight? Not right now Covey, I’ve already had a bad day as it is. Just don’t.” he sounds exhausted like it’s my fault that he’s been having a bad day.

I bite my cheeks not to say anything. Fine, it’s not just him that had a terrible day too. So I answer his question, “I was in school most of the day, and I left my phone at home, _by accident_.” Emphasizing that I haven’t been avoiding him at all.

“And you didn’t even at least give me a call on Adam’s phone or something to let me know that you did?” He asks me accusingly.

I close my eyes, leaning my head on a pillow on my head staring at the ceiling. I didn’t even think about that at all. Actually, I didn’t even notice my phone wasn’t on me till late this afternoon. And I eventually gave up looking for it since I had other things to worry about than someone stealing my phone or so I thought. I should say sorry, I am at fault here but it doesn’t come to me. “I wasn’t with them today.” Which was true too, I was stuck all morning and part of the afternoon in the laboratory.

“Well, I guess that’s a good excuse for you to admit that you have been avoiding me all day.”

“ _What does that supposed to mean?”_

He sighs, “Nothing, Covey.”

We are both quiet afterwards just listening to each other breath. I can hear the faint sound of loud music, and I wonder where he is. I was about to ask him again until he finally spoke. “Andrew is throwing a party.”

I shake my head and grin. “Who throws a party on a _Tuesday_ night?” I’m still glad that even if Andrew isn’t roommates with Mark and Peter anymore, they still make it a point that they hang out.

He laughs, “Andrew and his roommates apparently. They are making it a time of their lives because graduation is soon, no more college parties for them.” At least his tone is light, he isn’t as mad at me as he was when I answered the phone.

“Did you drink?” I do understand letting off steam after having a bad day, men do that.

“I played beer pong with them.” He sounded disappointed.

“Which means you _didn’t_.” I giggled, he probably won the game making most of the shots thus means that he’s totally sober in a room full of drunks. I’d be more annoyed too than anything.

Then silence again, he is tired I can feel it. I can also imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

“I’m sorry you had a bad day; do you want to talk about it?” I ask.

“Not really, I don’t want to get into it just yet.” The way he immediately dismissed made my walls go up now totally curious at what happened today as to why he’s acting like this but I don’t push him. If he doesn’t want to then I leave him be, he’ll tell me if or when he wants to. “Let me say goodbye to everyone, since I’ll head home.” He tells me when the music had gotten louder again meaning he went back to the house. I can hear Andrew’s voice telling me hi in his drunken state then Peter saying goodbye.

I hear him walking to his car then the door shutting. He was just driving probably remembering that I’m still on the phone with him, “How was your day?” He attempts to make conversation with me when I can sense it’s being forced.

If he’s like this, I don’t want to either. “It’s okay.” I lie.

“Um, _okay_.” He can definitely tell I’m lying, well actually I’m being spiteful I made sure he knows that I am.

“I’m sorry. It’s just—” then he clears his throat, if he can’t tell me what happened. He shouldn’t even mention having one. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

I wasn’t paying attention since I was looking through the mail that was on the table. I find a big envelope with my name on it with NYU’s stamp. This brings a smile to my face, at least something is going right in my life today. “My acceptance letter to NYU is here.” I’m excited actually, the omen of today has finally left me it seems like.

“ _Oh yay_ ,” He says in fake enthusiasm.

Which makes my gloomy mood return, in ten folds. “ _What is your problem, anyway?_ ”

This caught him off guard since he cursed under his breathe, “Sorry,” he says again for the fifth time it seems like but this time it’s not sincere.

I toss the envelope on the table, “Seriously, Peter tell me.” I demanded this time.

He thinks about it then groans, “ _Just leave it alone_ , Covey.”

And I finally snapped, he has been like this the past week or we have been. There has to be something wrong here, he knows why I’m like this but I on the other hand do not understand what he hiding from me to act like this. We were fine two weeks before, but the one thing that had changed is my NYU transfer. It’s like he is slowly closing me off like he did before when I decided to transfer to UNC. “ _This was your choice remember_.”

“What?”

“ _This_ … me going to NYU. You wanted _that_.”

He doesn’t answer. And I knew it… _I was right_. He is upset because I’m moving when he was the one that wanted me to move. “Covey…” he warned me, he can tell my mind going a hundred miles a minute.

“Don’t _Covey_ me, Peter. You told me to take the offer!” I shout at the phone and I am shaking, I am livid. He can’t bring this on to me as if _this_ was all my choice. I wanted to stay in UNC, to actually finally be with me and none of this distance crap.

“You and I both know you were going to take it from the start.” He says defeatedly.

I shake my head, he can’t absolutely _believe_ that. I was conflicted from the start. I was going to stay until he told me we will be fine if I take it and move to New York.

“Besides, what did you want me to do? Beg you not to take it? It was such a good opportunity for you for me to stop you. And I’m sure if I did that, it would make you want to accept the offer more.”

I open my mouth to say something but no words leave my lips. I close it again trying to think. Was he right though? I mean, the only reason why I wouldn’t accept it was because of Peter and if he would have said to stay… would I have? But it doesn’t matter anymore, It’s finished. “I don’t know, but _you could_ have told me what you _really_ felt about it instead of telling me to take it because we would be fine!”

I could hear him hit wheel as he controlled himself from cursing out. He knows better than to, if I am this wound up, it’ll only be worse.

Then I don’t know what has possessed me to say the next words but it leaves my lips without my knowledge, “Maybe this is what you really want, being far away from me. Since that’s all we know… _distance_.” We were together for a almost two years in high school but our long-distance relationship is going on 4 years now so that makes it longer.

He hissed, “ _What_?”

Then a new sense of understanding comes to me hitting me like a head on collision. It hurts so much but I finally see it clearly now, “You heard me,”

“Lara Jean, you can’t actually _believe_ what you are saying right?” he seems offended that I this even crossed my mind.

I laugh a hallow humorless laugh, “Why not? This isn’t the first time you did this.”

“What are you talking—” then he remembers that I was planning to transfer to UVA during our second year when he also made the decision for me to stay in UNC instead. He sighs, “ _This is different_.”

“How is it any different? It’s both times that you prevented for me to be in the same school as you. If you hadn’t stopped me from transferring, I’d be there with you listening to you about your bad day while you listen to mine. We could have been each other’s comfort instead of yelling at each other because we are too pissed off to talk about it.”

“Because, this time actually a decision that is good for your future while you transferring to UVA was just you being insecu—” then he stops realizing what he was about to say, “Just—”

“No, Peter. Finish that _dam sentence_!” He was about to say insecure. I was insecure about our relationship, he can’t honestly think that was the reason why I wanted to transfer. Jeez, how did this conversation end up here.

“Covey, _lets just drop this_. We clearly both had a bad day, more so than me. if we continue this, we might end up saying things we don’t mean just because we are angry.” He says a little calmer than he lets on.

But I am not calm, I am beyond angry that he brings this up _now_ of all things. I am completely aware, I was lacking in the past but I’ve made up for it, I know I have. “No, lets just finish this now. Everything is out in the open anyway. Since that’s what this relationship is about on the phone so lets just duke it all out here.”

“Lara Jean,” he warns me.

But I don’t care, a part of me wants to stop begging me to stop but I can’t control myself. I really don’t know what has gotten into me now but I can’t do this anymore if it’s only been two weeks and we’re already fighting… imagine what would happen when I’d actually move to New York and it’s six hours away.

 _Lara Jean_ … I hear a voice in my head. It isn’t mine I am sure, like a warning that I ignored early on.

“What are you trying to say?” Peter’s voice is low and I realized I said all that out loud just now and not just my thoughts.

“Lets just end this now, make it easier for when I move to New York I don’t need to worry about making us work, because I’m too insecure to believe that we could actually make it through this like we always had.” I spit out angrily.

He growls on the other line, he is pissed off as I am and I heard him cuss. “Fine, have it your way then.”

“ _What_?” Now I didn’t expect him to just agree to it quickly.

“If this is what you want then _fine_. Just remember this was your choice. I don’t want you to be blaming me for something you obviously _wanted_.”

 _Ouch_.

“Fine.” I stuttered. A voice in my head begging me to apologize to take back everything I just said. I am just having a bad day and I displaced it on him. But I don’t say… I wait for him.

“ _Fine_ , bye Covey.”

“ _Bye_.” And I hung up on him before he says something else.

Then I stare at my phone… I am shaking and if I could cry, I would have but why would I do that when I’m clearly being stupid.

Brandy comes out of her room to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She then stops before she’d go back when she sees me siting there staring at my phone blankly. “Oh, I think your acceptance letter just came through the mail.” Then when I looked up to face her. She frowned, “What the hell happened to you, did someone die?” she’s probably trying to make me laugh but nothing.

I blinked a couple times, before I could say it. “I think Peter and I broke up.” Then I cleared my throat, “No, Peter and I broke up.” There is not _I think_ there because it did happen. That phone conversation ended with a break up.

“Lara Jean,” Brandy gritted her teeth in anger. And that’s when I knew the voice, I just heard a few minutes ago was Brandy’s warning me not to talk to Peter. “I told you—”

“I know… but I don’t know what happened. I just— _I just_.” I put my hands onto my face and I squealed. infuriated at myself. I am such an idiot… I don’t want to break up with Peter obviously I just got pissed off and got super sensitive, let that control me.

“I have to go to Virginia.” I stood up from the couch, with much conviction.

“What? No! it’s 10pm by the time you get there it’s like 2am. Just stay here, call him again,” Brandy stops me from going to the door since I already had my jacket on ready to go.

“I can’t… not after the horrible things I said to him.” I tear up, oh now the dam tears come.

“I know, I’m sure you didn’t mean them and he didn’t mean it too. Just try to call him, instead of driving four hours to Virginia.” She takes my phone from my hand urging me to dial Peter’s number. “Lara Jean, please?”

And so, I do it, and it rings once, twice then voice mail. He just rejected my call. “I—” then I cleared my throat, “I have to go.”

“Not in the state you are in you don’t. _Look_ , _listen_. Let me wake up, Leah and take you. She’s already planning to go to Virginia tomorrow anyway since she has no classes for Two days. Just wait here okay.” Brandy said softly trying to convince me and distract me, then before I knew it, she grabbed my keys as she ran to Leah’s room urging her to wake up.

The next thing I was in the car with Leah not less than fifteen minutes later. “I am really sorry about this,” I shamefully apologize to Leah.

Leah pursed her lips together and shakes her head. “It’s fine. I don’t mind driving you. It’s better if I did. Have you tried calling him again?”

I nod weakly, “Straight to Voicemail _again_ ,” which I tried for ten times for the past fifteen minutes.

“It’s okay. Maybe he is trying to call you too… just don’t call him yet _. Just wait_.” She says comfortingly as she grasps my arm.

Then I wait, I stare at my phone watching the clock tick. After five minutes of waiting, there wasn’t a call. Then suddenly I started crying. Gosh, I am such an Idiot.

I didn’t even know I had fallen asleep until I felt Leah shake my shoulder. I had been crying the past two hours that the last two hours exhausted me that I passed out.

“Lara Jean, wake up.” She says again but she was still shaking me rather softly.

I open my eyes to see that I am already in front of Peter and Mark’s apartment. Peter’s car is parked in the driveway while Mark’s isn’t. I am secretly thankful that Peter and I are alone so I can apologize properly for how I acted.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Leah asks carefully.

I shake my head in response. “I have to go at this alone, but thank you.”

“Call me if anything,” Leah gives me a hug. “It’ll be alright. You both just said things you didn’t mean. He’ll forgive you as soon as you knock at the door.”

“I know.” There isn’t a doubt in my heart that he wouldn’t hesitate to forgive me. It was all just a big mistake for my part and I never should have said it.

Then I got out of the car, I tried calling Peter’s phone again but it’s just the same straight through voice mail. I’ll just knock until he wakes up or use the spare key that I have. I can’t just barge in on him like this.

I take a deep breath as I stand at the front door. I was about to knock until I saw the door twist open.

“Peter, I—” but what surprised me more is that Mark is standing in front of me, I’m confused. Shouldn’t Peter be here?

“Mark—” but before I could finish that he steps a side from the door and takes me by the arm to carefully pull me inside their apartment.

“Yeah she’s here.” Mark says not to me but on his phone, as he closes the door behind me.

“Is Peter?”

“Just leave the phone on the table.” Mark says then he waves me goodbye as he hands me the phone.

“Hello?” I say softly.

“Hey,” Peter’s voice is on the other line, he is relieved to hear my voice.

“Is she there yet?” I can hear Brandy’s demanding voice on the other line.

“ _Brandy_? Are you at my _apartment_?”

I heard him chuckle, “ _Great minds_ think alike I guess.”

“More like _idiots_ with the same feather.” Brandy says irritably. “I am going to bed, Jeez I’ve never met such as an annoying couple as you two. And I thought Leah and Gavin are the worse.”

“Good night, Brandy.” Peter teases.

“Whatever, Kavinsky.”

When I heard the faint close of Brandy’s door, that’s when I knew we were officially alone.

“I’ll call you on your phone,” He tells me then he hangs up. I place the phone where Mark told me to. I walk towards Peter’s bedroom and I threw myself on his bed. His sheets and pillow smells like him. I can’t believe I made Leah drove up here just so I can sleep on Peter’s bed without him. I take the pillow that he uses to lay on and wrap it in my arms.

My phone rings and I quickly answer.

“I’m sorry,” I said while he says “I love you,” at the same time.

Then we do the same thing again but this time, He says _I’m sorry_ while I say _I love you._

We both shared a short laugh, “My phone died, and Mark doesn’t have a car charger. The bastard.” He cussed out jokingly to lighten the mood between us.

“Why did you use Mark’s car?”

“My car needs a change oil and I can’t risk driving it to North Carolina.”

We shared a comfortable silence despite what had just happened between us hours ago.

“Peter, I am so—”

“Let’s not talk about that on the phone, Lara Jean. I’m sure that’s why we drove four hours for.” He says softly to me, and I can hear rustlings on his side of the phone and I know he’s laying on my bed and have the sheets on him like what I’m doing as if I’m there.

“Brandy took Mark’s keys.” He tells me as he laughs at probably how Brandy did it. “She says no one is driving again, she said I can get the keys back in the morning before her class at 7.”

I smile thankful for my bossy roommate, At least she’s for Peter’s well-being. As much I want Peter here with me now, driving a total 8 hours is crazy. So, he can just come back tomorrow which reminds me… “Guess I’m skipping class tomorrow.” If I’m here in UVA with no car, I have no choice. At least I have no class on Thursday so I can go back with Leah then without worrying about missing more days.

“Same here too.”

I breath in the scent of his pillow and imagine his arms around me. “Your sheets smell like you…” I say.

“Have Brandy hear that and she will totally think we are worse.”

I shake my head, “I don’t care.” She can judge us all she wants.

“I love you, Lara Jean you know, that right?”

I smile into the phone and nods, “And I love you Peter.” I close my eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.

“I’ll be there in the morning.” He says to me and I look at the clock. Eight hours seems so long and it’s making me anxious.

“Stay on the phone with me,” Jeez, since when have I become so needy and annoying. I’m hot and cold today… and I feel bad.

He chuckles, “I don’t plan to. Go to sleep, Covey.”

And within seconds, I had fallen asleep thinking that he is just right beside me.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t until I felt someone’s arms around me, I had woken up. The sun was beaming brightly from the window, and I didn’t have to completely open my eyes to know that Peter is snuggled behind me. “Morning,” he whispers against my skin, his lips on my neck, as he brushed my hair off my face.

I take his fingers on mine and pulled him closer so that his chest would be on my back and his hand over my chest. “Hi, what time is it?” I ask drowsily. I’m sure my battery has died from it not being charged overnight.

“Close to noon,” he answers. “I brought you food if you want to get up and eat lunch, though I brought you breakfast food.”

“When did you get back?” I breathe since he is now kissing my neck. I turned to face him. He is dressed in what I assume he wore last night though his hair is slightly soaked which means he took a shower.

“A couple hours ago,” there was something in his tone that made me want to question something, “I had to go to the campus and talk to my Academic Advisor.” Now he smiles beautifully as if he really is keeping something from me but at the same time, he’s wanting to hint it out.

“Okay.” I say carefully, I’m not a mind reader so he needs to tell me what it is.

He leans to me so he can brush his lips on mine, his hand snake at the back of my neck, deepening our kiss. He breathes my name on my lips when I slightly pull away so I can plant soft kisses on the corner of his mouth, chin, jaw and near his Adam’s apple. “About last night…” I finally stop and hide under his chest, embarrassed about my actions last night.

“I deserve it anyway. I’ve been such a dick these past two weeks.” He sighs in defeat and the he swipes his finger on my chin so I’d face him. His eyes are so soft and apologetic on mine, as if he was at fault as to why I stupidly broke up with him last night when I certainly didn’t want to do it at all.

“Don’t defend yourself for something I—” but his mouth silences me, swallowing whatever speech I wanted to tell him about what I said last night. I totally forget what it was completely, as I am more focused with his lips on mine. He rolls us over so he would hover over me, and I wrap my arms around his shoulder to lower him down to me. I need him on me, I need to feel his weight on me.

“Peter,” his name leaves my lips and my hands found the hem of his shirt. Then my fingers are on his bare stomach which made him groan into our kiss.

“You are going to kill me, Covey do you know that.” he pulls from our kiss and he runs his hands through my hair.

I smile innocently and I can tell his eyes darkening as my fingertip trails his defined muscles on his stomach to the sides then to his chest, his shirt slightly ridding up as I do this. And I kiss him again, but my lips barely touching his. “Now I am.”

“Listen, there’s a reason why I didn’t want to tell you what’s been bothering me these past two weeks.”

I sigh, _seriously he wants to talk now?_ I am in the middle of trying to take his shirt off but he isn’t moving. I raise my eyebrow at him, his lips at a firm line. I roll my eyes, “And?” I shouldn’t be annoyed, he is actually serious here and here I am hormone raged, thinking of something else.

He laughs at me and kisses the top of my head. “Let me talk then _you can take me_ afterwards.”

Now I really roll my eyes as I push him off of me, he falls to the side of me, he laughs. “Tell me then.” I turn my body towards him.

He does the same so he can face me, “I’ve actually been talking to my adviser, asking if there is any way I can apply to any schools in New York.”

I blinked in disbelief. I can’t believe what I am hearing, “Why—”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up for no reason because it is indeed hard to want to be accepted now for the Graduate Studies.”

I shake my head and take his hand. “You still could have told me, so we can go through this together.”

He takes a deep breath, “I know but we have a lot of shit— _stuff_ on our plate to bring this in too.”

“I don’t care Peter. This is too big for you to keep yourself. I always want to be there for you, good _or_ bad. You should know that by now.” I had my hand on his face too and bring him closer so I can kiss him.

“Yeah, and you broke up with me because I am an idiot.” But he was talking to himself more than me really. “That’s why I drove immediately after that so I can apologize and tell you _everything_. I don’t want you to think that I want just our relationship to be about _distance_ —”

I stop him from talking by kissing him, “What I said last night, it’s just me _being stupid_. I know why you didn’t let me transfer to UVA, and for me to take the offer in New York. It’s selfish of me to think that it’s easy for you take these decisions lightly.”

He sighs, “This wasn’t supposed to be a depressing talk.”

I raise my eyebrow at him, confused. “ _What do you mean_?”

“Well, I actually was supposed to be on a waiting list for three schools in New York.” He doesn’t even let me say anything which I can’t, I am too afraid to say anything. “I was supposed to hear from them last week and I didn’t. then—”

I could feel the tears building up on my eyes. He wouldn’t just tell me this unless. “Peter?”

He wipes the tear that falls from my eye, and he smiles. “I got accepted in Long Island University, it’s really close to NYU—”

I wrap my arms around him and squealed. He was taken by surprise at first since we rolled twice on the bed, but he ended up hovering over me still. “Oh my god Peter!”

“So, can we please get back together so I can move to New York with you.”

“We broke up?” I gasped dramatically but I couldn’t help but laugh at it. I am too happy to comprehend anything, Peter is moving to New York with me! no more long-distance! No need to wait for two years to be together but three months like planned!

“So, what do you say?” he is still waiting for my answer, as if he doesn’t know.

“If you don’t move to New York with me, I will definitely continue this break up.” I pout at him.

He grins darkly, he grabs the back of my leg to hook it on his hip. “Now that’s settled,” his lips playfully hover over my neck, breathing, teasing me. “Where were we?” his fingers now playing with the hook of my jeans.

“I think you said, I was going to kill you.” This time I don’t let him tease me. I aggressively pull at his shirt so he’d take it off. No more talking. I think I’m done with talking.

“Ahh, that’s the good kind of death.” He says.

“Stop talking and kiss me, Kavinsky.” I hissed at him, raking my fingers against his back the way I know he loves.

And he doesn’t talk anymore and just kisses me.

 

 

* * *

 

“Have you guys found a place in mind for New York yet?” Wendy Son, Mark’s girlfriend asks me. She comes back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn for our planned movie night with our boyfriends. She sits on the floor with Mark’s legs as her back rest.

I shake my head. “Not yet, we haven’t had a chance to search— _Hi_.” I said to Peter when he gives me a kiss on the top of my head after he came back for a shower. He scoots behind me so I’d sit with his chest on my back. “Drink?” I offered my beer at him.

He takes the bottle and takes a quick drink. “So, what are we watching?” Wendy and I were in the middle of choosing the movie when Peter decided to shower.

“How to Lose A Guy In 10 days,” I say proudly, I’ve always been wanting to watch it but Peter has a limit when it comes to movies. No Matthew McConaughey. “Wendy hasn’t seen it yet,” I justify my choice.

He glares at me then sighs, then turns to Mark. “Seriously, man? A chick flick?” He is putting the blame on his roommate now, who didn’t really make it hard for me and Wendy to chose since he just kept quiet the entire time like he normally would.

Mark shrugs, “You didn’t give me a choice of _what not_ to watch.”

I gasped dramatically, “ _Oh my god he speaks_!” I glanced at Peter proudly. This is the first time I heard him utter a word since this afternoon, and it’s already close to 8pm. I am used to Mark not speaking for a long period of time, what would be more shocking if he’d go on a random story telling spree which _rarely_ happens.

Wendy laughs and kisses Mark on his jaw, “Seriously baby, I’ve been telling you to say something at least once every hour so people wouldn’t think you are a mute.”

Mark rolls his eyes, annoyed that people tease him like this all them time. “Lara Jean, you’ve known me for years. And yet this still surprises you?”

I widen my eyes, and shook Peter heavily, “He spoke again! That’s a whole paragraph!”

Peter and Wendy are laughing their butts off while Mark just glares at me, then completely ignores me.

"Don't tease him anymore, Covey. He had gone past his talking the whole day there’s till like 4 hours left till reset." Peter says with a snicker.

Mark glares at his roommate and raises a finger, "Up yours, Kavinsky."

Peter's laughter echoed in the room and I swear If his arms weren't around me, I would have slipped off the couch. "Admit it Tuan, you'll _miss_ me."

 

Mark rolls his eyes, "I'll _miss_ having someone pay _half the rent_ after graduation." Mark is still continuing Law school in UVA.

 

"Only for a year, then Wendy will move in." I say, Wendy is going for her Pre-med in Baltimore then she'll transfer for med school in UVA and they'll live together then.

 

"Let’s just watch this movie, seriously, all these talking is giving me a headache." Mark reaches for the remote.

 

" _Told you_ ," Peter says to my ear in a pretend whisper but it was loud enough that Mark would hear.

 

"Wait," Wendy has a hand to Mark's wrist. She faces me, "I know Peter is going to Long Island University, where school are you going to Lara Jean, did you finally make a choice between NYU or St John's University?"

 

I shake my head and I smirked, "I really don't have a choice on what school. Dr. McKnight is taking the job at NYU so that's where I'm going."

Wendy clapped her hands excitedly, " _Perfect_ , I have a cousin who needs to sublet her apartment, she lives close to Brooklyn bridge."

 

And I look up at Peter beaming excitedly. When we went to visit our schools last month for a weekend, it was only about a thirty-minute train ride to and back between two campuses. We decided to just live around the premises, sure the apartments I’ve inquired the past two weeks are way over our price range but Dad said not to worry about the price as long as is safe. "Is there parking?"

 

Wendy nods, "Yes, her fiancée still lives in Maryland so drives down on the weekends when she can."

 

This was one of the things that I wanted when we look for a place. At least we can drive down to see family when we have breaks. I squeezed Peter's lap happily, but he just shakes his head. "We'll talk about that later Covey." He says with a frown.

 

More like the argument is whose car are we planning to take to New York. His small Audi or the car my dad plans to buy me which is a bit bigger than his vehicle, (actually any car is bigger than his two seater)

 

"I told her that I'll talk to you guys first before she sends an add out to rent. And since she's really desperate to have it gone before the next semester starts, she's renting it out for an affordable price."

 

I am shaking so much because I am so excited. The road to New York plan hasn't always been the smoothest one. It brought on lots of fights that Peter and I didn't know we could do. "Breath, Covey." Peter teased and he gave me a soft kiss on the side of my head.

 

"So if you're acting like that does that mean tell her you'll take it?" Wendy says with a smile.

 

I turn to Peter and I want to know what he thinks but he just gives me that _"it's your choice,"_ look. I have been driving this bus for our choice in New York so i should be consistent. "Yes!"

 

Wendy shrieks in excitement and she stood up. I hopped out of the couch to grasp my hands into hers, we were jumping up and down together happily.

 

"Are we going to watch the movie or celebrate?" Mark asks Peter.

 

"Well give her time, she's been going crazy for the past two months." Peter responds.

 

"Well I have been but This is progress!" I jump into his arms heavily. I ignore his protest when I hit his chest with my fist, I wrap my arms around his neck. "We're officially moving to New York, Peter!"

 

He chuckles as he pats my back, he's not as excited as I am. "Covey, we were already doing that when we both got accepted in the schools we applied to in New York."

 

I shake my head and stifle a sob. We were accepted to New York yes but things could change that. Peter could still continue his masters in UVA or UNC like we first planned. Anything could happen to change that, "We have place to live."

 

He could probably feel why I'm acting like this, so he hugs me tightly. "Wherever you plan to go, I'll follow you. I think we already established that."

 

"I know but still..." and I just let out a giggle that I've been holding.

 

"So, should I whip out the alcohol _or_ call Andrew to see where the closest party would be?" Peter asks me when I finally break our hug. He brushes the hair off my lips.

 

I face Wendy who had her eyes shine, she's rather delighted about that idea. She turns towards her boyfriend and kneels in front of him, "Please? If that's part of the choice, please?"

 

Mark blinks a couple times, thinking. He was taken aback by this new turn of events. "I thought you wanted a quiet night, in?"

 

Wendy scoffs, "Are you kidding me?"

 

And this is where I laugh. If Mark is the quiet type, she's totally the opposite. She and Peter get along really well since they are both goof balls and really loud. Not that Wendy is a party girl but for the past two days they've stayed in the boy’s apartment watching movies and ordering take out.

 

"I'm kind of tired being the only minority here," Peter speaks up, he points at me, Mark and Wendy. "Let's get out of this house so I’d be back with my own kind and you three would be the only Asians in the room, again."

 

I shake my head at Peter. "You're a dummy,"

 

"You're like our token white boy," Wendy says.

 

"If we leave, _not anymore_." Peter is now eyeing Mark carefully.

 

Mark sighs, whether or not he decides to just want to stay he couldn't. It's three against one, and be usually always lets Wendy do what she wants. "You’re changing though." He points at Wendy's very booty shorts, over her big white shirt.

 

"Well durr," Wendy rolls her eyes then kisses Mark's lips quickly. "I love you!" Then she pulls him off the couch so they can go to his room and get dressed.

 

I didn't need to change since I still haven't changed when Peter and I had dinner with his teammates. I snuggle close to Peter, with my head on his shoulder. "I'm really happy everything seems to be going where it should."

 

"Well, we already have. it's just the place to live was the final problem." He tilts my chin to look up at him, "We just have to go through the next three weeks, and then you'll never be able to get rid of me."

 

Three weeks would be Peter's graduation and then a week after that would be mine. Then we'd start a new chapter together in a New York. "Who says I want to get rid of you?" I whisper against his lips, as he was leaning closer.

 

"Do you just want to stay home and have our own celebration?" he wiggles his eyebrows at me knowingly.

 

"Tempting, maybe later." My hands were tangling the back of his hair.

 

He hums and his breath touched my lips, "I'll hold you to that Covey,"

 

 

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A/N:

OI SERIOUSLY I did not expect this chapter to go this long! I was just writing today thinking this would go well before their graduation chapter then I realized it has been going at 8k words and there is no way I can add the Graduation chapter (which I’ve written while I was on hiatus which had about 4k words) Remember when I said that I was thinking of a new path for this chapter… Well it’s this! Hahaha 12k worth of angsty goodness lol

And the graduation chapter isn’t such a spoiler since in the end there it says, 3 weeks till graduation.hahah

Mark Tuan from GOT7 and Wendy Son from Red Velvet makes an appearance making our Poor Peter a token white boy hahaha

So actually, I am not sure if there two chapters or 3 chapters left after this but I haven’t given up on the story. Yeah! I hope you guys like this chapter! I got a lot of reviews from month hiatus which is the longest I’ve ever been to being silent. I needed the distraction since apparently the results if im a Nurse will comeout this week. I NEED PETER AND LARA JEAN to keep my mind from being anxious.

Don’t forget to let me know what you thinkkkk and to follow, favorite. REVIEWS are always welcome to make me super happy LOL! Alright see yah later! (PS I’ve been reading AFTER series by Anna Todd… it’s such a good annoying yet addicting story hahaha ANGST! I miss angst! But actually this chapter was already planned out as part of the their memory but I’m glad I wrote it now. I MISS ANGST! Hahaah alright REVIEW PLEASE!)


	21. Chapter 21

a/n: I upadted in FF and a few couple people was asking me to upload it here! SO i'm updating. I am not sure if i have that many readers here thats why i didn't update hahahah okaaay ! here goessss!

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**Chapter Twenty-One**

"Carlisle, Lindsey Marie,"

There was three girls ahead of and it was my turn to get my diploma. I turn my back to search for my roommates, Charlie had already gotten hers and so did Brandy, there's still Leah left. And she's the first one I found, waiving at me then she points at where Charlie was seated who was talking to the person next to her, and a few rows behind her was Brandy who looked bored as ever.

"Can you believe it? This is it!" Kassie Combs hissed from in front of me.

I shake my head, "It seems like it was only yesterday when you sat next to me in class asking me if I bought my book online or at the bookstore." Kassie is one of my close friends from my department. It's her and Candy who kept me mostly sane for the past four years in college, especially during the last semester as we dealt with our Thesis.

"Combs, Kassandra Noreen,"

"Covey, Lara Jean Song,"

There was a loud cheer from the back and I swear even in the big auditorium I could pick out Peter's voice. Also, my roommates who made it to a point to make really loud howling noises as I climb up the steps.

These few steps, are my final ones and when I reach the end. That's it... the four years of my college life has ended, in comes the pursuing a different dream in a different city. Even if that holder I would receive has a mock diploma it still symbolizes the blood sweat and tears I've shed during my stay here to finally reach that goal.

I've made it... and not just my education, my relationships as well. My roommates who I believe are my best friends, my classmates who are the only people I know who truly understands how hard these past four years have been, and lastly my relationship with Peter. It wasn't easy but we made it... stronger than before. And now, going to start our new life together and not away from each other. They say this is harder too but I know we'll make it through.

"Congratulations," The Dean shakes my hand.

"Thank you." And I mean it.

The President of the campus hands me my mock diploma and congratulates me.

I'm officially now a graduate.

I was standing at the bottom of the letter C of the banners waiting for Charlie, Brandy and Leah to come find me. I've already said my goodbyes to my classmates and friends (we were only less than 20) so it was faster compared to my roommates' classmates.

"Hey Lara Jean,"

I froze to my spot not wanting to turn, but I had to. I faced John Ambrose McCleren. "Hey John," He was wearing the same gown and cap but a different hood, he's now an official graduate of Pre-Law. "Congratulations," I reach over for a hand shake.

"Thanks, Congratulations to you too," but instead he was doing a hug. When he saw my hand, he stopped mid hug to take my hand but I was already decided to do the hug.

It was awkward,  _definitely_. We just pulled back, "Hand Shake?" We said in unison. Then we did, one quick steady one.

We didn't say anything after that, and it was an awkward silence. The type that needs to be filled with small talk just to get through it.

"Can you believe its done? We're officially graduates?" Thankfully John put is out of both our miseries and spoke first.

"I know right, this all seems surreal. Maybe when we get our real diplomas maybe it'll feel real then." I hugged the holder.

He nods, "Well it says, we'll be expecting it between 2-3 weeks."

" _Oh_ ," I didn't even bother to open the thing since I know its doesn't hold our real diplomas. And there it is Diploma will be mailed in 2-3 weeks with my address and name on it. To call if the address has been changed before three days from now.

Then silence; Awkward silence again. It was never really like this between John and I. We were always so civil with each other, but I think it changed early this school year when I found out that Dianne and John broke up at the beginning of the school year.

We hung out a couple times by ourselves but there was a weird vibe that came with it, which also made things worse when Dianne would blatantly avoid me on campus. I didn't read into much until Brandy and Charlie said something to me.

They said not to hang out with John alone as much. Stating that I'm giving him hope when there really isn't there. I argued back saying he's a friend and Peter doesn't really have a problem with it (or so he tell me, he trusts I won't do anything and I don't expect John to as well).

Even Leah was defending me asking why can't she be friends with a guy. Then Charlie responds, "Not  _an_  ex boyfriend" with conviction. Of course I know what she means, every time she goes home she has some sort of short fling with Carlo during break.

"He was  _never_  my boyfriend," I roll my eyes tired of the conversation. I know how hard it is to go through a break up and a distraction is always nice. So as his friend that's what I'm doing. They just need to not overthink things, Peter is alright with it why wouldn't they be.

With that, Brandy respond in a condescending tone that I always hated not realizing at the time she was right. "That's what makes it much worse."

I remember the last night I hung out John Ambrose, like it was yesterday. Not because I enjoyed it but it is one of the most complicated day of my life that I feel bad to the point that I really didn't tell Peter what happened. I just stopped hanging out with John all together without giving him a reason and he didn't question it. (Making me question at the time if Peter was ever okay with me hanging out with John without him.)

It was the week after thanksgiving break, I had been wanting to watch this movie but my roommates couldn't give me the time and Peter wouldn't be able to come down to visit for another two weeks. The movie has been out in the theaters for two weeks now and I'm sure if I don't watch it soon I have to wait for the DVD release to come which wouldn't be in months.

So John offered to accompany me since when I mentioned it to him when we saw each other at the cafeteria. We haven't hung out for a while without Peter, though we did have dinner together late October. But he and I do text each other more frequently than normal lately. Also, I've seen him in this side of campus more than I should since his classes are not close from this area.

I called Peter about the movie he's not happy about the plan but he agrees to it. He really can't tell me what to do and what not to do anyway, that's not the dynamic in our relationship. He does have friends that are girls too that he hangs out with but they all have boyfriends. Besides, I trust Peter and he trusts me so I'm not in the slightest jealous or even threatened by it.

"You have fun," Peter said and there was a bit edge to his voice that I find uncomfortable. Maybe it's his lack of sleep for the past two days? Practice has been intense lately since he is stand in captain of the team until Jackson Wang recovers from his injury from a game 4 weeks ago.

I try to comfort him, "Never  _without_  you, but I can try." I hate watching movies without him but I know I'll regret not watching this movie in theater.

"Good," He replied I could imagine his playful grin as he says that.

" _Kavinsky_!"

I heard him sigh. He's on his way to practice. "I got to go Covey,"

I nodded even though I know he can't see me. "Have fun at practice, Team Captain," I was so proud of him when he volunteered to take the team for now. He was supposed to be team Captain this year but he declined it knowing that he couldn't come see me as often as he can with the responsibilities as a team captain.

"I'm exhausted already, Wang better be back in two weeks or I'll sprain his other arm." I can hear the empty threat of his voice. He just wanted his friend to get better too.

I giggled, "He'll be back. You'll miss it too." He had been doing a good job leading the team for their continuous victory the past month.

"Not as much as I miss you," He whined.

"I miss you too," I smile. It's true though, since he has been captain, our calls got lesser and he hasn't been able to come down for a month. I've visited to watch his game once but being on the last year of college for both of us it's harder to find time... but we do it.

" _Kavinsky_!" His coach yelled a lot louder this time. Probably irritated that the practice hasn't started yet and how he's still on the phone with me.

"Someone fucking needs to get laid," he cursed under his breath.

"Peter!" I gasped. " _Language_!" I hissed at him. Peter's temper sometimes does get the best out of him. He can't mock his coach who is in a middle of a divorce settlement. It makes sense he's touchy and more of a jerk than usual. (As Peter had mentioned though he did say it in a more vulgar way,)

He sighs again, "It's true."

I shake my head, "But still," That's when I spot John standing at the ticket booth entrance. "Well, you can go Peter since I see John too." He did say that he'll stay on the phone until John's there. John sees me and waves briefly.

"Okay." His response short. "Tell Sundance Kid, hi for me." Peter said. John doesn't seem to mind that Peter calls him that anymore in the past two years.

"I will. Have a good practice Peter."

"Call you after practice." The way he said isn't even a question, he is telling me he will.

"Yes, please." The movie is about 2 hours long so hopefully he will be done by then too, "I'll call you after the movie."

"I love you, Lara Jean."

I stopped my steps. There was something in his tone I couldn't understand that if he was standing in front of me, I would wrap my arms around him to reassure him or something. I don't like him sounding this way. He probably needs rest too which I'm sure is what he truly needs. "I love you, Peter." And I don't say too because it seems like I'm only agreeing to what he said.

"Bye," at least this time his voice sounds fuller and I can tell he is smiling from ear to ear. It makes me smile too. I miss him so much. Then we both hang up after I say my goodbye too.

"Hey, sorry." I finally walk towards John Ambrose as he was patiently waiting for me to go to him. He gives me as smile and we shared a quick hug. "Did you wait long?" I ask him.

He shakes his head, "Just a minute or so. Not long." His smile was so bright, it was contagious. I couldn't help but smile back forgetting any problems I have, as if there is any. "Well, let's go buy the tickets then."

He puts a hand on my arm, "I already got them," he shows me the long paper he has, assuming its our movie tickets.

"Oh," and then I reach for my wallet, "Well how much do I owe you."

He shakes his head and pushed my arm back to not reveal my wallet. "No, it's  _my_  treat."

I widen my eyes, he can't keep doing this. Last time we had dinner he paid for it despite my adamant refusal. I don't even let Peter pay for everything, i make it to a point that we take turns to pay. Yet, the twice in the past month I've hung out with John he has paid for it both times.

Come to think of it, i didn't even notice he swiped his meal card to pay for my food today.

"No seriously John, I cant—" I was already opening my wallet but he swiped it from me then raised his arm so my I couldn't reach my wallet. I didn't even try to take it back, I don't want to embarrass myself. He is already as tall as Peter to begin with. So, I just glared at him, and had my hand out. He can take the point right.

He just chuckles and gives me my wallet back, "The movie starts in like ten minutes and if we line up the previews would start already. You wouldn't want that,  _right_?"

And I really thought about it, he is right. He got here earlier so he bought them for convenience not for anything else, "I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

He laughed that I swear my chest lightened. He takes me by the shoulder to make me walk ahead of him, he is leading me to the cinema already. "That would be impossible for you to do that, besides I feel like I'm doing it. I've been wanting to watch this movie."

I frowned, not certainly believing him. Even Peter has been doing his best to distract me when he's with me to take my mind off wanting to watch the movie. My roommates for some reason has been too busy to try to go with me. "You want to watch  _this_  musical?" I slightly turn my head to look at him.

"Are you kidding me?" He said softly and squeezed my shoulder. Then our eyes met, and I couldn't see the lie behind his face. "My friends told me I was  _insane_  wanting to see it, so when you mentioned it. I am actually thankful..." and he smiles at me.

It made me smile back almost as quickly in response. "Well, it's their loss. I hear great reviews for this musical."

He scoffs, "I don't care about reviews, if I want to see a movie. I'll watch it and be the judge for it."

And that what makes it different with Peter really, sure he'd watch movies with me if I beg him to but he'd base wanting to watch it from reviews, already expecting a bad movie when he goes in. Then at the end of the movie he would say it wasn't too bad since he already thought it was terrible to begin with.

The movie ended rather quickly than I wanted to, I wiped the tear that had fallen from my face. I was about to say it was an amazing movie when John leans into me, "That movie was terrible."

And I gasped, "What? How can you say that? It was—" no words could describe what I feel about it really.

He just shakes his head and stands up, "It was predictable, I knew from the start that he was going to kiss that girl." He was talking about how the main character had just cheated on his wife with his first act that he managed.

I followed after him since he was already walking away. I was trying to defend what I like about the movie but I can't help when he's already closed off to the idea that it was bad. We were arguing most about it on the way to his car, even going to the restaurant.

It was a good banter of course since I somehow got him to admit that the movie isn't terrible but he did say that he would have been fine not watching it in theatres. Though, he also mentioned a few parts of the movie he liked which was mostly the musical parts and not the actual movie itself. Which is actually, my favorite parts of the movie.

"What are you doing?" John asked me since my face was buried on my phone.

"Downloading the soundtrack," I said barely looking up at him.

"Why aren't you calling Peter?" He asked me since I told him to remind me to call Peter before we ate.

I sighed, "I did, but he didn't answer." Not that Peter did it on purpose, but for some reason we keep missing each other tonight. I called him after the movie when I saw his call but he didn't answer. Peter called back when I was in the bathroom about fifteen minutes. I just sent him a text saying I was having dinner which he hasn't replied to yet.

"Oh I'm sure he would call back," He shrugs but for some reason I can see from his expression that he seems uncomfortable talking about it.

I just pursed my lips together, not wanting to say anything anymore. Obviously, he'd be uncomfortable... he had just broken up with Dianne and here I am flaunting my relationship with him. I mentally smack myself for being a bad friend. I should try my best to talk about Peter as much to John. I don't say anything anymore and I placed my phone in my purse secretly praying that Peter would call me back after I get back to the apartment.

Speaking of which—

"I'm going to use the bathroom, then we can head back?" John asks as he glances over to his watch.

I nod, "Yeah that's fine."

I looked at my phone again when John left, I had gotten a text from Peter.

**~Seems like we've been missing each other all night, Covey. I'll call you later after dinner, It's Hardin's birthday so we are out celebrating.**

I sent a quick reply saying that I'll be waiting, for his call with a kissy emoji.

I was patiently waiting for John when an idea comes to mind. I raised an arm to call on our server and she sees me almost immediately then walks over with a smile, "Did you find everything great?" Holly asks about the food I ordered since she basically chose what I'm eating for tonight.

I smile at her and nod, because I did actually enjoy the meal I just had. "Yes, it was delicious." Then I continue, "Actually, if I could go ahead take the tab." Thinking that this is genius that I would pay for our dinner to make it even, and so that I wouldn't feel so guilty for not paying.

Holly pursed her lips together and glanced over her shoulder. "Your boyfriend already paid for the bill."

I blinked, confused.  _Boyfriend?_   _How on earth did Peter pay for the—_ then it hit me. John paid for dinner  _again_. "He  _isn't_  my boyfriend." I said defensively as if I was trying to deny something when I'm clearly just flustered that John did this.

"Oh," Holly cleared her throat, "Well, he already paid for it, on his way to the bathroom."

 _Oh John, why do you have to be so stubborn?_ "Thank you anyway, if I can have some more water?"

Holly nods and smiles, "Sure, I'll be right back."

I really don't know what I'm thinking about the moment though, am I upset or just guilty? I mean there isn't any reason for me to be upset but that doesn't mean that I can just easily take advantage of a friend. When Peter finds out that the past few times I've hung out with John, I haven't spent a dime, he is going to have a lot of things to say about it.

There is a gnawing feeling in the back of my mind that tells me there is a reason why John is acting like this but I bury that thought immediately because it sounds ridiculous.

He gets back not a few minutes later after I had asked for my water. I just stare at him as he sits across me.

He stares back and after a few seconds he grins, "Do I have anything on my face or something?" he's conscious now since I haven't looked away yet.

I had this speech ready, but I am not really sure how to start it without sounding mean. "John, you  _paid_  for me again."

He still had that grin on his face but his eyebrows met and he puts hand at the back of his neck, "Wasn't I supposed to?" he tries to sound cool but he knows better that to act confident since I am slightly upset.

I shake my head, "No, what part of I don't feel comfortable with you paying for everything do you not get?" I pout.

"Sorry, I was on the way to the bathroom and I saw that there was a lot of people in the main dining room. I figured I should just go ahead and pay for it there than wait forever for her to set the bill since she's busy." He simply shrugs and stands up, "Ready to go?"

Why does it seem like what he is saying makes sense? We came to this restaurant before dinner rush has just started and now, I can barely even hear John by how loud it is now compared to five minutes ago. The restaurant is packed, Holly hasn't even comeback with my water yet, so he is right there  _again_. Then I mentally shake my head, I can't let him get away that easily. "But still, I don't mind waiting or something. I feel like I owe you yet again. I mean, I don't even—" then I stopped talking. I am about to mention Peter again and I don't want to throw that in his face.

The,  _my boyfriend_  this, and that, when he has just been broken up with not a couple months ago. When Peter and I broke up on my freshman year, every time someone accidentally mentions that they are a couple I get annoyed, jealous and lonely, which is the worse feeling for them all. I don't want John to feel that way too since it hurts. "I already feel bad about you paying for the movie," I said instead. "We are both students who are only going by how much our parents give us as an allowance," though I shouldn't say it's just for that since I have been doing summer jobs as a private chemistry tutor at my high school while I know John has been doing temp job for the summer at his uncle's firm. But still, doesn't give any of us an excuse to not save up and spend random crap.

He was still smiling though, unphased by my lack of consideration. He shrugged, "Seriously, it's no problem at all. You're making it sound like I'm  _broke_  or something."

I roll my eyes, "John…"

Holly comes back to our table with the glass of water I asked for five minutes ago, "I am so sorry about the wait." She says but then she glanced at John and smiles at him instead, she's excited to find out that John is a free agent. Well, go for it girl. He is definitely single and ready to mingle.

John smiles back but he didn't really make any effort to acknowledge that he is interested. "Thank you," he says as he pushes the glass of water towards me. Holly leaves when the table behind us was calling for her.

But I didn't drink my water, I just stared at John. I didn't even say anything. I want to make him as uncomfortable as I feel now. Yet it's annoying because he is just staring back and I think I am losing. I am slowly melting under his stare forgetting that I am upset at him. How does he do this?

Then he blinks and laughs, "Fine," he groans giving up. He rubs at his eye trying to wipe the tear that was building in his eyes. "How about this, let's go to that ice cream place you want me to try sometime this week and I'll let you treat me."

I smile excitedly and clap my hands. " _Great_!" I stood up, then added, " _Now_!"

" _What_?"

"Let's go now, I want to have some ice cream anyway," I am far too excited to be able to pay him back. I don't want to have this burden that I owe him or something. I grab his wrist to tug at him so we can leave.

He just shakes his head and lets me drag him without a word. "Just so you know, I'm still pretty full."

"I don't care." Seriously, I don't. Sorry, John.

We get there not a few minutes later, there wasn't much of a line. It makes sense though since it's sort of cold out today, no one in their right mind would have ice cream tonight. Even John said that we don't have to eat it now but I insisted.

John was looking at the menu while shoving his hands down his jacket, "Seriously, Lara Jean. We can comeback when it's not  _freezing_  out."

I groan at him in frustration, " _Order now,_  John Ambrose McCleren," I narrow my eyes at him, threatening him.

He laughs at my reaction and raises his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. I know what I want." He steps forward to order. "I'd like to have the small sundae—"

" _Small?_  Nope, He'll have a  _large_." I say to the cashier while I push John out of the way.

"Lara Jean, I just a heavy meal for dinner. I can't  _possibly_  finish—"

I shush him and continue, "Yes, and make sure to  _add_  the extra toppings." I made sure to give him the most expensive ice cream there is on the menu. It may not be the same price as what I had for dinner but it's a start. When he protested again, I turned to him, "You either eat your ice cream or let it melt I don't care but I'm  _buying_  you the large sundae with the full toppings."

He breathes heavily, "I'll eat it."

"Cool," then I ordered mine, "I'll have the pistachio flavor just one scoop in a cup,"

"One scoop? You're not even going to eat much?"

I laugh sarcastically, "Are you kidding me?  _I just had a heavy dinner!_ "

He widens his eyes in disbelief. He opens his mouth to say something but then closes the same second not knowing what to say. He sighs again, totally realizing there is no way he can win this. "You are unbelievable you know that?" yet he is amused by this I can tell. We just laughed together.

But his laugh faded when he saw how huge the sundae was, there was no way I could even finish it even if I haven't eaten yet. "Enjoy," I winked at him.

He was staring at the thing like it was his Everest, he wasn't even looking at me. He didn't move for like five seconds then finally, said "Let's eat this in my car or I am going to have a cold before I even finish this."

I nod, trying to hide the fact that my teeth are chattering after my second bite. "Good idea."

I opened his car door and saw a light coming from my slightly open purse. Peter's calling me back! I hop in the car quickly and reached for my phone to answer but as soon as I did, it was already a miss call. I silently curse to myself, then I sat on the seat. I was trying to call Peter back but for some reason my phone won't have do what I want it to do. It was frozen to the home screen, then it for some reason turned off on it's own.

" _What the_ —"

"You probably need to update your phone, my phone does that sometimes." John said, he points his spoon to my phone.

I bite my lip and nod. " _Sure_ ," though I really know what this it is. This has happened to me and Peter more than once to know that I probably won't be able to talk to Peter tonight. It's just how fate plays with us sometimes, we've missed each other's calls more than five times in the past hour or so that we should just give up and say good night as to not disappoint each other.

"Hey, what's the matter?" John asks, probably feeling my distress.

I shake my head, "Nothing,"

He reaches over and lightly squeezes my shoulder, "Lara Jean,  _talk to me._ "

"No really, it's okay." I turn to face him and smile to reassure him.

But he shakes his head, "Lara Jean,"

I sigh. "I don't want to burden you with talking about Peter when I'm  _supposed_  to be comforting you."

His eyebrows met in confusion, " _Comforting me?_ "

" _You know,_ distract you from your current break up."

He blinks once, twice and then another time before a smile broke on his face. He was trying to process what I said before he finally understood, "You don't need to  _worry_  about me, Lara Jean. It's been a  _couple months_ since we broke up." He says simply as if stating a fact, like I shouldn't worry about it because he's fine.

I salute him if he truly is, because it wasn't until a week before Christmas break when I thought that I was over the pain and over Peter when we were broken up. When I saw Peter again, it was like a slap on the face realizing how I was living a lie trying to be okay. It was a good thing Peter felt the same way, I wouldn't have known what I would have done if he did  _only_  did think of as his friend.

"So, you can talk to me." He said sincerely, his expression soft and waiting. When I just pursed my lips in response he added, " _Please?_ "

I grinned, I don't know why he seems so adorable trying to ask me what is in my mind when it's really nothing. "It just sucks that I have been missing Peter's calls or the same with when I call him back."

"Well call him back," He makes it sounds so easy when I know it isn't.

I already know how this ends anyway, so there isn't a reason for me to even try. "He  _won't answer_."

He frowns and takes my phone from my lap, "Try and call him again, Lara Jean."

Just to humor John I called Peter back, and after a few rings it went to voice mail. " _See_ ," I gave him a small smile. I'm not really upset or anything it's just I'm used to this already to be affected. Peter and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years now. Phone calls, video calls and skype calls are what makes this relationship work and there are times that we can't reach one another no matter how we try. We did have a fight about it once during sophomore year that's when we established the rule that if the third try and we till can't reach each other, we should just wait till one is ready to get to bed to try again next time. So far it has worked for both of us, but it doesn't make it easy though.

Which why it doesn't make sense as to  _why_  Peter has been calling me back even after the fifth try. Of course I'd call him back or else he'd think I am not getting his calls.

"It's okay though, I'm used to it." I shrug as I placed my phone back in my purse.

I can see John gripping at the wheel and shakes his head mumbling something which I swear goes like, " _If you were my girlfriend_ , I will always make sure to answer."

I chew on my bottom lip trying not to grin at his action. I found it sweet that he's this affected,  _he doesn't need to be._  "It's just how it is. If I get upset at little things like this then we'd just end up fighting all the time."

"Doesn't it get hard though?" he turns his head towards me and his eyes met mine.

"I'd be lying if I say it isn't." I've had these conversations with people before, and it's different for everyone for how they handle it. I think it's because Peter and I experienced the worse during our first year that's why we already know what to avoid. Besides, this senior year is not only a countdown till school is over but the distance for us too. We've already talked about applying to either UVA for me or UNC for him for our Graduate school.

"And honestly, which I haven't really told Peter I think this is so much easier." I share to him something that I never really say out loud because it just makes me sad at times.

He was caught off guard by this, "What is?"

" _This,_ " My hand moved to gesture between me and him. When I miss Peter it makes me think about what would it be like if me and him were in the same school together. If I pushed to transfer to UVA like I planned to for sophomore year then maybe Peter and I wouldn't need to be calling each other so much tonight because I'd actually be with him at that Party he is at.  _Or_  maybe ask him to eat ice cream with him even if it's freezing outside  _or_  watch that movie where I'd probably hear him talking about how bad the film would be but he'd just pretend to like it and let me listen to the soundtrack in his car until I get sick of listening to it.

"Oh yeah?" He has this smile on his face that I don't understand or maybe because he knows how it feels. He was in a long distance before then he followed Dianne to UNC because he didn't want to be away from her.

I nod, "Oh yes definitely. Like being able to have you close by just to talk to you, or that it's easy to just spend time with you because you are there. Yeah, just that." I smile to myself imagining what it would be like if we did go to the same school together, I probably would be at their apartment a lot and bake for him and Mark. Then we'd study together like we did when we were in high school. Yes, like those times not just seeing Peter though a video call every day.

"I'm so happy you said that because, honestly I feel the same way too." He said.

_Feels the same way? Like he understands what I feel about not wanting it to be a long distance relationsip? I mean sure, that's what he said but why is he happy?_

"It never really crossed my mind about how easy it is, I figured since it has been years I thought it wouldn't be there anymore but after all this time… I've always been comfortable being with you, it's like nothing has changed."

I could feel my forehead wrinkle, I'm trying to understand what John is talking about. Is he referring to the fact that we are still close even after all these years? What a silly notion, of course we are still friends. Like is he worried that since we are graduating that we'd we'd only be college friends? "Well, I'm also glad that it's really cool hanging out with you."

Then I met his gaze and I swear my heart stopped. And I could feel my palm sweating, why do I feel nervous all of a sudden. His lips formed a tiny grin, a little wrinkle on the side of his mouth was there, though that's not the reason why I'm staring. On the corner of his mouth is a piece of sprinkle, a huge one I might add.

"John— _oh my god,_ " I panicked because the next thing I knew John leaned towards me. It was a good thing I was able to move away quickly before his lips touched mine. He was an inch away from me, and my hand flew to his chest to keep him at that distance. I was seeing two because my eyes were wide open, his were closed. The back of my head was on the glass window, " _What are you doing?_ " I sputtered quickly, my voice was an octave higher than normal.

His eyes opened, then he shut them tightly and pulled back almost as quickly, " _Damn_   _it_ ," he cursed.

I was frozen to my spot. My back on the door, my head leaned on the window and my hand still raised from when I pushed John back. I had no words as to what just happened,  _did I just imagine it? Did he just try to kiss me?_  If he wasn't leaning his head in the steering wheel, I would have thought it was just my very wrong imagination.

I finally let out the breath I was holding, someone has to say something. I obviously can't because I'm still trying to figure out why he just leaned to kiss me.

_Did i say something to make him think that It's okay?_

_Or did he say something and i just totally_   _missed it._

My heart is beating wildly across my chest that my throat was dry, I wanted to say something but no words would leave my lips.

"I think I  _misunderstood_  something, when you said this was easy, what did you  _mean by that?"_

I lowered my hand and wrapped my arms around me, even with the heat on his car I'm breaking into cold sweats. "I meant that if only Peter and I went to the same school, that I should have transferred to UVA." My voice was so low that I could barely hear myself. I'm ashamed of myself, because now recalling what I said it did sound like I chose him over Peter.

He clenched his teeth angrily. He didn't say anything after that but he was just staring at the melting sundae on his dashboard.

I chew on my inner cheeks, waiting for him to say something. But this is my fault, I should have been more careful about my words. Brandy's said to me that with John and I's situation there wasn't much of a closure.

Though, wouldn't the fact that Peter and I still dating while he has had two girlfriends since highschool, both long term at that. Be closure enough that we are never going to happen, that the only thing I can offer him is friendship?

"I'm sorry, I  _didn't mean_  to confuse you—"

He shakes his head and raises a hand to stop me. "I should be sorry... I knew you meant Peter but for some reason I can't comprehend..." then he groans in frustration and grabs the back of his neck. " _Actually that's a lie_. I'm  _not_  sorry."

" _What_?" I was flustered by the look on his face when he turned to me. His eyes, dark, determined as if he already made a choice.

"I'm  _not sorry_  for trying to kiss you."

"John—"

"No, Lara Jean. I  _can't keep lying to myself_ when I know that what I feel for you is real." His gaze was boring into mine that I couldn't turn away.

My heart is beating across my chest loudly and I feel light headed. This isn't real. He isn't talking this way. He doesn't understand what he is talking about, "You are just thinking this because you are hurt from your break up, that you confuse my friendship for you as something else."

"Is it really just that Lara Jean?  _Just friendship?_ " He is challenging me to really look into my heart. He is hoping it would reflect the same as his.

" _Yes!_ " I defended myself. He can't question me this way because I know my heart better than he does. He has no right to even give me the slightest doubt of what I truly feel for Peter.

"These past few times that we've spent together, you can't honestly tell me you don't feel anything? We've talked more than we did during highschool. That's not just your way to help me feel better through this break up. "

My mind is swirling and his words are making me nauseous. Sure, we've talked more than we did lately but thats because him and I got closer through the past two years. I can also assume Dianne was my friend too if she bothered to stop avoiding me since their break up.

He took my silence as a sign to continue, like I was contemplating about what he is saying and not fighting against it. "Lara Jean, I really did think that I was over you. I guess I did a good job that I was even lying to myself the whole time but every time we see each other, with Dianne or Peter. It just made me realize that I never did. It wasn't fair to Dianne as my feelings for you resurfaced."

I bit my lip as I fight the urge to cry. I feel sick to my stomach. Now I finally understand why Dianne is avoiding me or why her friends are giving me the stink eye at times. I wasn't imagining it at all.

They broke up because of me. Well not  _really me_  but for what John feels about me. And me hanging out with him alone, texting and chatting him, even the playful banters that we have now seems to be all a misunderstanding of how he interpreted them.

"John I—"

"I'm not saying this to confuse you Lara Jean, I just need to let this out there." He sounds so defeated but at the same I can hear a small hope that maybe, just maybe I have the same feelings too.

But the thing is, _I don't_. Not even a little. I can't believe I'm going to break his heart again when I didn't even mean to make him feel this way.

I can hear Brandy's voice in my head, the what ifs are the most dangerous ones. You don't know they are holding to that sliver of hope, they can misinterpret the littlest thing into something that's really nothing.

That glimmer of hope was that conversation we had when I chose Peter over him during junior year in high school. I never really told him to let me go, i even told him that he was easy to love.

His hope were from the words he said,  _"I don't think it was our time then, I guess it isn't now either. But maybe one day it will be."_

Maybe i should have told him them that he shouldn't wait, but it never really crossed my mind it would come to this. That these lingering feelings he has for me could hurt someone as amazing as Dianne.

John deserves to be happy, as happy as I am with Peter. He needs to let me go.

I turn to face him and I saw his smile falter when he saw my expression, i think it's clear that the answer is there. "That's the thing John, I am  _not_  confused. There isn't a reason for me to because I love  _Peter with all my heart_." I know saying all this bluntly is going to hurt John but I believe he needs to hear this, only then can he truly be free of me. "Peter and I don't have it easy relationship because he is four hours away but we make it work. It may be difficult but it's the reason why we don't neglect our love for each other."

He clenched his jaw and doesn't say anything. He nodded to gesture for me to continue.

"You deserve to be happy, and I know it's not with me. It can't be." I offer him a sad smile, "I am truly sorry that you misunderstood my friendship into something else."

He shook his head, "It's on me. I did that." His voice was low.

I inhaled deeply, "I know eventually, you'll find that someone who you can truly love and will love you back. You're a good person, John Ambrose McCleren." I took a risk and reached to lightly touch his arm for a second, "And she'll be the luckiest girl alive,"

He was about to say something until my phone vibrated loudly in my bag. He stared at it for a beat then he sighed, "He's the lucky one."

I didn't want to smile to that statement. I think I've hurt John enough tonight already. "For me," and I mean Peter is lucky to have me and I am too. But its just me and him. "You will find her, just you wait." I hold on my purse tighter hopefully to silence the loud phone.

"If you want to answer that you can," He gives me a defeated smile. He is trying his best to keep it together.

"I will in a minute," the phone stops ringing. Then I saw a familiar car drive by and then park at the coffee place a couple stores away. "Listen, I probably should go."

He was taken a back by this, " _What_? no, Lara Jean, I can  _take_  you home."

I shake my head. I'm already taking advantage of John if I ride with him after this. Besides, I need some air too. "It's all right John. Leah just drove by, and is at that coffee place." I point at the figure getting out with three other people. I'm guessing its her classmates, she said they are going to have a meeting then head home.

He sighs, I think secretly he just wants to go home too. Get this night over with. "Are you sure?"

And I'm thankful. "Yes. I am positve."

His lip turned a bit, a grin. It's his signature smile. And I'm happy to see it. " _You take care, Lara Jean._ "

And for some reason my heart clenched at that. I knew the real meaning behind those words. He's saying goodbye, and I don't blame him. "You too, John."

We look at each other for a few seconds and then I nod. Then I open the door of the car, to leave. I didn't even look back anymore. I just keep walking towards the coffee shop. Leah will find me later and I can ask for a ride.

The first thing I do was grab my phone from my purse and call the first person I want to hear. I know he probably wouldn't answer because it's just how fate plays with us but I'm hoping he will.

After a couple rings, I heard a loud background noise followed by a loud slam of a door.

Peter finally answered and is looking for a more quiet area. " _I love you_ ," I said to the phone when I heard him breathe loudly.

Then he chuckles, "No  _hello_? I love you, right away? I think i like this phone call."

The heaviness in my heart that I felt when I talked to John had finally lightened. "But you know I love you right?" I don't know what has gotten into me. Maybe I feel guilty about that almost kiss.

He was quiet at first , " _Is everything okay?_ " He asked warily.

"Yeah it is," other than having someone confess their feelings for me that I obviously do not return and losing a good friend in the end. Yeah, i think so.

He doesn't believe me, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Peter. I just miss you that's all." And that's true. I have told him a few times that every time I hang out with John it makes me miss Peter a lot more than usual.

He sighs in relief, "I miss you too, Covey. This phone tag is making me go insane. If I didn't have class tomorrow,  _I'd drive there tonight_."

I giggled. "Peter—"

"It's true. Sundance Kid got to hang out with you today, and I'm here at some lame party." He complained.

I just hummed, not wanting to say anything. I want to forget tonight ever happened. It's too awkward to talk about and I'm sure Peter would drive down here and kick John's butt if he finds out. I shiver at the thought. "Well, I'm sure it's not all bad." I change the subject.

"Well..." he's not agreeing or denying it either. "How was your movie?"

I chew on my lip, "It was terrible." I lied. I loved the movie but after tonight that movie will only remind me of tonight and I don't want that.

That night was actually the last time I would talk to John, I've seen him around campus but we never stopped to speak to each other. We'd give out awkward waves at each other, a slight nod and even most of the time John would blatantly turn around as if he wouldn't see me.

So standing here right now, in front of him with the most words we've said to each other for about a year is definitely awkward.

"So what are your plans now?" I break our silence. Id rather have words shared between us than just standing there wondering what the heck we are supposed to do next.

"I got accepted to University Of California in Berkeley, I'm moving there in two weeks." He said shyly.

"Oh wow congratulations! That's incredible,"

He touches the back of his neck and shakes his head. "It's yeah. It's is." Then he gestures to me, "What about you?"

"Taking my Graduates in NYU, My professor got tenure there and asked me to be her TA. So yeah, we're moving to New York in like three weeks."

"You  _and_  Peter?" He asks but it sounds more like a rhetorical question.

I nod, "Yeah, he's going to Long Island University."

"That's great,"

And there silence again. But this time it's a more comfortable one, the talking has actually broke that awkwardness between us. Or I'd like to believe that.

"Listen, Lara Jean. I'm sorry about what happened  _that_  night." He started

I was caught off guard by this, I was hoping he wouldn't bring it up but he did. And now, the next thing I said I regretted, "I thought you said you weren't sorry."

He chuckles, "Well I  _should_  have been. Well, I'm sorry that I  _tried to kiss you_  but I'm not sorry for telling you how I felt." Then he continues without waiting for me to react, "I'm actually thankful about what you said to me though. It wasn't after you got out of the car and I saw you talking on the phone when I realized that I just made a move on  _someone else's girlfriend_. That's why I keep avoiding you the past year because it made me remember about how I made a  _complete ass_ of myself."

I chewed my the bottom of my lip to not say anything. I wasn't sure what to say either. Do I admit that he did or deny that he wasn't when clearly he did cross a line. A line which I still haven't told Peter.

"I was a coward and I should have apologized properly. Guess, I still need a bit of growing up huh?"

"I plead the fifth?" I teased him.

We both laugh at this though. It's nice to be able to put everything behind us.

I see his eyes shift a bit though, and he glanced over my shoulder, "Well, at least I  _realized_  one thing after  _that_ ,"

I blinked, "What's  _that_?"

"I needed to let go of the hope that maybe one day it would be our time," He had a sincere smile on his face when he faced me again. " _I had to let you go,_ "

I was about to say something when I felt and arm around my waist. I didn't need turn to see who it was.

"Lara Jean," Peter smiles at me and points at the mock diploma I am holding. "You did it,"

I chuckled, remembering the conversation we had a month ago where I cried saying that I wouldn't be able to walk and take my diploma because I was still behind on my graduation requirements, and he just told me I will be able to walk and claim that diploma, he won't even congratulate me because it's obvious. Oh those times were so stressful, that despite this being just a fake one makes it seem worth it.

Then it takes him a few seconds to finally acknowledge that John was standing there watching us with a smile on his face. "Hey  _McCleren_ , Congratulations." Peter says to John and he extends a hand to shake. He didn't even step close to John.

John lowered his head slightly to look at his and then shook it a second later. "Thanks Kavinsky," then he chuckles, "No Sundance Kid?" He asked since Peter always calls him that that even Dianne said it one time when we hung out.

"Well, we are all  _adults_  now right, nicknames like that seem childish." Peter's shoulder straighten as he said adult as if he was trying to prove something.

It made me lift my head to him, I was trying to read into his expression.

"Ah, that's true." John nods. He isn't so sure that he seems relieved that Peter isn't calling him that anymore. "Congratulations to you graduating too, I was in UVA last week. My sister graduated for her PhD."

"Thanks," Peter said with a smile.

I slightly pouted, "Aww, why didn't you say hi." And as soon as I said those words I regretted them immediately. Of course there was a reason.

John pursed his lips together, there was amusement in his eyes when he meets my gaze. Then he smiles when he looks at Peter's hand on waist. "Well, there were a lot of people there and I was apparently my sister's official photographer." He touched the back of his neck finally looking away. He faces Peter, "But I sent Peter a  _message_. I'm guessing it was well received?"

 _What?_ John  _sent_  Peter a message? How come Peter never told me about this.

" _Yes it was._ " Peter said in a short response a smile still plastered on his beautiful face. If I didn't know Peter better, I wouldn't have noticed how his lips twitched a bit to make sure to keep that smile. His hand on my waist tightened, and his other hand was tucked in his pocket.

And my heart stopped.  _Oh my god, he knows._

_What was in that message that was well implied?_

_Did John tell Peter what happened months ago?_

In a verge of panic, I wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him stiffen, surprised by my action. He looked down at me, and he smiled, sincerely. Well at least I calmed him down a bit.

On the corner of my eye, I noticed John turn away slightly not wanting to see the small PDA between me and Peter.

There was a twinkle in Peter's eye that made him feel victorious. He was less tense now, "John, you dating anyone now?"

I held my breath.  _Seriously what is this guy trying to do?_

Then John shakes his head, "Nah, theres still a few things I need to  _take care of_ before I start." His eyes slightly meets mine then he smiles at Peter.

Peter nods, " _Sure_ ,"

And there was no doubt on my mind. Peter Kavinsky knows about that night. And if John isn't going to leave soon, it's only going to cause trouble for all of us. I just leaned my head on his side to hold him down just incase.

"McCleren!" There was a yell from the crowd behind John. There were three guys and a girl calling for him. I recognize them as John friends and classmates.

"Yeah! One sec!" John calls back for them and then the they disappeared in the crowd again. Then he faces us, "Well that's my cue to leave. Congratulations to both of you, and your move to New York."

"And to you as well.  _Wherever that might be_ —California." Peter said when I mumbled California to him.

"Yeah," I just smiled at John with a short wave. There was no way I can give John a proper goodbye. Not when Peter is only calming down.

John nodded, "Thanks. Well bye." Then without another word he walks away. And that I believe will be the last time I would see John Ambrose McCleren. I wish him the best in life from this day on.

I could feel Peter relax in my arms, and finally let out a long breath that he held the whole entire time during that interaction. He shakes his head then turns to face me. My breath stopped when I saw his beautiful smile just for me. Sometimes I forgot how handsome Peter is, more handsome now that he has more of the manly features he had gotten these past couple years.

He isn't the same Peter that I fell in love with in high school, this is the grown up version. Full of promise that he can truly keep because now we are facing our adult life. My Peter K.

"Congratulations, Covey." He brushes my hair off my face, with how much he can with this cap on the top of my head.

My heels at least gives me a bit height that I only need to slightly go on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck. "I thought you said you weren't going to congratulate me." I teased when I lifted my head up to him. That same second the cap on my head had fallen, he catches it quickly from behind me, then wraps his arms around my waist holding me so I don't need to put weight on my feet. "Nice catch." I whisper against his lips and twirled the hair at the back of his neck with my fingers.

He rolls his eyes, as if judging that I doubted his skills. Then his expression darkened as he said, "Not congratulate you and be the only  _jackass_  who hasn't?"

I bite my bottom lip, I am 100% percent positive that this is in referring to John. And I sigh in defeat, "I am so sorry I didn't tell you about John."

His eyebrows softened and he tries to fix my hair that was a mess under the cap. "Covey, I don't understand why you didn't."

And i try to think about it, I really don't know why. Maybe I couldn't tell Peter that I said goodbye to John because in a way John is my past and it's just one of those things I didn't need to dwell on. I wanted to focus on my present and reality which is Peter. "I don't know. I was afraid you were going to come down here and  _beat the crap_ out of John." And I know he will, and John would either let him or fight back. I just don't want that complication in my life.

He scoffed, "Of course I would have, do you realize how hard it was to not knock his teeth out from where he was standing.  _I could have easily done it._ " He didn't sound angry at all, it was just a statement saying that he could.

I pull him down to meet my lips lightly, "I'm glad you didn't."

"Well, I'm grown up now. Only kids fight over that...  _at least he apologized._  If he didn't, I would have found him as soon as i read that stupid note."

I pursed my lips together wanting to ask when he had gotten the note from John but I have a feeling it was around after Peter's graduation. He was being weird the past few days after as if he was sort of hinting out something I don't understand. "I really am sorry though,"

He just nods and kisses the top of my head. "It's okay, Covey. i sort of get why you didn't." Then he gazes into my eyes, "But  _next time_ , no more secrets okay?"

And I smile at him and nods eagerly, "Of course, it'll be just  _you and me_  in New York." But the look in his face tells me it's not what he wants to hear. I giggle and plant a kiss on his cheek, "I promise, no more secrets."

"Good," then he was about to lean to kiss me but then I put a fingers on his lips. He gave me a questioning look.

"Just so you know Peter, I didn't tell you because  _I didn't feel the need to._ " He was about to argue but I pushed my fingers on his lips to stop him, "Because,  _I chose you_  a long time ago. On my birthday when you said you were going to pin me."

A conversation that Peter and I had came across my mind just now. It was during two years ago when Peter had an injury at one of the games. He was sent to the hospital and I stayed the night with him. He was so high on pain medication it was hilarious but at the same time heart breaking because he said something about this pain is nothing.

He said that there were three moments in his life that he knew what pain truly was. The first was when his Dad left his family and made it seem like he had forgotten them, second was when I broke up with him on the phone during our freshman year, and the last one was when I left him standing there at the school as I walked away with John. Seeing me drive away shattered his heart that he had thought he had lost me forever.

I move his hair away from his forehead, and smile shyly. "I was in John's car and I realized that it's you who I want to be with.  _It's you,_  Peter Grant Kavinsky, that's in my heart. The one who I want to keep there. I was eighteen then, and I'm twenty two now and that still hasn't changed. I don't think it ever will." Maybe with these words, that Image of me driving away will turn into something else other than breaking his heart because it's the moment that I chose him.

He smiles back, and he sighs in frustration. "If you say  _all this_  with these people here, what do you think  _I can do?_ " He had already pulled me closer that I was talking. Since we were standing here like weirdos unminding the people trying to bump into us taking photos and congratulating people.

"You can  _kiss me_ , and  _tell me_  you love me." I suggested when clearly these words aren't enough. There is something in my chest that makes me want to run away from everyone and just keep Peter to myself for the next hour or two. But I'm sure my roommates will come soon, while Daddy and them are waiting patiently for me to say my goodbyes.

He leans his forehead on mine "I love you, Lara Jean Song Covey."

* * *

 

_A/N: OMMMMMMMMMMMG THIS HAD GOTTEN SO LONG I DIDN'T EVEN EXPECT IT TO (hahahah like that never happens! Lol every chapter i write too much!) maybe its a way for me to be in denial that i want to end this hahaha. This is part one of graduation, theres still another one (and im sorry but spoiler alert... its not proposal. Coz people keep asking. Be patient guys ill get to the things you asked. I already have the plot of how and what) New York chapter too! Yeaaah!_

_So guys, i know no one really wanted john but i feel bad for the guy. He's holding on to something he has no chance to. And he needs to let go. And be happy somewhere... he has been inlove with LJ for 4 years and even then he was dating someone its still LJ in his heart so im sorry if he did that._

_GUYYYS! I passed my Nursing Boards on my Country! Hehehe!_

_And do you guys mind if I get comments and kudos? PRETTYYYY PLEASE!!!! Thank u!_

 


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: DISCLAIMERR! enjoooyyy and dont forget folle favorite and review!_

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

" _I love you, Lara Jean Song Covey."_  Peter was about to lean to kiss me but before I close my eyes I saw a flash.

"Another candid shot!" Leah says excitedly since she has been loving any candid shots for our group lately.

" _Seriously you two_ , can the PDAs stop? Even Leah and Gavin are  _holding_  themselves together from jumping each other." Brandy complains as she grabs my arm away from Peter. He looked like a lost puppy but he frees me without a fight. No one tries to argue with Brandy not when she has a purpose.

"And it's  _really_  hard to," Gavin said as he turned toward his girlfriend that Charlie was holding on to, to keep then separated.

"Yet you  _can't_  even keep it in  _your_  pants!" Brandy gave Peter a judging look.

Peter just gives her a wicked smile and raised an eyebrow, "Where's  _your_  boyfriend Brandy." He teased. She's also bad at PDAs and much,  _much_  worse than me and Leah combined. Though hers is more public  _something else..._

I'm sure she attacked him in one of the bathrooms here when he gave her the flowers.

Brandy's face turned as red as the roses she was holding which I'm sure she got from the infamous man who got this girl to finally stop running and actually commit. "Shut it Kavinksy,"

Peter just smiles and indeed looks around for said boyfriend in the crowd. If Brandy is here, lover boy won't be too far behind. " _An eye for an eye_ , Brandy."

Brandy rolls her eyes and said, "Lets just get this over with." Then puts out her diploma.

The four of us, Brandy, Leah, Charlie and I had this deal early our senior year, kinda like blood pact sisters of some kind, I think we were too drunk or something but it stuck anyway. We realized that around the time next year we wouldn't be in around each other anymore since we are bound to live our own lives after graduation. We promised something to keep as a sign of our true friendship.

That on our graduation day, we will gather our mock diplomas and from there one has to pick from the pile, that person will be one's maid of honor. Though, actually I had to say something since I have a sister and who ever picked my name will a co-maid of honor.

Charlie giggles and takes all our diplomas, shuffling it all around. "Alright? Ready?"

And I picked mine, after Brandy did then Leah and Charlie followed.

I didn't open mine yet but I saw Leah and Charlie jumping and down happily. Guess they got their names together, and like how it should be which mean I  _got_  Brandy, who looked like she was going to either want a redo or not.

"You don't like the result?" I teased her.

"I'm not sure if having you is much better than having Leah. I was hoping for Charlie because _I know_  she won't get married at least when she's done in med-school." Brandy said.

I gasped, "Hey! I still have my graduates too you know!" I have an idea of why she's like this. She really doesn't want to deal with this wedding thing yet because she's afraid that her boyfriend might assume its a sign for her to move forward, she's still taking this as slow as she can. But I understand, if she got Leah I'm sure the wedding bells would start as soon as Gavin graduates next year.

Peter and I still don't have any plans for that so Brandy's safe.

"That's a  _promise_?" Brandy snaps at me.

I roll my eyes, "Who knows, maybe  _you'll_  get married before me."

And her eyes widened in panic and she started fanning herself with the mock diploma, "Seriously woman, don't make jokes like that. I'm still trying to figure out this  _boyfriend girlfriend ordea_ l. it's already giving me a headache. don't put  _this_  in the mix..."

I laugh at Brandy. She's seriously so freaked out about this dating thing as if she hasn't been just with this guy for the past three months. Heck, having the same guy for two weeks is such an improvement for Brandy that three months is such a good progress for her.

I still remember when Peter and I walked in on Brandy and the then  _sort_  of boyfriend in our apartment less than three months ago, like it was yesterday.

"Are you  _sure_  no one's home?" Peter mumbles into my neck as soon as we ran to my apartment building. We were supposed to head back to Virginia now but we have been drinking with Peter's teammates after the victory game for UVA vs UNC. It was so weird to be cheering against my school but it was worth it since Virginia Cavalier's won by a thrilling point of three! And my boyfriend got the game winning shot! To that on to the semi finals!

I was having a hard time searching for my keys since he wouldn't stop kissing me. Alcohol, plus Peter being touchy means either I have to find my keys or he's taking off his clothes on the porch... and I'm sure the neighbors wouldn't enjoy that. " _I told you_ , Brandy is at some party. Charlie is I don't know but Leah is with Gavin. Those two are probably at it in their car! So stop kissing me so I can focus!"

He snickers but his cool hands are on my stomach slowly running through up to touch the front of my bra.

"Found the sucker!" I finally shouted in cheer when I had the keys into my hands. I quickly unlock the door and sloppily grabs Peter by the back of his neck to kiss him as I dragged us in through the front door. I can't wait any longer... like I could—

" _Lara Jean!_ "

Brandy's voice cut through my reverie like a bucket of ice water to numb down my dirty thoughts of my boyfriend, who I immediately pushed off of me and now was glaring at me from the door.

"Brandy! What are  _you_  doing here?" I panic. I expect that if she'd be home with a new guy it'll be a bit later and not this early like not even midnight. Though, I was hoping she'd stop that. Leah and I though she finally would have changed when we've seen Tristan here more than once about a month ago but then that had stopped too. "I thought you were at a party?"

" _Um_ — _shit_." Brandy was trying to figure out what to say. Funny thing is that Brandy never gets flustered like this... as if she's hiding something which is weird because she never usually cares about what we think.

"Well looks like the party is  _here_  too." Peter grumbles as he straighten his jacket. He points at our hallway since the bathroom light was on and a faucet was running.

Brandy stands up, "Listen,  _this is all new_  and I wasn't sure how—"

" _Wang?_ " Peter was now the one who was surprised when Brandy's mysterious guest finally left the bathroom, and shirtless I might add. "What the hell are you doing here—" then Peter's face showed comprehension as he finally understood what was happening.

"The girl you've been talking about, the girl from North Carolina...  _is Lara Jean's roommate?!_ " Peter's eyes almost bugged out of his eyes and his neck would probably snap as his head turned to either his teammate Jackson Wang or to Brandy.

Jackson had a goofy smile on his face, his usual one when he's being playful and touches the back of his neck. "Guess the cat's out of the bag,"

"Yeah no shit sherlock!" Peter cursed.

"Peter!" I smacked him lightly on the chest, he doesn't need to curse. Well, Peter has his levels of drunk, and he's on his cussing every sentence phase if I didn't get him to bed five minutes ago. Then I looked at Brandy looking for an explanation, I'm jealous that Jackson mentioned to Peter about the girl from North Carolina, while Brandy never even talked about a new guy or any guy at all.

"Lara Jean..." Brandy breathed trying to find the words to start her explanations but it doesn't come.

I just blinked, waiting for her patiently. "Is this why you've been going to Peter's games with me lately?" There was even a game in UVA against John Hopkins last week then another one two weeks before that. I've been trying as much as possible to religiously watch Peter's games since it's his last final games as a school athlete.

"Yes  _and_  No," She replied, No, probably because she is making a sports magazine for her graduation requirement and chose Lacrosse as the topic. And Yes because... well  _I don't know anymore!_  If this has been going on for about a month now, I thought Tristan was someone special but then now  _this_. I feel like I don't know my roommate who I've considered as one of my bestfriends anymore.

Peter finally caught around what is happening, meaning he is slowly sobering up, "So when you said you met a girl at a party a month ago here, you meant  _Brandy_?"

And when I looked at Brandy with my jaw wide open and her expression stating that she did mention this to me before. About a month ago she told me about the party she was in. She had gotten so drunk that she barely remembered what happened, but she spent the whole night sobering with a guy just talking to him about everything under the sun. It freaked her out because she's never felt a connection with someone then they ended their time together with the guy giving her a kiss on the top of her head..

Brandy is not really type to just talk to a guy all night without any hidden innuendos especially if she's that wasted. She said it was a one time thing and it wouldn't happen again.

"You didn't tell me it was  _Jackson_ ," I squinted at her accusingly.

Brandy pursed her lips together refusing to say anything but I knew better. She was scared for what she felt for the guy especially since it was just a one night thing. She doesn't believe in this sort of BS (as what she calls) yet she experienced something out of a fairytale.

Jackson just smiled, his eyes only for Brandy, but Brandy is also trying her best not to look his way but her cheeks are glowing, "Trust me, I didn't even know she was your roommate Lara Jean until the game in Maryland." It was the first game that Brandy sort of almost volunteered to take me. She made an excuse that she just wanted to try out her new car. If only I knew then, now I finally understood where she went afterwards. She didn't really comeback until we were about to head back to Virginia. I guess Jackson was missing too but we didn't really put two and two together. "I guess it's destiny that I meet my girlfriend that way." He said proudly,

I widen my eyes, " _Girlfriend_?" Peter and I said in unison, shock both plastered our face. "When did that happen?" I demanded this time, there is no where around it.

"Dude, chill out! I told you if you make a big deal out of this, I  _am_  breaking up with you!" Brandy hissed at him and tosses him the shirt that she was holding to. Then she sighs giving up, "As I said it's all new, so maybe an hour ago?"

Oh my god, the fact that Brandy just admitted to it is making all that doubt about our friendship gone out the window. The girl who is terrified of being in a relationship is in one! With one of Peter's good friends! Like who would have thought.

"Brandy— _hey_!" I protested since I was about to give Brandy a hug due to my excitement but Brandy hid behind Jackson while Peter grabbed a hold of my hood to stop me.

"How about  _we_  walk around and sober up for a  _few_ ," Peter suggested carefully hopefully I can read into the true meaning of his words, that the newly dubbed couple needs time alone. And me being drunken excited for my bestfriend isn't going to do well for Brandy's anxiety. He reaches for my hand, and wordlessly I take his offer to walk. I'll make Peter tell me everything since he knows Jackson's side. He better tell me or  _he's not getting any._

"Good night you two," I say to Brandy and winks at her. Then I let Peter drag me outside for this proposed walk on a cool night on the final days of winter.

"I'm  _still_  annoyed that I wasn't informed about the  _club_  you  _three are in_ ," Charlie grumbled still holding a grudge that for some reason the three of us are dating someone from UVA.

" _As if it would matte_ r, you've never been over Carlos anyway," Brandy commented since Carlos and Charlie officially got back together a few months ago despite being other end of the coast away.

" _Still_ , it be nice to get an invite," Charlie rolls her eyes. "Speaking of  _boyfriends_  where is  _yours_?" It is so much easier to get into Brandy's skin now that she's not single. We tend to tease her with that word because we know how cringeworthy it is for her. Start talking about love and she'll shut down completely saying that love is just a chemical imbalance bhalalala...

"Where is  _yours_?" Brandy spit out venomously.

"You've only met Carlos like once so he's not considered as part of this circle,  _he's still new_." Charlie said innocently. It's true though, even if Gavin and Peter are only part of the group because they are the boyfriends we never leave them out. They are a part of our circle. Peter and Gavin sometimes hangs out on their own during school week, and in sophomore year had an elective together.

"Jackson's new too!" Brandy protested trying to defend herself.

But Peter joined in on this, since he never misses out on teasing Brandy even if the she's his captain's girlfriend... it actually gives more Peter of an edge now. "But technically the fact that you're  _still_  together that makes it him a life long as member like me and Gavin being in this group!"

I choke on a laugh not sure who I defend on here but when Brandy gave me icy stares and threats of death through her piercing green eyes, I quickly ran up to Peter for his protection, and so that I could actually laugh for real this time.

"Don't think I won't kick Peter's ass to get through you Lara Jean Covey," Brandy said darkly.

I turn to her and pout, " _I love you,_ " I said adorably. Even if shes like this, I always have a way to prevent Brandy from sending her wrath towards me. It's good practice from when we were roommates for three semesters by ourselves.

"Lets take the photo, before Brandy runs way." Leah said as she tangled her arm on the moody Brandy. He calls for Gavin to take the photo.

I already take a few mental notes of what photos I'm planning to frame and put around my apartment with Peter. The candid shot that Leah just took of me and Peter.

Then this shot with me and the girls. Also, the hopefully good selfie Peter got of the six of us.

"So what's the plan now?" Gavin asks Peter just to check if the same plans from the last time they saw each other has changed.

Peter shakes his head, "New York in two weeks, and hopefully get some part time job somewhere since school won't start till three months from now. Yours?"

This time it's Leah who answered, "I already got a job lined up in the University hospital once I pass my NCLEX. So I'll be supporting Gavin here while he finishes his last year of architecture." Gavin changed majors on his sophomore year so he's a year behind us.

"Are you really flying for California in a couple days?" I ask Charlie with a pout. She got accepted to David Geffen, School of Medicine for UCLA. We had her Bon voyage party two days ago since there isn't much time to meet up before her official move.

Charlie nods, "Carlos said it's better to move sooner and get settled since medschool would be such a huge adjustment."

"Then it's New York for the three of us then," Brandy gestured to me and Peter as well. She got accepted for a small sports magazine in New York. She's not exactly in Brooklyn like me and Peter but at least it's the same city.

"We move in three weeks," I nod and look up at Peter who kisses the top of my head.

"Are you sure you  _want_  to live with Peter? I mean I'm willing to be roommates with you again," Brandy said and she actually seems serious.

"Jeez thanks," I roll my eyes, i don't like how she said it like she kind of doesnt have a choice to.

"You had her for four years Brandy. I'm keeping her this time." Peter said begrudgingly.

"I know, but honestly. She's such a good roommate though, that's why i want to keep her." Then I swore Brandy got teary eyed which is a rare moment for her. When she faces us, "I'm going to miss my  _loud_ ,  _obnoxious_ ,  _irritating_  roommates." Her affection usually comes with insults so we are used to it. That has more than 2 adjectives... which means its true.

"We will miss you too..." the three of us wrap our arms around her for so the four of us would be hugging. Even though Brandy isn't a hugger, she did her best to make sure the three of us can feel the tighten of her hugs.

It's really weird that once the school starts I won't have these girls with me anymore. No Leah talking about Gavin too much we find it too annoying, then her late night studying in the room because she hates studying out, that we actually learned to live and sleep at that blaring light she uses.

No more Charlie who is too busy studying that sometimes we have to remind her to eat or even breath that the four of us would end up hiding her books just so she can relax for even a couple hours.

No more Brandy complaining that college is all about living your final teen years and before adulthood, not about long distance stupid relationships or studying too much. It's the party... who always forces us to go out to breakfast on sunday mornings when she's hung over until it became a tradition to be once a month just so we can catch up with each other.

I'll always miss how Leah is like the mother of our group, she makes sure to remind us little things that we end up forgetting, even like the big things that slip our minds because we are too busy. How she always takes photos of us overdoing the candid shots so much. Lastly how she always laughs at all our jokes even though they are so terrible, and she complains about how we make fun of her horrible jokes when she always laughs at ours.

With Charlie, how admirable she is. She doesn't even really need to study that hard but she does because she knows how important it is. She always reminds me never to neglect one little thing and always do 100% or more of the work even if it kills because it will all be worth it in the end. How she's always the quiet one, where you usually don't notice she's around but she can tell if something is wrong and will be the first one there to ask you if you are alright. And the best listener, she doesn't need to tell you what to do because she lets you talk out your feelings and make you realize it yourself.

Then Brandy... oh i believe she is the most complicated girl you've ever met. She's hot then cold but when you get to know her she's actually the sweetest thing, even if she hides it under her rough exterior. She's afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve but when she gives it to you... you will experience the greatest love a friend can give you. She'll always be the one to never lie and sugar coat anything to your face because she believes true friends never lies to one another. Better hear it from your friend than some stranger. It hurts most of the time but you know she's right.

The thing is, I am ready to move forward with my life to experience new things with Peter but theres a tiny part kf me where I want to keep the four of us like this together forever but then, the saying goes if you truly love someone you got to let them go.

And I do. I love Brandy Jarvis, Leah Steele, Charlie Roberts... and for them to live their lives fully I need to let them go happily. Only wishing them luck and promising to keep the friendship despite the distance.

Distance, I'm good at preserving a relationship with that as an obstacle because Peter and I worked through.

 

* * *

 

 

"I think these are the last of the boxes," Peter says after he loads a box in the back of my the car. "Is  _this_  it?" He asks me, his hand in the ready to close the back door of the car.

"Did you get the box by the kitchen?" Dad asks me since I've almost forgotten to bring the baking supplied Kitty got me for graduation.

I nod. "It's in there," That was the final box. Peter and I are going to leave now to start our life together in New York. I have been excited about this day for a while but now that it's a reality I'm a scared. I want to run upstairs to hide under the sheets of my bed forever and not let time pass. When did I become a 22 year old making such huge decisions? Wasn't it only yesterday, the biggest decision I made in my life was to get purple or green covers for my bed?

"Well if that's the case," Dad wraps his arms around me, "You better head out before you hit traffic."

I nod into his chest. I couldn't speak, I was afraid that I'd start crying. I don't want to, this move was going to be hard for everyone because living six hours away is much more different than three hours away. This isn't just for college anymore, sure Peter and I are still for our Masters but really, I already have a job in line for New York afterwards and Peter would easily get one after he finishes too.

Dad just rubs at my back comfortingly, he kisses the side of my head and whispers. "And if you want to run home and not go through this. Our door is always open, your room will be waiting for you. I'll cook you Korean food  _everyday_."

I giggled. I know Daddy is just trying to make me feel better and it did. Now with him saying that, I know I can do this and fight the big bad world. I shouldn't be scared, Peter is by my side through all this. We are doing this together and I think that's what make all of this such an amazing adventure. "I'll keep that in mind, daddy."

Then Daddy lets me go and Trina already had her arms on me before I'd go to her. "I am so proud of you, we all are. This is such a big step and to adulthood. Don't let whatever your dad offer change that." She gave Dad a glance who just shrugged. "What did he offer?"

"Korean food everyday."

Trina and Margot looks at each other then in unison laughs out loud. Margot shakes her head, "I'm sure korean food in New York is  _much better_  than Daddy's cooking." She squeezes my arm, she's also saying her goodbye.

"Hey, I didn't say it was  _good_  Korean food. I just said it's a possibility." Daddy defended himself. Dad can cook basic Korean meals that are easy, like barbecue that's about it.

"Don't worry Dr. Covey, if that's the meal your offering.  _I'll_   _stay_  and leave Lara Jean to fend for herself." Peter says when he stands next to Dad. We were all surrounded by my family to say our goodbyes. We already bid goodbye to Peter's mom this morning when we picked up Owen to help move my things. We already moved Peter things from his dorm room a couple days after his graduation so this car is mostly my things.

I glared at Peter, and I believe him too. Ever since he completely cut off any contacts with his Dad, he has held on to my Dad as his only male role model. Ive seen him have serious talks with my Dad about things too if he needs an adult opinion other than his mother's. "Brown noser," I mouth to him to which he just shrugs innocently.

"Well I'd feel a lot better if you just stay with Lara Jean and watch her for me." Dad pats Peter's arm when Peter and him shook hands.

"That I can do Dr. Covey." He smiles happily, despite all that Peter still doesn't call Dad by his first name. Dad pulls him for a quick hug.

"Well Dad  _really likes_ Peter." Margot mumbles under her breath. She has made statements before that dad's standards has completely changed when it comes to the boyfriends because of Peter. Not that Margot dates lame guys but the last boyfriend Margot brought home didn't have anything in common with Dad at all. So far my favorite ex of Margot was Ravi, sad that they broke up before Margot moved back to the states a year ago, after she finished her Masters Program.

I just nod and smile. "Yeah he does," then I squeezed Margot's hand, when she turns to look at me. She hugs me too.

"Well, once school starts up for me in a month then, we'll only be an two hours away." Margot says. She got accepted for Drexel University in Philadelphia for her Doctorate in Anthropology. She took a year rest and decided to go back to school when I was accepted to New York University. It was her determining factor to what school to chose.

"Yeah I don't think Daddy likes that we're moving  _farther_  north." I say. I remembered Dad's expression when I told him I took the offer my Professor gave me. He was hoping I'd stay sort of close by not six hours away.

Margot snorted, "Much closer than  _when I went_ to school in Scotland." She puts her arms around me and for a hug.

"It's still a few states away," I mumble into our hug.

She just shrugs as we pull away. " _To me_  it's closer." She loved being in Scotland but she decided to move back. She has been away from home too long.

"I'll see you in a month." I squeeze her arm tightly.

Next on the line is Owen. He helped Peter transfer the boxes to my car today. he didn't really need to do the goodbye but he was standing there next to Kitty unsure of what is happening but he gave me a smile anyway. "Give Peter lots of trouble," Owen says.

I glance at Peter who was hugging Trina. Then I grin at Owen, "Oh I will. Only if you watch Kitty for me till you move to college," Owen is going to be a freshman in University of Maryland and he is also on a Basketball scholarship.

Kitty rolls her eyes, "I don't  _need_  watching, not when all of you are leaving me." She grumbles angrily. She wasn't really happy about the fact that Peter, Owen, Margot and I are moving away in the next month. She did mention that she's used to Margot and I being not home all the time but Peter and Owen are a totally different story. "It's like, I've already understood that my sisters have abandoned me for college, but seriously? the two guys who I've seen as my older brothers are leaving me too..."

" _Abandon_?" Margot turns towards me, in disbelief. Kitty is more dramatic than ever now that she's a teenager.

" _Whatever_  Covey, you're the reason why I'm attending University of Maryland  _alone_  because Noah Drake couldn't leave you behind." Owen narrows his eyes at Kitty.

Ever since Owen started dating his second girlfriend Claire, who is one of Kitty's bestfriend, about two years back, Owen and Kitty had been in the same circle of friends all through the rest of middle school and mostly of high school, even now. And the thing is Kitty is dating Owen's best friend, Noah for a year now so the four of them are inseparable. The two boys applied for UMD for the scholarship for Basketball but when the acceptance letters came Noah chose UVA instead. According to Owen, he didn't even had a clue Noah was applying for UVA.

"I  _didn't make_  him chose UVA. It wasn't even discussed. I was surprised  _as you were_ when he told me." Kitty defends herself. Before knowing where Noah was going to school, she had already been asking me for advice on how to survive through long distance relationships.

Now it's Owen's turn to roll his eyes. Refusing to believe this story.

"If given a choice, between you and Kitty. I'll chose Kitty  _ten times over._ " Peter joins in the conversation. He winks at Kitty who smiles at him beamingly.

Owen frowns and stares at me. He had the most adorable puppy eyes that I knew he got from Peter. The Kavinsky boys always gets to me. He didn't need to say anything, I knew what he's going to ask.

"Yes. I'll give Peter a hard time. You don't even need to look out for Kitty. She's big girl. She can handle herself."

"Hey!" Kitty protests.

Owen chuckles and grins darkly at Kitty while she stuck her tongue at him.

If Kitty and Owen would have a friendly argument, Peter sides Kitty while I side with Owen. I don't know how that started really, but in the past four years Owen has gotten closer to me. It's like having my own little brother.

"Don't assume  _I'd give you_  a hug now," Kitty squints at me and crosses her arms across her chest with a pout when I walked towards her.

"If it's going to be that way, then you can find a different place to stay in when you and your friends plan to visit us in NYC." I raise my eyebrow at her, to challenge her.

Her eyes grow wide and she hugs me immediately. I giggle and wrap my arms around her tightly. I know she was joking about the hugging thing.

" _Six hours_  is too far away," She grumbles into our hug. Honestly, when Kitty officially became a teenager, she and I had become a lot closer than we used to. She'd call me frequently for advice about anything or just basically for conversations.

"I know, but we're used to this. So just we'll just do what we're good at." I pat her back comfortingly. I had to be brave and not tear up. She's not as emotionless as she used to when she was a kid.

"You better answer when I call," She threatened me as we break away from our hug.

I laugh, "When have I ever not?" She's the only person I answer without a second thought even if I am studying.

She blinks and nods, "Okay, I may have over done the threat."

"What about me? Do I get a hug too?" Peter asks when he stands next to me now.

Kitty didn't even hesitate to hug Peter. "It'll be weird not having you around as much, and being so far away." Peter has been Kitty's fill if she misses me or Margot. There are times when Peter would send me pictures of him and Kitty hanging out. Though, that sort of slowed down when Kitty hit high school since she hangs out with Owen's crowd.

"I know, but you'll be fine. Besides, you'll be the first person I'd come see once Lara Jean and I come down to visit." Peter squeezed Kitty's cheek.

"Oh my god!" She cursed out and she slapped Peter's hand off her. She loves Peter but she hates the fact that he treats her like a kid. If Peter hadn't known Noah since the boy was little, I have a feeling he wouldn't take the fact that Kitty is already dating. "Can  _you please stop_  treating me like a kid?"

"With you acting like that, you are a kid." Owen said nonchalantly, like stating a fact.

Kitty turns and glares at Owen, who seemed phased by this. "One more word  _out of you Kavinsky and I'm ending you."_

"Sure but then I'm  _not taking_  you to Noah's later. So have fun  _walking_  there." Owen shrugged.

"I can drive! I don't  _need_  you..." then she walks over to dad, " _Right_  daddy?" She blinks at Dad adorably that she always uses when she wants something.

Dad was contemplating a few seconds until he finally got a hold of himself, "No Kitty, you can't use any of the cars  _remember_." He said. Kitty at the ripe age of 16 got a speeding ticket a week after she got her license and since then Daddy had banned her from driving until Dad's car insurance goes down. "So either be nice to Owen  _or_  stay home."

Now Peter has to frown when Owen was taunting Kitty with Peter's keys. He actually had to give up his beloved audi because it just doesn't make sense bringing it to New York. Luckily we have one parking spot at this apartment and it took like a huge argument for Peter to finally leave his baby in Virginia. "You better not hurt my baby, or I will come drive down here and strangle you." Peter threatened his little brother.

Owen scoffs, "Don't worry Bro, I'll take good care of it." Then he winks at Peter cockily, much like how Peter himself would be so full of himself. I hope Peter realizes that his brother is almost exactly like him.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Peter's defeat on his face was so adorable I had to reach over towards him and give him a quick kiss on his lips. He was taken aback at first but he raised an eyebrow at me and grinned. It was really weird for my to be all affectionate like that in front of everyone but from now on I'll only be Peter and I in New York so might as well have my family get used to that.

"So you two better leave before traffic hits, six hours is a long drive." Daddy cleared his throat. I am usually really prevent him from seeing that. He was really uncomfortable during graduation because I got slightly tipsy off some champagne during my party and was super clingy to Peter.

"Yeah, Covey lets go." He steps back a bit to give me a bit more privacy with my family. He grabs Owen on headlock at least his brother is still a couple inches shorter than him. "Come here you punk and I'll show you what I'd do to you if you hurt my car."

"Bye Lara Jean!" Kitty gives me a quick hug, then she hollers over to the Kavinsky boys. "Hey! You better not leave without me or you'll get it!"

"Well I think Peter might end up  _killing_  me first!"

"Let my driver go Peter!" Kitty was now pry free of Owen from Peter's hold.

I could feel an arm on my back. "You have a safe drive okay? And call us when you guys get to New York." Daddy said with a small smile. We both realize that this is it, I'm leaving now to start my life in New York. Summer term starts for chemistry students so I get to start working next week too... it's all going to fast but I welcome it all. I'm nervous but I'm ready.

"We will." I say we because from now on it's not just me but Peter and I.

Dad nods and hugs me. "I will miss you, kid. And I am so proud of you."

I hug him tightly as well. "Thanks daddy, I will miss you too." Then i sighed when I felt a kiss on top of my hair.

"Dan, they have to go." Trina lightly touches our shoulder after a few moments of us just holding each other.

Daddy cleared his throat while I wipe a tear that escaped my eye. "Alright."

Trina kisses my cheek lightly and smiles at me, "Go kick New York's butt."

I nod and smile, "I  _plan_  to."

Then Margot comes to me, to give me an encouraging push. "If I say goodbye again, it will never end. Besides, if you don't go soon. A  _Kavinsky_  is going to get seriously injured." She smiles.

Kitty is now on Peter's back with her arms around his neck, her leg straight on the ground sort of pulling Peter down but my sister is so skinny and small it's barely nothing to Peter. Peter still has Owen on headlock but is now messing his perfectly waxed hair.

"Damn it Peter! Claire and I are going on a date today!" Owen protested trying to pull himself off to no avail.

"Peter," I say trying to look stern but I'm laughing on the inside and my lips curled to show just that. I know this is Peter's way of being affectionate to his brother. It's too much rough housing since I've seen how these two can kick the crap out of each other saying its out of love but I can't have that when Peter still has to drive to New York. I'd like him in one piece still.

"Go before daddy holds you down and you can't leave." Margot was laughing at the Peter, Kitty and Owen.

"Ill see you in a month, GoGo." I hug her.

She nods and hugs me back, "Yep, sure thing." Then she breaks the hug and urges me to go.

At least Owen was finally free and the two brothers had a weird fist bump before finally heading to his car with Kitty.

"Bye Tree! Bye Daddy! I'll call later!" Kitty calls out before getting in Peter's audi.

It's definitely weird seeing that car drive away and not have Peter drive it. It's just shows how time changed quickly. The ones we saw as kids not to long ago are now Teens into their their adulthood while the Teenagers are now the actual adults.

Peter turns to me, waiting. He smiles at me, reassurance in his expression. And as usual, he always has that promise of the that everything will be fine despite of the unknown ahead of us.

This is one of the reasons why I love Peter more and more everyday. We may not know what our future holds but he is so sure of me and him that it doesn't matter what comes in during that but as long as we are together fighting along... then it's fine.

I felt Peter's arm on mine when we both buckled our seatbelts. He leans forward to kiss me lightly, "I love you, Lara Jean."

And I smile into his lips and reply, "I love you, Peter."

 

* * *

 

 

 _I_ _love Peter Kavinsk_ y, I know I do. Which is what I  _keep_  telling myself as I clean the mess on the kitchen that he left from this morning when I asked him to clean up before I left for class.

I came home from school late since I had to make check some test papers and double check for tomorrow's lab activity. Having 150 freshman students is exhausting in that alone, and coming home at 9pm with a messy kitchen even dirty dishes in the living room is not a good way to end a long frustrating day.

I love Peter Kavinsky but that doesn't mean I don't want to  _drown_  him with this dirty dish water just to make him know that I am so tried of cleaning up after him. I am not his mother for crying out loud!

And I blame Carina Kavinsky through all of this, she has spoiled her boys far too much. She follows after them hand and foot, not having the boys lift a finger. So now, when her precious boys are out in the real world on their own they are too clueless to do so.

I shuddered. I imagine what Peter's apartment would be if we didn't live together. He wasn't this bad at his dorms or at his apartment in UVA, but then again he goes back home almost every weekend to do his laundry...

No I take that back, for  _his mom_  to do laundry. And I forgot, it was Mark that was a clean freak while Peter was a total opposite.

I secretly hoped I brought Mark with us too... then maybe I wouldn't be scrubbing this sink from two day dirt.

Any minute now, Peter would comeback from his part time job. He had a 2pm-9pm shift at the resturant a couple blocks from the apartment. He could have time to wash the dishes when I left at 8am, yet all he did was leave more unwashed dishes infront of the tv.

It has only been three months since we've lived together in New York and I love being with him, I wouldn't trade it for the world. He makes me happy, he is very sweet, amazing, all great adjectives to describe my boyfriend and this couldn't compare to only seeing him once or twice a month to being in the same bed with him every night to waking up next to him every morning but at there are rare times when I want to smother him in his sleep, like  _now_.

They did say that when you live with someone that's when you see something you don't know about that person you love, it will either strengthen that bond and grow with each other or the total opposite.

And I obviously can't let  _dirty dishes_ , or the fact that Peter is a slob be a reason not to love him anymore. I just need to learn to talk to him and not bottle it all up enough to want to hurt him and poke him with this fork that I've scrubbed more than twice to remove the peanut butter stain.

I mean who uses a fork to dig in a peanut butter jar to spread on bread.

When Brandy asked me before we moved to New York if I'm sure to want to move in with Peter instead of her, I never really realized what she meant by that. I thought she was saying that I'm moving things too quickly with Peter.

Now I understand why... it's a simple question of if I  _really_  want to  _live with a boy._.. and these moments makes me miss my clean roommates.

Even Leah has the same problem with Gavin right now. She keeps saying that she loves Gavin and wouldn't know what to do without him but she wants to kill him too.

And as if on cue, I hear the door turned like someone was trying to unlock the door.

"Lara Jean? I'm home." Peter calls from the front door. He probably saw my shoes at the hallway so he knows I'm back.

I didn't say anything but I turned on the kitchen sink to full blast so I don't hear him. Though I feel him coming to me, which I still ignore. I plan to ignore him all night if I have to.

"Hey, did you  _hear_  me come in?" Peter asked as he steps close and places the dirty dishes he left in the living on the sink submerged on the same dirty dish water I wanted to drown him in.

I sighed, and nod in response.

He leans to kiss the top of my head and hesitates for a second when I didn't turn to face him. I always try to kiss him back when he does this. He clears his throat and awkwardly points at the sink, "I was going to do that when I came back." He sets his dirty apron on next to him.

"Well,  _obviously_  you  _didn't_." I hissed at him in annoyance.

He was taken aback and blinks, "Um, okay." And just shrugged off the attitude I just gave him. "I can finish that if you'd like,"

And I clench my teeth, I can feel the anger boiling inside of me. He knows that if I start cleaning I usually don't want to stop so what's the point of him asking to finish up when he's just probably going to get dressed to do whatever the hell he wants after. Probably watch a movie while I'm cleaning up. "Right, sure because I would end up following after you anyway."

Now he's confused and lightly touches my shoulder which I avoided immediately. "Did you have a bad day?" He asked me gently.

I wanted to yell at him saying that I didn't have that bad of a day, it wasn't only when I saw the mess he left that made my day worse but I bit my lip and shook my head. " _It's fine,_ " but the words that left my mouth sounded like poison.

" _Covey_ ," He insisted in best charming voice that would usually make me forgot about how terrible the world is. then was about to wrap his arms around my waist.

And I snapped, I jumped out of his reach and turned to him angrily, " _No Peter!_ You can't just  _Covey_  me in that way then make it all go away!"

He grins and steps closer to me, "In  _what_  way?" He raises an eyebrow teasing me.

I have to keep my ground, because I'm going to lose. If he smiles I'm going to forget I was supposed to be mad at him. "You  _know_  what! And no! No holding me and kissing me to make me feel better  _either_!" I slapped his hand as he was about to touch my hip.

He pursed his lips and puts his hands up to surrender. "Okay," he is clearly amused at this, when I'm obviously not.

" _Don't smile either!_ " I warned him as I pointed at him accusingly.

"Can I  _at least_ breath?" The corner of his lips curled as a threat when I glared at him he covered his lips with his mouth. "Okay  _no smiling_ , but can you please tell me what's going on?" There was a shine in his eyes to show that he is smiling under his palm.

Now I finally have my ground and sighed, "What did I ask you to do  _early this morning?_ "

And his smile fell, guilt flickered in his face. "The restaurant called me to come in early, Isabelle called in sick so they needed someone to cover her shift."

I rubbed at the temples of my forehead, " _What time?_ "

The guilt was so much clearer on his face when he said, "Ten?"

And I groaned in anger, I asked him to clean up at 8am, he so had a lot of time to do that before he could I gone to work. " _Seriously_  Peter?"

"I was going to clean them up after I ate breakfast but they called me at thirty minutes before that to come in, I didn't have much time to get ready but I swear I was going to clean it up after my shift."

"You knew I was going to come home earlier than you! So obviously you did that because you knew I was going to clean up after you, like always! Jeez Peter I  _am not your mother!_ "

His face distorted at my words and he looked so helpless, "I know you're not my mother. I'm sorry I've been a slob these couple weeks,"

I laughed sarcastically, "Right,  _couple weeks_ , right. More like the entire time we've lived here in this apartment!"

He feigned hurt and sighed, "That's not fair Lara Jean and you know it."

I bit my lip, okay maybe I've gone too far with that one. Peter usually isn't this messy but when he got the part time job to last month he has been trying his best to balance his work and school. This is his first job ever other than his mom's shop. He actually had to switch to part time instead to full time because of his school.

"Fine, but that still doesn't mean you're not the  _only one_  with school and job to juggle to. I'm also doing that and it just sucks that even after that I have to keep this apartment looking like humans actually live here!" I was angrily gesturing at the sink and the trash that's overflowing. I've asked Peter to throw the trash out and that's one of the biggest reasons why I blew up too. I refused to throw it out and I was seeing how long it would take till he's do it.

It has been three days.

"Your making it sound like we live in a pigsty." He rolled his eyes when clearly all the mess there is the kitchen and living room. It's still fairly arranged, and guest worthy without being ashamed but still I keep a much neater place than this before.

When he saw my facial expression darkened, he steps forward to apologize, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just new to this Mostly me than you, since I'm not used to this much house work before with Mark and mom doing most the work—not that I'm saying you should do it all—but we're just both adjusting to this."

And for some reason his works just infuriated me even more that the next words that left my lips I regretted as soon as I said them, " _Adjusting_? You want to know what happened to us when the first three months we were adjusting to something new?"

His face broke and he was terrified, his voice was low and raw when he asked, " _What do you mean by that?_ " The threat I was said was as if I was reminding him of our freshman year in college.

I took a deep breath and sighed exasperatedly. "I'm sorry." I didn't mean what I said. I don't even instead it to cross my mind because that's not what I was talking about. "That didn't come out right, I'm just annoyed thats all.  _And no_ , don't look at me like that. I'm not going to break up with you over  _a few dirty dishes_."

He relaxed a bit and his lips turned trying to fight the smile I demanded for him not to do.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to strangle you where you stand or poke you with the fork  _you used for peanut butter spread!_ " My voice was so high it almost broke at the end.

And now he can't help it he just coughed out a laugh, "Sorry," I gave him the look of death. He probably knows that I know how irrational I am and he just wants to make this all go away the way he knows best, but I am keeping a safe distance form him before I fall for his stupid charms.

"Just let me be mad at you Peter or else I'm going to okay when I'm clearly not. Then the next time this happens I might actually  _murder_  you."

He sighs. He hates it when we fight but he gives me this, for now. "Okay.  _But I am sorry though_."

"I know," I reply. He does try though but I need to tell him to do them before he takes initiative.

"You  _still_  love me right?" He asks.

I roll my eyes, he's stupid for asking this but I know Peter and his reassurance. "Yes Peter. I  _still_  love you." Then I gave him a cold stare, "But that doesn't mean  _I have to like you right now_." When I watched that movie  _How to Lose a guy in Ten Days,_  and the actress used that line i wondered what it means and if its possible for it to happen.

And now I finally understood what it means. I love Peter very much but he's annoying me and I don't like him at the moment.

He nods trying his best to hide his expression from me but nods anyway, "Okay,"

I walk over towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to bed, I'll finish up tomorrow." I know I'm adding up to the mess in the kitchen that annoyed me in the first place but if I continue I'm going to keep being angry. I need to cool down and be away from Peter for now.

"Yeah, sure. I'll finish— _okay tomorrow then_." When he offered I glared at him not wanting him to do it anymore than he should. "Good night Lara Jean,"

I nod and head to the bedroom. I stare at the darkened room and sighed. I sort of did overreact tonight and I'll apologize tomorrow, but right now I probably need some sleep. I haven't slept much in two days so that's one of the reasons as to why I'm overly sensitive. I take off my blouse and pants jumping into bed head first into my pillow, not even bothering to wash my face or brush my teeth.

I left a mess in the kitchen might as well turn into a slob tonight too. I snuggled under the sheets totally aware of the empty spot behind me where Peter lays. I usually never sleep without him. I either fall asleep on the couch waiting for him or he's already asleep when I crawl into bed where I usually have my back against his chest with his arms around me.

I mentally cursed myself for fighting Peter that my final resort was to shove a pillow behind me so that I wouldn't fully feel his absence. The pillow is cold and soft unlike Peter's warm and strong chest but this will do. Imagining his arms around me, I finally succumb to the sleep that I needed the most.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I felt the pillow behind me removed.

"Shh, go back to sleep," Peter shushed me lightly when I made a grumble sound since I felt totally disoriented from being woken up.

"Okay," I breathed.

I felt his arm around my waist and he carefully pulled me so that my back would be on his bare chest. And by instinct, I linked my fingers on his and tucked our arms together across my chest. A sigh of content left my lips as I moved closer to him, as if there was still a space between us. I had a horrible dream that I had slept without him holding me.

"I love you, Lara Jean," he whispers against my ear, warm breath bouncing on my neck giving me the good shivers.

I was falling asleep and I kept myself awake just enough so I can reply, "I love you Peter," then kissed his hand lightly.

"Good night," he tucks his his chin on too my head, a position he usually does when he's going to sleep.

I mumbled something close to that since my body is already giving in to sleep.

I had woken up the next morning and I was alone. I reach from behind me and I feel a cold bed. Peter crawled into bed last night I was sure of it but why is his side of the bed untouched?

I sit up, and the bed on Peter's side was made or tried to since I was still sleeping. Then I get out of bed to grab a shirt from the small walk in cabinet we have, this is where I see that the laundry baskets are empty.

"What?" I mumble to myself in confusion. I was planning to at least do a load today before I head to school for the lab activity for Dr. Young's class at 1pm. Peter's out of work clothes since he used his last ones yesterday.

Though he has the day off today too but all the laundry's gone, even mine.

I grab one of Peter's shirts and put it on. It was a big gray shirt that I've been wearing for myself now, the shirt is a couple inches below my bottom. I quickly tie my hair in a bun.

I walk out of the room, to my right the bathroom door was slightly open and curiosity got the better of my because I swore the bathroom sink twinkled. And to my surprise, the room was sparkly clean and it had a hint smell of cleanser, there was a tiny air freshener on top of the toilet tank similar to what Peter's mom has on her bathroom too.

 _What is happening?_  I don't remember buying this at all.

Then I left the clean bathroom, and my stomach rumbled when I a whiff of newly cooked bacon invaded my nose. Absently, my feet moved on their own headed towards the heavenly smell.

That's when I could hear the laundry going from the old washer this apartment has. This is why I actually love this apartment and would feel terrible that we are only subletting it for six months until Wendy's cousin comes back. This place has a small washer and dryer, a bathtub, a walk in closet and a decent size kitchen for a very reasonable price. If only Peter and I would be so lucky on our next one.

Speaking of which, "Peter?" I called since I have a tiny feeling I know who is behind all these things.

"In here!" Peter calls from the kitchen.

Then I froze to my spot when my eyes found the living room. It's so clean, like spotless clean. The wooden table had a certain shine to it, plus the pillows that I always complain to Peter to return to how I always arrange it... is done exactly or close to it.

"What is going—" I was about to ask Peter what's going on but the words got caught on my throat and I coughed out instead and started laughing. " _What are you wearing?!_ " I asked in between laughing so much. He is wearing my bright pink apron that has ruffles on the corners and what's worse he is wearing his wifebeater shirt that makes it look like he shirtless underneath.

Also, his arms are super fit and he looks ridiculous by the fact that his apron is too short for my six foot something boyfriend.

He grins playfully and raises his arm to turn as of giving me a better look, "You like what you see?"

I roll my eyes, he looks stupid definitely but his arms in those stupid apron makes him look rather sexy but I don't to tell him that. Peter with pink and ruffles is just stupid. "No, please take that off you look dumb," but I think he already saw how I was drooling over his arms so my resolve here is void.

"Oh please, I look good just admit it." He says confidently waving me off. He just meets my eyes and he runs his hands through his hair slowly then gives me a wink.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to gag or jump him. Such a conflicting feeling, so I just looked away to see a plate full of bacon on the table with two glass of iced orange juice, strawberries and melon, I grab a piece of bacon and bit at it, "What's the occasion?" I wondered since it still isn't pay day for both of us to splurge like this. We just have breakfast for either toast or cereal. I walked over towards him to give him a feed him the same bacon I was holding. Peter was cleaning the pans he was using to cook.

He hesitates to take a bite but I almost shove it all into his mouth before he can say no. He mumbles as he chewed and I couldn't understand it.

He swallows his food and sighs, "Nothing, I was just being a jackass yesterday,"

Then I remembered my tantrum last night. I just blew up at Peter over a couple dishes or so. "I am so—"

He puts a hand on my mouth to stop me, "I should be sorry, it seems like I've been taking you for granted and just kept doing nothing when I had an Idea it would piss you off,"

"Peter, I just had a bad day yesterday that's all."

He shakes his head, "Yeah and instead of helping out I made it worse by not doing what you asked." Then he rubs the back of his head shamefully, "So I woke up early this morning to make it up to you. I called mom and asked her how to do laundry, since I'm shot when it comes to that and I don't want to ruin your clothes."

"Oh Peter," I wasn't sure if I liked him calling his mom about that... I'm worried how and what he asked because there's still a matter of my delicates. I pray to God and all the gods that he wasn't that dumb to even go there. That's just embarrassing for both of us.

But I don't think he sees this as anything because be continues, "Mom said to purchase certain detergents and fabric softener. Then I also went ahead to ask about how to clean the tables so I bought some for that too. I think it's additionally sparkly than normal, it looks cool." He said proudly at his handy work, "Oh and Since I was in the store I did groceries too so I can cook something easy and simple. I remembered you mentioned about how you said you liked how mom's bathroom smelled like so I bought—"

He didn't get to continue what he said because I pulled the sides of that silly apron on him to crush his lips on mine. Whatever he said he did for me today just made my heart swell up that all I want to do is just show him how appreciate everything he did just now.

I startled him at first since be just froze there with his lips closed but then when he realized what was happening he immediately kissed me back, his hand cradled the back of my neck to deepen our kiss.

My hands usually wrap around his neck but they had a mind of their own, my hands just gripped at his shoulders, upper arm where remnants of his muscles are still there which I find truly sexy. Since Peter doesn't have to do much intense workouts since he graduated he isn't as huge as he used to be during college for Lacrosse but he still does work outs here and there so he's lean and slightly muscular but I have to admit, I love Peter this way.

A growl formed in his throat when my nails rake at the muscles there then to his shoulder blades. He had his free arm around me and easily lifts me off from my feet, to sit me on the counter.

The shirt I was wearing bunched up over to my stomach, which squeal of surprise leaving my lips due to the cold slightly damp counter touching the back of legs and my bottom. But Peter didn't even mind that since his mouth was immediately on my neck, continuing his assault lingering there a lot longer than he should, a mix of tongue and teeth.

I moaned his name, my mind a bit hazy then I mumbled, "If you leave a mark, I will kill you." I said weakly, I have a class later and it would be so unprofessional to teach students with a huge hickey on my neck. But then my actions seem the total opposite to my words, I had my hands on his back and tried to find a way to touch his bare back. When I finally did, I had my fingers at the lower of his back pushing him against me. That action alone made my breath leave me.

" _You're already killing me_ , Covey." He chuckles darkly into my neck, his breath on the back on my ear, then he started nibbling at my earlobe. "Might as well return the favor," he pulled at the bun on my head, flexing my neck to give him more access to his lips. He tugged so hard, the flimsy formed bun freed my hair and is now either on the back of me or trapped in his hold.

Oh god, this man is going to be my undoing, and I'd have him do it again, and again, and again...

He pulls away slightly causing me to groan in protest. He lets go of my hair and his eyes darkened to see it fall all to my back. He always loves it when my hair is down since it's back to being long again it's at my waist. I haven't had it this long since highschool. (my hair is usually only until my shoulder blades during college).

"What?" I say slowly, trying to catch my breath from all that kissing.

He ran his fingers to my the side if my face, my cheek bone, the corner of my mouth, to my lips his thumb pulling down on my bottom lip which I kiss.

"Lara Jean," He breathes my name like a prayer. His fingers begin to move again.

I close my eyes, my breathing deep and shallow, to only pay attention to his finger tips on my skin. His fingertips ran in a torturous slow movements causing me to have goosebumps, into my the side of my neck, tracing long my collarbone to the middle then following the strap of my bra which I hope I wasn't wearing, to the curve of the cup touching my cleavage the bra pushed up.

I need to touch him too, he can't just do this to me. I want to feel his chest to see if his heart is racing like mine. But to my disappointment and annoyance my palms were on the stupid fluffy apron he was wearing. I like this apron but I hate it on him, it's restricting me to touch what's mine.

I opened my eyes and my annoyance evaporated when I met his powerful gaze on mine. He was just watching me the whole time. "You like what you see?" He teases since I glanced at my hand then back to him.

I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes, "Take off the stupid apron." I cursed immediately tugging that stupid bow on him which is making the side of my legs itch.

He raises his eyebrows, and I am well aware that his hands are still on my breast not caring about the barriers behind them which is his shirt and my bra. "I  _happen_  to think this looks good on me."

Now I have to roll my eyes, "Either that dumb apron comes off or this won't  _happen_ ," I challenged him as I fully held on his wrist so I'd completely push his hand on me then to his chest before he attempted to squeeze. I restrained his hand to his chest.

"You don't  _play fair_ Covey," He whines childishly which he knows is no use anyway, that apron is eventually going to come off along with our clothes at some point soon but I just want it taken off like now.

Then that silly apron falls on the floor, and as a reward I take off the only clothing I have on before I'm only in my lingerie.

"I wanted to take that off." He grumbled incoherently and I'm sure he didn't even plan to say that outloud.

I ran my hands through his hair and his head moved to where my hands would slightly tug. Now he's hypnotized by me the only difference is my body is causing him to be like this while I was under his spell due to his touch.

I love how Peter looks at me, like it's first time he's ever seen me like this even after being with him for four years. His eyes would devour me, wanting me, needing me, loving me, like I'm his only cure to whatever ailments he has. and that alone would even just make me come apart if possible. "I love that even after all these years you still want me like you did the first time you saw me this way." Every time I see him, my mind flashes back to the first night Peter and I made love like it was only yesterday. If i close my eyes now, I could still feel the ghost of his kisses on my skin causing me to call out his name begging for something I didn't even know what. His whispers of I love yous, along with my responses to every touch, every kiss, and when our bodies were one.

Yet, why would I do that when I have the reality of it here, with more knowledge of what we both want due to years of being together, listening and trusting each other.

He smiled at me softly, "There wouldn't be a time when I wouldn't want you, I will also love you forever if you let me." Then he leans slightly to brush his lips on mine. "And of course, I'd always want you."

He wraps his arm back to my hips and pull me to him so I could feel how much he wants me right on my thigh which makes me moan and kiss him that same second. Not caring about anything else but just him and his kiss.

"Call in today," He said between kisses. His hands tightened on my hips to keep me in place.

I am far too disoriented to think and his lips on my neck is making me lose all inhibitions to even want to comprehend what he is saying.

"Covey,  _call in now_." He tells me again, his shirt had been ripped off of him and now my hands are at his chest.

"How?" He can't talk to me while we're like this my brain is turning to mush. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's close to 10," his mouth was on my chest his hands on my back closing in whatever invisible space we have, with the fact that my ankles are locking at his back already holding him to me. " _With what I have in a mind I can't have you going to school in two hours._ "

I swallowed hard upon his words. This side of Peter will always be one of my favorites. He has his sweet loving side then he has this. I bite my lip in anticipation but still words bring a thought to my head realizing what he has asked me to do, "I can't do that—" but his lips swallowed my words as if it don't matter at all. His hands hold on to my legs, and he lifts me from the counter.

Without breaking our kiss, he walks us to our bedroom. It wasn't until I felt our bed on our back that he finally pulls away but his lips were still on the corner of my mouth.

"Yes Covey, I haven't gotten any for three days."

I snorted at this, "And  _whose fault_  is that?" I try to sound firm but my voice sounds musshy and defeated. I did jump Peter three nights ago but he fell asleep while I was kissing him. I understood though since he had class and the closing shift. Then last night happened soo yeah... three days.

He ignores that, "Doesn't matter,  _you have to stay home_  with me to fill that void." Then he pushes himself against me.

I gasped definitely wanting what he is proposing but adulting is  _harder_. I can't just call in sick so I can stay in bed with my boyfriend all day. Theres work to be done, bills to be paid, besides I'm only in school till five... we can always continue after.

I pushed him off of me, which I was able to do easily. He had already unclasp my bra, so my bare chest was on his, I saw his face change and reached to kiss me but I don't let him. I look down at him to judge him, "You know instead of  _forcing_  me to call in sick, how about we start whatever is in your mind then we can  _finish_  what we  _started later_."

He flips us with him hovering over me, he hooks my leg to his hip and smiles wickedly. "Well, we have no time to waste then." Then squeezes at the back of my leg.

" _Shut up_  and kiss me, Kavinsky." For some reason I have to keep saying this or else he is going to keep running his mouth with his witty comments losing all the precious time we have.

Then he kisses me and nothing else matters after that... possibly causing me to be late to class only for Dr. Young to call me saying that I can have the day off since her other TA, Eric Dart, he offered to just go ahead to finish the day since I was the one who prepared the laboratory yesterday instead of him.

Which meant that I could stay in with Peter all day totally forgetting the breakfast he prepared for him a couple hours ago since I immediately jumped him when I ran back to the bedroom from the kitchen without telling him what Dr. Young had just called me for.

Possibly making him believe that he was the main reason as to why I'm staying him... he can assume that until I'm finished with him or will I ever be. I need to refuel at some point or I'll faint.

Peter never ceases to remind me that I'm killing him, well Kavinsky... you have your ways too. Oh mighty ways that would keep me wanting  _more..._

 

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**A/ _N:_**

_omg 13k something words._ _but anyway, let me know what you think yeah? PLEAAASEEE?_

_Thank you so much for your reviews guys and letting me know what you think, it makes my heart happy. Though as i keep saying I don't really have much of a following on AO3 so i keep forgetting on updating on this site. Soooo don't forget to leave comments and kudos so i'd remember to upload here._

_With brandy, i seriously was going to write Tristan as the boyfriend (that guy she was hugging in chapter 20) but then you guys started asking for Jackson Wang. It never really crossed my mind really, it was by passing really to get Brandy and Charlie out of the bleachers hahaha but i listen to you guys and HERE is that version! Poor charlie she's left out lol_

_This chapter was so much fun to write... its for practice and as you guys can see its such a fail hahaha its too many feels... goodbyes when moving, then living with a boy then work getting in the way of smutty afternoon hahaha anyway! Lets hope LJ didn't faint right? I'll leave that to your imagination!_

 


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: DISCLAIMER! updateeeee :) you know the drill! Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

I was woken up when I felt Peter crawl out of bed planning he head out of our bedroom.

"I might not want to do that if  _I_  were you," I said before he would actually do what he plans to, which is I'm sure is to have some cereal and eat since it's close to ten am.

He grips at the door knob and groans in annoyance. " _Seriously?!_ "

I pursed my lips together and nod shyly. Trying to shake off the position I just witnessed not fifteen minutes ago from my mind, that's why I went back to sleep so that maybe this hunger would just subside and I can kill time.

"Why did you offer to let  _your_  friend stay here anyway! I want to eat breakfast! I slept as soon as I got back from work!" He whined like a little child and stomped his foot. Poor Peter came back from a double shift yesterday, he was so tired that he immediately fell asleep after briefly washing up.

I roll my eyes, "Don't pin this on me,  _besides_  he's  _your_  friend  _too_." Brandy and Jackson are staying in our living room at the moment. Brandy's apartment pipe broke down and she have no water. It would have been fine if she came over to take showers here or something but Jackson surprised her for the weekend and her pipes wont be fixed till monday.

Then he sighs, "Yeah but they could have stayed at a hotel or something. I don't want that fear of seeing  _someone's_  ass hanging out when I want to leave my room." At least we are lucky that this apartment has a half bathroom in the living room.

I bite my lip and fight the urge to laugh. Last night when he came back he walked in on Jackson and Brandy in the middle of their  _whatever_ , I refused to leave my room as soon as I told them they can stay for the weekend. I forget to relay him that information and was given such a not so visually appeasing surprise when he saw them.

I was really laughing when he told me the story as he ran to my room whie Brandy and Jackson seemed unphased by his interruption. "Can you hear  _yourself_  Peter? Hotels in New York are too  _expensive_. They'd help us too if we were in a bind."

He sighs knowing that I am right. "Yeah but at least try to keep their hands from each other until known  _owner_  is at safe zone."

I roll my eyes, "Like you  _can_  if you are in their position," Jackson works as a computer engineer at a well known company in Boston while Brandy is here in New York still working for the same sports paper she's been in for a over a year now. Who would have thought that Brandy's that same girl in college who said to me and Leah how long distance relationships are too much work to even try or be in a committed relationship at that for over a year when they are about 3 and a half hours apart. They see each other as much as they can for a weekend trip or longer at least once in two months taking turns.

He groans since once again I am right. Before the school year ended, he had to go to Virginia for the whole weekend while I stayed in New York since it was finals week and Dr Young needed all hands on deck from her TAs. When he got back home early that morning, he didn't even wake me up to say hi to but he had did try to in the  _most unique way_  that I was gasping his name  _and_ we didn't even leave our bed most of the day but only to refuel then  _yeah._

 _It was one of the best days..._ and I can tell he's thinking the same thing too since his expression has changed into a playful one as if he was also remembering what I'm talking about.

"Well then," He grins at me. "They can't have  _all the fun_ now, since we are  _trapped_  in this room, might as well get the best out of it."

I was already giggling, anticipating on what's to come. "Peter!" I squealed when he makes an attempt to jump right on top of me. I rolled quickly before he even tries and he had fallen face first onto my side of the bed.

I tried to crawl out of bed but he was fast enough and he had his arm around my waist already pulling me against him and he turns me so I am trapped between his legs. "Peter!" I tried to protest but my voice broke when I felt  _him_  on my leg. I was playfully pushing him off of me but then he grabbed both my wrists by his hand hand holding it over my head.

"Now where do you  _think_  you are going, Covey," and he doesn't even give me time to respond since he captured his lips on mine swallowing any pretend protest I have for what he has in his mind. He knows me well enough that I an always as ready as he is for me,  _but a girl can play hard to get too._

I moaned his name when he pressed himself against me, keeping me restrained, (as if he needs to) his hold on my wrist was tighter while his other hand was on a free reign on my body, pulling my shirt up over my chest and he's feeling around the bare skin grasping and claiming what's his.

Bu instinct I also raise myself to meet him, the frictions where our bodies meet can cause me to come apart right there when we haven't even started.

His mouth leaves my lips, and his was nibbling on my earlobe, "Patience, Covey." He had his hand on hips to push me down since I was trying to get him to stop teasing me and take me right here and now.

I groan in frustration, I love to hate this side of Peter. This slow torture alone is going to be the death of me and I'm going to explode while this is just going to keep him going. "Kiss me Peter," I beg, if I cant touch him because he is still restraining me, I want to at least feel him on me that way still.

He doesn't even hesitate and kisses me deeply, tongues meet battling for dominance but I had to succumb to him since he is on top of me. Maybe if he frees me when his other hand would crave for my skin then I'd be able to do what I want.

Peter's lips left mine briefly to say, " _Answer your phone_ , tell Leah to call you back in an hour or  _two,"_ His voice was raw and dark sort of pissed off by the disturbance which could only mean my phone had been ringing for a while. I didn't even notice.

"What?" I was disoriented at first trying to figure out why Peter has stopped kissing me. When he freed my hand I had my fingers tracing at his chest. Peter had to hand me my phone showing me that Leah was calling.

"Hello?" I was thankful my voice was full and no signs of wanton since Peter was back to assaulting my neck as if trying to rush me to tell Leah to call back in two hours. Two hours... "Hey Leah—"

"Lara Jean! What are you doing in three weeks?" Leah blasts into my ear excitedly totally obvious of what Peter's hand is doing to me so that I would hang up.

I had a battle between trying to be a good friend by listening to Leah to figure out what's with that tone of hers, since I know her enough that she's using her spaz voice and if I acknowledge her she's going to go on a spree which I need to pay close attention to or let my desire for Peter rule over.

"Lara Jean!" Leah hissed not a second later annoyed that I didn't answer.

With all my strength, I pushed Peter off of me. He looked rather helpless when he realized I chose Leah over him. "Wait," I mouthed and pulled down my shirt to sit up properly. He sighed in disappointment since my body was covered from him now, so he has to wait till Leah is done talking.

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips as I mumbled sorry.

"What?" Leah asked.

" _You owe me,_ " Peter squints at me judgingly.

I nod at him.

So I answer Leah before she says something again, "Well, obviously coming to see you," I say sarcastically. I guess I'm slightly annoyed at the the disturbance just now. Though, that part is true, since three weeks from now is thanksgiving break Peter and I are driving down to Virginia to see our family, this also means meeting up with Leah and Gavin, Charlie and Carlos, Brandy and Jackson for our traditional post thanksgiving at Leah and Gavin's apartment. We did that last year and dubbed it to be tradition, since Leah is the better cook than the rest of us.

Leah was giggling so much that I was rather glad that I chose to talk to her since I was really curious what is happening. "Well, that's good since I want  _all_  my bridesmaids to be there."

"What?" Did she say bridesmaid? Wait— _what_?

"I'm getting  _married_  that  _weekend_!" She yells at the phone ins excitement it's rather clear that I'm the first person she talked to. She should talk to Charlie first if this conversation is for real.

"What?  _Married_? You're engaged?" I didn't even know Gavin proposed! I mean, of figured he'd propose that weekend since ha had this weird thing planned that he wanted to everyone else to do this video message about how they met.

Peter looks alarmed, his eyebrow wrinkled. "Whose getting married?" Though I'm sure he heard it since Leah was screaming in my ear.

I put a hand on Peter's lips, to shush him. I didn't even notice my hand was shaking. Why am I nervous all of a sudden?

"Well, I was hoping Brandy and Charlie would join in the call but I'm glad you answered because I need to share the news!" She was chattering away now, her spaziness

Is taking control totally forgetting my question. It's understandable that Charlie didn't answer since it's 7am in LA. Brandy is busy with her boyfriend who she hasn't seen in a month and was willing to ignore the call unlike me.

"Focus!" I snapped at Leah since she was going on and on about colors when I was actually asking a simple question of if she's engaged.

I can hear Gavin laugh knowing how his girlfriend is or  _Fiancée_  now I guess. "I proposed this morning," He was the one that answered. Leah probably put me on speaker phone.

"Oh yes! He proposed to me like a few minutes ago!" Leah said excitedly then I can hear kissing noises, Leah probably jumping Gavin. "I tried to call like three times!"

I blush, well I didn't even know she called. I cleared my throat, "Well—" then I changed the topic quickly, my heart is racing as I could feel Peter's gaze on me since I'm avoiding to look at him. "Three weeks? How can you get married in three weeks, shouldn't that be planned first ?" I know Leah has this dream wedding she keeps talking about in college and it can't be rushed like this.

"Well I want to be able to enjoy my dress without having to worry about  _showing_  too much..." She was trying to hint out something in that sentence.

My brain was working a thousand miles a minute, as it finally clicked. The fast engagement, wedding and her not wanting to show. "Oh my god! You're  _pregnant_!" I could feel my eyes water as these words left my lips.

"Yes!" Leah is also as teary eyed as me I assume since I can hear it in her voice.

There was a sound on the line when and I heard another click, two people just joined in our conversation.

"This better have someone dying," Brandy snapped on the other line clearly irritated. Guess, her phone was lighting up since Leah and I were in the chatroom.

"Hello Brandy," Charlie says with a giggle...

Then the next thing I knew Leah went on a screaming spree as she tells Brandy and Charlie what she told me not two seconds ago.

The phone was filled with screams and excitement, echoing the Brandy's voice from living room.

While I finally braved myself to meet Peter's eyes. I'm know he heard everything, and he is trying his best to keep his expressions hidden from me but I can tell the conflict he is battling in his mind because I am doing the same thing.

 _It's starting..._ Margot's voice echoed in my mind. I remembered this conversation I had with Margot a year ago when one of her highschool friend got engaged, she said everyone else starts to follow eventually or everyone around you starts getting engaged.

"I'm still single and I feel the pressure! Imagine what my other friends feel like who are with their boyfriends for more than a year! I mean, just because one starts doesn't mean everyone else should follow!"

I'm 23 years old, Peter is close to 24. We are at that stage where it's normal for people our age to start getting engaged, married and pop out babies. Peter and I have been dating since I was 17, we've been together for about six years. There should be a time when Peter and I would talk about  _that._ But honestly, we haven't even crossed that bridge yet at all. Sure theres short talks about some silly details, that seem rather stupid like one time we talked about eloping on a hot air balloon or on an edge of a cliff then as as we say I do we we bungie jump and kiss upside down... but not in-depth enough to make it seem like a real conversation.

And I'm not in a rush either and I don't want him to think that I am because I actually love where we are at. I don't want the fact that one of my best friends is doing  _all_  that in a span of a year makes him think I'm going to expect the same from us.

"So, Leah and Gavin are getting married, and are expecting. Wow that was fast," there was someone in his tone which I don't understand.

"Not for them though," I grumbled still ignoring the fact that my three friends are on the phone. Trying to ask questions about how or something but I'm not paying attention. Leah and Gavin have been together for almost decade now, their relationship is a 3rd grader... so they bound to start sooner rather than later.

"Sure, that's true." Peter shrugs.

We were silent for a few moments only the phone noise between us.

"Come here," he open his arms and pats on his chest.

And I smile, and crawl into his arms so I can have my head rest on his chest. This conversation is going to be a while and Peter just wants to hold me. And I'm happy, little moments like this are also as intimate what we had in mind a few moments ago. He doesn't need to feel pressured because I am not.

He kisses the top of my head, "I love you, Lara Jean." His words easy my mind, telling me not to overthink things. A clearly I am not.

I look up at him and lift my chin to meet his lips for a short sweet kiss. "I love you too," I mouth since I'm still technically on the phone.

"I am not wearing lime green on your dam wedding!" I hear Brandy say angrily on the other line when Leah was talking about what color motif she has for her wedding.

I laugh and roll my eyes. Leah's obsession with green...

"It's my wedding!" Leah protested childishly but I know she's just teasing Brandy.

"And it's my body!" Brandy argued back.

"I'll wear it,"I help out finally joining in the conversation.

"Kiss ass!" Brandy's voice was an echo on the phone but much louder from the other side of the door.

"I love you too Brandy!" I yell back at Brandy.

I could feel Peter's small circles on my arm as he holds me. I see him staring straight at the wall as if all the life answers are on there. He isn't even phased at the banter Brandy and I are having from two different rooms.

I sigh. Continuing my conversations with my best friends... I really don't want to dig in what's bothering Peter, for some reason it's making me nervous.

* * *

The wedding was beautiful as expected, even with the short three week preparations. I couldn't believe it as soon as I saw the church and the reception it's like its been planned for over a year.

Well, she does have an aunt who does wedding plannings and she's scary as hell. At the rehearsal yesterday she made one of caterers cry that's how terrifying she was.

The whole two days was such an ordeal, that I'm thankful I can finally relax. Everything was such a blur except the ceremony then now. Where I can finally enjoy a glass of champagne without being interrupted for photos or making sure the bride eats.

Now its the first dance of the bride and groom, and I'm watching them happily from the back of the room hiding away from everyone. If one more person tries fo disturb me, I'm probably going to stab them.

"Thank god  _that's_  over," Brandy walks over towards me with a new glass since I just finished mine.

"I cheers for that," I take the glass and clinked the glass with hers.

Brandy rolls her eyes, "If you pull that  _three week_  wedding on me, I am going to murder you in your sleep." Brandy said annunciating the threat to mean that she's true for her words.

I smile and shake my head, "Trust me, Margot would  _have_  done it way before you." Margot is such a planner than any spontaneous uncontrolled moment gives her an anxiety attack.

"Good." Brandy drinks of her glass eyeing me carefully, she's waiting for something as if I'm supposed to tell her some news when there isn't.

Thank god Charlie comes to break that gaze, "If I didn't love Leah, I would have thought of a  _million ways_  to make hurt her aunt and make it look like an accident." Charlie is normally calm headed but she had enough of the wedding planner's attitude that we decided to hide from everyone. Let her deal with everything. I love Leah too but I need a break.

Charlie was holding a bottle champagne that she probably swiped from the bar. She poured us both a glass then she drank straight from the bottle after.

Brandy was watching Charlie with an amused look on her face, she is usually is the calm drinker out of the three of us, yet now she's drinking as if she's been deprived of liquid for days. "Stressful day?"

Charlie rolls her eyes, "More like this semester will be, after break I don't think I'd even have time to breathe let alone have a glass of wine."

"That's a  _bottle_ ," I point out with a teasing smile on my face.

"To _ma_ to,  _To_ mato." Charlie said as she offers me the bottle too even if mine is still full from the glass she poured. "More for me,"

"Is everything okay?" Brandy said realizing that this is more than just medschool. Brandy points her glass at the table where Jackson, Peter and Carlos are sitting. The guys are just talking trying to catch up with each other not really knowing that their girlfriends are hiding away.

Charlie sighs, "As much as I love Leah and I am so happy for her. I can't even put it in words." Her words comes with a  _but—_ , " _But_  I got to admit I hate her for getting engaged, married, and pregnant all in the  _same_  month"

"More like  _pregnant_ , engaged and then married. In that  _order_..." Brandy said as she finishes her glass all in one gulp. She's also stressing about this too...

"It's like she's reminding us that we are at that age... yet I am still far from even making  _that_  as a priority." Charlie was voicing out what has been bothering her despite all the smiles all day. "It wouldn't be at least five years till that will even cross my mind."

"Then don't." Brandy replied simply.

Charlie gives me and Brandy a glance then asks, "Why do you two act like your boyfriend's haven't been weird these past three weeks."

Brandy rolls her eyes, "Jackson knows never to head there, we are just taking it as we go."

Then Charlie giggles, "Well the fact you two are  _still_  going  _strong_  for a year despite you being a  _flight risk_ should be a good sign that he should try," We are actually really proud of Brandy for still being with Jackson without even hesitation as to why she's in a long distance relationship, I think this long distance thing is whats making Jackson and Brandy work.

Brandy glares at Charlie not finding what she said even slightly funny, "Bite me," then she flips off Charlie.

"Maybe less half a bottle of this, then I'll think about it." She gestured to the bottle that was still slightly half full. Then she turns to me, "I mean, what about you Lara Jean has Peter been weird?"

"What do you mean  _weird_?" I really don't understand where Charlie is going with this.

"Like Carlos, for example has been really edgy around me lately. Nothing bad but I understand why he's acting weird. It's like he thinks I'm expecting him to ask me to marry him or something." Then Charlie takes a drink from her bottle, and shivers. "I actually had to sit him down a couple days ago asking him what his problem is. He caved and told me that he's not ready to get married yet. Which I feel bad since I laughed at his face... obviously me and him can't be ready."

My eyes found Peter without even trying, he's just sitting there listening to Jackson and Carlos, he's laughing at what Jackson is doing, which I don't even try to decipher.

And even in the dark, Peter could feel my eyes on me. He stopped mid laugh when his eyes met mine. He tilts his head slightly and smiles at me. There was a question in his eyes, he's probably wondering if I'm okay. I haven't really had time to check in on him in the past hour, Brandy just dragged me to this corner offering champagne which I welcomed. I was tired if mingling with this mini reunion of UNC students.

I returned his smile, and shook my head gesturing to Charlie and Brandy who was patiently waiting for my answer. He nods and returns to taking to Carlos and I think that's Leah's kid cousin.

And I'm thinking about it. Peter hasn't been different at all... though I'm the one that's treading lightly around him when I talk about Leah and Gavin. I guess I'm like Charlie, I don't want him to think that I'm expecting him to ask me. Jeez I still have one year for my Masters, then my doctorate.

"No, Peter hasn't been." I said finally.

"Well I guess only Carlos is the one that's nervous," Charlie shurgs realizing she's probably overreacting.

"Anyways, it comes in  _threes_  you know," Charlie started again as she hands us the bottle. I drink from the bottle too and then pass it to Brandy.

"What does?" Brandy asks.

" _Weddings_ , it comes in three." Charlie said.

Brandy laughs and shakes her head, "Isn't it like  _death_  comes in threes?" She drinks from the bottle and gives it back to Charlie.

"No I swear like, it's weddings too. Like good things and bad things comes in threes." Charlie insisted and she turned to me for validation, but I just shrugged in response since I wasn't really sure. "Well, _I know I am_  right, since one of the reasons why Carlos has been weird too is because his brother just got engaged like last week."

Then I gasped because I just remembered that Gabe Rivera just proposed to his girlfriend of three years over the holiday. There's even an engagement Party before we leave back for Virginia. "Well I guess I'm still missing one."

Brandy just shrugged and said, "Only Leah so far," then she glances at either me and Charlie.

"You already know where stand..." Charlie calmly said then she gives me a meaningful look. There it is again, the same one Brandy gave me early on, like I'm hiding a secret that even I have no knowledge what so ever.

"Can people stop  _staring_  at me like I have some secret to share because seriously I have  _nothing_." I snapped finally. I was tired of people asking me if Peter and I are still dating, if when we are getting married if we've been together for this long, or making hints about  _bells_  and being next. Ofcourse with acquaintances I can just smile and politely say no repeatedly all the while trying to explain myself when clearly they don't need one.

But with these two, they are like my bestfriends so I don't need to put up with appearances and just give them the pent up frustration that I've been feeling. "So enough already,"

" _Touchy_  are we," Brandy comments as she hands me the bottle and now I took a huge gulp to cool me down a bit.

"Well  _my dear_ , it's just because you and Peter have been together for more than five years," Charlie makes excuses for everyone else irritating me today about my relationship.

I roll my eyes, "Yet you and Carlos have  _been together_  that long too."

Charlie laughs so hard as if I was trying to make a joke, "Not really, we just officially got back together last year. Getting married now would mean we are moving to fast. We aren't out of our minds."

"Well just because we've been together that long doesn't mean we'd get married because  _everyone else_  around us is." I definitely am repeating what Margot told me when I called her that Leah is getting married. I finally understand what she meant by it. "That topic has never even been on the table yet."

Brandy and Charlie side-glanced each other then to me not believing the word I just said. "Now you're just  _lying_ ,"

I laugh at this since no matter how hard I try to say I am telling the truth they just refuse to believe me. "I swear to god,"

"Oh come on, you've been together for  _six years,_  that topic should have come up. Like those  _annoying_  teen topics like where you're getting married, how many brats you are going to have, their names, where you are going to live together— _seriously?"_ Brandy gave up trying when I just blankly stared at her as if I had no idea what she's talking about.

I shrug, Peter and I just don't talk about stuff like that. We don't worry about anything really. It's not that we doubt that our relationship but the fact that we know we'll be together for awhile and hopefully forever, we don't worry about things like that. We are also used to taking each day by day, taking everything as they go.

Charlie and Brandy are still staring at me like I'm some alien from outer space. " _Really_?" Charlie says in disbelief.

I really don't understand what the big deal is, Peter and I have been together for six years and it's worked for us. So to humor them I said, "I did mention about him having  _five boys_ when we were eighteen or something," That's as close to the future talk as we got, and It was even a joke.

And Brandy chocked on the bottle she drank from, "No wonder he hasn't talked about it again,  _five brats_. I can't imagine that." She shivers from the thought.

Now Brandy is the one Charlie is glaring at, she's amused about something, "That's the second time I've heard you say  _brat_  instead of  _kids_... are you still not planning to move forward with Jackson at all other than this?" The last part was a more serious conversation. We actually only found out during senior year why Brandy is so terrified of relationships. Her brothers were bad examples but her parents are a case of open relationships that are committed to each other. It's actually really weird situation that I don't push to. I know Brandy hates talking about it.

Brandy pursed her lips together and she turns towards where the guys are sitting. Jackson was talking to a kid though, I think it's Leah's little sister, while Peter is on his phone nodding to whatever Carlos was saying. I think they are looking at game scores since theres a football game tonight. "I haven't really told this to anyone yet, but I'm moving to Boston in two months." There was a smile on her face as she says this.

" _What_?" Charlie and I sputtered in unison. I would have thought I was hearing things but then Charlie is as flabbergasted as I am. "And by anyone,  _even Jackson?_ " I asked.

Brandy nods and smiles to herself, "I put in a transfer to the Boston office like last week and my boss just told me I can probably get the job within the next  _two months._ "

Charlie and I were looking at each other and trying to suppress a giggle not wanting to react at the news since Brandy is the type of person who doesn't want to make a big deal about major changes in life, especially in her relationships.

Brandy rolls her eyes at me and Charlie. She can tell we are jumping up and down on the inside. We are really bad at trying to calm down anyway, "You two are already tipsy enough that your faces are disturbing to even try to hide whatever you want to say to me." Then she sighs, " _Go ahead..._ "

And I didn't even need to be told twice, I just threw my arms around Brandy to congratulate her. Charlie joins in and wraps her arms around us. "I am  _so_  proud of you Brandy."

Brandy releases a breathe and suppressing a giggle, "Yeah, now to tell Jackson. Hopefully he  _wouldn't_  run." She jokes because I'm sure Jackson has brought up the moving in together at least once during in their year of being together which is why Brandy  _thought_  of it now. Brandy likes to think she's driving the bus on their relationship which is partly true but what she doesn't realize is that Jackson is their GPS. He knows how Brandy is and he's always so careful on what to suggest but for some reason he does know how to pace Brandy to not freak her out. He's just that good with her. As what I kept telling Brandy before, she just needed to find the right guy that will be perfect for her and she'll be tied down like me and Leah.

Four years later, that's exactly how it happened and a year into their relationship they are moving in together. There is no way in hell that Jackson would run without taking her with him.

"With how that guy  _looks_  at you like you're his world... don't worry,  _you've got him for life_." Charlie tells Brandy the same thing she says to last year at Leah and Gavin's thanksgiving thing.

Brandy doesn't deny it like she did last year, This time she's blushing which is such a rare moment... I capture it in my mind to tease her in the future. "I guess," she says nonchalantly then a smile leaves her lips. "I am so screwed..." She hides herself in our hug since she's embarrassed.

"Well, don't worry about it. It's just despite you trying to run away from love, it finds you and smacks you hard in the head trying to remind you it exists. The fact that even after all this time, he still makes your heart jump with every smile, touch, kiss or finding him in the crowd without even trying," My eyes found Peter again, he was watching his game with the boys. I smile, and continue. "He just makes you so happy that you just try your best in your time together to make him feel the way he does to you."

And like always, Peter is well aware that I am watching him as soon as I start, it's like he's waiting for me to do that so our eyes would meet. There it is, what I had just described a few seconds ago. It's actually much more than just my heart jumping but also my heart beating fast and slow down at the same time, the butterflies in my stomach would probably cause me to be lifted slightly off the ground. And when he smiles at me, I feel goosebumps all over my body and tingles from my chest to the tip of my fingers. How this boy does this to me even after six years, I can never answer.

"Are you talking about me and Jackson, or  _you and Peter?"_  Now Brandy's the one teasing me that I had looked away from Peter's powerful gaze. It took me a second to respond because I was still in such a daze and I didn't even realize my lips formed a smile that hurt my cheek.

I cleared my throat, "Depends... if you feel all that but I'm sure you do."

"I'm not as puppy-doed eye as you though," Brandy said.

Charlie chuckles, " _That you know of..._ " then Charlie pokes Brandy's dimple that pops out when she smiles which she did not five seconds ago.

Then I felt Peter's arms around my waist and he plants a soft kiss on my temple. Which made me look up at him and smile, as I leaned my back on his chest. " _Hi_ ," I said, my lips moved to smile on their own.

"Hey," He responds. He nods at Charlie and Brandy. "Jackson told me to let know you, Patriots is  _winning_  over the Giants." Oh jeez, it's the football game against NYC and New England. If they will talk about sports I am so going to be left out.

Brandy rolls her eyes, "It's  _still_  the second quarter. When Brady chokes, then Manning can take the game easy."

At least Peter isn't into the two teams as much but the fact that our current residence of state we are in, makes him a bit biased to the Giants. "That's what I told Jackson." Then Brandy and Peter shared a high five over my head.

" _Please_  no sports talk, I left Carlos  _alone_  because he was asking about the game." Charlie, me and Leah were always the ones who tell Gavin, Peter and Brandy to stop talking about sports since they start rambling too much its annoying.

Peter laughs and nods. "Well,  _actually_  I came here to see if I can borrow my girlfriend for a dance,"

Then as if on cue, It's Al Green's  _Let's Stay Together_  just started playing, he probably requested the song from the DJ, "It's  _our_  song!" I gasped.

"Well go ahead," Charlie says with a smile as she glances at the dance floor to see a few people dancing too.

Peter was about to take me away but then Brandy said something that made me want to wipe that taunting smile on her face. "So Peter, how  _many kids_  do you want to have."

He was taken a back a bit question but it seemed like he's not offended by this at all, if I can guess maybe people are asking about us too and he probably dodged the question smoothly without trying to explain himself. Peter glanced my way, "Well, definitely  _not_  five boys." He smiles at me.

Brandy's expression changed unsure of what to do with that information. I told Brandy about the five boys thing and now Peter is saying that he doesn't want them.

I had the fight the urge to roll my eyes, I guess I kind of forgot that conversation since it has been over four years ago. It wasn't that Peter and I will have 5 boys, it's I can't give him the five boys I thought his mother wanted, since Covey's always produces girls. "You're a dummy," then I move away from his hold so I can have him lead me to the dance floor. "You said you wanted  _just one dance,_ "

"Yeah, before the song ends." Then he just caught on to what I said, "Well I was hoping for one more."

"Maybe if you're lucky," then I smile to myself as I can hear the pout in his protest when I tease. I just dragged him to the dance floor as fast as my heels and long Olive Dress will let me.

I wave at Leah when she sees me and she winks at me. I had to stop myself from glaring at her or giving her a dirty look. I heard from Charlie that she's planning to toss the bouquet later making it easy to catch. Well, I am not going to be that easy.

Then before I knew it, Peter turns me slowly before wrapping his arms around my waist, and I had my arms on his neck, then my fingers were tangling at the tip of his hair. I missed his long hair, from college when my hands are buried in his hair.

Peter had his lips on to my ears, singing along to the song. His beautiful voice bringing a smile to me as he tries to mimic Al Green's voice.

" _Let me say that since,_ Covey" he changes the lyrics to Covey instead 'Baby' of the song and had a grin on his face, but I just roll my eyes at him even though my heart was making its own dance in my chest, " _Since we've been together, loving you forever is what I need, Let me be the one you come running to, I'll never be untrue._ "

 _"Let's stay together, loving you whether, whether, times are good or bad... Happy or sad,"_ He sways us along the dance floor smoothly, his voice causing the hairs on my arms stand.

I feel teary eyed despite his voice sounding ridiculous, but I can feel his sincerity in the song. Loving Peter through the good times and bad times was always the easy thing in our relationship and it's what made us survive to make us work through the four years in college. So living with him now, well we've been through a lot so this is a cake walk.

At times... I do still want to hurt Peter when he gets to be a slob but at least I don't have to say anything. He can always tell what I want now. A year of living together no words are needed between us sometimes.

" _Staying around you, Is all I see... here's what I want us to do_." He sings as his arms around me tightened pulling me closer than I already am. "Sing with me, Covey." He asks me and I shake my head. I am not going to sing when Peter's voice is too beautiful to my tone deaf talent.

I don't want to ruin the song.

" _Let's, we outta stay together... loving you whenever..."_  but he continues anyway, and plants a soft kiss on the front of my ear. Then he doesn't sing anymore but he just holds me and we sway to the music as the song is about to end.

Then i cave on the last minute, "Times are good, happy or sad," I whispered into his chest but I know he can hear me since I could feel him chuckle. I didn't really sing but I did the whisper singing so I don't ruin the song.

"See that wasn't so bad wasn't it?" He slightly moves so he'd meet my eyes. He touches the hair on the side of my face then his fingers lightly traced my chin to my neck to my bare shoulders, "You look beautiful tonight,"

And my heart wells up from his compliment, I actually haven't spoken much to him today since we were busy in our bridesmaids duties for the bride, I also didn't sleep with him last night because we were in the hotel with Leah. He didn't even see me in my dress till I walked down the aisle with Gavin's younger brother at the wedding. Then I remembered how he watched me when I did, I've never seen him eye me like that it was sort of he was viewing me in a new light.

That thought alone made me nervous, I don't know if he can feel my heart race against my chest. "Thank you," I could hear my voice shake.

He leans to kiss me softly and his forehead was on mine, "I love you, you know that right?"

And when I look up at him, I can see the conflict in his eyes. And I feel bad for him, this is also a mini reunion for him too and Peter is a bit famous since he's part of the lacrosse team. I forget that sometimes, Peter is not just your typical College athlete. He's one of the best players and was also in line for captain of the team but Jackson beat him to it by a one vote, also he acted as stand in captain in behalf of Jackson their last year which brought 3 consecutive wins for their team. So, I'm sure he went through the same conversations as I did with everyone.

"And I love you," I smile at him and cup my hand to his face. And I wait for him to say something, he just leads our dance making sure I don't step on his toes.

He takes my hand from his face and rests it on his shoulder but before he kisses my wrist. "Lara Jean,"

And I hear it, his nervousness. For some reason, I freak out with him too. I love Peter, I really do but I don't think I'm ready for the same future Leah and Gavin have. We don't even talk about it and all of a sudden our friends getting married and engaged makes us feel pressured to do the same? No I like the pace we have...

"I know we don't talk about it, but I just want to put it out there, I  _do_  want to marry you," but his tone doesn't mean that it's final or at an end, theres a catch. And without him saying it I already know what it is.

" _But not right now,_ " And when I say this to be honest I feel relieved. I really don't want Peter and I to jump into something even if I only see Peter by my side forever.

He nods, "It's just with people asking me, it made me realize that we haven't really talked about that chapter in our lives, I just assumed that's where we are headed but I don't even tell you about it." Then he smiles, "I mean, that's okay right? If I assumed these things." And he's so adorable asking me like it's not alright at all that I'd seem offended that he's even think lile this.

And I think this is why Peter and I don't talk about it, we both assume we're going to stay forever so we would just take everything as it comes along the way kind of like Leah and Gavin. I think what we can take from Leah and Gavin's wedding is the  _wake up call_ that we need to plan these things first.

To be honest, Peter and I haven't been careful these past six months either. Luckily I didn't get pregnant, not that it's a bad thing because we have been together for six years that it's not like we are moving too fast but the fact that we still have more things in our future to deal with. Peter and I have three years left till Graduate school would be done. I mean, with me I can just finish my masters and be a school teacher for chemistry but that's not what I truly want. To be a professor or continued research is what I want with my PhD.

And also with Peter, he has to finish his doctorate before he can practice his profession. We should not be reckless and not plan these things because we are still far from our goals that we set for ourselves.

Peter and I will be at each other's side forever, so there is no need to rush at things just because everyone around us is starting a family of their own. Peter and I are still young, and we have all the time in the world to open that chapter.

"Lara Jean?" He whispers my name since I am deep into my thoughts.

I lift my chin so our lips would touch, he kisses me back softly. If we weren't in the middle of the dance floor I would have shown him how much I love him but I need self control. I break our kiss before it becomes too heated for everyone to see, "Peter, you are my future." I repeat what he tells me the night I got offered the Teaching Assistant job I have now. We both moved to New York and know that at some point this state will be our home. "Just knowing that you and I will be together forever, that's enough for me. I want what we have now. You and me,  _this_." I point at the little space between him and I.

"But just to put it out there,  _I will make you my wife_ ," There is promise in his tone.

"And when you ask,  _I will say yes._ " I say, I know that it wouldn't be anytime soon but at least now I won't be stared at by Charlie and Brandy again thinking I'm some strange being because we just talked about a different future that we bave

He brushes his lips on my cheek and he wraps his arm around my waist. His other hand traces my arm barely touching me causing me to shiver. Then he links my fingers around his hand to hold up our hand to dance properly, he twists me again my back against his chest with his mouth on the top of my bare shoulder.

Leah and Gavin were looking at us as if they have some devious plan. So we avoided them quickly.

"Do me a  _favor_ ," He says waiting for me to nod, "Don't catch the bouquet."

I laugh at his request and I agree, "In return, don't catch that  _dumb garter._ "

" _Deal_." His mouth formed a thin line.

I'm positive that Gavin and Leah are going to plan to make sure that we'd catch those things just so it'll be us next, like those  _stupid superstitions_. Trying not to catch it would be the harder because I'm sure they have conspired with our friends. I don't need the attention so does Peter.

" _Or_ ," His finger traces tiny circles the curve on my back that my dress revealed. For some reason Leah was insisting her bridesmaids wear such sexy dresses since she doesn't want to be one of those bridezillas that would make sure her bridal party are ugly to make her dress more beautiful. And Leah over did it, because our dress is such a silk body hugging olive dress that emphasises the little curves I have. Then the dress has a twist backless with the sleeves wrapped below my shoulder, squeezing my bosom up to reveal a bit more cleavage that I can care for.

And if Peter finds out of what I'm  _not_  wearing underneath he's probably not going to care about the wedding and would carry me to our hotel room. So I grab at his hand to stop him before he caresses lower noticing the no line. "Behave," but my voice is thick totally the opposite of what I really want. I'm once again mesmerised by his touch.

 _"If we leave now_ , we don't have to worry about avoiding that bouquet and garter." He whispers against my ear, tempting me to give in. His breath on my neck makes a moan escape my lips. "You know  _you wan_ t to Lara Jean," he pulls me closer, and squeezes my fingers with his.

I mentally curse myself for saying no because I really want to. He is innocently caressing my back with his fingers, slowly which is torturing me. If he isn't holding me tightly My knees have probably buckled underneath. I take a deep breath and with all my strength I pull his hand away from me and stepped back a little but theres still an inch away from us, "If you keep torturing me, _I am not dancing with you anymore,"_  and he knows I am going to make do with this threat.

He laughs and surrenders, he's rather just dance with me than nothing at all. "Fine. You win." He plants a soft kiss on my forehead, he now just has his palm on my back like the gentleman that he is not the Pervy side of him that J had to knock out just now. " _But you owe me,_ "

I close my eyes, ignoring him. I rest my head on his chest, our intertwined hands, tucked in between us as I just once again follow his lead for the dance. I know the song isn't slow enough to consider a slow dance but we don't care. His chin is against my forehead, with my heels I'm a bit taller than normal.

"I love you Lara Jean," he says against my head, I couldn't really hear him but I heard it through the vibration of his chest.

I smile, "I love you too Peter." I listen to his heart against my ear that only beats for me. I don't even care what music is playing anymore because this is my song right here. His heart beating for me...

* * *

I watch as Peter and Jackson load the last box of Brandy's things into her SUV.

Brandy and I are in her empty living room, waiting for the boys to get done. It's too cold outside to stand out there.

I bite my cheek trying to stop myself from crying. I have been dreading for this day and as much as I am happy for Brandy that she's moving in with Jackson, it just saddens me that my best friend who has lived around me since college is now officially going to be hours away from me. Instead of her just being 5 minute train ride from my apartment.

Brandy glares at me, "You promised no more tears Lara Jean," she tries to stay strong but I know she's also on the verge of breaking down. Me and her had a final sleep over at this apartment before she moves, we even had Jackson stay at my apartment last night so Brandy and I can hang out all day without our boyfriends bothering us.

And I did cry like a lot last night and she let me but only for yesterday no more tears for today. I should send her off with a smile, even if it hurts. "I'm trying."

"Oh who am I kidding!" Brandy gasped finally letting go of the tears she has tried to hold since last night. She throws herself at me for a hug. Brandy is usually never like this but Jackson has changed her through the year they had dated. Not for the bad but for the better.

Brandy was always the type who rarely shows her emotions. It took her a while to truly be open to me, Charlie and Leah. She always put up this strong front as if she's untouchable but with Jackson, he has taught her that wearing your emotions on your sleeve is never a bad thing.

So here is Brandy hugging me, while Im hugging her too. This time I stay strong for her and not cry. I just shush her and comfort her.

"It's going to be hard not having you close by," She wipes her tears at the back of her palm and sniffles. "I've had you close to me for five years and then I do this—i'm letting go of my freedom of being alone to live with a  _boy_." And this time her sobs come in fake now as she actually contemplates her decision and this isn't based on if she loves her boyfriend or not but the fact that the stories she heard from me and Leah.

I laugh and pat her back lightly, "It's not going to be easy the first few weeks, but you'll get used to it." I remember how I had to make sure to remind Peter to put the toilet seat down after he uses the toilet, or that dishes drama we had, there was so many more that I forget now but everything is worth it when I wake up in his arms or sleep with him next to me. "Just lay out the rules the first day you move in." I learned my lesson for keeping everything inside.

Then Brandy pulls away and rolls her eyes, " _Trust me_ , I am not like you that just waits. If Jackson pulls that using a fork for peanut butter and Jelly, or be a mess. I am so not going to hesitate to poke him with that fork." Unlike me, Brandy is such a clean freak it's so hard to keep a mess when she's around. She was such a strict roommate that we would just make sure nothing is left for her to see or else...

"Poke me with a what?" Jackson asks, as he and Peter enters the living room. Then Jackson saw Brandy's bloodshot eyes, and he opens his arm. " _Aww, babe_. Why are you crying?" He panics. Brandy did say that Jackson wasn't all for the idea of her moving to Boston knowing that she'd leave me behind. He was willing to move to New York for her but Brandy said that she wants to do this for him because he had put up with so much for her, that this is her way of showing him  _she's all in now_.

Brandy pouts and walks toward Jackson, her face was at his chest and she just lets him hug her while her arms were still at her sides.

Peter also steps towards me to wrap his arms around me. He buried his nose into my hair, then plants a soft kiss on my head. "You okay?" He asks.

I nod not wanting to speak up so my voice won't betray me. Brandy might cry again if she can hear me.

"It'll be okay," he whispers, then he rubs my arm comfortingly.

"You better not make me regret moving in with you," Brandy grumbles childishly as she weakly punches Jackson's chest.

Jackson chuckles and shakes his head. "Definitely not babe,"

Peter looks at his watch and clears his throat, Jackson and Brandy glances at Peter, "You guys might want to head soon before you guys hit traffic on Hartford."

Brandy narrows her eyes at Peter, "Nope, I don't think I'll miss you," annoyed that Peter is rushing them

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. As Peter says, "Aww come on Brandy, deep inside you know you'll miss me."

Brandy rolls her eyes, "Kavinsky, In what fantasy are you living in?"

Peter shrugs and he continues, "Well, I will miss you. Especially how you randomly show up at our apartment unannounced, forcing my girlfriend to make you something because you're too lazy to cook. Or how we'd make sure to leave just enough left overs for you to eat, or how you finish my ice cream—"

"Yah! Kavinsky! Stop accusing me for something I didn't do. You were drunk that night and you ate it then blamed me in the morning!" Peter still hasn't forgiven Brandy for finishing his ice cream when Peter actually ate the tub full after he came home drunk from a work christmas party he invited Brandy to join us to.

"Or how invade my television since you didn't want to pay for your cable bill," Peter added.

As Peter list off things that Brandy does, made me realize that Brandy and I have been inseparable because as she's living her adult life, she's actually holding on to me just to remind her about her carefree student life. She did enjoy college life so much I wasn't sure if she was ready to ever let go of that life. I am thankful for Jackson, seriously because I can only imagine Brandy's party life after college. I'm really happy she's stopped all that completely after she started dating Jackson.

"Well, I have cable." Jackson said randomly.

Then Brandy now glares at Jackson, "Sounds like your taking Peter's side."

"Never babe" he tried to defend himself and kisses her lips quickly but she was giving him the death glare so he turns towards Peter and scowled at him. " _Screw you_ , Kavinsky," Jackson said then flipped off Peter.

Then Jackson and Peter laughed.

"Though seriously, we do have to go." Jackson said as he squeezed Brandy's shoulder.

Brandy looks at me and sighs, "I know."

We walked towards each other and hug. "I'll miss you, Brandy."

Brandy tightens the hug and nods, "I will too. You can come visit Boston anytime."

I haven't actually been in Boston and I look forward to that. "Of course!"

After a few more seconds we finally let go.

"Truce Brandy?" Peter smiles at Brandy for a goodbye.

"Truce," she replies. These two bicker too much like children it gives me a headache at times.

Jackson walks up to me and smiles. I hug him which he returns, "Safe drive to Boston and take care of Brandy."

"I will, don't worry." He says into our hug.

Jackson and Peter did a hand shake thing they do since their Lacrosse days.

Brandy hands me the key to her apartment, "Thank you so much for doing this," since her Landlord is out of town, I offered to return her keys to her landlord next week.

I squeezes her hand, "Call me when you get to Boston."

Brandy nods, "I will."

After a final goodbye, Jackson and Brandy leaves me and Peter in the empty apartment. That's when the tears that I've kept in started falling.

"Aww, come here Lara Jean," And Peter pulls me into his arms caressing my back lightly.

"I'm okay," I say after a few moments. I really am though, I shouldn't be sad that Brandy is moving but be happy that she's finally closer to Jackson.

He kisses my cheeks not caring that it's wet from my tears, my red nose from sniffling too much then my lips. It was a soft innocent kiss but then it turned needy when I kissed him back. His hand were at the back of my neck deepening our kiss, while his other one was firmly at my waist holding me against him.

We finally broke apart, we are both breathless. "God, One night without you and I nearly drove myself mad."

I pursed my lips together. I was the same way too. If Brandy wasn't moving away there wasn't a reason for me not to be with Peter last night.

"No moresleep overs," he grumbled childishly.

I roll my eyes, "Maybe,"

"I'm serious  _Covey_ ," and my heart leaped. I wasn't sure why but I think because Peter doesn't use  _Covey_  as much anymore. He says Lara Jean and sometimes throws in a baby or babe enough as if trying to desynthesise me from using endearments. And I have to admit,  _I'm starting to not mind_.

"Unless I really need to, then yes." I do have a sister that lives in Philadelphia. I still need to visit her and her boyfriend next month.

He sighs knowing that's not the answer he wanted to hear. "I'll take that for now," he links his fingers on mine. "Ready to go home?"

And for some reason, they way he said home made my stomach tingle with butterflies. I jump into his arms startling him a bit, "Say  _it_  again." My lips ghosting over his and I can feel him smile.

"Babe, we've been living together for  _over a year_  now, why are you acting like this?" He teases me but he holds me up anyway so I won't use all my weight on my tip toes.

"Jut say it," then I pouted, " _Please..._ " since he's playing hard to get.

His eyes met mine, he brushes my hair off my face and his fingers linger at the back of my neck. "Let's go  _home_ , Lara Jean."

"Okay,  _take me,_ home Peter."

He gasps hearing the innuendo in my voice. Its only rare moments when I'm like this, and I chose to do this not at home.

"You're killing me woman," He grumbles to himself and I just giggle when I saw his jaw clench then tugs me trying his best to to run to the subway so we can go home.

My home with Peter.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Okay, I wasn't planning to end the chapter here lol. It's because if I add more for what I planned theres so many things going on for this chapter alone you might have a brain overload. And if I did_ _Then the story would only have 2 chapters left (yes yes I know I keep saying that but for realz though, this story was supposed to be only 15 chapters and now running to close 25._ _I can only stretch so much... i didn't even plan to write anything beyond LJ transferring to UVA but that didn't happen because the characters changed and i loved sharing the story in my head so I kept adding.)_

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as you guys did the chapter before! Thank you so much for the reviews guys! It just made me see how i'm going to give closure to this story. The reviews help me write faster than I should because everytime theres an additional reviewer per day I just sit there and write! Soooooo :)_

_This is the first time i've written so much Charlie, i think that's why there isnt much of a Leah and Gavin despite it being their wedding._

_Since i suck at writing M, I'm just doing a tease hahaha! Sorryy!_

_Okay, I was supposed to update last night but I fell asleep. Work up with my phone on my face thank god it didn't mess up anything! Hahah_

_Alright! Where I am currently it's December 24, so this is my Christmas gift to you! Happy Chapter 23! And if i maybe bold to ask to surpass at least my 800 mark for this story as a christmas present? i know you guys can do this! My silent readers? Just for Christmas pleaaase? Hahahahahah_

_OHHH AND I JUST FOUND OUT WE ARE GETTING THE PS I LOVE YOU sequel! Though I'm not sure how they are going to do that since they totally changed the story with them getting back together and saying no to the contract. Kyaaaa! I am soooo excited for it! MORE NOAH CENTINEO! Kyaaaaa! He is just the biggest dork i swear. I see him as Jaime more than Peter hahahaha but He will always be Peter Kavinsky to me though. Make his hair the same coz he is more handsome with long hair! Pleaaase? Hahahahaha okii! I'm done dorking out! :)_

_Okii! I look forward to hearing from you, the review box can also be a suggestion box so feel free! Happy Holidays to all of you!_


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N DISCLAIMERRR! Don't forget to review! Enjoyyyy!_

 

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty Four**

It was on spring break that I decided to go visit Margot and stay a few days with her, which Peter isn't delighted about. He was supposed to join me but he had just started a new job as an second assist therapist at a rehabilitation center for injured athletes. Luckily they take non-doctorates yet but they have to be enrolled to a graduates program. This would be good experience for Peter, at least he is now practicing for his degree and not at the restaurant that he despised so much.

This will also help with his credit hours making him graduate at least a semester earlier, which is a really amazing opportunity for Peter. I am so proud of him really and would be willing to celebrate with him and his friends later but I already promised Margot I was coming down this week and she asked off from the museum.

"Am I doing this correctly?" Margot asks me taking me off my daze from thinking about my boyfriend.

I blink, confused. "What?"

Margot sighs exasperatedly. And flicks my forehead, " _Pay attention_!"

"Ouch!" I squealed jumping away from her, I wasn't in pain but more of from the shock of being hit. I rubbed at my forehead and glared at my sister, " _What the_  heck, Margot!"

She rolls her eyes, "I have been asking you  _three times_  if i'm supposed to be adding this batter and here you are daydreaming about your boyfriend you left in New York."

"You could have asked me nicely and  _not_ —" I was too annoyed go say it but instead I took a pinch full of flour and I aimed it at her, hitting her forehead and hair. She has white speckles there making it look like she's graying like our grandma.

" _Lara Jean!_ " She gasped since some went in her eye. She froze there for a second with her eyes shut, hands in the air. Then when she opened her eyes, and I could see them flaming in annoyance.

I back away immediately trying not to laugh, I grabbed the bowl of flour away from her since I can see the screws going in her mind. "We can't waste flour GoGo, we only have enough to bake this."

But she stepped towards me with purpose, and menacingly. "Come here, Lara Jean."

I only stay as far away as I can, "Margot..." my arm wrapped on the bowl out of reach, then my hand was extended to protect myself from her possible revenge.

"If you don't come here..." then she turns to find confectioner sugar. She has that shine in her eyes.

Oh no! I'd rather have flour on me than sugar. "I call truce!" I cry out in surrender. Truce for me and Margot means an eye for an eye or even more. I'd rather expect her getting back at me than making it much worse than what I did.

She grins darkly and takes slow steps towards me, taking her time to taunt me. "Don't move, Lara Jean Song Covey." oh god she used my full name I am so going to get it now. And she takes more than a pinch... probably close to a handful.

"GoGo," I warned. I wasn't sure if she's for real or not.

"Hold still," She says with an innocent smile.

I shake my head, "We can't waste  _anymore_!" I whined childishly.

Margot looks at her hand, to examine her intended weapon at me. Then shrugs, "We have more than enough..."

I was ready to run when I heard the front door. Margot's boyfriend is back from his work. "Margot, I'm home."

Margot and I were at a stare down. I gave her my famous pout hopefully she'll let me down easy. She then soften her gaze and sighs, "We're in the kitchen,"

I let out a breath of relief, thankful that she let me go but I regret it as soon as I thought it because it was all a trick. Margot hit me with the flour when I least expected it. I can taste the powder on my lips and my long eyelashes caught most of it so none of it got in my eye but unfortunately most of it was on one side of my face. "Margot Song Covey!"

Josh Sanderson walks in the kitchen and he halts at a stop when he saw me and Margot. He had this confused look in his face, or amused. I wasn't sure I was too annoyed at Margot to even bother.

"Doesn't flour supposed to go on that  _batter_?" He asked then he walks towards Margot to kiss her cheek. "Hi, honey," he smiles at Margot.

"Your  _girlfriend_  decided it's fun to waste flour!" I whined and I placed the bowl safely away from Margot's reach just incase she has other ideas.

"You  _started_  it!"

"You  _flicked_  my forehead!" I pointed at the slightly reddened spot on the middle of my above my eyebrows.

Margot rolled her eyes, "If you focused and not daydream about Peter then I wouldn't have the need to."

"Peter's not here?" Josh can't seem to hide his relief when he asks this and I shake my head to answer.

Margot doesn't miss this and giggles, she grabs at his chin and kisses him on his lips. "Peter doesn't hate you, how many times do I have to tell you that,"

Well, when Margot and Josh started dating again about three months ago, Peter wasn't the most excited one with this information. Its not that he doesn't trust that Josh has no feelings for me, he already knows this but I think Also, Given the fact that Josh did kiss me when we were dating... or  _fake dating_ , which I kept reminding him.

A month into them dating, Margot and Josh visited New York. Josh had just moved to Philadelphia three months before and for some reason their constant hanging out as friends turned into something else as they both realized that they are still not over each other despite being broken up for years.

Peter was reluctant at first but he eventually caved because he really doesn't actually have a choice, there is no way my sister is staying in a hotel when I have a perfectly good room they can stay in.

During the night, we watched a movie with only Margot and I speaking. It was awkward between Josh and Peter who only greeted a weird hello to each other. The movie night turned into drinking wine that Margot brought.

Margot being the lightweight that she is had gotten drunk after two glasses and her super frank self overtook her. She finished another glass in one shot them glared at Peter all of a sudden, "You do know Josh didn't really have feelings for Lara Jean..."

" _Margot_!" I hissed at my intoxicated sister. I had to reach over to grab her arm to shush her. Josh was staring in disbelief at his girlfriend while Peter was glaring at Josh.

Josh and I talked about that kiss and we both realized we didn't feel those things we thought we did. I was holding on to someone I can't have, since it's easier to love someone when there is no chance of getting hurt while Josh was hurting from his break up with Margot that he found comfort in my letter.

"No I'm serious, like that  _kiss,_ when you and Lara Jean were dating—"

" _Fake dating_." I interject because technically didn't count as being together.

"See it was even  _fake dating!_  So I don't understand why you're still holding a grudge." Margot had a glass pointed at Peter accusingly. Peter was just keeping a straight face but I know he's annoyed. "I've forgiven Josh and Lara Jean years ago and it doesn't even bother me at all."

"Margot," Josh speaks up this time.

But Margot puts a hand on her boyfriend's lips to shut him up. "Don't shush me,  _you_ ,  _shhh_." She even giggled when she almost tipped forward into Josh's arm

Now I'm torn between my boyfriend and my sister. I have no idea where she is going with this. But Peter is actually calmer now, he takes a deep breath and says, "It's a guy thing Margot."

Josh now looks Over at Peter, they glanced at each other as if reading their mind. Josh understands why Peter's like this but Margot and I seem to not. I really don't want to go there. I keep forgetting that Josh and I even kissed at all, because it just doesn't seem worth remembering. It brought on unnecessary drama in my life that it doesn't matter to me at all.

Margot sees this and her glances changed from Peter to Josh then Josh to Peter. She all of a sudden laughs, " _That's it?_ "

Now I'm confused because Josh looks anxious, "Margot Song Covey," there was a thick warning in his tone.

Then Margot stares intensely at Peter totally ignoring The warning from Josh. She has her hands on the table, "If you're really bothered that Josh kissed Lara Jean,  _then kiss me_." She challenges.

" _What?!_ " I say in panic now, because I can see Margot's seriusness.

Three things happened all at the same second, Margot had pushed herself off the table to move, Josh had snaked his arms around her so she couldn't do what she had planned. Then Peter quickly scrambles away and even hid behind me, terrified that my sister might be insane enough to do what she just said.

Josh was frowning at Margot, "What are  _you_  doing?"

But she was ignoring Josh and was still had her eye on Peter, "Come' on Peter."

" _GoGo_ ," I call for her attention.

" _No way in hell I'm letting you kiss Peter!_ " Josh demanded angrily, he grabs Margot's chin so she'd face him instead.

Peter scoffs as well, he doesn't like the fact that Margot and Josh thinks he wants to kiss Margot too. " _Fuck I ain't doing that either!"_  He ignores my protest that he just cursed, "You're Lara Jean's sister! And  _most importantl_ y I'm with Lara Jean now, anything I do will be considered cheating, back then we  _weren't_  really dating— _crap_."

" _Aha_!" Margot finally traps Peter. She points at him accusingly.

I turned to him when Margot had a victory smile plastered on her face. Peter just verbally admitted that Josh and my kiss doesn't count as cheating... and he knew exactly why Margot is acting like this, its not so she'd make him kiss her to have it fair that's just crazy! But for Peter to admit that at the time Josh didn't really do anything wrong because of a technicality of mine and Peter's relationship at the time of the kiss.

Peter sighs, in defeat. There is a reason why Peter always loses to the Covey girls. For one thing, we can stand our ground well and secondly we fight out right when we know we are. "Fine, you win." Then he grumbles under his breath that Margot is the leader of us sisters. If he can't win against me and Kitty, there is no way he can beat Margot... especially if she's drunkly irrational.

I think we just secretly hope she wasn't serious about that kiss thing because that would have been a mess for everyone.

Peter rests his forehead on my shoulder and he was mumbling to himself. I reach back and brush his hair comfortingly, "I am sorry." But I am amused to this though. I have never seen Peter so defeated before.

Margot claps her hand, "Great!" Then she leans to kiss Josh, like really kiss Josh that I had to turn away, my head on Peter's hair.

"How about we not do that with  _your little sister here and her boyfrien_ d here," Josh said after a few seconds. He's a bit tipsy too, so having a touchy girlfriend is difficult to say no to.

"I'm never drinking with Margot  _ever_." Peter complains to me, and he promises to himself.

Margot laughs sarcastically, "It's not a  _frequent habit_ anyway," That's why Margot is intense when she has had a drink because she is a more of a lightweight than I am, and that's not saying much.

I just suppress a giggle and kiss Peter's cheek.

"I am going to the bathroom!" Margot announced particularly to no one.

I look up at Margot, "Do you want me to go with you?"

Margot had a hard time standing up, but she was able to do that and even cheered herself that she's not as wobbly. "God no, I'm  _not_  a child."

"But hon—" Josh was about to protest but Margot shushes him again, "If someone tries to help me, is  _dead_." She slowly points at me and Josh accusingly.

"Fine." Josh said again in defeat.

Then I raised my hand in surrender, "I'm need the bathroom too."

"Good," Margot heads to my bedroom where my bathroom is.

Josh and Peter glance at each other but theres a certain expression in it that I could tell there was some sort of understanding between them or even reconciliation. If I leave them alone then it might be good for them.

"I'm getting a bottle of beer, do you want one?" Josh asks me when he stands up.

I shake my head, "No, thanks."

Josh nods then turns to Peter, "What about you, want a beer Peter?"

It took Peter a couple seconds before he responded, as soon as he said yes, I elbowed him on the rib because I was trying to make him answer. "Ouch!" He hissed under his breath

"Sorry," I mumbled, when Peter glared at me.

Josh just chuckled lightly as he was headed to the kitchen. "Okay two beers it is,"

"What the hell was that for?" He demanded as he was rubbing on his rib.

I lean forward to kiss him on his cheek, "I'm sorry." Then before Josh comes back I decide to go to the bathroom too. "Can I leave you for a few minutes," as I point to the half bathroom behind me.

Peter looks at me warily, "You going to be okay?" I've had my fair share of the wine too along with Margot, but I'm just tipsy.

"Yeah I'll be fine." And I prove it by standing a lot more steadier than Margot ever did. I'm a bit dizzy, yes but it's tolerable.

I head to the bathroom and shut the door loudly, then carefully open the door to listen in if Josh and Peter talked.

And just as I thought, Josh started it after he handed Peter the bottle of beer. "Peter, I know this is many years too late but I do  _apologize_  for kissing Lara Jean then."

Peter lets out a breath and responds, "It's okay. Margot was right though. Lara Jean and I weren't dating then we just pretended that we did." Obviously the reason was because of Josh and Margot.

"Well, I'm still sorry because I thought you guys were dating and I  _still_  kissed Lara Jean." Josh apologized again knowing that what he did actually still broke the most basic code of dating. "I wasn't thinking straight."

"Well, to be honest. I don't dislike you not even by a longshot," Peter said sincerely, "But it's just the fact that you  _have kissed_  Lara Jean."

And with this, I don't understand it at all. I'm sort of jealous that Margot did.

"Yeah I figured that's why." Josh said.

"It's that Lara Jean and I have been together since high school, and we've only had a  _couple_  of those moments with other people,"

Josh chuckles, "Which means a short list to want to kill,"

" _Exactly_ ," Peter agrees.

I roll my eyes, oh my god.  _That's all that is_. Some territorial thing. I would assume we'd get passed that. I got over my insecurity with Gen in high school. Even how mature you are, I guess males just has just have that thing.

"And actually, in that short list, you aren't at the top of that list. Trust me, not even close." There was a bitterness in his tone and even with that I know who it is.

"I'm guessing it's McCleren?" Josh says carefully. He wasn't sure if he should bring it up but the way Peter is talking but he's trying to be more welcoming for Peter to talk.

Peter clears his throat. He probably nodded since Josh said "ahh,"

"I thought you two were close?"

Peter scoffs in annoyance, " _We were_  and I was willing to put everything behind us but  _then_ —" Peter clears his throat not wanting to finish. John Ambrose is such a sensitive topic to Peter that John never gets brought up to any conversation. I even unfollowed John on social media just so he doesn't randomly pop up in my feed. Sure, it has been about two years since that incident but I think it's the fact that John broke the hairline trust he had for John that makes it hard for their friendship to even be rebuilt. And I don't plan to push it.

"Yeah, I may have heard it from Margot."

I grimaced. Oh dear god. Margot and her big mouth. Even before when they were dating in high school she'd tell Josh stuff I tell her (not truly the intimate stuff) but still I guess these are one of those things she tells Josh.

"Well, yeah. So I'm not really upset at you  _but_ —"

"I totally get it  _completely_." I can tell Josh is smiling from that. And they both shared a laugh which means theres a certain understanding between the two that could be a start of something.

"Well, as long as you don't kiss Lara Jean again," Peter said and I know he is only kidding, at least they can joke around.

"And I promise never to let Margot even offer to make you kiss her again," Josh tries to make it a joke too but he sounds too forced. "God, I don't think I can ever get it out of my head, the way she was so determined to kiss you to make it seem even."

Even from where I was hiding from I can imagine Peter shiver. "Well, same thought there too, man."

"So we okay, Kavinsky?" Josh said sincerely this time.

"Yeah. I believe so." Peter responds. Then I hear a bottle clink.

They were drinking silently for a minute while I'm trying to determine when is the appropriate time to get out of the bathroom without making it look like I'm eavesdropping.

"I probably should go to check on Margot,  _she's been in_  the bathroom for quite sometime." Josh says warily.

"Yeah, I should check on Lara Jean too, it's  _awfully_  too quiet in there."

 _Crap!_  I panic when I hear footsteps towards me. I immediately flush the toilet which probably makes me more suspicious than anything, because when I opened the door Peter was leaned on the door frame, his arms across his chest and his lips in a firm line. "How  _long_  have you been listening in?"

I chew at the insides of my cheek and shake my head trying to lie but I am too obvious. "Maybe the  _whole_  entire time?"

He rolls his eyes and then wraps his palm around my wrist to pull me into his arms. Our hands at his chest, while my other was around his waist hold myself steady. His free hand brushes the hair off my face, fingertips lightly touching the back of my neck.

His leans forward, and brushes his lips on my side of my head, then my cheek. "What am I going to do with you,  _babe_?" He whispers against my cheek, his grip on my wrist tightens.

A low moan escapes my lips, never realizing how endearing that word could be. How with that word alone can cause me to weaken at the knees, especially how that word easily leaves his lips like it's the dirtiest and sexiest word that ever exists.

Peter and I never use endearments ever, sure we tried before in high school but it never seems to stick and it just didn't sound right. The way Peter says Covey is affectionate enough already that we just didn't try but a month ago after Leah and Gavin's wedding, Peter had threw in the babe and baby slowly and I never really complained or even noticed.

The only time I notice is during these times, which can sometimes make me come apart just from his words.

"I don't know, up to you," I breathe the response and angles my head to the side showing him my weakness, that spot at my neck I only recently discovered will turn me wanton in one touch. Its incredible, how despite being with Peter for six years, we still find new things to spice things up...

"Hmm, needy are we baby?" He was about to give me what I most desire until I hear Josh call for me and Peter.

In panic of being caught in an intimate position, I shove Peter away but he doesn't even budge. I'm just overthinking things really, since we do just look like we are hugging.

"I think I'm  _regretting_  this friendship thing," Peter grumbles angrily under his breath.

"Peter!" I smack his arm. And then I kiss his chin quickly, cooling both us down temporarily. Besides, it's not only him that's holding a grudge at the moment. "In here!" I try to sound cheery but it comes out fake and Peter could tell.

I step out if the bathroom pulling Peter with me, he is still holding my wrist, Josh comes to us. "Everything fine?"

Josh nods, "Margot's passed out in your bed, so I think we should call it a night?"

I try to wait a second to respond so I don't seem to eager to kick out my guests from my living room so I can have my way with my boyfriend. Peter isn't helping either since his thumb is caressing my palm intimately. "Yeah, sure. That's fine." My voice comes out breathy than I would like.

Josh at least didn't notice. "Well, good night you two."

Once the door shuts behind them, I didn't even wait for Peter to make a move. I launched myself into him my legs around his waist, and he catches me immediately, his hands firmly at the back of my thighs just above my butt to hold me steady.

My arms snake on his neck, and plants a featherlight kiss on his lips. "I am so proud of you," And I say this because I am, it might not have been super easy for him to admit that it was okay but he did try for me. He needs some sort of reward Then my nose nuzzles his cheek, and I pause to his ear, "Baby," and I know those words affect him as much as it does to me.

A growl forms on his chest. "Anything for you, I'll do anything for you." His voice comes out desperate and needy.

"I love you Peter."

And he kisses me, and responds between our lips, "And I love you, Lara Jean."

"See...  _there she is again._  Day dreaming about her boyfriend." Margot's voice takes me out of reverie just in time which I'm thankful for or else I'd start blushing and Margot would definitely know where my mind has gone, which would be more embarrassing than anything.

I blame Peter for messaging me thirty minutes ago and sending me a photo of him and his scrubs. I mean, Peter is already gifted to be a handsome, sexy man without even trying hard that most of the time I'm sort of immune to his sexiness but nothing, and I mean  _nothing_  got me prepared by how Peter looks so deliciously sexy in a scrub suit. If I was home before he left for his first day, I'm afraid I would get him late on his first day.

I cleared my throat,  _FOCUS WOMAN_! I yell at myself, I'll be back Monday and I can ravage Peter however I want but I need to totally be here with Margot for the next few days and not drift off into this sex craved maniac. "Shut up," was my only comeback because I really have no way to deny that Peter was in my thoughts.

Josh laughs at me and hugs me at a distance so flour wouldn't go on his shirt. "Well either way, it's nice having your physical presence here."

I hit him in the arm and stuck my tongue out at him.

"How was work?" Margot asked Josh.

Josh works at a gaming company who designs video games. I really don't understand when Josh goes on about his work but I just like watching Margot pay close attention asking questions, she loves listening to Josh. It's a nice image seeing Margot happy like this, who would have thought that Josh would bring back that shine Margot has. I've never seen her like this with Ravi before possibly because they were in Scotland or her boyfriends after that. Despite all those years, it's still Josh the first boy she ever loved.

I continued baking since watching Margot makes me feel that I'm invading an intimate moment between them. It wasn't about ten minutes or so that Josh announced he's going to take a shower and Margot drifts beside me asking me what she can do.

I can't miss that smile on her face, like she's walking on a cloud. I playfully push her with my hip, "It's nice to see you really happy,"

She blushes and then places her hands on her cheeks. "Gosh, I don't know Lara Jean. Like I've  _never_  felt this giddy before, I mean... Josh was my first boyfriend but I didn't feel this way for him before like, it's as if that love I had for him back then  _was_  magnified like a thousand more, or I don't know! It just doesn't make sense. It's not that I didn't love Josh back then but—" she can't really describe it into words what she's feeling and she's trying so hard that her hands are moving on it's own to even spell it out.

I giggle and take her hands to stop her, "You don't have to explain yourself. I understand, I mean. Action speaks louder than words... seriously not even a month after you got back together you've moved in together already. So it's clear that it's more than what you felt in high school. I've never seen you make a decision based on what your heart wants." And this is true, Margot is the most logical out of all Song girls. I live with my heart on my sleeve most of the time while Kitty has a balance of both seeing how her sisters are. I know why she's like this though, she grew up really fast after our mother passed away and she had to do things that made her stronger to get by now being the one her two sisters looked up to.

I think that's why she had to move to a different continent to at least try to live for herself and not for Dad, me and Kitty. And when she eventually got used to just thinking about herself, she came back to the states closing her chapter for Scotland as her college experience.

"Um,  _yeah_." Now Margot seems uncomfortable and broke eye contact with me. "Okay, so what do you want me to do?" She's fidgeting now. Which I find totally odd, but I'm sure she just doesn't like how I pointed out her weakness. So I just let her be. And tell her what to do to help out.

I enjoy baking, baking is like chemistry too. Find the right elements or ingredients you get a perfect experiment. It makes me forget about things, especially how Margot is acting like she's nervous but I just wait, she'll tell me when she's ready.

Josh, Margot and I were sitting across the television. eating the pie Margot and I just made, I'm sprawled on the floor while Margot and Josh was cuddled on the couch and watching some movie on Netflix called Bird Box. I wasn't really paying attention because Peter and I were texting.

**~I miss you, come home.**

I roll my eyes, he was just telling me how his day was and now he ruins if by texting me to come home.

**~I've only been gone a day, you'll be fine.**

He sends a photo of himself pouting,  **~Its always day one that sucks!**

I take a selfie, side of my face but the main focus is Josh and Margot. **~So are you saying you won't miss me for the next few days**.

He sends a shocked emoji then a crying one,  **~If you come home, I'll hold you all night and not make you feel neglected. Besides, you know I'm going to feel the apartment more empty in the next couple days.**

Now I send him a kissy face emoji,  **~It'll be okay, babe. I'll be back in no time. It'll go by really fast.**

my phone screen is full of sad and crying emojis before he replies,  **~It's a lie. You know it is.**

I suppress a laugh, I really think Peter should have done theatre instead of Sports Medicine he's such a drama queen. **~Shhh! Stop texting me and pay attention! Olympia and Malorie are in labor now.**

~ **huh, i think you're a minute ahead of me.**

**~ I am not going to match the movie for you again!**

When I told Peter that Margot and Josh chose the Bird Box movie he whined and called me demanding to sync the movies so he can watch with us. After getting judging looks from the couple, we had to restart the movie so Peter can watch.

**~Alright, I wont.**

The movie ended with Peter texting me saying that he's now scared to sleep alone. I rolled my eyes replying he's such a big baby.

"Alright, I'm going to bed," Josh said after I heard shushed conversations between Margot and Josh. He gives Margot a knowing look before he bends over to kiss her lips.

"Okay," Margot's voice was low and she nods.

"Night Josh.  _I love you_  Josh!" I tease in a sing song voice.

Margot rolls her eyes, while Josh smirks at me. "Good night Lara Jean,"

I sat next to Margot while still trying to browse through what else to watch. "Anything you have in mind?"

She shrugs, "Nothing too scary, some romantic comedy or something."

I was too busy searching I didn't even realize Margot left and sat back beside me, she was carrying a bowed box. "What's that?"

Margot smiles at me, "I made this for you," that's when I noticed it was a green box with a big bow on it, sort of like the box mom gave me that contains my Peter memories, his notes, letters from college, pictures that I think were memorabilia, ticket stubs, and some dead flowers Peter has given me over the years.

"Aww, thank you." My fingers traces the linen of the box, and the bow. "Can I open it?" I ask

Margot nods. "Yes please,"

And so I did, and I swear my eyes started watering when the first photo there was the day Kitty was born, Mom was holding little Kitten in her arms, Margot was smiling away with daddy trying to hold all his four girls while I'm glancing at new born Kitty confused.

"Oh my god, I remember this. I was really confused as to why I had a hairless kitten for a baby sister." Then my fingers drift to Mom's face. "I miss her so much," I have been trying to look for this photo before, and It didn't come to me that Margot took it.

Margot scoots closer and brushes my hair from the back, how she usually does when I'd talk about mom when we were still young. She would listen to me as I cry while she just stays strong not to shed a tear making me stop crying. "I do too, everyday." It mom's thirteenth death anniversary, and to me it feels like only yesterday that she was still alive. It isn't as hard as it used to as the years go by but it makes me miss her more and more. If only she can see how Incredible Margot or how beautiful Kitty has become. "I do too."

Theres still more photos in the box too, and I go through with that. Photos of me and Margot really little, I remember that stupid doll we fought over so much that eventually it broke in half. That one halloween before Kitty was born that we wanted to both be Princes Aurora and I had the pink dress while she had the blue dress.

Margot's senior prom, me and kitty hugging her so proud of our big sister in her beautiful yellow dress.

Kitty's middle school graduation, where Margot and I almost cried realizing that our little baby sister is actually in highschool now.

Margot's college graduation in Scotland, and I was wearing the graduation cap instead of Margot. Then my graduation where she wore my cap too.

So many photos of just me and Margot. As i go through this, i didn't even notice tears were already falling from my eyes until Margot swiped them off with her knuckles.

Then I finally reach the end, a note. And I was shaking as I grabbed it. I have a tiny feeling of what this is.

 

_Dear Lara Jean,_

_Hello, baby sister! You know, when we were little even though you and I fought so much I always thought you were my bestfriend. Even when I had my own friends when I started school before you they'd make us write letters to our bestfriends... i get letters from others but they don't because I address it to you._

_Even if I'm hard to open up at times, I just want you to know that you are the only person I can trust and pour my heart and soul to. (Don't tell Kitty!) so it would only make sense for me to ask you this..._

_Lara Jean, will you be my maid of honor?"_

 

I lift my head from the letter, and Margot is also crying with me. That's when I notice that she had just placed a diamond ring in her hand. It just hit me that she has been fiddling with her left hand all night long, probably feeling that hand naked since she didn't wear the ring when I got here.

"Margot?" I wiped my tears, and I reached for her hand. Looking at the ring, "What? When?"

"Josh proposed to me two weeks ago," Margot said with a smile as she was crying.

That week, it was actually Margot and Josh's anniversary when they were dating in highschool.

I couldn't wrap my head around it. I'm happy for Margot but at the same time, I'm confused. They've only been dating less than three months. They also just moved in together.

She probably could read my mind, and decides to just throw the news to me all at once. "Josh and I are planning to get married in September."

Now my eyes are about to pop out of their sockets, how could it go this fast... the only thought that pops in my head I say, "You're pregnant?" Oh dear god, what is it with being pregnant and getting married. People should know it's not a solution or something.

She immediately shakes her head and laughs like I'm the crazy one, "Oh god no, I know Josh and I are moving fast but not  _that_  fast."

Well at least she knows that she's moving too quickly with Josh. "Why?"

Margot was prepared for this question, because she knows this is so not her. She'd be more calculated than this, everything she's done the past three months is so unlike her. Moving in with Josh after only being back together for a month was the start, then getting engaged then married all in a span eight months... is not the Margot I know.

She smiles shyly, "Because I  _know_  it's Josh. Everything that has happened in the past three months is so not me, If last year me would have found out about this, she would tell me I'm insane. But I am so in love with Josh that I am willing to make this step with Josh. I can see myself with Josh in my future clearly that it doesn't matter if I marry him  _now_ , in  _six months_  or in a  _year_  but he's my  _future_..."

"But Margot—"

She squeezes my hand and continues as if I didn't interrupt her, "When Josh and I broke up before I moved to Scotland, I told him that maybe if we were meant to be that someday we'd end up together forever. Of course those words were just cliche breakup lines but as years passed, I never realized how I held on to it. Sure I dated around, had Ravi who I did think at the time I was going to end up with but with Ravi there was just something missing. Carl didn't have anything close to what I have with Ravi or Josh," she was talking about the boy she dated two years ago, she was single for a good year after that. "And then Josh.  _Josh_..." then there's that twinkle in her eye again, dreamy and love. Like Josh's name alone was the explanation as to why she's acting like this.

"I don't know Lara Jean, well I know. I mean, With Josh it's like I finally found what was I  _missing_. This feeling where my heart is just full from seeing him smile just for me, hearing his voice, just being around him makes me so happy I can't explain it at times. People say its honeymoon phase but it isn't. It's much more than that. I love Josh and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and him alone."

I'm crying with Margot now, they way she just talked about Josh brings tears in my face. I love seeing Margot this way, she always held back before and having he let go like this makes me happy. I wrap my arms around her, "Yes, Yes Margot. It would be an pleasure to be your Maid of Honor,"

She hugs me back and we are both hysterical, laughing and crying at the same time. Unable to control our emotions, I wonder if Josh is listening in worried how his fiancée is doing.  _Fiancée!_  My sister is getting married! The first of the Song girls!

"I know you and Peter—" I can see the guilt in her eyes

I stop her and shake my head, "Peter and I have been through so much, we are used to how different everyone is from us. Don't feel bad getting engaged just because me and Peter have been together longer and you're getting married before me." I squeeze at her arm in comfort. Peter and I don't get affected with people's relationships around us, we learned that in college. The comparing was the reasons why I was insecure and broke us up. We've both grown so much from there. We can be happy for everyone without making it about us.

"Okay," Margot is relieved from now. She wipes her tears and mine.

"Besides, you're the  _eldest_. It should be your  _right_  to get married first." I push her playfully.

"Oh god, if you got married before me.  _I'd probably die of embarrassment."_  And we laugh together.

"Sanderson! Come out and give me a hug you sneaky bastard!" I yell loud enough for Josh to hear which I'm sure he's listening in from their bedroom.

It was quietly awkward for a few seconds until there was a door that opened, Josh walks out shamelessly, "What made you think I was listening in."

I raised an eyebrow at him, challengely.

He sighs, "Fine."

I hop out of my seat and jump into my future brother-In-law's arms. He made an omph sound since he was startled by this but he hugs me back. "Congratulations!" I say to him. Then loudly I said, "If you do anything  _stupid_ , I will murder you." My voice is laced with poison as I announce threat.

Though Josh just laughs at me, and nods. "And I will beg you to."

Then he walks over to his fiancée and kisses her. Like a real kiss that I didn't need to witness. I immediately looked away and groan, "I  _so do not_  want to see  _that_."

Margot pushes Josh off with a giggle, "Okay, we can call Dad and Trina now, then your parents." She tells me and Josh.

"You haven't told anyone yet?" I feel rather special that I'm the first one to know this when they nod in response. I was teary eyed by this information.

"Your dad knows I was going to propose but he didn't know when." Aww Josh had asked permission from Dad before proposing.

"So who should we call first?" Margot asks unsure who to ask, since thats three sets of phone calls.

I just had a smile in my face as I listen in to their conversation on who is better to talk to first saying that Josh's dad would be an easier first phone call because he doesn't talk much that if they call Dad first Trina would talk their ear out.

All of this, I can completely say I am really just happy for Margot. When I tell Peter later, he'd be happy for them too. Margot's words echoed in my mind. " _It doesn't matter if I marry him now, in six months or in a year but he's my future..."_ and I exactly know what she means by that, It doesn't matter when but Peter is my future and I don't need a ring for him to prove that.

A sad thought comes to me, the one person Margot wants to be there can't be there... or even mine too. Mom, you'll be there right? Even if we can't see you? Margot will a beautiful bride.

 

* * *

 

" _Breathe..._." I instruct Margot.

She just stares at me as she tries to but she had completely forgotten to breath.

"Oh my god she's going to pass out!" Kitty gasps dramatically since I swear Margot is turning paler by every second.

I smacked Kitty, she isn't helping at all. "Get me that paper bag!" I pointed at the paper bag that was used for our food before we were dressed and had our make up done.

Kitty quickly scrambles towards the bag and hand it to me.

I placed the opening of the paper bag around Margot's mouth, "Listen, breath!" I say in a much harsher tone now. I was squeezing her shoulder to have her relax.

Kitty seems to get back to her senses now, she stands beside Margot, "In and out Margot. In... out..." she's helping out by giving Margot breathing exercises. That's what we can do for now, at least that's a start than have the bride pass out and add on to the problem that seems to come to this wedding.

Margot wrapped her hands around the bag now and was able to breath on her own but the panic in her eyes is still there. At least she knows that she has to calm down first before we try to fix this.

"Are you better?" I ask carefully since Margot finally lets go of the paper bag. I was caressing her back not caring that the designed dress was uncomfortable on my palm.

"Let's just cancel the wedding," her voice was far too calmer than I would have liked.

" _What?_ " Kitty gasped, and when I glared at her to keep quiet she pursed her lips together.

"You can't do that. Everyone is already out there—"

"How can I when nothing at this wedding is going how it should be!"

"It's just a couple—"

"A  _couple_!" Margot voice raised into two octaves higher and it broke at the end, "I don't care about anything else but the  _photographer_?! The most memorable day of my life wouldn't even be put in photo! What do you expect me to just be satisfied by people's phone camera."

"Well some camera's aren't as bad..." which I totally regret because that wasn't the most comforting words.

Margot started to hyperventilate again...

"Okay breath on the bag!" Kitty raises Margot's hand so the bag would cover her mouth again. "You aren't helping at all!" Kitty hissed at me angrily.

My mouth went agape in shock unsure how to take Kitty's comment. My younger sister just snapped at me.

"Don't just stand there! Do something!" Kitty orders me as she points at the door this time. "I'll take care of Margot."

When I just blinked, confused. There isn't much I can do. Margot's other bridesmaids are on the phone trying to figure out how to fix the mess that is this wedding.

It all started when the purple dyed roses that was supposed to be on the aisle came as blood red roses which totally doesn't match Margot's motif. She was smiling at first when she saw her bouquet but I could tell her eyes were shifting trying to calm herself.

Then bad things started to happen on top of the other, the caterer called saying that the iced mermaid that was supposed to go to the reception had melted because the freezer broke overnight.

Not ten minutes after that, the pianist that was supposed to do Margot's wedding entrance but for he came running to our room saying his wife is suddenly on labor and needed to go.

Then the cherry topping to all this mess, the photographer had fallen on a stair and landed on his head. He had a huge cut on his forehead and was bleeding all over the floor and his nice shirt when he told us that he can still take photos. I don't have to be a doctor to know that he needs stitches.

When the photographer left the room was when Margot broke down after one of her friends asked her if she was okay. She sputtered out everything she felt in out breath that I wasn't sure what to do but ask one of the Margot and Josh's friends to find Josh to tell him what is going on. Her best friend, Caitlin had left to see if she can call replacements for musicians or photographer.

So Kitty and I were left alone with our sister on the verge of a panic attack, now Kitty is mad at me because I just made it worse instead of helping.

This is what happens when Margot refused a wedding planner since she wanted to do it herself. If only Leah's aunt would have done this like i suggested, she's probably stitch the wound herself and others—

The knock at the door takes me from my thoughts to the problem at hand. Kitty narrows her eyes at me making me leave. I sigh, I totally forget that our baby sister isn't a baby anymore. She can handle Margot now while I have to figure out what to do to fix this and not cancel the wedding.

Peter was standing at the door, before he was able to say anything I threw my arms at him. "Hey, woah woah woah." since I went on about what just happened inside. He heavily places his hands on my shoulder and prying me away because I refused to let go of him.

"Baby," He grumbles since I was being stubborn. He lifts my chin to face him, "Breathe,"

And I swallowed hard then did as he instructed.

"Can I talk now?" He asked as lightly touched my hair to not disturb the style, he kissed my forehead when I nodded. "I saved the day," he mumbled.

" _What_?" I was confused.

He turns me and in the corner I could see Mark Tuan and Wendy Son. Wendy waves at me, as my eyes widens in shock. I wasn't sure how Peter saved the day but I quickly go up to Wendy, to give her a hug.

"Hey," I greeted, the hug was alot longer than I expected, maybe because I haven't seen Wendy for almost a year since Wendy's birthday last Febuary when they came up to visit us for a weekend in New York. I also give Mark a hug too. I miss Peter's super quiet friend.

"Don't believe Peter, because  _I_  saved the day and not  _him_." Wendy rolls her eyes and gives Peter a judging look when he stands next to me.

"Well I called you, so that means—" Peter stopped when I put a hand on his chest. I am so not in the mood for games.

"What's going on?" I ask. I sort of have an inkling of what it is. I know, Mark is an excellent Pianist like amazing, he could have gotten in UVA in a music scholarship if he wanted it but he was taking Pre-law.

"Peter called me and asked if I could play for wedding," Mark speaks softly and he shrugs as if it isn't a big deal to drive from almost 40 minutes from UVA.

"And Peter told us what happened, and it just so happens that my cousin is in town to annoy me." Wendy says excitedly.

Two korean guys comes out from the corner, they were carrying huge shoulder bags which I'm sure is what I'm hoping it is. "You  _practically_  threatened me," the guy with two moles on his eye lids smiled at me while he was strictly looking at his cousin, I assume, said. " _Seungwan-ah,_ " He called Wendy by her korean name which means he was actually serious about the accusation.

The other guy had the most handsome features in a Korean guy I've ever seen. His smile made his eyes disappear, and wrinkles around his mouth showed. I've never found other guys attractive since I've been dating Peter but I do admit this guy is handsome. "Hello, my name is Jinyoung Park, and this is Jaebum Lim." He was polite enough to greet introduce himself and Wendy's cousin before finishing the conversation. He does have a slightly thick korean accent so I think they are visiting the US. He offers a handshake to me and Peter.

"You can call me JB." The other guy said and he also does the same.

Wendy was speaking in Korean to Jinyoung and from I understood is just ready to set up. Then to me, "JB and Jinyoung are like one of the best photographers in Korea."

"Animida," Jinyoung waves off the compliment then forgets that he isn't speaking in english, "No not all." He says it again and in english this this time, "We just enjoy what we do."

"Hajima," She told to Jinyoung to stop in korean. It's just Koreans are too humble to admit their talent when its really present. "Claim it, like Jaeboem-oppa." She said as she pushes her cousin playfully.

JB puts an arm around Jinyoung and takes his chin by his hand to make Jinyoung nod, "Of course, we aren't called  _JJproject_  for nothing." Which I assume is what their team is called.

"Hyung,  _kumane_..." Jinyoung grumbles at JB saying enough in Korean, his ears are turning a shade of pink from embarrassment. "I will go set up," He ducks from JB's hold and bows at all of us before he heads to the chapel.

"He's a shy kid that's all, but he does most of the work. I take shots but he's more talented than me." JB says proudly about his friend. "Well, I better go help out. See yah," he gives us a quick salute to run after Jinyoung telling him to wait, "Yah Jinyoung-ah, katchiga!" (let's go together!)

I jump and hug Wendy happily. "Dear, god! Thank you so much!" The fact the the two guys speaks Korean my nana will have a great time just either listening to them or actually talk to them in her native tongue. I try to speak to her in Korean but my vocabulary empties out within an hour and I'd start speaking english again.

She hugs me back, "Well if you can ask your sister to maybe postpone about an hour the latest, Mark and I still needs to practice," She points at the guitar that Mark has on his back. They are both going to play! Which would sound much amazing than Margot had in planned...

"Yes ofcourse!" I grab Mark's hand and squeezes it too, thankful about it. He just nods then looks at Wendy. "Alright, we'll go."

Mark and Wendy walk hand in hand towards the chapel.

I felt Peter's arms around my waist, his lips on my shoulder. "Did I do well?" He whispers against my ear lightly bringing shivers down my spine to my fingertips.

I leaned on his chest and sighed in relief, "You did  _amazing_ , baby." I turn my head to kiss him on the side of his forehead. I moan escaped my lips when I felt him caressing my stomach, the side of ribs then just above my breast line. Peter really likes the feel of silk on me and if I don't stop him now, I wouldn't be able to focus. I take both his hands to halt his actions.

A whine of protest formed in his throat but he doesn't fight me but then he is trailing kisses on my neck, just below my earlobe. "They said we have an hour," he turns me so I'd face him. My chest to his, my body molded to curve to his, his free hands ran down from my back down to my butt, then he squeezes. "We can do  _alot_  in an hour, baby.." he pushes himself against me, and I can feel him, want me.

I swallowed hard, the angel and devil in me are battling to either give in or not. Oh I want to... so bad. I slightly life my chin my lips is a hair away from his, "Peter, I can't just leave now and not tell Margot how you saved the day." I hitched my leg to his since I know he is holding me and he wouldn't let us fall.

"Don't I get a reward for saving the day," his voice is hungry as his hands. Until recently, Peter's fetish with me in silk will always be a death for Peter.

I smile and then I crash my lips against him, he tries to kiss me passionately but I'm kissing him softly and tenderly. He groans in our kiss and sighs, when I giggle. Whatever thoughts he had a few seconds ago has shattered when I giggled. "You're killing me, Lara Jean." The thickness in his voice is hard to hide the annoyance he is feeling.

"I love you," I gave him tiny pecks of kisses on his mouth.

"I love you too," He has melted already and had forgotten his annoyance. I got Peter wrapped around my fingers, and I love it!

I stand properly, and wipe the lipstick I wore on his lips. It's not much unless you stand this close to him but I'm still paranoid. "Tonight,  _tonight_. You can be the one the take my dress off," I pull at his lower lip much longer than needed. I know this isn't fair to hIm but I love getting him worked up like this.

He tightens his hold at my waist, "Say more things like that and you're not going anywhere." He raises an eyebrow at me playfully, a wicked grin formed on his lips.

"Jackson's  _bare_  ass." I say darkly, like it's some safe word.

And he lets go of me rather quickly, that I almost stumble back. "Fuck Lara Jean, way totally ruin the moment." He says angrily. He ran his hands through his hair not carrying if he's going against the style. He is trying to take that visual representation I just gave him.

I bite my lips trying not to laugh but some escapes making me sound like a trumpet.

"Go Lara Jean. Tell Margot about hour wait." He waves me off and was about to turn to leave me.

I take his hand and pout, I can't make him walk away from me like this. "Peter, I love you."

He rolls his eyes, " _Yeah_ ,  _Yeah_ ," but his expression softens.

"Peter!" I stomp my foot like a toddler in a midst of a tantrum.

A smile cracked on his handsome face and sighs, "I love you too, babe." He's not annoyed anymore.

"Okay! I'll see you later." I want to kiss him but I don't. He's still has that image I gave him and he would be more irritated if I do kiss him.

I turn to walk towards the Bride's room, when I felt Peter takes my arm then pull me with such strength that I gasped in surprise and my body slams against his, but he was too fast he captured my lips in an open mouth kissed and his tongue swiped my bottom lip, and I moan into our kiss. I was about to touch his face but then he pulls away, before I get even get into our kiss and melt into his lips.

I was frozen there and I didn't even realize my back was against a wall, or else I would have fallen by how my knees had weakened. I stared at him blankly unsure why our kiss was abruptly ended, and when I saw his evil grin and that twinkle in his eye. This was payback, I'm left breathless against his assault leaving me for me but he was already an inch away from me—too far.

Without saying a word, he smiles and twist his heels to have his back on me, he starts to walk away.

"Peter?" My voice was weak.

He pauses, he turns his head slightly towards me and he grins playfully, "Laters," then, even as he walks off he raised his fist in the air like that trademark move from Breakfast club. While he leaves me where I stand still weak from his kiss.

Oh, Peter is sooooo going to get it later.

 

* * *

 

 

"So Margot first asked me to be her Maid of Honor, I first thought No, are you crazy! I can never be your standards of organized and planning." I said as a part of speech. I am obviously poking fun of how the wedding started a disaster, "Well seeing as Peter and I saved your the day then maybe I am more than capable of being well over your standards." I have been speaking for about a five now, and everything is a blur until two seconds ago.  _God i hate speaking in public. I just hope I did well._

As everyone laughed at my speech. Margot just glared at me and yells, haha funny Lara Jean. But I can hear the humor in her voice so I'm in the clear.

"Anyway, thank you for coming and to celebrate the union of Margot and Josh. So I would like to propose a toast to our newly wedded couple, I wish you all the happiness in the world and to one of the many of the night, Kiss!" I click my glass and everyone else follows, no one has done that yet tonight though and I'm the first.

They kiss, a sweet peck on the lips.

"Cheers to Margot and Josh." And everyone followed.

"I also want to play this song for Josh's and Margot's first dance as Mr and Mrs Sanderson, because I know she would love to give you this song too if she was here with us. Well, I know Mom is watching us from heaven and will agree to me as I say, You look Wonderful Tonight Margot as I dare say the most beautiful bride there is." My voice breaks at the end as I mentioned Mom, and the song plays as well.

Josh takes the teary eyed Margot, hand to lead her on the dance floor.

My eyes found Peter and he was smiling at me. It was dark and I can't barely see but he mouths something, i read as "You okay?" And I nod to this, because I am.

Another song plays,  _The Way You Look Tonight_  and now people are joining the bride and groom. Peter stands up from where he was sitting to probably head towards me but then Kitty runs up to him to make him dance with her instead.

He looks at me for help and I just shrug. He can't say no to Kitty anyway. So it doesn't matter. Kitty leads Peter to the dance floor and they awkwardly slow danced. It's funny to see yet so adorable.

I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, Noah Drake, my little sister's boyfriend, offers a hand to dance with me. The kid smiles at me, "Lara Jean want to dance?"

I take his hand and nods, "Sure, but I can't promise I'm as good as a dancer as Kitty."

"Trust me, my feet still hurts from when Kitty stepped on my foot in my senior prom." Noah cringes at the memory.

"Ah," I laughed. Okay, none of the Covey's can dance well, the better one of us is Margot.

I put my hand on Noah's shoulder, while Noah hesitates to rest his hand above my waist. "Peter's not going to kill me if I have my hand here right?" He asks nervously.

I chuckled and I pushed his hand on my back. "I'll save you." As we started to sway to the music. I like Noah, he's a really sweet kid and really cares for Kitty. Though I am delighted to say that this boy is the only one who doesn't let Kitty get what she wants, kitty's already got everyone wrapped around her fingers anyways so it's a nice to have someone to keep Kitty on her toes.

I think that's why Kitty really likes him because he keeps her grounded. They have been dating for two years now. Noah is smiling at me but he would be looking at my sister who is laughing with Peter.

"You really like Kitty, don't you?" And I regretted that question as soon as it comes out of my lips. I shouldn't have said the word  _like_ because the expression on Noah's face changed quickly. He was offended by my statement

"I  _love_  Kitty," He tells me. I can see the determination in his eyes trying to prove to me that his words are true. The feelings of love that only a teenage boy can have. It reminded me of how Peter looked at me when we were this young. Nostalgia hits me.

I pursed my lips, "I'm sorry Noah, I didn't mean to offend you." I squeezed his shoulder. "I don't doubt your feelings for Kitty, it's just I keep forgetting that she's not that baby my parents brought home anymore, she's a young lady now."

"Yeah," and he gets me because he has a little sister too. Eventually he'll know what I truly feel. "But we have been dating for two years now though," and he looks at me knowingly, like I should understand him more than anyone because I was his age when I was with Peter, and Peter and I are still together.

Oh teenage love, and the promise of tomorrow. I shouldn't poke fun at it though because that's how Peter and mine's love was. It started off to that and bloomed into what we have now. "Yeah, time flies so fast." Because it seemed only yesterday when my fifteen year old sister called me saying that she just had her first kiss and she wasn't sure if laughing at his face was a normal reaction.

"Yeah, I don't know why she thought it was funny," Noah blushes when I mention it to him. Kitty may not have been his first kiss but she's his second girlfriend. So it might be why he's awkward. "Though, I was staring at her lips the whole entire time." Noah admitted. They went out to dinner, and when Noah dropped her off at the house, he just awkwardly started at Kitty for a good minute then leaned to kiss her.

"Don't worry, it's a good story to tell in the future," I playfully pinch Noah's cheek then he was horrified afterwards.

"What are you doing to my boyfriend?" Kitty demanded as she interjected our dance.

Noah shakes his head slightly begging for me to stay quiet. "It's between me and my god." I tease Kitty and I stepped away from Noah.

Kitty rolls her eyes, "Whatever.  _You'll_  tell me." She glares at Noah.

Noah grins at Kitty, "Nope." He says simply then pulls Kitty for a dance.

I was waiting for Peter but I saw him dancing with Margot. So when I felt a tap on my arm, I knew it was Josh. "Dance with me, Lara Jean?"

"Thought you'd never ask." And it was much easier and less weird dancing with Josh. Maybe because Josh is my age and not four years younger than me.

We were dancing sharing a nice comfortable silence until we both saw Kitty and Noah kiss. We both shivered hoping not to see that, and we laughed. "Jeez, I keep forgetting Kitty's not a kid anymore." Josh said.

I sigh, "I know. She's eighteen, and she's starting college next week!" Kitty is growing up in our eyes and we're all refusing to see it because she's our baby girl, the baby girl who is going to be a freshman in college at UVA.

He nods and continues to dance. "That was a really nice speech Lara Jean, thank you." Josh complimented for the speech that I thought was a mess.

I blush, then a question comes to mind. "Josh, I never got to ask but what made you propose to Margot after a month of being together?"

Josh grins, "That speech that Margot gave you the night she asked you to be your maid of honor.  _That was mine_."

I almost tripped my own feet when he said that, "What?"

"Well not really, the way she said it to you was more beautifully worded than what I told her. I mean at first she freaked out when I proposed, but I convinced her to marry me by telling her the reason why I moved to Philadelphia was to win her back."

I knew it. There was no way Margot would have said yes to that proposal immediately. I just listened to him, he said that after being with his girlfriend for two years before Margot he never understood why he never saw himself married to this girl. She was expecting it but he just didn't love her enough, it was only until he found out that Margot has been single for over a year had he realized who he truly wanted to be with.

"I held on to her saying that someday we'd be together alot stronger than I anticipated, maybe because I never really got to grieve my break up with Margot as I should have, I was waiting that we'd get back together before she left for Scotland. Then when she didn't I did sort of but at that time I was confused."

And I knew what he was talking about, "The letter," I mumble just enough for him to hear.

"Yep," but there was no bad emotion to it, it was just a statement admitting that it's what happened. It has been years already, everyone is over it but it still doesn't mean it didn't happen. "Guess your Letters brought one more couple together."

And I smile, i guess after all this time that letter kept Josh and Margot together even if they only subconsciously knew about it until a year ago. "I am happy for the both of you."

"You and Peter are next I'm sure." Josh says.

" _Better be_ , I am going to shoot Peter on the foot if Kitty gets married before me." And as I joked, i regretted it immediately. The thought of Kitty getting married is far too of a scary thought and seeing Josh's expression, he is thinking the same too.

"Can I have my husband back?" I hear Margot's voice behind me, thankfully finishing off the conversation we have before I start to say things that is going to terrify me even more.

My heart jump happily when I saw Peter standing beside Margot. I instinctively smile at my handsome boyfriend. He is so breathtaking in his tux, it takes everything in me from now kissing him right here and now. "Hi," I say to Peter.

"Alright, she's totally forgotten about you, let's go husband." Margot says as she swipes her husband from me.

"Okay, wife." And they are gone somewhere in the dance floor, while Peter and I are just standing there watching each other like we're the only people in the room.

Then, our song played. This moment right here brings me to Leah and Gavin's wedding. I step into his arms, I kiss him lightly when I saw him about to speak. "You can't keep bringing up  _wanting_  to marry me  _every_  wedding we go to."

He raises an eyebrow and chuckles, "This is the  _second_  wedding we went to, Lara Jean."

I rest my cheek on his chest, when I felt his hands on my back pulling me close to him. Our hands tangled together, infront of me. "I know, but I can hear you thinking."

He plants a soft kiss on my temple, "How about this,  _you look beautiful tonight._ "

I smile and close my eyes feeling chest rise and fall from him breathing. "That's much better."

He brings our hands to his lips and kisses my knuckles, "That I love you."

"Much,  _much_  better."

"That's all you can say?" He whispers against my ear.

"I love you," I turn to face him, and I met his gaze. I lift myself so my lips would meet his. "How about that?"

I can feel his lips form a smile, "Much,  _much_  better," he repeats what I say a while ago, and he kisses me again affectionately.

 

* * *

 

"Madeline Camilla," Leah says to me as she carefully sets tiny Madeline into my arms. Little Madeline has dark blonde hair like Gavin's but her eyes are as light as Leah's. She's an exact replica of Leah, and Gavin refused to be reminded of that. "Maddie for short."

"Hello, Maddie." I coo the baby in my arm, I'm slowly swaying back and forth. She's so tiny I hold tightly afraid she'd slip in my arms. She's only two months, I saw her when she was born since Brandy and I drove down to see Leah when she had Maddie. She still didn't have a name then, Leah only called her Girl for the weekend we were there.

"She's so tiny," Peter grumbles to himself as he lightly holds Maddie's arm. She was slightly fussing in my arms, probably uncomfortable with the way I'm holding her. I'm not used to babies, the only baby I encountered is Kitty and that was eighteen years ago.

"You want to hold her?" Leah offered.

Peter back up immediately terrified of the idea, "No I think I'm good."

Leah rolls her eyes while I just laughed at my boyfriend. He was only four years old when Owen was born, so he is as clueless as I am.

"Seriously it's fine,  _for practice_  in the future." Gavin said calmly.

I widen my eyes and shake my head. I'm not even engaged much less ready for a baby. Gosh... I feel my arms sweating now, and it doesn't help that Maddie is moving and whining in my arms now.

"Gavin, I haven't even told them yet." Leah glares at her husband.

"Tell us what?" I ask, but Leah was looking at Peter.

Peter blinked confused, " _What_?"

"Well, Gavin and I was going to ask you to be Maddie's godfather." Leah asks.

"Me? Why  _me_?" Peter stumbles in his words, he was really taken a back by this and hopes he was just hearing things.

"Because you are one of our bestfriends Peter, we trust you with Maddie. And besides, with you as the godfather makes Lara Jean the  _co-grandparent._ " Leah said with a smile as she places a hand on arm.

"Who is her godmother?" I ask, it's obviously not me since the way she said co-grandparent means it's just cause I'm Peter's girlfriend.

Leah has the most amusing look in her face when she says, " _Brandy_."

"Does she  _know_  this yet?" I ask trying to suppress a smile. The two people she asks to be godparents are the most unlikely to have any idea what to do with a kid, well Brandy is more clueless than Peter. I think Peter will do well, he's just scared.

"No, I'm telling her once she comes down with Jackson."

"She's going to kill you," i tease Leah.

Leah shrugs and kisses her daughter's tiny arms, "She'll live."

"Do you wanna hold Maddie, babe?" I ask Peter since he was just staring at Maddie trying to process that he might be a guardian to Maddie if emergency things happen.

"She doesn't bite, man." Gavin gives Peter a encouraging slap on the back.

"Ah, sure." Thought Peter is too nervous to even say no.

Leah carefully takes Maddie from my arms, while Gavin teaches Peter how to have his arms. "Okay, here she goes." Then Maddie is in his arms.

Peter holding little Maddie is such an adorable sight that even Leah sees this too since she already took a picture of godfather and goddaughter.

And I was right, Peter is such a natural at this even if he isn't trying. Maddie is already snuggled into his arms perfectly that she didn't even fuss at all like she did with me. I look up at Peter and he looks at me, he smiles nervously. "Am I holding her right?"

I nod, "She's already sleeping," I point out since Maddie's eyes were slowly closing. I almost bit my lip when a small smile formed on the little one's lips.

"Im going go cook us dinner," Leah said then she grabs Gavin with her to the kitchen, leaving us alone with Maddie.

Peter was swaying back and forth, and finally Maddie has fallen asleep, he just watches her intently. After a few seconds he whispers to me, "I  _want_  one."

I look at him, my eyebrows met. " _One_  what?"

He chuckles, " _This_ , I want one  _with you._ "

I roll my eyes, trying to ignore that butterflies in my stomach or the fact that my heart is jumping up and down my chest. "You  _have_  to marry me  _first_ , Kavinsky before that happens."

He smiles at me and nods. "Okay."

" _Okay_?" I wasn't sure what he means by this but he better not mean right now, or I'll kick him.

" _Okay_ , I'll do that and you can give me  _five boys._ " He teases totally still reminding me of my panic many years ago.

I almost laughed out loud but stopped abruptly when Maddie stirred from the noise. "Not  _all_  at once. Besides, I can't promise you that. Covey's only  _produces_  girls remember?"

He shrugs, "How about we plan for three, if the  _third one_ isn't a boy we stop trying."

He sounds so serious that I'm starting to feel my palms sweat. Are we really talking about how many kids we'd have? We haven't had this serious talk before and it's making me giddy. I can't be this excited, not just yet. I want to finish my PhD first before I'd have kids. Mom didn't get to finish hers after Kitty's. "As I said, marry me  _first_  Peter. Then we'd  _talk_."

"I heard you the first time," then he leans closer and sticks out his lip for a kiss since he really can't move anywhere while holding Maddie. So I obliged and gave him a soft kiss, "I will marry you, and we will have three kids."

And I don't answer to this but I am smiling like an idiot as if I am floating on cloud. The image of me and Peter married, with little Peters or Little LJ replicas running around comes to me, and it seems much closer and clearer now than it ever did in the past seven years we've been together.

And I'm actually looking forward to it...

 

* * *

 

**_A/N:_ **

_OMGGG THIS CHAPTER WAS SO HARD TO WRITE BECAUSES idk lol maybe of the new story that popped into my head that I had to write check out One Last Night (hahahah shameless plug! Oi, it's a totally different story okay? Don't worry! Its just got the same characters but that's it)_

_Im sorry, i promise Peter isn't a pervert hahaha or LJ isn't. A sex fiend but they are in their late mid 20s so they can have those thoughts without feeling guilty. As i was writing this, I didn't realize Kitty is 18... i kept counting and I'm like OMMMMMMG! Seriously? The reason why LJ is freaking out is coz I AM! Lol_

_Awww Baby Maddie helping Peter realizing something... i swear Leah and Gavin are like diabolical! I need friends like that. Hahahahah sneaky bastards hahahah_

_I hope you like this chapters guys!_

_I only have 2 chapters left! And we all know what those mean! Sooooo give this story lots of love and shoot out ideas because i know what's neext! Hahahah_

_Belated Happy New Year guys! Sooooo! Yaay! 2019! And check out my other story too okay? Give it lots of love too! Kyaaa!_

_Special shout out to the Hyung-line of GOT7 and JJproject heheheh KPOP KPOP lol_


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Disclaimer... and Can i Get reviews pleasee? hehe thanks_

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

I was getting ready to make lunch when there was a loud incessant knock on my door. I wasn't expecting anyone, Peter's at work besides he doesn't need to knock unless he left his key but I doubt it.

I rush to the door, saying I was in my way. I open my door and I nearly fell back when Kitty threw her arms around me. She was bawling, her hands clutched on my clothes.

"Kitty, Kitty, what are you doing here?" I shut the door using my foot since I had my arms around her comforting her. She just continued crying on my chest apologizing that she's ruining my clothes since she can't stop. I just shush her and telling her to cry it out to take her time.

I am secretly panicking now trying to figure out why my little sister is acting like this. From when I talked to her yesterday she told me Noah with was coming up to New York for the holiday weekend to see her and she was super excited about it, that she already informed me not to bother her for the next four days even when I demanded that they come for dinner tonight.

Yeah, Kitty transferred to NYU for her sophomore year and also changed her major from Pre-med in UVA to theater. So now she is currently enrolled in Tisch school of the arts. We aren't really in the same campus since she lives in Brooklyn while I live in closer to Manhattan where my campus is.

So now, all Song girls are living closer to each other than we are to Dad since Margot and Josh are still in Philadelphia an hour.

I can feel Kitty's sobs calming down a bit but she's still weeping. I can't control myself anymore, I should be the big sister to have her calm down instead of crying with her but I don't know what to comfort her for if i have no idea what is happening. "Kitten, please talk to me, tell me why you are crying."

Kitty shakes her head and when I placed my hands on her shoulder to make her face me. Her reddened nose and red eyes takes it out of me to not tear up. " _Please_." I beg desperately as I swipe her tears with my knuckles.

"I got your shirt wet." She refuses to answer my question as she points at my damp blouse from her tears.

I wave her off so she doesn't worry about the shirt. "It's fine." My white blouse has a mix of her make up too.

"You should change," She says as she sniffles, dabbing her tears with her sleeve.

" _Why?_ " The first thing in my mind is not to change but have her talk.

Kitty ignoring my question, "You know that dress I got you for your birthday,"

I raise an eyebrow at her, not sure what she's doing. "Then you'll talk to me?" Maybe when I give her time while I get dressed she'll calm down a bit to tell me what happened. She's like Margot, she doesn't immediately blurt out whats wrong.

"Sure." Kitty offers me a forced smile, "And maybe add a tiny lipstick, you look a bit pale."

I roll my eyes, as I let her push me to my room. If changing with a little lipstick will let her talk to me then I'll do it.

After five minutes I comeback from my room, in a off the shoulder blue dress that was two inches above the knees at the front and long at the back barely touching my calves, this is more a cocktail dress really but at least it's not cold out for an October weather.

"I'm at Lara Jean and Peter's," I hear Kitty talking to someone on the phone, she was crying again when I left her I can hear it in her voice. "No I haven't told her yet. Just stop calling me."

I shouldn't listen in, but now I want to know why Kitty is crying. I can slightly hear a guy's voice on the other line which I'm sure is Noah. My heart clenches for my sister, long distance is rough I know and I hope her crying has nothing to do with that.

She was silent for a few seconds and probably just listening to Noah. " _It'll be fine_." Her tone sounds so defeated my heart is aching for her.

Then I hear her sob again, so I quickly get out of the hallway to her. When she sees me, she wipes her tears by the back of her hand. She smiles at me and straightens. "See I knew you'd look good in that dress!" She claps excitedly trying to ignore the fact that I'm treading lightly towards her.

"Kitty," I say carefully.

"Come sit here, I'll do your hair."

" _Kitty_ ," I breathe desperately, I am torn between trying to be the older sister I should be and have her pour out her emotions or just let Kitty distract herself first until she's ready.

She shakes her head, then tosses a throw pillow on floor between her legs. "Please, I need a distraction before I go mad."

I sigh, well if it's what she wants. I walk over to her and sit on the pillow she prepared for me. "You know I love you right?" Maybe this will help her remember that she doesn't have to hide from me.

"Yes, and because  _you love me_. You'll let me do you're hair." She says in a bossy tone. She's annoyed that I keep forcing her.

"Fine." And I lean back stubbornly and reach for my brush under the table to hand it to her. But as soon as she said a soft thank you, I felt really bad and wished I didn't snap at her.

She was braiding my hair differently than she used to, she's done this for my hair a couple times before and she calls it a waterfall braid. I stay silent, yet I'm anxious since I can feel her shaking really badly. I had to wipe a tear that escapes my eye, I can't deal with this... i need to know what's causing my sister to act like this.

"Noah and I broke up." She finally ended our misery and let out what she's been holding in her heart. She has her hands on her face and she's crying again, and this time a lot harder than she did when she threw herself in my arms.

"Oh Kitten," I kneel on the pillow so I can face her and wrap my arms around her. I caress her back and brush the hair off her face. "What happened?" Is it why Noah came up to New York to break up with Kitty. I had to control myself from wanting to call Peter to have him hunt down Noah for making my sister cry. I have to be rational as well because I still have to hear her out first before I jump to conclusions.

She takes a deep breath and sniffles, "I don't know, we were just talking about how hard these past few weeks have been and then the next thing I knew we started fighting,  _again_."

 _Again,_ like this isn't the first time it has happened. How come I've never heard about these fights that they have been having. When Kitty comes over for dinner she always talks about how Noah and her are doing great when Peter and I ask her. I can always tell when Kitty tries to hide something from me, so I didn't even have a suspicion that they were having problems.

"I thought you and Noah were fine." I know that I am not helping at all by saying this but I needed her to hear that I believe it and she should too.

"I don't tell you  _everything,_ Lara Jean." She spits out bitterly.

And I flinched from her tone, I know that's a lie because Kitty tells me  _everything_. There is no way she couldn't tell me about their struggle for this long distance when she even told me every single detail leading to her first time she was with  _truly_  intimate with Noah (it horrified me to hear it or even picture it, but I still listened because I'm her sister.) "Why?" I ask instead.

She groans and stomps her feet, "Because I'm embarrassed, that I lied saying it was easy when clearly it isn't."

"Who ever  _said it was_?" I had to suppress a smile as I remembered how hard it was to be in a long distance relationship and I wondered how I survived that for four years when now Peter and I go insane being apart for two days.

"You and Peter made it look  _easy_!" She finally pushes me off her and looks up at me, I can see the desperation in her face.

I smile sadly at her, " _Oh, Katherine_." I let out a breath not really sure what words to use to comfort her now. Back then the situation Peter and I were in is so much different than Kitty's and Noah. For one thing, a year into Peter and mine's relationship we started the long distance, while Kitty and Noah has been together for three years then Kitty moved to New York. Peter and I were only 4 hours apart while they are 6 hours apart.

"What?" Kitty is waiting for me to say anything.

I just tell Kitty the same thing me and Peter always remind each other, "You can't compare my relationship with yours because every relationships are different.  _And_  whoever said that love is all that matters is  _crap_  because relationship is work. You have to be willing to work to be together and love will make you stronger."

"See that sounds easy," She wipes the tears from her face with the back of her palm.

I lightly caress her cheek and shake my head, "But it's not. Seriously, you were there too. The first two months after I moved to NC, Peter and I broke up."

"But you two got back together two months after that,"

I close my eyes for a second trying to collect my thoughts. I really don't think I'm making her feel any better, "What happened to your guys' plan? Wasn't he supposed to transfer after he graduate? Doesn't he only have a year?" Noah is a senior in UVA and he is taking Pre-law, he is more than capable of finding schools here since he's a really intelligent kid on an athletics scholarship.

Kitty glares at me, "Well obviously it's shot, now that we broke up."

And I just gasp at how easily she is giving up on her three year relationship without even giving it a chance. I take her by the shoulder and shake her, her head wobbles twice. "What's wrong with you!" I demand hoping to take her out of this funk. She's acting rather moody.

"Nothing!" She says in the same voice I gave her.

I raise and I eyebrow, "There isn't a third party right?" Im too afraid to ask really because Kitty isn't the type to find someone quickly while I am hoping Noah doesn't wish death towards him because there's still Peter that will come after him despite him being Owen's bestfriend.

"No! God no! Noah would never!" Now she's defending him. Then she clears her throat realizing her outburst, "It's just I haven't seen Noah for  _six weeks._  And the first thing we do is have this major fight about something so stupid."

I pursed my lips together, recalling how it was for me and Peter our first two months when we started college. We didn't fought on the phone but never when we see each other. I wanted to applaud Kitty that at least they fought meaning they acknowledging there is a problem instead of ignoring it like Peter and I did probably why we broke up.

"You just  _need_  to talk to Noah," I take her hand and squeeze it, they have been together for three years and will only be apart for a year till Noah can follow, I'm sure they can find a way to work this out than easily give up like this.

Kitty's phone went off and she shot out of the couch, "Lets go for a walk, Lara Jean!" Kitty said as she grabbed my arm.

"What?" I refuse to let me distract her. She can't get away that easily. " _What is wrong with you?_ " Now I'm worried about her.

"Noah knows I'm here, I'm not ready to talk to him yet." She panics as she stares at the door anticipating it to knock.

"Why not Kitty?"

"Because I was being stupid and fought with Noah. I need to recollect myself." Kitty's teary eyed again remembering probably what she said to Noah.

I roll my eyes, "That kid may not tolerate your antics like Daddy and Peter does with you, but Noah loves you and will forgive you no matter what." I've seen the way Noah would look at Kitty. It's the one where I pray to thank God everyday that my little sister would never get hurt or experience the pain I went through before when Peter and I break up. Even I wouldn't wish that pain to my enemies.

She smiles sadly, "I know, but if I jump into his arms immediately without even giving myself a second. I'm going to fight with him again. No matter how much we love each other Noah  _can only tolerate so much_." Then she tugs me again, so I'd stand up. " _Please_ , Lara Jean?"

She's got those famous puppy dog eyes that she has perfected all these years, and the distance we've had from each other is making it so hard to deny her with anything. " _Fine_." I groan and stand up, "But you better call Noah later and have him come over for dinner."

Kitty hugs me and nods, "Okay,"

"Anywhere you want to go?" I ask Kitty since she's fairly new to New York so she's still trying to figure out this beautiful city she's moved to.

"I don't know, what do you have in mind?"

I blink trying to think, "There's this pocket park a few blocks from here. Do you want to check that out?" Peter and I love going to this park just to sit there or even go around in circles just to walk and talk.

There are a lot of mini parks in NYC, Peter and I got bored one afternoon and tried to find the few of them by our apartment. We have lived in New York for about three years and only found about this small one three blocks away. It's a gated one but for some reason Peter and I got lucky enough to figure out where the key is, so it's free game for all he claims.

Kitty smiles satisfyingly then says, "Alright let's go."

We were walking and talking, mostly Kitty. She's running her mouth too much that I don't even get a chance to talk. She tell me everything about her classes, her new friends, her part time job,  _anything_ , just to not let me ask questions or try to. When she does this it usually means's she's nervous about something.

She has been distracting me far too much that I didn't even realize we were close to the park. I was about to tell her we were almost there but then Noah was standing by the entrance of the park.

"Isn't that Noah?" I point out to Noah.

Kitty's face brighten and she stops her steps. He saw us and waves, his face matched hers exactly mirroring her emotion. "Noah!" She ran to Noah without a second thought, that she even threw herself into his arms, and they kissed.

Then a thought came to me, they way they are so happy to be together. It's how Peter and I acted when we haven't seen each other for more than three weeks during college, not the broken up over something stupid.

I walk over towards them ready to ask Kitty if I'm right.

"Hey Lara Jean!" Noah greets me happily like he has no idea at all that they broke up at all. He lets go of his Kitty briefly to give me a hug.

I awkwardly pat him in the back, while I glare at Kitty. If she plans to break up with Noah right now or ever... this will be so weird. "Hey, Noah."

"Lara Jean is inviting us for dinner later," Kitty says her voice was an octave higher than normal.

Noah glances over at Kitty, his eyebrows meet in confusion. " _Tonight_?  _Really_?"

I was about to ask what Noah means until saw rose petals on the ground. That leads inside of the park. The three of us shouldn't even be here theres probably something going on inside or will happen later. "Guys, we should find another place to go to,"

But then Kitty gives me a knowing smile, "All the more reason to crash it," then she winks.

" _What?_ " She is really acting so odd today.

"Actually Lara Jean, if you'll follow me". Noah offers his arm to me.

"What's going on?" I am shaking as I say this.

"Jeez quit being such a  _drama queen_  and listen to Noah!" Kitty grabs my hand to have it on latch on to Noah.

"I'm a drama queen! You were  _bawling_  like a baby not twenty minutes ago saying you and Noah  _broke up!_ "

" _What?_ We broke up? You said that wasn't the  _excuse_  you were going to use Kitty," now Noah is whining like a child and pouty.

Kitty rolls her eyes at me and says, "Acting major." She waves me off. Then she glances towards Noah guilty, "Sorry Noah, honey, our workshop was that this week. Easier to stay in character." She goes on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek.

"I am going to kill you Kitty—" I was about to reach to Kitty to at least pinch her or something but Kitty already ran away into the park.

"Bye! See you later! Love you Lara Jean!" Then disappears to the left.

I look up at Noah, "You'll tell me what's happening?"

But he just smiles at me and shakes his head leading inside the part to the opposite direction of where Kitty went. "Lara Jean," Noah says and from his backpocket he gives me a Red Rose.

"Noah?" I am trembling as I accept it.

Then Noah also gives me a photo, It was a picture of me on first day in middle school when I was proudly showing my braces, my bag on my feet showing the Lara Jean glitter that I worked hard for to make. Then behind it has a sticky note with Peter's hand writing on it.

 

_**Lara Jean,** _

_that this was the day I started noticing you, and how I will always see you, I was too young to understand what it meant back then but honestly it was only the beginning._

 

My heart is beating really fast, and I'm trembling. A sob escapes my lips. He says beginning of what... Peter what are you up to?

"Just keep following the path, you'll see." Noah smiles at me, when I turn to him but he gives me a hug first. "I would never hurt Kitty, Lara Jean."

But I just rolled my eyes, I believe him but I'm still annoyed at Kitty for making me super worried about her. "But I can't promise you that I won't."

He just chuckles, "Well, I really can't stop you there." He knows to never get between then Song girls.

I followed the path as told, but I'll play along. Then I saw Owen.

Owen smiled at me and waved as soon as he saw me, gesturing at the flower and photo he was holding.

"Here you go," he hands me the two, with a goofy grin.

It was little LJ and Peter K. Gen and I had our arms around each other. Chris had a fist full of Trevor's hair for some reason and the poor guy wasn't smiling. Tall John Ambrose was beside Trevor not knowing the chaos next to him since he was beaming, Allie was squatted infront of Gen and me. Then Peter, who was standing behind me and Chris. He looked rather unhappy about something and his head turned slightly, probably towards Genevieve. Behind a photo is a sticky note.

 

_**Lara Jean** _ _,_

_This was our first photo as a group when we all decided to be all friends. You probably won't believe it when I'd say this but I remember this day like it was yesterday, I was upset that I wasn't standing next to you... I wanted to so bad but Gen beat me to it then you grabbed Chris next to you because she wouldn't stop fighting Trevor. We were 12 Lara Jean and you were already a heart breaker._

 

I remember this day too, and it made me smile. It was a month after middle school started. I was already sort of friends with Genevieve because we lived close but when we were in the same class together, she demanded we become best friends. Allie joined in too, with Chris then John was close to Allie since they came from the same elementary school.

Genevieve already thought Peter was cute so she invited him to join our group but also asked Trevor so she wouldn't be too obvious. we all played together during recess for a week then we went over to my Allie's house to take this photo. Gen was giggling to me saying she thinks Peter has a crush on her too because he keeps following her around like a little puppy.

Gen and I were inseparable then, so this could only mean that Peter was following her around and It was because of me!  _Peter had a crush on me?_

"Owen what's going on?" I ask him maybe he'll tell me. I'm afraid to assume things and my heart is beating wildly on in my chest.

He shakes his head and turns me lightly back to follow the flowery road. "I was young then but do remember Peter saying that he always liked a girl with long dark hair."

"You're lying." I refuse to believe that Peter had a crush on me then. It had always been Gen and Peter back then.

" _Just go_ , my mission here is done." Then he even had to start walking.

I swallowed hand and kept walking, good thing the thorns because I am gripping at the two flowers I was holding, I was shaking too much.

Then finally another corner, and the next person I see brings tears to my face. It's Chris. I haven't seen her for almost two years now. She now lives in Texas, I still talk to her frequently but the visits are hard. I ran up to her and threw my arms around her.

"Hey, LJ." She's trying not to cry too but she pulls away from the hug and immediately wipes off my tears with her free hand, she also has a rose and a note. "You're not supposed to cry  _yet_."

"Chris, I can't help it I just miss you so much." And I do and I feel so touched that she's here to witness whatever this is Peter is doing. I already know what it is but I don't say it out loud.

"I miss you too," She laughs cry at her words and hugs me again. "God, I need to focus. Jeez." Then she pulls away again just so she can hand me the rose and the photo.

I am laughing at this, because for some reason it's a photo of my in a yellow shirt, I don't understand what it is until I read the note. It's the shirt I wore that night, how he found this photo I's never know.

 

 _Your hair smelled like coconuts, it reminds me of Hawaii. Yeah, that wasn't really it. I wanted a reason to be close to you. You were the one I wanted to kiss that night, I didn't know how to do it, I was so nervous I wanted to say something to get your attention. You're my First kiss_ _ **Lara Jean**_.

 

I lifted my head to watch Chris, I'm sure she's read the note. "Guess there was  _no_  Angelina with  _big boobs?_ " She said with a smile. Of course we both knew about that because Gen wouldn't shut up about it and even cried about it.

"No." My voice was low, from crying.

"I know Peter and Gen dated soon after that, but just so you know  _he was 12_  and  _stupid_." Chris rolls her eyes and scoffs.

I stifle a giggle, there's the Chris I know and love. "Did Peter tell you to say that?"

"He doesn't have to. Because he  _was_  twelve and stupid  _and_  Gen  _had_  boobs." Chris is still holding a grudge to her cousin despite years passing. Gen was one of the first girls in our group to wear a bra and she never forgot to throw it in our faces.

Now i burst into a fit of laughter. I am actually not mad at Peter for that. It has been over a decade, hell 13 years to be exact. He was a prepubescent boy and I never really showed that I was in love with Peter then, or if 12 year old infatuation was considered one.

"Okay, on you go." Chris said as she gestured towards the flowery path again, but I held on to her palms tightly. I don't want to go yet. "I'll be here  _all_  weekend."

I pursed my lips to stop myself from crying, I nod as I continue on.

Then a couple steps later, Lucas Krapf smiled at me. He couldn't wait for me to go to him, and he runs to me to hug me. Lucas I see frequently since we both live in New York, though not as often as we would like since we both have our own lives but we do try to keep each other updated. He writes plays now and I've seen a couple of them. It's really good.

I hug Lucas back. "Hey," I greet him.

He takes a deep breath, "God, I promised myself I won't cry." He grumbles to himself angrily. Then he smiles again, "Never in my wildest dreams would I even write up something this romantic." Lucas is shivers as if the thought if this is making him giddy, giddier than I an.

So I guess, he didn't even ask Lucas' advice for this. I accepted the rose and the photo. It's me and Margot in her car. The car I wrecked the first time I drove it back before junior year started.

 

_**Lara Jean,** _

_when I saw you crying on that curb I didn't even have time to think. I already had my window down to check if you were okay, even when you wanted me to leave. I couldn't, not until I was positive you were all right. The relief that I felt when I saw you weren't injured of any kind was so confusing to me... I didn't understand why I felt that way._

 

He had to go to Gen afterwards but he did actually make me feel better. It was really weird that Peter who I usually don't talk other than a quick hello if we bump into each other, was my comfort during that time.

Lucas looks uncomfortable now, and I realize he's supposed to say something. The other three has, "Lucas?"

He rolls his eyes, "He said, that he was right that _I am gay._ "

 _Oh Peter, you dummy_. I smile at Lucas apologetically instead.

"Can I punch Peter's pretty face, please?" And I am hoping he isn't serious.

I shake my head, "Please dont hurt my— _him_." I was going to say  _boyfriend_  but I have a feeling that word would change after I reach the end of this.

And Lucas noticed my hesitation, then he remembers that he needs to let me go. After one quick hug, he guides me back to the path.

Josh, my brother-in-law, is next. He didn't find me at first since he was on his phone. And when he looked up, he saw me. "Hey, Lara Jean." He offers me the flower, but this time I noticed it's not Red roses anymore but Pink.

"Hi Josh," then I accept the flower from him and two photos one, the note I placed on his scrapbook 'If you make josh's dumb white-chocolate cranberry cookies and not my fruitcake ones, it's over.' And of course my letter to him.

 

_**Lara Jean** _ _,_

_when you launched yourself into me my arms and kissed me in front of everyone. I made the excuse of saying I wasn't ready for anything because honestly I was afraid. How could one kiss bring back these feelings I had thought I forgotten all those years, the letter alone was already confusing enough but then that kiss Lara Jean that was it for me. I fought it first but thinking about it now, that's when I knew I belong with you. That eventually I would know what it means to truly love someone._

 

Josh wipes the tear that has left my eyes, "It's too early to cry." He tells me and plants a quick kiss on the top of my head. Josh and I may have a history but now our relationship is like how Peter is with Kitty.

"It's hard not to." I take a deep breath.

"So keep going, Peter's waiting for you." He pats on his phone. He probably just updated if I met up with Josh yet.

I hug Josh, before I finally start walking again.

I hear hushed tones and there I see Charlie and Leah. Leah is crying before they know I'm there, Charlie is telling her to calm down. "Lara Jean!" Charlie gasped when she saw me. " _You didn't see me!_ " Charlie then ran to where she was supposed to go, leaving Leah and me behind me.

Leah wipes her tears and smiles at me. "Gosh, an emotional day." Then she hands me a pink rose, I am now carrying six roses now. it's a bit difficult to hold them all in my palm now especially with the photos. "Here let me," she offers to take the other five roses instead, to exchange the little velvet jewelry box she was holding.

I knew this all too well, and I opened it. It's the heart locker Peter gave me for valentines day junior year in high school. I haven't really worn it anymore after sophomore year in college because the clasp broke, and Peter hand gotten me a different necklace for Christmas that year as well, and I've worn that one ever since. So I just put the beautiful necklace to rest in my hatbox.

There's a small note too at the bottom of the box, in tiny hand writing.

 

_**Lara Jean,** _ _does this count as pinning you again? Because I already did._

 

I didn't even realize that I miss this necklace so much until seeing it again. I want to put it on but I couldn't.

Leah had wrapped a blue ribbon around the stems to hold the flowers together and so I can just use the ribbon to hold the flowers since she tied it tight enough. "Here you go," she asked for the necklace and she attached on the ribbon so that it would be hanging down beautifully.

"Thank you," I tell Leah.

Then we shared a smile together, she hugs me tightly. "Go before I break down again."

I swipe the tears from Leah's cheek and nod.

Obviously, Charlie's next. She pursed her lips guiltily, "Is she okay?" Leah has always been the super emotional over the rest of us and shes much worse now that she has Maddie. "Gosh, she called me to go her crying." Charlie and I laughed together. "Anyway, back on track."

Charlie inserts the pink rose stem into the bunch of flowers.

It was the picture of Peter's contract in my yearbook. My eyes drift on the last part,  _'Peter will love Lara Jean with all his heart, always.'_

Stuck beside the note is the ticket stub of Breakfast at Tiffany's. It was the movie we watched the night we got back together. And it was the same night I lost my virginity to Peter. He kept the ticket stub when I didn't even think of keeping it, somewhere in our apartment, Peter has a Lara Jean box too.

 

_**Lara Jean** _ _, I love you._

 

It's short and sweet but the ticket stub alone says so much. I'm sure he doesn't need to say anything because that night those three words were the only ones that matter.

I felt Charlie's arms around me, she sniffles a sob but she's trying not to cry. "I am so happy for you,"

"Don't or I'll cry." I threaten her.

Charlie pulls away and nods, "Okay, okay no tears." She pushes the palm of her hand to her eye to possibly hold pressure to stop her tears.

"Can you hold this for me?" I give her the velvet box since I am having a hard time carrying all of it.

"Of course, of course,"

After I wave to Charlie, I start walking again and the next person waiting is Brandy. When she sees me she crosses her arms around her chest, she's not like the others teary eyed and emotional. She's actually annoyed that she's been standing so long. "I should not have worn heels for this," She said to me as soon as I stand next to her.

Give it to Brandy to deflect her emotions by showing the opposite of what she's feeling. "Hey Brandy,"

She smiles when she sees the necklace hanging from the bow, "I haven't seen this for a while,"

"I know I guess Peter went through my hatbox." The box is sitting quietly in our closet and then sometimes I'd take it out if Peter goes to Virginia without me which he did a month ago, and now I found out why.

"Oh, here." Brandy tried to sound cold and unaffected but her voice cracked slightly at the end. She carefully adds the rose into the batch then hands me a photo and a key.

It's the key to our first place in New York, and the selfie photo of our first night together. We were laying in bed, side by side facing each other. Peter was taking the photo, his free hand was between our chests, our foreheads together and we were trying not to laugh. This was a series of photos we wanted to try be candid but fail miserably because we couldn't stay still. This shot was perfect though, it was even my Instagram profile picture for a while.

 

_**Lara Jean,** _

_that night when you fell asleep in my arms I didn't sleep at all that night. I was just watching you. I couldn't sleep at all because it had just hit me that we actually live together. I don't have to worry about either you or me leaving after the weekend. From that day on, we will sleep together and wake up in each other's arms., from that day on and everyday for the rest of my life._

 

If he only knew that I wasn't sleeping either. I was too hyped up to even try but I kept my eyes closed. I had the exact same thoughts too. I was too busy worrying about the actual move to the city that it never really hit me till later that night that Peter and I are living together. We were finally, like every normal couple out there.

"He's waiting for you," Brandy said since I was just staring at that photo still. I know I am closer now, I doesn't take genius that Kitty and Margot are next. Peter has thought of this so much, to even ask Chris and Charlie to fly New York.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Brandy asks softly since I was shaking now. I think it all has come to me too what's about to happen. I had no idea how much I've been waiting until I'm getting much closer to where Peter would be waiting.

"I am going to kill him," I laugh cry again. The anticipation is actually hurts so much like theres electric current going through my body to the tip of my fingers, and its not helping that I'm holding to to ribbon and the photos. No one can pry these from my fingers anymore because it'll be stuck this way. My heart is beating really slowly that I can't breathe. Can I die of happiness this soon when Peter hasn't even asked the question yet?

Brandy smiles, "No you wont. Now go."

"Okay," I mumble my feet has a life it's own, following the flowery path. And Kitty is standing there, she looks at me guilty probably remembering what she put me through just to throw me off completely when she made me change into this dress, make me put on lipstick and then braided my hair. I was seriously only planning to be lazy at home today. Then prepare for dinner for Noah and her with me and Peter.

Gosh, she can develop her acting skills at Tisch because she totally fooled.

Kitty runs up to me and wraps her arms around me, careful not to squish the flowers I was holding or the pictures. "I love you." Like those words will just make me not hold a grudge at all.

But I can't hold a grudge, not with Kitty. "I love you too,"

Kitty sticks the flower she was holding and hands me a photo too. It's from Leah and Gavin's wedding two years ago. We were on the dance floor with Peter's lips on my ear and I was smiling.

Some of Let's Stay Together's lyric is written as the content of the note.

 

_**Lara Jean,** _

_I am so in love with you and I want to spend my life with you. Loving you forever is what I need. I'll never be untrue. Loving you whether times are good or bad, happy or sad. Staying around you is all I see. Let's stay together._

 

Kitty moved my hair from behind me to some over my shoulder. "You've been crying so much already that your so puffy. I told everyone not to cry just yet." She lightly touches my cheek and below my eyes.

"So are you," She's still slightly puffy from all her act awhile ago. Okay, maybe I'm still holding a grudge.

Kitty rolls her eyes, and then she hold me by the shoulder. "Just go." She tries to sound annoyed but failed. She gives me a big kiss on the cheek, then nudges me forward.

It doesn't take me long till I started walking again. I know this park by heart, and I am aware I'm almost at the end, close to where Noah is standing since it's not really a a small pocket park. It's just a circle, with really high hedges that you cant see the outside or the other side. It seems like your trapped in a maze really.

Then I find my oldest sister sitting at the park bench, I don't expect her to be standing not when she's six months pregnant. She had her hands on her belly, when she turns to see me, she is trying her best not to cry. Margot is really emotional since her hormones are a mess. She immediately stands when I'm next to her.

"Hey GoGo." I greet my sister, "Hows my little niece?" I move the photos go my other hand, then rub Margot's belly too.

"Really, really fussy. She's really happy like her mom for her aunt." Margot grabs my hand and squeezes my palm. I just noticed she doesn't have a flower at all, but an envelope with my name from Peter. It's got a stamp and all. It's even addressed our apartment.

"Let me keep those," Margot said as she takes the flowers and the photos. It was really hard to part with them just now, I was used to have them in my hands that I feel lighter and I don't like it. I was staring at the flowers and pictures that were now resting on the bench, the heart locket over the stems.

"Hey," Margot calls my attention as she offers me the envelope, tears are already falling from her eyes as my hands accept it, and I was shaking.

It wasn't a sealed envelope or actually it's like it was recently opened from being one. In the envelope there are photos too and a bond paper this time not a sticky note.

The eight photos are all of me and Peter the past eight years being together and in order too.

Our first Halloween together, we went as Mulan and the dragon together. He had me in his arms bridal style while I was in the middle of hitting him from pretending to dip me.

My Sixteen Candles reenactment, that Peter did for me on my eighteenth birthday. Though the candles are already out and Peter was hugging me, smiling while my face buried in his chest.

Third one, was at their apartment with Mark when I randomly surprised him on his 20th birthday since it was on a weekday and I decided to skip school, it was a surprise party for him. He scooped me up in his arms my legs in the air, of course our face were blurry since he spins us so Mark had a hard time taking the photo.

Then, another At one of his lacrosse games against UNC, My face was painted Orange and Blue with Peter's number on my cheek, I was the only orange and blue in the sea of skyblue and white. I had him pulled close to me with my arms around his neck, my lips on his cheek as he smiles proudly.

Next was the day we moved in our first apartment in New York, it was a selfie his face with me in the back standing on the couch carrying a box

Leah's wedding. Me and him were dancing, and we smiled as the photographer asked to take a shot of us.

Margot's wedding, though I was dancing with Noah laughing, Peter and Kitty were at the shot. Peter had his eyes on me and with a smile on his face. That smile he always had when he thinks I'm looking at him, the smile just for me.

Then the last one is of now, A Polaroid photo of me walking down the flowery path to meet Owen since I'm only holding one rose.

I bite my lip trying to hold back the tears because if I do start crying, I wouldn't be able to read the letter.

Carefully, and trying to ignore the fact that I'm trembling that I can barely open the paper properly. And I start to read,

 

_**Dear Lara Jean,** _

_It's been years since I've actually taken a pen and paper to write to you, because the past three years I didn't need to. I can just come home and you'd be there to listen to my day as I listen to yours._

_We have been together, eight years. Eight wonderful years that I've been blessed to called you my girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder what made me so lucky to have you in my life, maybe I was a general in my past life and saved a colony from imminent death to receive this good karma._

_I know it seems long over due for this but I wanted to make sure that I will be able to give you the life that you deserve before I can ask to change to call you to a much more beautiful word. But you have to know that I've wanted this for so long. I may have asked you stupid questions about it but when you said you wanted to elope on a hot air balloon, I already saw it happening in my mind. You in a beautiful wedding dress walking down that aisle... to marry you in front of our friends and family... and if you still want the hot air balloon I will make it happen._

 

(Scribbled on a different pen, Peter wrote.)

 

_You look beautiful today, I've always loved you in blue._

 

By instinct my head lowers down to look at my dress. I forgot I'm wearing blue.

Then I felt a touch on my arm, and I turn.

Peter is standing in front of me, he looks so handsome in his polo that brings out the color of his eyes. He is smiling at me already and reaches to wipe the tear from my eyes that had fallen. It takes a lot in my to not throw myself into his arms.

"I don't want to elope in a hot air balloon," I stutter the first thought that comes into mind. I want the first image he gave me. I want to be able to walk down that aisle and just have my eyes on him as he waits for me.

He laughs lightly, I can tell he's nervous too and is just trying maintain his Peter composure he's perfected all this years. "Okay but Can I  _ask_  the  _question_  first, Covey?" He teases me.

I nod weakly, afraid what else would come out of my stupid mouth.

He takes my hand in his and brings them to his lips so he can kiss them lightly. He takes a deep breath, and looks me in the eyes. His gaze melts into mine like we are one.

"Lara Jean, I love you, I love  _everything_  about you. I love your smile, your laugh  _especially_  when you hide your face so you can laugh more, the way your face wrinkles when you try to figure out the certain recipe you want when your baking, how you go on and on complaining about your students but then in the end you actually care for them and make sure they do well, I love it when you always find me even when you're asleep so you can be in my arms. I especially love how you are the most beautiful girl inside and out I've ever known. I can keep going on about the list but then I would never stop talking enough to ask you,"

Without breaking eye contact he steps back, he bends on one knee. "So here I am telling you again, that I, Peter Grant Kavinsky will love Lara Jean Song Covey with all his heart,  _always_. And I intend to do that for the rest of my life,"

He takes reaches from his pocket and a ring is in between his fingers, "Lara Jean, Will you marry me?"

I nod and nod because no words would leave my lips since I was crying, like really heavy sobs. But he's just waiting eagerly that In all my voice I could muster I breathed the answer, "Yes," then I cleared my throat, "Yes, I will also love you with all my heart. Yes I want to marry you!"

Peter slips the ring in my finger, and it's the perfect fit. He gets from his knees and wraps his arms around my waist lifting me off the ground as he crushes his lips on mine. I could taste the tears in our kiss, mixed with our love and passion for each other.

We may have kissed for a long time if I didn't hear a pop and confetti touching my skin while all my friends and family (except our parents) cheer for us excitedly and happily, and rather loudly.

We break apart, and I hide my face on Peter's chest to wipe the tears off my face, I'm smiling too much that my cheek is starting to ache. Peter holds my waist so he can turn me around to face our friends. There are new faces there too other than the 10 giving me the roses and pictures.

Jackson is there now too beside Brandy who is carrying her and Peter's godchild Maddie, Gavin, Mark and Wendy, Owen's new girlfriend, Lana. Lucas' boyfriend Ashton, Carlos standing next to Jackson and Charlie, Gabe and his wife, and Darrell. All our friends to witness this day and celebrate it with us.

"Tell them, baby." He whispers in my ear, and he plants a soft innocent kiss on my shoulder.

"We are  _not_  eloping on a hot air balloon!" I say with purpose to tease my friends.

"What?" It was Margot and Brandy who had the loudest protest while everyone is confused.

Peter just laughs at me. "My cute in a quirky way,  _fiancée."_ He says so that only me could hear.

When he said fiancée my stomach did a jump and so did my heart. If I wasn't smiling enough, my lips could go past my ears. I love the sound of that. Fiancée, I'm Peter's fiancée and Peter's my fiancé.

And to the top of my lungs, I scream, " _I'm engaged_!" And showed then the beautiful ring on my hand.

Then my girlfriends shrieks with me as well as they all ran to me to see the ring. Chris and Brandy are talking to each other how it's beautiful if it was gold and not white gold. Yeah, I figured those two would get along.

Wendy gives me a hug, "Congratulations, Lara Jean,"

I hug her back, "Thanks for driving up here,"

Wendy smiles, "Mark and I would never miss this for the world."

On the corner of my eye, Gabe had already punched Peter's arm, Mark and Peter did that manly quick hug thing then Jackson had launched to Peter so he can head lock Peter since he is at least 4 inches shorter than Peter. "You sneaky romantic you! You were freaking out about how to do this! Yet you've set the bar so high for  _us_  who isn't engaged yet."

"Good thing my girlfriend couldn't come." Darrell agreed, while the other boys just nods.

"Well, to us married guys. We will get in trouble now as to why our proposal isn't as  _elaborate_  as this!" Gavin runs his hands through his hair.

Leah rolls her eyes, "Yes, since saying,  _'We're already pregnant, lets just do the whole nine yards. Marry me Steele,'.._.was such a romantic proposal" she complains.

Gavin groans, "Hey I said that's an exaggeration and you know it!" He protests.

Leah then laughs since obviously that's a joke, "I'm sorry." Then she goes to her husband and kisses him, open mouthed kiss too.

"God, even after college  _your parents_  are still annoying," Brandy complains to Maddie who was playing with Brandy's hair. "When you get a boyfriend, lessen the PDA." She kisses Maddie's cheek who just giggled, adorably. It makes me a bit jealous since only Brandy can bring Maddie into a fit of giggles.

"Hey!  _No_  boyfriends for Maddie, not till she's  _thirty_!" Gavin growls angrily.

"You  _and_  Leah  _dated_  when you were both fourteen,  _hypocrite_." Charlie calls out Gavin who just stuck his tongue at her.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves now, totally ignoring me when I felt Peter's arms around my waist.

He sneakingly pulls me away from the crowd since everyone was catching up with each other.

I turn to face him, my arms at his neck, i was making sure the ring was facing me. It's so beautiful, I could be biased but it couldn't have dreamed up this ring at all. It's as if, I was destined to have this ring and fall in love with it as quickly. "Got to be honest, I fell in love with the ring faster than I did with you." I tease him as I tip toe to kiss him.

"That was the plan," then he brushes his lips against mine. "Well not  _all_  really. I was going to propose at the Empire State Building. Like I did for prom, and maybe do it  _right_  this time. But security said he couldn't promise that no one will fuck it up..." he sighs desperately.

I smile at the thought, remembering that incident back in high school. How disappointed he was that it was ruined but to me it was perfect. It was the perfect promposal I don't want to replace that memory for this proposal.

I pull him towards me, his nose touching my face, "No, this is perfect Peter. I can't even bring to words how  _beautiful_  everything is, from the  _rose path_ , the rose stems from red when you  _thought_  you liked me to the pink roses when you  _truly_  liked to falling in love with me." I brush his hair to fix it from Jackson messing it up, which really didn't matter because he is still more handsome than ever. "This is one of the most memorable day of my life, and I couldn't ask for more because you've given me  _more_  than enough."

I can feel the tears falling from my face again but I don't care. All these tears are just because I am too happy to express myself.

"Anything for you, I'll do anything for you." He wipes the tears from my cheek. The promise is thick in his voice, and I can feel it as well.

"I love you so much Peter Grant Kavinsky, so so much," and I kiss him without needing to hear him say it back to me. I don't need to, everything about this day is a proof of how much he does love me.

And I plan to spend the rest of my life making sure he can feel and he knows it too. Everyday, for the rest of my life I will love Peter always.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Eyyyyy, sad that I didn't get 1k before this update. I was going to update only till 1k but I COULDNT wait! Like I was in the middle of writing my other story (One Last Night, Shameless plug here! check it out!) when this proposal popped in my head! And I needed to write! (While listeninf to alot of 1970-80s love songs! Like really inspiration!) and yes yes, i said i only have 2 chapters left but seriouslt! THE PROPOSAL NEEDS TO BE A STAND ALONE CHAPTER! Ommg i hope you loved this chapter because I wasn't really sure what I was doing. And don't ask me where this park is in New York because I just made it up! Lol_

_So just to set it straight since I'm also a bit confused with all the time jumps I've been doing. This is one year after Margot and Josh's wedding, so Maddie is a year old. I made Kitty move to New York to study acting... i mean with what she did earlier in this chapter she's reallly good (did anyone see that coming though? Hahaha). Alright, i think that's it._

_Okay, the mini reunion is short for Lucas and Chris, and everyone. Hope you liked that since everyone is asking. And the promposal thing, lol yeaaaaah! Hahahah peter explained lol_

_Soooooooooooo a stand alone short chapter but I hope you like it all! I had a really hard time with the actual proposal, i had to reread alot of the book scenes and watch proposal scenes on shows. siiigh. I even reread my other fanfics to see how id do it. My gad, its different per characters isn't it? Anyway, hope you like it._

_Oh ps, i read a comment saying that babe or baby sounds so common. That covey was so much better. And i believe that too but as i mentioned in the story Peter lessened the Covey after the Leah and Gavin's wedding because he already sees LJ to be his wife, and that comes with future kids too. Well to me I think its just his way of not calling her covey anymore infront of their kids hahahah idk im over thinking_

_ANYYYWAY!_

_Can I get love from you guys? Love = reviews? Pleaaase let me know what you think? Like love love like?_

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget to leave your thoughts about the story :) thaaanksssss


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